I love it when I hear people comment that gastric bypass surgery is taking “the easy way out”.

Can you see the sarcasm dripping off your screen yet?

Quick, long-lasting results?

Yes.

Easy?

Um…no.

Actually, HELL no.

This is me:

Many of you have seen this photo in black and white on my “about” page.

There WAS really good photography involved, but it’s pretty much how I ended up.

I?

Did not always look like this.

(And still don’t. Again, REALLY good photography.)

14 years ago, at the age of 20, I had gastric bypass surgery . This is my story. Well, a tiny fraction of it, anyway. Continue reading →

I enjoy “Experimenting” as much as the next person. I mean, I don’t get crazy and involve things like yaks, ninjas, midgets or have a desire to get jiggy with other couples in the neighborhood, but I do like to be creative in the sack.

However, since I am not Gumby and have several herniated disks and the flexibility, there are times that my husband suggests something that just leaves me dumbfounded. Maybe it is my lack of mechanical reasoning or something but I swear there are some positions that I just cannot believe can be successfully executed by humans. Invertebrates, maybe, but certainly not an almost 33-year-old who can’t even manage to sit Indian Style comfortably.

Tonight is a pretty good example.

“There is no WAY. I would get freaking carpet burn on my shoulders. Either that or you’d drop me on my head. Who can actually DO this, anyway?”

“I wouldn’t drop you on your head. I can lift you with my pinkie fingers. AND…Lots of people like The Piledriver.”

“Obviously, those people are members of Cirque di Soleil. 98% of them can probably style their hair with their feet. While playing the piano and finger painting at the same time. However, if you can manage to get me a body and salary like any one of them we can renegotiate.”

“So…I take it The Conquress of the Cow is out, too?”

“Jon? Can I talk to you a minute?”

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Well, I know we went over some things already but I want to know if you and I could go over some goals together?”

“Ok, that sounds like a good plan.”

“Why don’t we go with long-term first. What’s one thing you would like to see us accomplish at the end of a year?”

“I’d really like to see us be able to get out of bed.”

[Insert Loralee Bink. Blink. Blinkity-blink-blinking, HERE]

“Uh…Ok…I was hoping for something a little more than that, but I can see how it’s hard to do a lot of time. So…Getting out of bed and what else?”

“DEBT, honey. Getting out of DEBT. NOT BED.”

“Oh..Ahha…Um…Er…Gulp.”

[Insert Jonathan guffawing loudly and mercilessly at Loralee's expense for far too long HERE]

“Honey. How on earth could you possibly think that one of my long term goals is to be able to get out of bed?”

“Well, it made sense to me. I’m super hot!”

“True.”