5 a.m. has come after a very long, difficult night.
Details aren’t necessary because it’s just more of the same.
The same days, the same nights, the same often relentless symptoms.
Very little changes.
I have done this before.
I know that the light will come.
The sickness and symptoms will stop.
There will still be struggle and difficulty but RELIEF and JOY.
He’ll be here. Snuggled and loved and HERE.
Being HERE makes all the difference in the world.
Not only physically but mentally.
I’m a very tangible person.
I need him here.
I just have to plow through.
2.5 more months.
Some moments I know I can make it.
Times like this I struggle.
I’m so tired of it.
You must be so tired of hearing it.
Everyone is tired of it.
I’m sorry for that.
Really, I am.
Eeyore would SUCK to hang out with all the time, tail bow or no.
Imagine adding pregnant hyperemesis to Eeyore’s charm list.
A thousand acres of wood wouldn’t be near enough distance.
Though the chance of a pregnant, barfing Eeyore is unlikely.
He is a boy.
And a fictional character.
Though that last thing seems less important, somehow.
I don’t want to be Eyeore the pessimistic barfing donkey.
For myself and everyone else.
I’m grateful for this.
Sick or no.
Some would kill to trade places with me, I know.
It WILL get better. It WILL.
Sometimes I say that on a loop over and over and over.
Like I could make the world turn faster if I just said it enough times.
A lot of the time it works.
After nights without much needed sleep?
When everything hurts and burns?
It can be tough to remember.
Especially when the night turns from black to midnight blue at 5 a.m.
I feel the sweetest little kick in my belly.
It reminds me that every single moment of this long struggle is worth it.
And that I am not alone.