Tip for traveling:

If you use an electric toothbrush and want to bring it with you on your trip, make sure you carry it in a clear travel case or zip lock bag.

Why, you ask?

It’s simple, really. If you use a cloth bag with a drawstring and if your luggage gets searched by customs, your electric toothbrush may start to VIBRATE in a very LOUD manner.

This might cause you intense, horrific, public embarrassment.

If this situation does occur? Turning the color of Bob the Tomato while exclaiming, ‘It’s a toothbrush! I swear!! No, REALLY!!! It’s a toothbrush!!!!”, probably isn’t going to do much to diffuse the situation.

I have a feeling that this is probably still fodder at the annual Christmas party…

“It’s just not a good idea to watch “CSI:Miami” with your husband.”

For one, they will probably not understand that you have to watch this show even though David Caruso has redefined ridiculous (Cause, come on! It’s CSI! Besides, where else can you find such delightfully inadvertent comedy?) and you will most likely be subjected to copious amounts of bitching, moaning, and general screaming-in-agony.

For another, I suspect that the aforementioned tantruming may stem from feeling emasculated by the intimidating lead character.

Think about it. They have to watch the amazingly humble Horatio Cane (aka “Head of the most expensively designed CSI lab in the universe that tirelessly and simultaneously fills the roles of the FBI, CIA, IRA, ATF, DCF,SWAT,Miami PD, the Mafia, Sharpshooter, Knight in Shining Armor, and Chinese Shar Pei“)!!!

Who can possibly compete with that? I mean, it isn’t every man who can wear Johnny Cash’s wardrobe in the heat and humidity of Florida week after week. I guess all that head-tilting he does is the sheer magnitude of his self-perceived awesomeness weighing it down.

How are “Ordinary Men” supposed to cope? It’s bad enough that most of them are still cowed from MacGyver’s ability to construct a nuclear warhead out of a chewing gum wrapper, paper clip and PEZ dispenser (Not to mention his killer mullet).

So, just turn the channel, ladies. If not for you, for your sweetie.

“If you are going to inadvertently shoplift something from your local IKEA, you might as well try to make it something more exciting than a dinner roll.”

(Ehem. A new category for you all.)