This is my cat, Wilbur.
She’s a girl.
She’s kinda slutty.
Ok, there is no “Kinda” about it. She is a full on whore. Remember the “Red letter ‘A’ ” collar I made for her?
Yeah, it is totally appropriate.
Despite being fixed she is in almost perpetual heat. She will rape anything that moves. Or doesn’t move. Basically, she will rape ANYTHING.
Her favorite target is my carpet.
I blame the fact that our neighborhood is full of randy Tom Cats that are fond of very loud, feline gang-rape at 3 am outside of my freaking window.
The result is a nympho that probably has eleventyhundred feline STD’S.
(I suspect that she may be peddling her “Wares” for some extra serving of kibble, but I have no concrete evidence of this.)
While Wilbur can be slightly ‘Flawed’ in some areas, she certainly does not deserve to have LARGE PATCHES OF HER FUR SHAVED FROM HER BODY WITH MY HUSBAND’S NEW HAIR CLIPPERS!
See that black area that looks like a bit spot? Yah, that would be her SKIN. On the other side, there are two more large, gaping holes.
Of course, neither of these two angels admit to having ANYTHING to do with it.
Poor Wilbur. Not only is she a STD-riddled hussy of a masculine-named feline, she now resembles Miss Ouiser’s dog, Rhett, on Steel Magnolias.
I can’t see her “Kibble business” doing very well with her looking so attractive. She’s probably going to have to start paying the neighborhood Tom’s to have anything to do with her.
My carpet has already shunned her.
I think all the neglect is starting to get to her.
In her depression, Wilbur has started humping my furniture, which is just NOT GOOD.
So, if any of you have any randy Tom Cats (or girl kitties. I really don’t think she’s picky at this point.) bring them on by. I’d be more than willing to give THEM extra kibble just to keep my furniture safe and cheer up my damn cat.
And then you and I can have cookies and cocoa and hang out while the dirty, dirty deed is done.
(You might want to bring ear plugs. I’m just sayin…)