Posh, local gym, Dressing area
Immediately after ‘Boot Camp’
Our heroine (That would be me), two elderly HARPIES, one mute, anemic-looking girl who sniffs CONSTANTLY and wipes her nose on her sleeve.
Having forgotten to put a spare bra and underwear in her gym bag, our heroine decides to go commando and bra-less rather than consider putting back sweaty, girly-gunked underthings on her freshly-showered body. Since she is in layers, no bra is actually needed and frankly, the other option is just GRODY.
Suddenly, a smug voice pipes up from behind her.
Harpy #1: “It certainly is a different generation from when I was raised. We never went traipsing around without all our undergarments. It implied you were racy. In fact, the one girl in my school that never wore a girdle was fast, but she was from California.”
Mute, anemic girl: Sniff…
Harpy #2: “Parents were more responsible then. WE were more responsible as parents. I can’t imagine raising a girl who would go around with her BOSOMS flapping in the wind for all the world to see.”
Mute, anemic girl: SNIFF… (Wipe)
Harpy #1 “Yes, we were certainly raised better than people today.”
(That was it. The final straw. Normally, our heroine has a spine made out of string cheese and with the exception of one teeny incident at a gas station (In which she was also bra-less. Coincidence?) she abhors public confrontation. She even has issues sending her food back at restaurants. However, she is also raging and angry and is also a bit “WTF? Is this for real? Seriously?”, and the SNIFFING is driving her over the EDGE. Something must be said.)
Heroine: “You know? My mother taught me to respect my elders, but I have to say that what I wear on my naked butt is NONE of your business. Y’ALL DON’T KNOW ME! (Oh, yes. Yes, I did actually say that.) And? My mother also raised me to not speak about other people rudely. Especially WHEN THEY ARE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. I am sure my mother would prefer me to have my “Bosoms flapping in the wind” ANY DAY over being so publicly awful!”
Mute, anemic girl: SNIFF! SNIFF!! SNIFF!!!
Heroine: OH, GET A TISSUE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WILL YOU?!
Ok, that last part was in my head, but the sniffing really didn’t help matters. The rest of it was dead on. Word for word. I still cannot believe something that archaic happened. It’s just foreign to me. The people I know that are their age are all kind and awesome.Â It was just weird and it felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone or having an encounter with Rachel Lynd from the “Anne of Green Gables” series or something.
I grabbed my things and left angrily. I didn’t even notice how they reacted. I just drove home feeling pissed off and wished for the eleventyhundredth time that I could grab a Diet Coke to calm me down and comfort me. (Five weeks, people. FIVE!)
Oh, well. At least I didn’t want to vomit my bowels out and die during boot camp today, right?!
In case you ever wondered?
Dry shaving your legs is as EVERY BIT as bad an idea as they say.
Just so you know.