Opening night of Thoroughly Modern Millie went really well.

There were a couple of things that I wish went a little better vocally, but for being nervous, singing in a completely foreign style than anything I have done before and having so few rehearsals, I think I did ok. I manged to not to trip and fall and even managed to dance in heels.

Lots of friends and family came to lend their support. I don’t think I have ever had so many people I know at a single performance of mine. In fact, I broke the theater’s record for friends and family ticket reservations at 42! It was pretty awesome to have a Muzzy Van Hossmere cheering section, I must say. There was thunderous applause and cat calls every time I made an entrance. Even though they were friends and family I think everyone really loved the show on its own merits. A lot of people told me that they liked it a lot more than they thought they would, which is always a good thing. I’m not surprised, though. It is a just a funny and entertaining piece of musical theater.

I’m just glad people I love were a part of the evening. Jonathan was proud of me and had very minor critiques of my performance (I always ask him to be blunt and honest with me. I trust his musicianship and most of his acting comments are accurate.). My boys LOVED the show. James and Christopher asked me for my autograph and kept calling me “Muzzy Mamma” the whole way home and are begging me to do another season so that I can have them work the western BBQ cookout that the theater offers before the show begins.

The costume worked well and miracle of miracles, my hair managed to hold up through the whole show. No small task considering I wear a ridiculous wig for a portion of the show and have to rip it off while I’m still on stage. This photo was snapped with my friend, Tom and his wife Karen after the show.

Tom rocks. He is a fellow Cache Valley Illuminati member and also co-hosts a local political radio talk show, KVNU For the People and he is kind enough to give me shout outs on the air from time to time. Other bloggity friends came as well.

I’m dead tired and really wish I had the ability to make this into a funnier post, but there is no way THAT is happening tonight (this sentiment also applies any and all naughty acts of nature that I am sure my husband would love to have occur this evening).

I just wanted to check in and say thanks to everyone who came and hooted and hollered for me and for the well wishers who kept me in their thoughts!

Remember how I lost a role that I loved last week? ( It kinda blew chunks for those just tuning in.)

Today I had a “Close door, open window” moment.

I got a phone call from the very sweet assistant director who held my hand through the whole ordeal. She told me that she was participating in the summer stock season of an adorable lakeside theater about an hour away from my house and asked if I would have any interest in splitting a role with her because she is so busy she can’t commit to every performance over three months.

Dude.

I have always wanted to work in this particular theater. It’s small (About 300 seats) and it is a hand built log theater that a family founded about 40 years ago. I love it. I always have, since I was a kid. I just never really thought I could work it into my schedule or pay that much for gas. However, since I am splitting the performances, it will be a manageable 15 shows and since I’m getting paid, the gas point is moot.

The role is in Thoroughly Modern Millie as the eccentric diva, Muzzy (Typecasting, anyone?). Problems? She is in her late 40’s, and is basically supposed to be a bigger diva than Ella Fitzgerald and Aretha Franklin combined. You can check out the big number I’ll be singing if you care to. This is a crappy recording, but the actress is a pretty damn good Muzzy (Still a bit young, though.)

A real show stopper, no?

I can’t help but be a little nervous. I know that I am in my early 30’s and am a thin-ish white opera singer that lives in a house built by dairy hands in their spare time, but given that I live in a totally homogenized section of the country, you are doing awesome if you can find a female that isn’t blond, blue eyed and dainty featured.

Even though I was fairly confident I would be cast due to the strong recommendation of my friend, the people in charge still had to hear me in person, so last night I stopped by the director and producer’s house and sang. The role is heavy, jazzy, low and sultry, so I sang few stanzas of a jazzed up version of “Summertime” that I sing about an octave and a half down from the original key because that is the only remotely appropriate styled song I knew. The role uses the belt technique, which is usually harder for me, but the key is so dang low (my comfort zone) that I have little to no issues.

The producer was lovely. She recognized me from The King and I and she said, “I would be standing back stage and this glorious presence and VOICE would glide by.” (FYI, hearing that is much better for your psyche than auditioning when you know that the person doesn’t really dig your sound. Just so you know.)

They must have liked it because I got the call just now that the role is mine and my first rehearsal is tonight.

Even though in so many ways, I am not right for the role, I am really excited because it is TOTALLY different from classical or the musical theater that I usually do. I will get to channel my inner bluesy lounge singer and I will also have something to drag my ass out of the house and work at.

I have never seen the movie, heard the music before yesterday, nada. The cast has already been in rehearsals for almost 8 weeks. My opening performance is June 19th, which means that I have about a month to get this role down.

That is not a long time, people.

Wish me luck. (Don’t tell me to “Break a leg”. With my luck, Karma would probably translate that literally)

Hello, all! It’s April 3, 2007 and I am writing you from the past to celebrate the fact that since I moved to WordPress this month I can now set the publish date for my posts whenever I want! Oh, WordPress! How I love thee!

So, I am setting my post today to re-publish this post a year from now.

(As a side note, I totally wonder where I will be in my life a year from now? On April 3, 2008 I hope I am softer in stress, firmer of ass, heavier in pocket and lighter in soul and spirit. In other words? I hope I’m happy and that you all are, too. Most importantly, I hope I am still hot. Priorities are important, you know. )

I just hope that I remember that I set this up so I don’t double post. On the other hand, if I’ve forgotten about it it will be like a groovy little surprise in the morning. Kind of like my birthday only in April! (Ok, this would make for a pretty lame birthday, huh?)

So, what are we waiting for? My post today is about one of my passions other than Diet Coke and blogging.

I’m referring to SOUNDTRACKS. My favorite music EVER. Period. The END. I would make out with them, marry them and have little orchestral score soundtrack babies with them if I could get away with it and not be carted away to the crazy house.

It is a huge list but if you knew how many I LEFT OFF! Soundtracks are the new “Classical Music”.  The brilliant film composers of today would have been the Chopin’s and Handel’s back in the day. You may disagree, but that is how I feel.

So? Let’s discuss.

Here you go:

My body hurts.

This isn’t a new experience for me. I have several back and neck herniations from a bad car crash and being thrown and trampled by a horse. One leg is also shorter than the other due to some curvature of my spine.

(Totally sexy imagry, no?)

It exacerbates matters that I have a bed that sucks. We are going to replace it this year, but I’ve been suffering with it for the last 6 years.

I never wake up feeling refreshed. I usually start feeling like knives are being stuck in various body parts before my eyelids flutter open. I imagine it is similar to what one would feel like if thrown out of a moving train. Then run over by a tractor. Then peed on by the guy driving the tractor.

Point is, I hurt most of the time that I am conscious.

Aleve is my friend and for the most part I just suck it up and deal. You get used to it after awhile.

Right now, my body hurts more than the same-old, same-old.

Why, you ask?

See this fuzzy, poorly lit photo?

Yah, sorry about that. It’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

This gem of a theater will be my home for the next three weeks. I will spend more time there than in my own bed. (Again-given the extreme hideousness of it, I’m not sure that this is a bad thing.)

I am in the final weeks of appearing in a little musical called “The King & I“.

I’m just in the chorus. Specifically, I’m one of “The Royal Wives”. (The King of Siam was into polygamy. And yes, I find the irony that I’m doing this in Utah amusing.)

Normally, being in a choral role isn’t that difficult. Usually the toughest thing about it is the hours you have to wait around the theater doing nothing and wishing you could go home already.

Musically and character-wise, this is a VERY easy show but this choral role IS ABOUT TO KILL ME.

Apparently, the King is married to nine submissive women that drop to their knees and put their foreheads on the floor whenever he enters the room and freeze in that position until he finishes talking and says we can get up.

Before the bitchfest gets out of control I will say that this is turning into a great little production. I had such huge reservations at first, but it is going to be great. The orchestra is excellent, they flew in a great conductor from Florida and the costuming is as good, if not better than many of the professional productions I’ve been in. Because this is the debut musical for this theater company, they are investing thousands and thousands of dollars into it. Even the scene I LOATHE in musical theater (Uncle Tom’s Cabin) is good because they brought in an excellent choreographer and ballet company to perform it.

I am very happy and non-embarrassed to be a part of it.

THAT SAID…

Do you know how freaking long you have to be on your knees as a Royal Siamese Wife?

A FREAKING LONG TIME would be the answer. (The King enters the room a lot. He is also very long-winded.)

You would think that with that many wives we could rotate and schedule to keep it down to a minimum. (Was that inappropriate? Probably.)

Up! Down! Up! Down! Put your forehead on the ground!

For hours, and hours, and HOURS A DAY.

All of the bending and contorting into such extreme angles is taking its toll on my body. The other wives are even feeling it and I have EIGHT YEARS on the next oldest wife.

During the long-ass scenes where the King delivers amusing, pithy and long-winded dialog, etc. etc. etc., I am kneeling on the very hard stage floor feeling the blood pool and swell in my already damaged leg.

What? You mean you didn’t know that my 33-year-old body is totally falling apart? There’s more wrong with me than just back suck?

Yup.

Eight years ago, three weeks after my son, Christopher was born, I developed a massive blood clot in my abdomen that went down the length of my entire leg. I have a clotting disorder (Leiden V Factor) that means I am much more susceptible to blood clots than normal people. Since I have already thrown a clot, my chances of reclotting are even higher. It damn near killed me and left me with a damaged circulatory system and perpetually swollen leg.

My.legs.suck.

They suck.

(Oh, and did I mention that they SUCK?)
Don’t believe me? Here. Some honest photography for you.

You can see the size difference and the bluish, purple tone to my damaged leg.

You can see the pressure that is put on my left leg by how much the veins in my left foot “Pop” compared to my right foot.

I already struggle with poorly shaped legs. I am a bit bow-legged, I have a really hard time gaining muscle mass and have big feet and cankles. The blood clot just makes it all so much more attractive. Yippee.

It is why I always wear long pants and skirts. I never show my legs unless it is absolutely necessary. It isn’t just a vanity issue. I have been approached more times than I care to remember by well-meaning medical people who tell me that I may have a blood clot and should go to the nearest ER.

In their defense, it is a life-threatening condition. Plus, my leg looks like I could be in serious trouble; Most clots resolve where the leg returns to normal size. My clot was GINORMOUS. When It first happened my leg the size of both my legs put together and was dark purple.

I was in the hospital for a month. They told me to “Make arrangements” and prepare. They didn’t even dare put a filter in there were that scared that it would cause a piece to break off and go to my heart or brain and kill me. I was on Oxycontin for 8 months (It was rather new at the time. My doctors had no idea the hell it would be to get off of it after that long. Post for another day but lets just say that I understand why people hold up liquor stores and drive to Tijuana!)

This condition is permanent and painful. It sucks.

As much as I have enjoyed aspects of this musical and know that I auditioned willingly, I can’t wait for it to be over. It will be quite the effort to sit up there hurting and swelling and stay perfectly still and serene-looking.

There is zero point to this post. I have no “How I conquered my pain” or management tips or motivational tales about how I reached deep inside of myself and started wearing skirts to show that I love my body just as it is.

Nah.

I just wanted to bitch and whine about unattractive legs, crappy medical conditions and back pain. (And my piece of crap bed. We can’t forget about that.)

Thanks for listening. You all deserve a cookie for making it to the end of such long-winded, self-serving drivel.

Sigh…

***EDIT***

I tried posting this the other day, but the player didn’t work. I am really hoping the problem is resolved! Let me know…

Hey, all. Since I originally posted it, I have gotten loads of requests to put the duet Loralee Christensen and I recorded together this year (For Good from “Wicked”) on my page.

It’s taken me a million years, but I finally figured out the whole “Post an MP3 to your website” thing. See? I told you all I had techno-suck.

It’s over on my left sidebar in my pages. Click on “The Song” and you’ll see it. Hope you enjoy. I will post a clip of “The Messiah” as soon as I get it ripped to my hard drive. They are two totally different sounds.

This duet with Loralee is very dear to my heart. I totally had a blast.