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The torture continues…

March 12, 2007
Remember how I said that I hate and loathe the torture of writing a bio paragraph to be included in the program for my upcoming performance of “The Messiah”?

Update: I still hate it.

Thus far I have only added the following to my previous attempt:

“Loralee has performed various opera roles which can usually be divided into the following categories: Witches, Men, Vamps, Alcoholics, Step-Mothers, Nuns, and Bitches. She is also adept at playing Whores who end up sleeping with/and or murdering, Witches, Men, Vamps, Alcoholics, Step-mothers, Nuns, and Bitches.”

I’ll keep working on it.

My latest worry is that I have to submit a damn headshot.

ACK.

Do not get me wrong. As ALL of you know (Or should. Or WILL.), I am quite the photo-whore. I love taking a good picture, I do. I have been blessed to have a couple of fine photographers grace my circle of friends from time to time. My favorite of all is my friend (And fellow gym-hag)Bridgy“. She is uber talented and can usually make me look pretty darn good. We had a 45-minute shoot tonight in her studio before I headed off to rehearsal.

The difficulty with shooting a headshot is that they are really hard to pose for. At least they are for me. You can’t be vamping or over posing, too formal or too casual. It has to be a really great, but really natural photo of you.

I SUCK AT BEING MYSELF.

Whenever I am put in an uncomfortable situation (Which is a lot for someone with my wide array of hang ups), I fall back on “The Funny”. Goofy, silly, witty, and fun. It is a great deflector when there is a requirement of anything deeper.

Maybe the goofball really IS the “True me”, who knows at this point. Maybe my true personality is like my hair color. I think my natural haircolor was last seen about the same time as Jimmy Hoffa. It has been hidden under so many years of covering it up and screwing with it that nobody really knows what it looks like anymore. And they may never know. Its “True self” may never be seen again.

In the end, there may be one or two out of the ONE HUNDRED ELEVEN shots we took. I couldn’t help but fall back into Linus’s blankie of funny, though. It was too hard to not. I swear I’m just going to just go with one of these. It would be easier. And funny, you have to admit.

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Torture, even for a narcissist.

March 9, 2007

I’m trying to write a bio to be included in the program of “The Messiah”.I HATE writing things like this. HATE IT.
I haven’t even done anything of significance in five years so who gives a crap anyway??

Can’t I just say, “Loralee has sung some cool stuff, with some cool people, in some cool places and it was all so long ago you all wouldn’t care anyway.”?????

Cause seriously? All I have right now is:

Loralee decided not to follow the path of a professional singer in order to raise a family and have children.

She also knew that she couldn’t hack it in the professional dog-eat-dog world of the transient opera singer. That, and most professional musicians are total wack-jobs that put the “OOO” in COOKOO…

I have a feeling that won’t cut it.

ARG.

 

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"For Good"

February 19, 2007

This post is killing two birds with one stone.The MOST exciting is that my long-awaited duet with Loralee Christensen is finished and uploaded at the bottom of this post. At last!

Also, this is week three of February’s Self Portrait Challenge. The theme is “Black and White”.

I have wanted to do a series like this for a long time. I prefer a strong contrast in black and white shots and I have prominent features that can pull it off. True, the color on the IPOD and the heavy contrast is akin to those prints you used to hang in your room in Junior High, you know, where the woman has a tear running down her face and her either her lips or a rose has a hint of red to it?

So, forgive the cliche, but I like these.

I picked a secondary theme of music for this series.

WHY, you ask?

Brace yourself. This is long, but it represents six MONTHS of planning and work, so it should be.

Last June, I received a very lengthy, very amusing fan email from a vocalist in California. Her name was also “Loralee”. She was even a “Loralee C.”! She was Googling herself in the middle of the night and found my blog. Just from THAT information, I knew we were going to click, and we have. She calls me “LL” and I call her “Thing Two” or “Thingy” for short. It is just too WEIRD to call another person “Loralee”.

I heard her CD’s and raved. She saw my dorky youtube videos and was very complementary.
About 6 months ago, we started discussing the possibility of recording a duet together. This is no small consideration, since I live in Utah and she lives in California. One day, though, we just decided to DO it.The next issue was what on earth to sing?! Thingy is all rock and roll and I am classically trained.

Hmm…A quandary.

She came up with such a great suggestion, I am ashamed I didn’t think of it myself. I love the song, “For Good” from the Broadway musical, “Wicked”, a story about how the witches of OZ became who they ended up. This song has such a sweet melody and the words are so emotional and meaningful to me.

She wanted to record it and asked if it would be a good idea. The answer was, “HELL yes!”

Once we decided that the project was a GO, we began the very long process of recording and mixing. Loralee 2 laid down her tracks in California and then sent it to me. My parents got me studio time for my birthday and I laid my vocals down in 70 minutes.

There were some concerns on my part. I have never recorded solo in a studio, and this was a stretch for me vocally. To quote my brother, “Where did your opera voice go?”. I love singing like this, but to be honest, I am usually not allowed or asked because a lot more people can sound like this than when I sing opera, if you get my drift. Liken it to being Dark Karo Syrup your whole life and then switching to being Light Karo Syrup in an hour.

People ask how we managed to “Blend”. This would be the almost 25 YEARS of choir I have participated in. You get good at matching people if you do it enough.

Besides being much less experienced than Loralee 2 at studio recording I had another fear about this project. This song is just about as emotional as it gets for me. I don’t need to go into it, but I was worried how I would do. I had to book my session 2 months in advance and it fell just a couple of days after a huge, horrible fiasco in my life. The day of my session I felt like a humiliated, despised, guilt-wracked heap of pathetic.

I didn’t think I would be able to eek anything out during my session. Is it was, I came of lighter and more nasally then I would have liked but this might have something to do with the tears and the mucous that came as I snotted all over the microphone at times. The sound guy was very understanding and he had plenty of water and tissues on hand for me to use.

In the end, I just grasped the lyrics for what they were: Take hard things (And the snot-drenched) , and try to get by by remembering what good came from it.

So, I did.

I sent back my vocals to California and then “Narren the Amazing” stepped in and worked his magic.Narren is the dad of Loralee’s son. He has a studio in his house and he is the one that recorded Loralee2 and mixed EVERYTHING for us. He put in all the instruments you hear and blended us together. He is so talented. Every time I listen I hear some tiny detail that I cannot believe he thought to add. What an ear.

I think the end result is that we sound really good together. It was a stretch for both of us, but it was so worth it. This has been one of the highlights of my life. It is just a perfect story, a perfect song and a perfect experience for very imperfect people.

The moral of our fairy tale?
Never underestimate what a bit of rampant narcissism at 2 am can garner you!

Enjoy it. WE did.

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(I need to mention that if Jonathan had not left my three boxes of vocal memorabilia on my driveway in the RAIN while we were renovating our basement, there would probably be more photos of me actually singing n’ stuff…)


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One step forward, two steps back.

February 4, 2007
More random things in a fairly morose post. I’ll try to be more cheerful tomorrow, but everyone has to have moments where they just put down their load for a moment. Tonight is one of those.
So much of my life is just about surviving, keeping your chin up, faking it till you make it, and keeping so busy and full of activity that there is no time or room for sadness or thinking.

It works so much of the time, but it all my tactics are failing me tonight.

*I miss having someone to talk to in my insomnia. My sleep has sucked a duck lately. I think and think and THINK all night long. Alone.

*Jon is going to try to fix my computer tomorrow at his office. I don’t hold out much hope because I think he will have to order several new parts for it. We’ll see.

*My children have managed to break the one Wii controller we had. Lovely.

*We worked our asses off on renovating all day today. My parents hurt my head.

*The boy’s new bunk beds are up and assembled. I just have to hang curtains and finish turning their quilts into comforters.

Not bad progress for feeling pretty blah lately.

*I am pretty tired of being sickly, dammit. That whole, “If you haven’t got your health, you haven’t got anything” phrase? Trite, but true.

*I also feel like I am beginning to spiral a bit. I think that having my house in a state of chaos and undone-ness is beginning to really affect me. For example, I haven’t had a fully functioning bathroom in 2 1/2 months and my appearance has suffered greatly for it. Lots of my things are packed in boxes, so my skin, hair and mood have all been affected. Between not being able to find my skin care products and the hormones of period-ville, I feel like I have been consumed by face leprosy. I haven’t felt this ugly, fat, insecure, and gross in over a decade.

*I am also very tired of not having a car. We have a purchase planned and budgeted for, but it is still not for awhile and I am really sick of being so isolated. I think it is beginning to affect my spirit. I’m pretty low. I feel like all my weird little routines are gone, I’m becoming a withdrawn hermit, I’ve lost touch with a lot of friends, I miss people, and I just want my life back.

*Luckily, there are bright spots on the horizon and good things going on. (I can’t rid myself completely of the “Buck up little camper” entirely) Rehearsals for “The Messiah” started a few weeks ago. My husband and friends, Brian Joy, Mary Ellen, and Rachael are all singing with me in the chorus. Even though I am the Mezzo soloist, I am attending all the rehearsals as part of my training. I have been offered coaching for the role by a fantastic vocal instructor who is also the Bass soloist. He is helping me to get my voice whipped back into shape and it needs it. I used to rehearse 8-9 hours a DAY and I was wiped out after just 1 1/2 hours. I haven’t studied since Matthew died. It has been over 4 years since I was accompanied by an orchestra in a solo position and this is a huge deal to me. I was beginning to think it would never happen again.

I am terrified I’ll fail.

*I found out that we are performing in one of my favorite venues: The Ellen Eccles Theater. It is home to Utah Festival Opera company and I love performing there. We perform the last weekend in March there and then the next Friday (I think) at the Peery Egyptian Theater in Ogden.(Hmmm…The website calender actually says the performance in Ogden in on March 30th. That is a contradiction I am going to have to get worked out). That is going to be interesting. I know I’ll be ok, but it will be weird to be in a city I have been avoiding for two years . It brings things to mind that are difficult to deal with.

*I don’t even want to think about the ordeal at finding a concert dress. It will be a bitch and I am not that into shopping. Plus, I am poor and having body issues, so that always adds to the dilemma. Oh, well. Hopefully I can go on a shopping trip to SLC and see my sis and sis-in-law at the same time.

*My heart just hurts tonight and I want it to stop. It’s probably due to me actually listening to music for the first time in months. Never a good idea. I really just need to stop listening to it. I fair better.

*I think I need to just have a good cry, stop listening to music, eat chocolate and pray for the end of my period and this blue streak. Then, I need to haul my fat ass to the gym on Monday. I am going to enter a race this year if it kills me. I just need to stay busy, get my projects done, start new ones, and keep my mind absolutely occupied.

Nothing like having goals, no?

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Season Stressful

December 24, 2006

I have made it to Christmas Eve. Yay. It has been a really stressful season for me, but I have so much to be greatful for. I have also learned a few things about myself, others, and the holidays in general:

Having a wedding on December 23, is freaking inconvienant. Having a concert instead of a reception is very strange. Lesson learned, though? Doing strange and inconvienant things can often have very great reward. The wedding was awesome.

I love performing in the Logan Tabernacle. Especially at Christmas. I have done a lot of things there lately and I have loved it.

My husband looks hot playing the cello. We also sound incredibly good singing together. He can keep up with me even though he is not trained. That says a lot. He is just a rockin musician with an unbelievable ear.

I should have anticipated a run on the movie “Muppet Christmas Carol”. I am determined to watch it as a family tonight. DETERMINED, I tell you!

I have officially eaten my weight in shortbread, fudge, brittle and wedding cake. I may have to lose an additional 5 lbs after the holidays but it was WORTH IT. Yum. Yum. Yum.

Buying one really expensive item for your kids for Christmas is SO much easier as far as shopping.

I should NOT have put off cleaning my house until Christmas Eve.

I cannot wait for the holidays. I adore Christmas. Even when I am stressed out.

Merry, Merry Christmas to everyone I love and care about. I am lucky that this translates into many people. Good wishes to all and God Bless Us Every One.

Tee Hee.

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