Hello, all! It’s April 3, 2007 and I am writing you from the past to celebrate the fact that since I moved to WordPress this month I can now set the publish date for my posts whenever I want! Oh, WordPress! How I love thee!

So, I am setting my post today to re-publish this post a year from now.

(As a side note, I totally wonder where I will be in my life a year from now? On April 3, 2008 I hope I am softer in stress, firmer of ass, heavier in pocket and lighter in soul and spirit. In other words? I hope I’m happy and that you all are, too. Most importantly, I hope I am still hot. Priorities are important, you know. )

I just hope that I remember that I set this up so I don’t double post. On the other hand, if I’ve forgotten about it it will be like a groovy little surprise in the morning. Kind of like my birthday only in April! (Ok, this would make for a pretty lame birthday, huh?)

So, what are we waiting for? My post today is about one of my passions other than Diet Coke and blogging.

I’m referring to SOUNDTRACKS. My favorite music EVER. Period. The END. I would make out with them, marry them and have little orchestral score soundtrack babies with them if I could get away with it and not be carted away to the crazy house.

It is a huge list but if you knew how many I LEFT OFF! Soundtracks are the new “Classical Music”.  The brilliant film composers of today would have been the Chopin’s and Handel’s back in the day. You may disagree, but that is how I feel.

So? Let’s discuss.

Here you go:

I just lost a post full of eleventyhundred links and photos that I had worked on for over TWO FREAKING HOURS.

I HATE IT WHEN THAT HAPPENS!

Why stop there, right??

Let’s make a list!

Other things I hate/loathe/cannot stand:

• Papaya
• Black licorice (This includes all things related like Anise)
• Long, dirty fingernails on little boys
• Little kids with perpetual snotty noses and dirty faces
• Gritty spinach/lettuce
• My period
• Overly sour flavors
• People who leave the turn signal on
• Granny panties
• Warm, bendy pickles
• Tepid beverages
• Sandwiches that are too “Wet” with mayo or mustard
• People who wear too much perfume/cologne. Especially if it sucks
• People who constantly clear the phlegm out of their throats or sniff excessively
• Mean people
• People who act smug, superior, holier-than-thou
• Fruit that looks ripe and sweet and isn’t
• DOS
• Yeast infections
• Artificial cherry flavoring
• Cough Syrup
• Honeydew
• The taste of alcohol
• Camel toe
• Spiders
• The book, Little Children
• The movie, Seven
• Any design Hildy has ever done on Trading Spaces
• South Pacific
  
• Anime
• Being too hot or too cold
• Ingrown toenails

Oh, I could go on and on, but should probably stop and take a few deep, cleansing breaths.

Whew.

That helped to write.

Do you dislike anything on my list?  Do you have your own list?

I need to cut it out with the posts that sound like birds chirping, huh?

One of my newest blog crushes is Jennifer from “Playgroups are no place for children”. (She also gets to live by Casey which makes me green with envy as Casey is one awesome bloggity date.)

Jennifer’s post for today is about being a cheapskate and her love of purchasing generic items. It started my brain spiraling in a million different directions so I thought I might as well dump it here since I am now going through the aisles of my grocery store in my head and thinking about what I will and will not spend money on.

I am not a careless shop-a-holic. I think and think and think before actually plunking money down on something with two exceptions:

I will totally splurge on eating out.

I do it with ease.

I hem and haw about spending money on clothes but I can drop a wad on a great meal without batting an eye.

I have always thought that was sad, but if you only knew the memories and pure love of food that I have. (Well, I did weigh 280 at one point, so maybe it isn’t all that difficult to grasp after all.)

Splurge number two?

The grocery store.

There are still times that I am quite enchanted with being an adult. Sure, most of the “I am grown up and on my own!” rosiness has worn off but there are still times when I am in the grocery store that I think “I can buy whatever I want with the money that I have??!!!! SQUEE!!!!”

So, I am not often overly careful at the store. I don’t clip coupons, but I buy on sale if I can and I am always aware of good meat sales. If I can save I will, but not at the expense of getting what I want.

That said? I genuinely like a lot of generic products.

GENERICS I WUV:

Medication: I ALWAYS buy generic if I can. This is the area that I see the price difference the very most. The savings are huge and the product is great.

Maxi Pads: (Warning! Possible TMI ahead!) They work fine for me. I am not a Mount Vesuvius period girl, so it’s all good. I do buy name brand tampons, though.

Spray Bleach and cleaning products in general: Clorox charges twice as much for an identical product. I’ll stick with my $1 bottle, thanks. Same with glass cleaner and toilet bowl cleaner. (Exception: Dollar store cleaners are hideous. Just so you know. They do not count)

Hair care and styling products: I wouldn’t have put this on the list before, but since my awesome sister-in-law, Nooncy bought me the “Don’t go to the make up counter without me” and “Don’t buy hair products without me” books, I am just FINE buying drugstore shampoo, conditioner and products.

You wouldn’t believe how much easier it is to style my hair how I want because I have EVERYTHING. Waxes, sprays, gels, putty’s, leave in conditioners, creams, EVERYTHING. And it is all thanks to Garnier. Before I had these books I would plunk down 35.00 for one bottle of shine enhancer. Now I have one I LIKE BETTER and it cost me $3.00!

So? I can have tons of products now for the same price and I love it.

Cereal: This is a split category. There are some generic cereals that are acceptable like knock offs of Honey Nut Cheerios, Frosted Mini-Wheats, and Sugar Puffs.

Shoes: I LOVE good shoes. But I also find cute shoes at PayLess, too.

Bras: After finding the Hanes All Over comfort Bra, I don’t know if I’ll go back to VS except for special occasions. I heart them.

Salsa: I love WalMart’s Black Bean Salsa. I prefer it over all others, actually.

Milk: I prefer the cheaper store brand, actually.

Eggs: Same thing.

Pull ups: They worked totally fine for us and were much cheaper.

Dishwasher Soap: I have to buy the better stuff that contains jet dry now, because my dishwasher kinda sucks, but my parents have a rockin’ dishwasher and generic is fine.

Skin Care: I HEART WalMart’s Equate brand of skin care. They knock off some very good products by Olay, Nuetragena, ect. and they work as well has the original for SO much less. Next to medication, this is the biggest money saver in generics. According to Fussy, Equate also has a generic Eucerine version that is only $3 instead of $15 that I MUST check out.

Teeth Whitening Strips: By Eqaute. Yup. They work swell and it’s $15 vs $30.

Body Wash: They work just fine, although I do love the Olay uber moisturizing one and Bath and Body Works makes my heart sing.

Meat: This is a biggie for me. I have to buy chicken, beef, etc. from the butcher. I only buy Tyson as a last resort.

THINGS I WILL NOT SKIMP ON:

Ice cream: Since my gastric bypass, Ice Cream makes me feel sick, but I love it. SO, the rare times I indulge it had better be GOOD.

Soda: ONLY Diet Coke for me, thanks. Generic soda sucks.

Cereal: Lucky Charms, Rice Krispies and Golden Grahams all have to be name brand.

Laundry: I have to have Bounce fabric sheets. As for laundry detergent, Gain and Tide with Bleach, oh, how I Love Thee! Jonathan did pick up a box of Arm and Hammer when they were out of the size we like to buy and I have to say that I am actually liking it. It’s kind of strong, but hello? You are talking to someone who could snort the entire laundry aisle of the supermarket and die happy.

Peaches: I will never buy anything but Dole Plastic Bottled Peaches again. We are having a torrid affair, and I don’t see it dying down soon. Fruit in general, I have to buy name brand or it is icky.

Ketchup and Mustard: The generics usually suck.

Diapers: I have to have pampers for my babies. The others gave them rashes.

Spaghetti Sauce: UG. I can’t even think about it.

Bread: I have to have Grandma Sycamore’s. Dude, if Granny ever kicks the bucket I don’t know what I’ll do.

String Cheese: I cannot tolerate generic string cheese. It has to be the one with the illustration of the string cheese guy with wacky string cheese hair (I totally can’t remember the name and can’t find it online, so it is what it is.)

Lunch Meat: This.is.huge.for.me. Is there anything more disgusting than “Pressed Meat”? EWE.

I eat a turkey sandwich practically every day of my life for lunch and so I have to have good lunch meat. I would really prefer to get it at the deli counter, but for some reason my husband is on the opposite end of the scale in this argument. We have agreed to compromise on Oscar Meyer Roasted Turkey Breast and call it good.

I’m sure that there are many more things, but I’ll leave it at this for now.

SO? You? Do you have issues with generics? Do you love them with the power of a thousand burning suns?

Thanks to Sundry Mourning.

1. What did you do in 2007 that you’d never done before?

Completed a 5K, went on my dream trip to Scotland and England, recorded solo in a studio. One of the end products of that is here. I got to record a duet of my favorite song with another Loralee C. who lives in California. She has been a recording artist for years and she found me by Googling her name at 1 am. I adore her. She recorded her part there, I recorded my part here and it was edited together by a fantastic engineer she knows.

WILD, huh?

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Here they are with the results:

Improve my health:
SORTA I have put on 8-10 lbs of what I lost last year. I still drink too much Diet Coke and need to get back to the gym. However, I eat a lot less junk food than I did last year and still have 12 lbs lost from January 2007, so I am improved somewhat. More can be done and must be if I am going to squeeze my “Magical Boobies” back into this dress before “The Messiah” in March.

Run a race:
YES. I can’t believe it, but I and my muscle tone of headcheese managed to participate in a 5k for organ donation in April. It was fun and I was freaking proud of myself.

Take my dream trip:
YES! It was even better and more magical than I dreamed. I loved every second.

Have a baby:
NOPE. We are still hemming and hawing over this one. Sigh.

Get back into the “Sing” of things (Oh, that was awful of me, I know):
YUP. I have done quite a bit with the vocal folds this year. I don’t see it letting up any time soon. I have more recording in my future. When I go to BlogHer this year, I will finally be meeting “Thing Two” and there are plans to lay down some new tracks.

Pay off all credit card debt and get more secure financially:
SORTA. We still have credit card debt, but have paid much of it down, started 401k’s and are in a better place financially than we were last year. Still have a lot more we could do, though.

Get a car:
YES. Volkswagon Jetta Wagon, thanks. Although I was very grateful to have any vehicle after having two explode and die ON THE SAME DAY, I would say that this is a much better option than driving around in a station wagon that debuted the same year as E.T.

Draw up plans for our new house:
NO. As there wasn’t any movement or decision on the part of the city as to if a road is going through our land or not, there wasn’t any movement here.

Be more involved and proactive as a mother:
YES. I didn’t get everything done that I would have liked but I have put significantly more effort into my kids this year. It’s been nice. Some things are still a struggle (Like school) but it has been good for everybody.

Stop “Surviving” life and LIVE IT.
YES. I don’t know if this totally happened but compared to last year, I would say that yes. I did.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes. I have another great-niece and great-nephew.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. I lost two beloved aunts this summer.

5. What countries did you visit?

Scotland and England.

6. What would you like to have in 2008 that you lacked in 2007?

I would like to have more satisfaction in personal areas in my life. I would also like to move into a different house.

7.What dates from 2007 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

July 3rd. I found out that the first of my aunts passed away. The other would follow two weeks later.

September 12. Saw my first glimpse of Scotland from the air. My heart almost stopped.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

See #1

9. What was your biggest failure?

I had the most horrible audition known to mankind.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nothing significant, although there was about 3 weeks in November where I thought I was going to be suffocated and killed by rogue sinus mucous.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

It is a toss up between my electric throw blanket and splurging on a really great cut and color.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My sister, Linny. She handled cancer, radiation and my family with grace and strength.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

MINE. Remember the screaming, ranting, raving, psycho, meth”ish”, nipple flinging EXPLOSION that was me at my favorite gas station. It makes me want to weep with shame. Sigh.

14. Where did most of your money go?

See that little icon up in my url address bar? Yes, the winner would be Diet Coke. Although, since going ape shit postal at the gas station I would say that the amount that I spend on it has gone WAY down.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to the UK after dreaming about it since I was six years old. Finally getting solo time in a recording studio after doing many group projects.

16. What song will always remind you of 2007?

“For Good” from “Wicked: The Musical”

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:? a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Happier, Thinner and Richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Improving the things I suck at like: Cleaning, organizing, overseeing my kids schooling and just pulling myself together in and general “Type A” fashion. I am not good at “Type A”. I’m more of a “Type M” or even “Type Q” type of girl.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Living in my head. Living through my TV. Living through my computer.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

With my little family and friends. It was lovely.

21. Did you fall in love in 2007?

Maintained the status quo.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

There are too many to name. I love TV. This would sadly have to do with #19.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?

A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius. (ALWAYS my favorite. I reread it about once a year. I heart it so.)

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Regina Spektor, Mika, and Snow Patrol

26. What did you want and get?

I desperately wanted/needed to do something artistic. So…I girded up my loins and stuck fear in the back seat and auditioned for the Mezzo role in “The Messiah”. I got it. I worked very hard and kicked some tale. It was beyond healing to sing in front of an orchestra again.

27. What did you want and not get?

I really wanted a decision made about whether or not they will be putting a road through where my house is standing. We can’t move until they decide and we’ve been waiting FIVE DAMN YEARS. I’m about through with patience.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

I loved the foreign film “The lives of others” and I loved “Stardust” and “Lars and the Real Girl”

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 33 this year. My birthday was really low-key because I went to Europe. I had a great lunch and went to the movies with friends.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Living in more than 1200 sq. feet and having more than one bathroom. Oh, and any kind of storage space would be lovely, thanks.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2007?

Side swept bangs, bold glasses and skimmers, layers.

32. What kept you sane?

My friends, blogs and being able to to talk to my computer in the wee hours of insomnia.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I started watching “Grey’s Anatomy” and feel head over heels for Denny. Sigh. I was also very fond of British cell phone salesman turned opera success, Paul Potts.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

How Mormonism is influencing the Presidential election.

35. Who did you miss?

Friends that cannot be here with me.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

I met some really incredible people this year. I hope to meet even more this year. Hopefully at BlogHer 2008!

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2007.
Going after dreams can be wonderful and frightening as hell. AND…Your life cannot stop just because your heart had been broken.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

From “For Good”

Who can say if I’ve been
Changed for the better?
I do believe I have been
Changed for the better

And because I knew you…

Because I knew you…

Because I knew you…
I have been changed for good…

I am not a big fan of shopping. I think that some of this is because I haven’t had a lot of money to shop WITH since I lived at home as a teenager. So, in order to cope with being tight on money, I usually stay out of malls and stores in general. When I go into these places often, I usually want things, so staying out makes it easier. Money or not, I still wouldn’t be a great shopper. I find it taxing and tedious after a while.

Then there are my spending quirks.

Although I tend to buy in “Spurts”, I’m not a huge impulse buyer. I will window shop, but I rarely come home with anything. If I am still thinking about it one or two days later, it is usually a sign that it is a purchase I should make. I am usually happy with this system and it rarely lets me down.

Another oddity is that I have a things that I am able to easily spend money on and things that I can not. My aunt illustrated it really well when she said, “I was complaining bitterly about the cost of meat and it occurred to how odd it this was when I am I am perfectly willing to spend $8.99 on a pound of fudge!”

It’s true for me as well.

I have always loved food. When I was growing up, we had quite a few food restrictions because my sister and I struggled with our weight. I think it is because of that that I love having what I like on hand. I don’t go hog wild or anything. On the contrary, I usually look at price and stay in a general budget, but my grocery bill is one that I am not too penny-pinching about.

I also spend money eating out. I love it. Why is it that I can drop $50.00 on dinner but I hemm and haw and guffaw about spending that on a purse that I like.

It makes no sense, does it? The dinner will digest in an hour or two and I could get much more use out of a purse, or shoes, or clothing.

I thought it would be interesting to compile a short list comparing things that I am usually able to spend money on and what I wish I could spend it on instead. Keep in mind that this isn’t necessarily a list of things that I NEED, more like a list of “Instead of putting X amount of eating out, I wish I could easily put it towards buying amazing towels instead.”.

Get it? Good.

• My hair stylist. I have found that MOST of the time, it is well worth the money to get a great stylist. This isn’t quite as true with longer hair, but if you are wanting a really great cut and color, go to someone good. Admittedly, I HAVE scaled back on this while I was saving to go to Europe. It was worth the sacrifice.
• Dining Out- I love going out to eat. Especially in a bigger city where you have a great selection.
• Groceries- If it’s on sale, yippee, if not…Eh. There is one exception to this and that would be meat. I don’t usually purchase expensive cuts and it is usually on sale.
• Entertainment- Movies, concerts, theater. Love it.
• Diet Coke- Sad, but true. I spend an obscene amount of money on this nectar of the Gods every year.

Things I REALLY wish I could spend money on instead of most of the above list: (There is a lot I would put on here involving family, but it would make the list too long so I’m just going to concentrate on me.)

• Higher quality clothing- You know? I am really getting tired of frumpy. I am also pretty sick of clothes that look hideous after a couple of washes or that don’t fit well. I would like to start slowly adding higher quality classics to my wardrobe.
• Salon quality hair products. Why is this so hard for me? I spend quite a bit on getting my hair cut and colored, you would think that I would want to try and keep it looking good, right? There is a difference in product, plain and simple. My newest longing is to try Bliss lemon and sage supershine shampoo and conditioner. It is outrageous, but you have to order it online (Which I suck at) and it’s well over twice what I usually pay.
• Great makeup/ skin care- There are sooooo many products I want to own. Way too many to start a list (Like, just take everything from this line and dump it in a bag for me!). Luckily, I have kind friends and family who have given me some great skin care things over the years that has really helped.
• Shoes- My husband is a shoe snob. I’m a wanna be. I have noticed how much better my feet feel in my higher quality shoes. Again, I am not adverse to a great bargain, but the shoes could be better.
• Pillows, sheets, towels and bras. I wear all of the above TO DEATH. Trying to get comfortable with my lumpy, worn out pillow tonight I realized that I really need to toss all or most of our pillows out and start anew. I just got new bedding a couple of years ago so that is good, but we are also in need of new towels. I want really GOOD, fluffy, lovely towels. Bras are just a pain in the ass to get fitted for, but I should do it more often than I do.

Is anyone else out there like this? Do YOU have a list of things you wish you could break down and buy without major guilt trips or am I all alone?

There has been so much going on. While I may expound on a few of these when I am more capeable, here are some bits and pieces.

• My niece is keeping Ellie Nan. We weren’t sure if she would be placed for adoption or not. It has been very traumatic and stressful for our family. Loads of emotions were being flung everywhere causing a lot of issues, hurt and stress. It was a huge decision, and I didn’t envy my niece in making it. It will be quite the challenge because she still has a year of high school left, but the most important thing is that she is at peace with the path she picked. She couldn’t give her up. As someone who has lost a baby (I know, it isn’t the same thing, but in my opinion it is damn close.) I understand, but she is only 17 and I also strongly support adoption, so it was tough to know how to feel. I just wanted her to do what she felt in her heart was the right thing and she did that. Right now the goal is to just help her as much as we can. She’s a straight-A student, and I just want her to be able to get through college. Hopefully, it will happen. She’s a hard worker, smart and is taking to motherhood like a duck to water, and Ellie is the sweetest little baby. I love and adore her. Everyone does. In my opinion, once decisions like this have been made you need to look at all the positives you can.

• A whole lot of stress and worry has been going on about James. The issue of where he lives may be resolved. (As far as I know. It seems that whenever I think it’s settled, um, it’s not.) He will remain here but he’ll be seeing more of his dad. Which has always been totally fine with me and an option. There aren’t many words adequate to describe my relief. That’s all I’ll say about it online, since this whole thing made me break my rule about never writing about my first husband out of respect and I feel torn about everything.

• It’s Nooncy’s BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR NOONCY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!! I hope you had a big serving up cupcakes for breakfast. (FYI to those who are new-Nooncy is my awesome sister-in-law) Last night we went to Happy Sumo for some killer, killer sushi. Big thanks to the bro for treating. Love you, Nan.

• PMS is wrecking havoc with me. I am so damn emotional lately. It’s exacerbated by my inability to just shut the hell up. Have you ever had times in your life where you just do and say the wrong thing all the time? With everyone and everything? Because that seems to be exactly where I am. I’ve been forceful, emotional and vocal in many of my blog comments and emails. When I’m trying to be helpful, it translates into drama and makes everything worse. Things I write come out as bitchy and hostile, when I don’t mean them to be. It’s weird for me. It’s causing me stress. I’ve gotten to the point where if I just can’t settle on down, I’m going to lock up my computer until I trust myself around it. Either that or just duct tape my damn mouth shut. (How do you lurkers do it? HOW?). Sorry if I have hurt or pissed people off, really I am.

• The boys went back to school yesterday (And there was much rejoicing. Yay…). We have a tradition with the boys of taking them out for breakfast on the first day of school. Yesterday was no exception. They decided that they wanted to dress alike, so I let them. I had cupcakes waiting for them when they got home (Again, another tradition).

• I got word that I will be the mezzo soloist in “The Messiah” again this year. Yippee!

• On my way back home from Salt Lake late last night, I stopped off to see a friend who lives in Ogden and we went for coffee at a rather ghetto coffee shop called Grounds for Coffee. The crowd hanging around outside kinda made me fear for my life, but we went in anyway since it was the only place still open. Ogden is kind of Utah’s answer to Detroit. There are some areas that are quite beautiful, but there are many areas that just, um, aren’t. I believe that the paper that was left on the table we sat down at says it all:

• I am hoping to gear up and get the rest of my trip planned this week. I’ll letcha know how it goes. OH, and if any of you camera types could please answer my camera question that is in my sideblog I’d really appreciate it.

Bloggers have cycles that range from smokin’ hot, to frustrated, to apathetic. Any blogger that cares remotely about their blog or web page will understand what I’m talking about. I have yet to talk to a consistent blogger who doesn’t go through these cycles. While it is helpful to not be isolated in this feeling, it doesn’t make the down times any less frustrating.

Here are my big challenges. Keep in mind that this list reflects my own personal frustrations, not a list of what I see wrong or flawed about blogging in general.

Technology Suck

I have a hard time grasping the technical ins and outs of web design and computer related things. Oh, I guess I do well enough and I read and read to try and understand and make it work, but it is just really difficult to wrap my head around. There are so many things that I would like to add to my blog (Like a sideblog archive) that I am not able to do without causing a power outage throughout northern Utah.

Statistic Obsession

This isn’t a huge problem for me, but like everyone else who has a blog with a stat counter, I am quite concerned with my stats and where they are at. Anyone who professes to not care about their stats is either lying to everyone or themselves. It’s died down a lot over time, but I still check my page quite often.

Comment Worry

I am much more concerned with comments than I am with my statistic counter. While there are few things that annoy me more than reading blog posts that whine about why no one ever comments on their blog, it can be discouraging sometimes. There have been times when I write a post that is difficult, embarrassing or just way too honest and I sit and worry and worry about if anyone will comment. There is nothing worse to have a post that no one comments on. It means it sucks, is too boring or no one wants to be associated with “That” subject.

It does have its plusses, though. Don’t think of this segment as me whining that you don’t talk back enough, because I am looking at it as a clue that I need to blog better. So, low comments aren’t always a bad thing. It often just encourages me to think of a fun project to post or to sharpen my wit or sense of humor. I don’t just look at these frustrations as bad things, people.

T.M.I.

I’m sure that a lot of you have noticed my lack of ability to keep my freaking mouth shut. I started this blog at perhaps the worst time of my entire life and while I am so much more constrained about what I write, I still put out way more personal information than most people in the universe. It doesn’t help that I made a LOT of mistakes at the beginning driven my total naivety. You know, things like putting my ENTIRE name on my blog. The point is, while I am doing better about what I put out there, I still have to work on keeping my mouth shut. TMI still bites me in the butt on a fairly regular basis.

Censorship

While I just said that I love comments, very few people enjoy negative comments or emails from their blog. It is really difficult to walk the line for me. It’s hard to allow people to disagree with me or my life.

Posting Pressure

You have to post regularly if you want to have anyone read your blog. You just HAVE to. Sure, you can take breaks and vacation, people get sick, there are huge crises, but all in all? You just have to stick your butt on the chair and type a post. It can be a lot of pressure when you don’t really feel like writing.

Inferiority Complex

Tons of bloggers are heading out to BlogHer in Chicago this week. I will not be one of them. I highly doubt that I ever will be. I would love to go to the classes and learn more about this passion of mine, but I have a feeling that I would end up feeling inferior. I prefer to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond. I feel pretty inadequate around some of my blog reads as it is.

Unrealistic Expectation

I expect a lot from this little blog. I started it as a form of therapy. Soon, it became a tool to help me get my life back, now it is more of a passion and a substitution for the music career I walked away from. It has become a source of validation for me. That is ok, except that sometimes I expect too much from it. Part of it stems from my personality flaw of REALLY caring what people think of me. I carry around every bad word and hurtful comment for a very long time. I’m working on it, but it is one of my worst flaws.

This ties into the next subject:

Meanness, hostility, trolling, haters, smug people, or when blogging just makes you feel bad and gives you emotional ‘OWIES’

Mean people suck.

I used to just let trolls and sucky people just walk all over me and trample on my blog. No longer. When nastiness happens on my blog now I am a lot quicker to delete comments that are spiteful or vicious, and right now I have a list of about 35 ip’s blocked from ever viewing this blog again. I have let a few people back in with good behavior stipulations, but there are some that will never be allowed back.

It really isn’t hard to deal with blatantly mean people for me anymore.

This leaves the category of people who just hurt my feelings, and are even often telling the truth. You know how it goes. 50 people can say you like your new hair cut and one person says you look like a Vulcan. Guess which one you carry with you all day? At least I do.

And finally, my last category:

Fresh Material

I am in awe of those with average lives that can create interesting blog posts day after day. I don’t know how they do it. I have a freaky, crazy, jam-packed life full of things that pretty much write themselves and there are SO many days that I have nothing to say. Nothing to write. But you have pressure to post regularly when you get higher into the readership count. It’s hard to be original or funny sometimes.

Luckily, these challenges aren’t obstacles that are too annoying or commonplace to really interfere with my hobby too much. At the worst they cause a few tears and a couple of days of mood suck and then I get over it. Mostly.
So, did I leave anything off the list? While I appreciate the huggies n’stuff in the comments, so far I would love to discuss some of these and find out what issues you all have. Do your feelings get hurt if your stats fluctuate too much? Do you have difficulty keeping up with the technology? Do others get intimidated like I do with other blogs?

I’m having a slight panic attack as I realize that we leave for California late Tuesday night! Ack!!!!! I’m writing my list of things I have to get done here because I know that A: I will not lose the stupid thing and B: I will not re-write the list a million times because it isn’t “Perfect”. (Why, oh WHY did I have to have this freakish habit be the one and ONLY thing that I am OCD about? WHY? Why not mopping, or doing dishes, or vacuuming those freakishly perfect patterns into my carpet so that everyone can marvel what a disgustingly super housekeeper I am?!!! Why not any of THOSE? God has a really sucky sense of humor sometimes, you know that?)

To Pack:

Me:

• Swimsuit. (I have had the same stupid suit since 1995!!!! I think I’ve worn it like, 10 times because I am afraid of the water (Well, not swimming pools, just lakes and oceans.) I just haven’t had time/money/energy to buy a new one. I’ll make do.)
• Wedding outfit
• 4 pairs of pants
• 5 tops
• 3 bras
• 3 cami’s
• 2 pj’s
• 3 pairs sandals
• 1 pair tennis shoes
• 1 pair flip flops
• Cardigan for night time at Disneyland
• Jewelery
• Makeup
• Shampoo/conditioner, skin care, toothbrushes, toothpaste
• Flat Iron, curling iron
• Sunblock-Jonathan’s and the boys. Aloe Vera,Bug spray
  
• Tylanol, Aleve, Tylanol PM, James’s inhaler, Alergy Medication

Jon:

(Like he would ever let me pack for him.)

Boys

• 2 swimtrunks
• Swim goggles
• 2 pairs tennis shoes
• 2 sandals
• 1 each beach water shoes
• 5 pairs shorts
• 2 pairs long pants
• 7 t-shirts
• Wedding Outfits
• 3 pairs PJ’s
• Socks/underwear

To Bring/Buy

• Beach gear-Shovels, buckets
• Camcorder
• Towels
• Beach Chairs
• Books
• IPOD and DOCK
• Laptop
• Camera, charger and cable
• Portable DVD player
• DVD’S
• Find splitter for car charger
• Cell phone and chargers
• Maps
• Directions/hotel confirmation
• ID and paperwork for access to Camp Pendelton
• Cooler
• Snacks, drinks, sandwiches, water
• Coloring books, crayons, activity books
• Neck pillow
• “Rollout Bar”

To Do

• Get tags for car
• Wash car. Vacuum.
  
• Clean out and put car topper on
• Find someone to feed and water Wilbur so she doesn’t die while I’m away (Cause that would be sad.)
• Ask Dad to water the lawn.
• Mow aforementioned lawn
• Ask Karen to collect mail
• Finish planning birthday’s
• Take out all the trash
• Clean the house: Kitchen, throw out food from fridge that will expire, laundry, bathroom, mop floors, living room, vacuum, bedroom, Kid’s room, Pantry, hallway.
• Make sure you don’t leave a load of laundry in the washer like last time. (EWE).
• All ID, bank cards, cash, insurance cards, emergency information
• Make sure First Aid kit is stocked and that the car has flashlights with BATTERIES THAT WORK in them.
• Change break pads.
• Get all the paperwork for James’s “Traveler” scout badge.
• Remember to throw some food at children, cat, and self from time to time to avoid death by starvation.
• Collapse and die.

That should pretty much cover it.