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Being fat saved my virginity in high school:My path to gastric bypass surgery

March 25, 2009 By 138 Comments

I love it when I hear people comment that gastric bypass surgery is taking “the easy way out”.

Can you see the sarcasm dripping off your screen yet?

Quick, long-lasting results?

Yes.

Easy?

Um…no.

Actually, HELL no.

This is me:

Many of you have seen this photo in black and white on my “about” page.

There WAS really good photography involved, but it’s pretty much how I ended up.

I?

Did not always look like this.

(And still don’t. Again, REALLY good photography.)

14 years ago, at the age of 20, I had gastric bypass surgery . This is my story. Well, a tiny fraction of it, anyway. [Read more...]

Filed Under: :S, Adventures, Bitching, Bits of Information, BlogHer, Every Day, Friends, Kids, Serious Things, Snippets, Suck 138 Comments

The tiniest thing can make all the difference.

March 13, 2009 By 29 Comments

5 a.m. has come after a very long, difficult night.

Details aren’t necessary because it’s just more of the same.

The same days, the same nights, the same often relentless symptoms.

Very little changes.

I have done this before.

I know that the light will come.

The sickness and symptoms will stop.

There will still be struggle and difficulty but RELIEF and JOY.

He’ll be here. Snuggled and loved and HERE.

Being HERE makes all the difference in the world.

Not only physically but mentally.

I’m a very tangible person.

I need him here.

I just have to plow through.

2.5 more months.

Some moments I know I can make it.

Times like this I struggle.

I’m so tired of it.

You must be so tired of hearing it.

Everyone is tired of it.

I’m sorry for that.

Really, I am.

Eeyore would SUCK to hang out with all the time, tail bow or no.

Imagine adding pregnant hyperemesis to Eeyore’s charm list.

A thousand acres of wood wouldn’t be near enough distance.

Though the chance of a pregnant, barfing Eeyore is unlikely.

He is a boy.

And a fictional character.

Though that last thing seems less important, somehow.

Still.

I don’t want to be Eyeore the pessimistic barfing donkey.

For myself and everyone else.

I’m grateful for this.

Sick or no.

Some would kill to trade places with me, I know.

It WILL get better. It WILL.

Sometimes I say that on a loop over and over and over.

Like I could make the world turn faster if I just said it enough times.

Like Superman.

A lot of the time it works.

After nights without much needed sleep?

When everything hurts and burns?

It can be tough to remember.

Especially when the night turns from black to midnight blue at 5 a.m.

And then?

It happens.

I feel the sweetest little kick in my belly.

Light.

At last.

It reminds me that every single moment of this long struggle is worth it.

And that I am not alone.

Filed Under: Adventures, Bits of Information, Every Day, Friends, Kids, Serious Things, Suck 29 Comments

An open letter of apology

January 22, 2009 By 50 Comments

Dear cute college boy with a green backpack and cool hair that I ran into in the hallway of the student center of Utah State University after my blogging lecture to an awesome online journalism class (hi, awesome online journalism class!!) and TOTALLY VOMITED ON because I didn’t QUITE make it to the ladies room:

Um…yeah…sorry about that.

Sincerely,

The old, vomiting, pregnant chick who spewed on you

P.S. I am totally embarrassed.

P.P.S. If it is any consolation, your jeans and shoes probably got a better deal than my scarf and hair.

P.P.P.S. Although the fact that it wasn’t your vomit probably made it a bit more icky for you, huh?

P.P.P.P.S. It probably didn’t help that it was almond-biscotti-decaf-coffee-barf, either.

P.P.P.P.P.S. On the plus side, I’m pretty confident that there there is no sin regarding coffee consumption by barf osmosis category in the Mormon church, so you can put away your ‘For the strength of the youth” pamphlets and stop clutching your CTR ring in horror.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, that was rude and assumptive of me. Just some lighthearted mocking going on from a wayward heathen with no real malice. Besides, there is no certainty that you were a Mormon. And I can’t say that you were ACTUALLY wearing a CTR ring, although you WERE wearing a Brigham Young University sweatshirt, which is a fairly good indicator of LDS status.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And, HEY! At least the sweatshirt of The Lord was unscathed from demon coffee-barf! (I think) So, hallelujah n’ stuff!!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Which leads me to wonder why you were wearing a BYU sweatshirt on the campus of Utah State, anyway? Are you a bitter BYU reject who is in Logan as a second choice? LAME. We don’t need BYU cast offs, dude!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Ok, again- that was rude and further assumptive of me. Although, I totally stand by my Aggie pride!  I mean, I turned down BYU and went to Utah State and look at the bloggity awesomeness I have become!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. In fact, I’ll take on any BYU blogger any day of the week! Bring them on, yo! I’ll crush them!!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Fuck. I forgot about Dooce.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Um…never mind?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Not only does Dooce TOTALLY kick my flabby, bloggity ass (I have the muscle tone of head cheese) but I am also fairly confident that she could break me in half with her pinky if she wanted to.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I’m freakishly weak.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Plus, I have a bad back.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I’m a total realist about my weaknesses and failures.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Great.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P,P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Now I’m thinking about all my weaknesses and failures, dammit.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. It’s all your fault, cute, barfed on, college boy!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Thanks to you, I’m now bitter!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And feeling failure-ish!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And nauseated!!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Umm…If you’ll excuse me?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I think I’m going to go hurl. I’ll try to miss your shoes.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. (A møøse once bit my sister….)

Filed Under: Adventures, Bitching, Bits of Information, Every Day, Friends, Kids, Serious Things, Suck 50 Comments