Work | loraleeslooneytunes.com

Opening night of Thoroughly Modern Millie went really well.

There were a couple of things that I wish went a little better vocally, but for being nervous, singing in a completely foreign style than anything I have done before and having so few rehearsals, I think I did ok. I manged to not to trip and fall and even managed to dance in heels.

Lots of friends and family came to lend their support. I don’t think I have ever had so many people I know at a single performance of mine. In fact, I broke the theater’s record for friends and family ticket reservations at 42! It was pretty awesome to have a Muzzy Van Hossmere cheering section, I must say. There was thunderous applause and cat calls every time I made an entrance. Even though they were friends and family I think everyone really loved the show on its own merits. A lot of people told me that they liked it a lot more than they thought they would, which is always a good thing. I’m not surprised, though. It is a just a funny and entertaining piece of musical theater.

I’m just glad people I love were a part of the evening. Jonathan was proud of me and had very minor critiques of my performance (I always ask him to be blunt and honest with me. I trust his musicianship and most of his acting comments are accurate.). My boys LOVED the show. James and Christopher asked me for my autograph and kept calling me “Muzzy Mamma” the whole way home and are begging me to do another season so that I can have them work the western BBQ cookout that the theater offers before the show begins.

The costume worked well and miracle of miracles, my hair managed to hold up through the whole show. No small task considering I wear a ridiculous wig for a portion of the show and have to rip it off while I’m still on stage. This photo was snapped with my friend, Tom and his wife Karen after the show.

Tom rocks. He is a fellow Cache Valley Illuminati member and also co-hosts a local political radio talk show, KVNU For the People and he is kind enough to give me shout outs on the air from time to time. Other bloggity friends came as well.

I’m dead tired and really wish I had the ability to make this into a funnier post, but there is no way THAT is happening tonight (this sentiment also applies any and all naughty acts of nature that I am sure my husband would love to have occur this evening).

I just wanted to check in and say thanks to everyone who came and hooted and hollered for me and for the well wishers who kept me in their thoughts!

Characters:

ME:At work, probably wearing sweat pants, my ratty Simon & Garfunkle tshirt and an uncomfortable headset.

HETTIE:Very ancient and confused old lady with a gravely voice and think southern accent. Loves Jesus but drinks a little.

“Hello, blahblahblah.com. How may I help you?”

“Is this Jackie Turhune from somewherethefreakin Alabama”

“No, ma’am. This is “blahblahblah.com”.

“I need to speak to Jackie”

“There is no one named Jackie here, Ma’am”

“Oh. This isn’t 1-xxx-xxx-2255″

“No, Ma’am. This is 1-xxx-xxx-2555.”

“Oh. Okay”

Click

Ring…ring…

“Hello, blahblahblah.com. How may I help you?”

“Is this Jackie”

“No Ma’am. This is blahblahlbah.com.”

“I need to speak to Jackie Turhune from somewherethefreakin Alabama“

“Ma’am. You are dialing the wrong number. You need to dial 2255 and you are misdialing 2555.”

“Jackie isn’t there?”

“No, Ma’am. This is an online gardening center. I am an order desk.”

“Do you know Jackie?”

“No, Ma’am. I don’t. I am in Utah and Jackie is in somwherethefreakin Alabama.*”

“You know where Jackie lives?”

“Yes, Ma’am. You’ve told me the other 10 times you’ve called. You are dialing one digit wrong.”

“Oh, Okay.”

Click

Ring…Ring…

(Repeat this type of call about 5 more times, each time trying to explain why she is getting an order desk instead of Jackie)

“Hello, blahblahblah.com. How may I help you?”

“NO, MA’AM. YOU ARE STILL DIALING THE WRONG NUMBER.”

“Well, I only have one hand. They cut the other one off”

(Long pause. The drama queen in me wanted to know why the freak they would cut off a hand, but there was no way I could spend more time with this woman on the phone. Maybe a gator got it.)

“I am very sorry about that ma’am. Maybe you will have to wait to talk to Jackie until someone can dial the phone for you.”

“Are you sure Jackie Turhune isn’t there?”

“Yes. I.am.very.sure.”

“Could you dial that number for me?”

“No, ma’am I cannot dial the phone number for you.”

“Why on earth not?”

“Well, I am not an operator for the telephone company. I am also in Utah and you are in Buttfreakingbayou, Lousiana*. I would have to drive an hour to get to the Salt Lake City airport, fly to Lousiana, land in Shreveport, take two cabs a bus and most likely a riverboat to find your house, then dial the phone.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Click

Ring…Ring…

(Repeat a variation of THIS call about 5 MORE times. I am not exaggerating. AT ALL. By now most of my co-workers were gathered around me listening to the comedy that ensued.)

“HELLO! This is absolutely NOT JACKIE TURHUNE from somewherethefreakin Alabama. This is LORALEE from blahblahblah.com.“

“Is this Jackie?”

“NO! This is NOT JACKIE!”

“Could you give Jackie a message for me?”

“Ma’am I am not answering the phone for you anymore. Goodbye.”

Click

Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…Ring…RING…RING…RING! RING!! RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Hello?”

“Is this Jackie?”

“Why, YES! It IS! This is Jackie Turhune from Somewherethefreakin Alabama! If this is Hettie from Buttfreakinbayou, Lousiana, please rip up my number and never, EVER call me again!! Thank you!!!”

Click

No, I don’t work at this call center anymore, or anywhere anymore, but if Jon were to get hit by a bus tomorrow, this would pretty much be all I am qualified to do despite having more college credits than most PhD students. (And no. Just waltzing in and getting a degree in SOMETHING is not an option. It’s a long story.)

Yippee.

I’ve been thinking and worrying about it lately. It seems like everything I am good at is low-paying, non-paying or generally non-marketable. If I don’t think of something to do with my life, I’m going to be stuck having conversations like this forever.

*My apologies to any bloggity readers/friends from Somewhereinthefreak Alabama or Buttfreakingbayou Louisiana. No offense meant.