“Jon?”

“Yes?”

“It’s really snowing hard outside. It’s really cold outside. The roads are really horrible outside. AND, the heater must be off because it’s really freezing in here.”

“And? Your point?”

“I think you should stay home with me today. You know, not only because you and I haven’t seen each other for two weeks but ya know…It’s coooooold and snoooooowing and the roads are reeeeeeeaaaaallllly horrible.”

“I drive a Jeep, baby. It’s pretty much peeing itself with excitement over the chance to tackle these roads.”

“Well..It’s still REEEEEAAAAALLLY cold outside.”

“I’m fat. Fat people love the snow. I have an insulate lining of blubber to shield me from the elements.”

“So, are you telling me that you are like a Penguin? Are you going to have to march two months to get to the ocean to eat after hatching a baby-penguin from its shell?”

“Nah. I’m more like a big, fatty walrus.”

“Ug! Why? With those hideous, big teeth?”

“All the better to eat you with.”

“I’m going to pretend that you didn’t say that. Are you sure that you can’t be a cute, fuzzy, baby seal?”

“Um…NO. Pretty much never. I would consider being a killer whale, though and club a few for fun.”

“I’m totally going to report you to PETA for that. You’d be the first killer whale in history to be picked by an animal rights organization.”

“And like most of their other endeavors, that would be really useful.”

“You are just a tiny, fuzzy, animal hater. HEY! Where are you going?”

“To shower. I have to go to work.”

“So while you and your insulating fatty layer hunt and gather you are going to leave your poor walrus mate shivering and defenseless in the harsh, hideous cold?”

“Nature’s cruel, baby. Nature’s cruel.”

“Fine. Drive safe to the office,Fatty.”

“Thanks. I’ll try to remember to pick up some baby seal jerky on the way home.”