So…

Um…

Here is the thing…

Redneckmommy nominated me for “Hottest Female Blogger” for the “Hot Blogger Calendar” of 2009. And I published this blatant, whiny plea for all of you to go vote for me because that is just the way I roll.

So…

Um…

Here is the OTHER thing…

VOTING DOESN’T START UNTIL AUGUST 25!!!!!!!!!!

So..sorry about that.

I’ll nag you at another time.

P.S. Stop bitching and whining. It was either this or write about back-to-school night (tonight) and the first day of school (tomorrow) FOR TWO POSTS IN A ROW. I mean, I know that this is no post about my ta-tas or hoo-hoo but wouldn’t you rather have a blurb about my internet stupidity instead of THAT?

I thought so.

P.P.S Are you still bitching and whining?

P.P.P.S You ARE?!!!! Do I have to send you to your room without dinner? Seriously? Because I will! AND I will take away the Wii AND make you not wear your brand new school clothes for TWO MORE WEEKS! So, I am going to count to three and then you will wish you had made a different decision, mister! I mean…What? What was that? You’re not my children and you haven’t inflicted any stress and hell this week on me by perpetually locking your little brother out of the changing rooms at the mall or chasing him around with the shopping cart while screaming, “YOU’RE LACTOSE INTOLERANT” and you should stop bitching us out because we are your faithful readers and really you are just a LITTLE bit crazy at this point and we are all beginning to wonder if you’ve been sniffing your kids rubber cement from their art supply package so stop bitching, rambling, and being an all around cuckoo person and get to the damn point already?!

FINE, THEN! See if I care!! GO ahead and keep using that tone with me! Because of that little attitude you have just officially made your life miserable!!! You will be 30 before you are ungrounded!!!! You are going STRAIGHT to your room the minute your backpack hits the damn door and I am going to personally read and review every single heart-covered note I find from Audry in hour 2!!!!!

Plus, I am refusing to buy you anything but tighty-whities until you graduate from high school!!!!!!

NEVER CROSS YOUR MOTHER.

P.P.P.S. I would just like to take this opportunity to state that you will not be voting for a SANE and hot blogger ON AUGUST 25th. Just hot.

P.P.P.P.S Now go vote ON AUGUST 25th, dammit.

P.P.P.P.P.S (I’m so embarrassed.)

Roughly 700 people received an email saying that I was “Searching” for them from reunion.com. I was fiddling with the site today to upload a “Then” and “Now” photo, mainly to assure the world that I no longer had orange, double-processed hair and massive amounts of fatty layers embedded on my face.

I mean, LOOK AT ME:

See?

If YOU looked like this on Senior photo day, you would want a public record that you no longer resemble an obese version of that squeaking muppet, Beeker, too!

Then, the satanic site reunion.com asked me if I wanted to check my email account to see if I had any friends registered. Stupidly, and with the decision making process of a three-toed sloth, I thought, “Sure! Why not?!”, and I allowed it to upload my account.

You know how the process normally goes, right? You can do this pretty easily at Facebook and Myspace and the like. You import your email contacts and it allows you to see who has an account, then you can mark them as a friend or not and ignore the message that says, “Invite your other contacts to blah.com” because you would NEVER send unsolicited invites to people about that sort of thing.

No harm, no foul, right?

Wrong, wrong, WRONGITY-WRONG!!!!!

I had a million things going on this afternoon, and I am to blame for not paying closer attention, but not only did reunion.com upload my entire contacts but it AUTOMATICALLY EMAILED EVERY FREAKING ONE OF THEM saying that I was basically stalking them on the internet.

Anyone here use Gmail?

You do?

Then you know that Gmail automatically saves every.single.email.you.receive to your account.

Like, EVER.

That would include not only people that you know and email but it also includes all the people listed on things like forwards and mailing lists, so you have people you don’t even know stored in your contacts list.

So?

I ended up sending this crap to former professors, almost everyone I have ever worked with on my parent organization, The National Enquirer (You know, from that time I sold them photos off of this blog),extended family I have never met, the co-founder of BlogHer, former co-works, bosses, ex-boyfriends, and most wonderful of all–relatives of ex-boyfriends who consider me a stalking psychopath ANYWAY. (Not that this would add fuel to THAT fire or anything, right?)

I bumbled out a rambling blanket apology to all 700 people saying how sorry and embarrassed I am and that I am basically thinking of spending the rest of my days hiding in a burka and living in the Australian outback, but the fun doesn’t end there. Apparently because of said apology sending I am now LOCKED OUT OF MY DAMN GMAIL ACCOUNT FOR SENDING TOO MUCH EMAIL!

It’s so grand that Gmail thinks I’m a spammer. I am also having such fun with the tons of bounced email messages that my account is wracking up.

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

(Oh, and apparently I also might cause all of you to be on vast lists of spam because I suck further for not BCC’ing and provided a juicy spam list to the masses. GAH!)

What a headache this has all been.

I loathe you, reunion.com.

I really do.

If anyone needs me, I will be curled in the fetal position in my bed with an entire tub of chocolate chip cookie dough and a couple of Velveeta cheese slices. (And a Diet Coke chaser or four.)

Ug.

When you are married to a man named “Jonathan” and you have other “Jonathan’s” in your Google chat box, you MIGHT want to prepare yourself that you MAY send a message beginning with “Honey” and ending with “Could you pick up some dinner on the way home?” to a Jonathan THAT IS NOT YOUR HUSBAND.

Luckily, the “Other Jonathan” found the humor in it all.

Considering that he is married to Christopher’s CUB SCOUT DEN MOTHER and lives up the street, I’m just grateful that it wasn’t a lustful IM full of boobie and penis emoticon’s because THEN I would have to relocate to some remote hovel in Syberia and spend my days raking coal under the alias “Svetlana”.