While I am not obsessive about April Fools’ Day, I have been known to put flour in a roommates blow dryer and set my high school boyfriend’s alarm to 3:45 in the morning to mark the day. I know I posted about the funniest April Fool joke of all time by Gmail over in my sideblog, but I just saw a totally awesome April Fools’ joke go down on live TV and since it involved a friend, it had me laughing my ass off and I had to share.

Some of you know that I have a dear friend, Bryan who has a cooking show on a news station in Salt Lake. He is fabulous and I have known him forever.

We’ve cooked and shared many a meal and recipe idea together.

I’ve gone to see him in the studio to cook and had the camera turned on me (which I admit, I loved), and he’s been known to give me ridiculous shout outs (which again, I totally cop to loving) on the air.
Like this:

I catch his show when I can. Today he was making a sour cream coffee cake. It is done on the noon news and so he cooks in little segments between news items and banters back and forth with the anchors in the studio.

Right before he unveiled the finished cake during his final segment, the anchors broke in and told him that they wouldn’t be able to finish his segment because he was being preempted by an exclusive interview they procured with Hannah Montana.

For about 2 seconds, Bryan looked really confused until they said “APRIL FOOLS’!”

Although it was admitted that his coffee cake WOULD have taken a back seat to an exclusive with Hannah Montana, it was seriously funny, and I’m glad that everyone there has a sense of humor.

So…Did anyone else have a practical joke played today? Did you pull anything yourself?? Have you done anything spectacular in the past on April 1st???

I used to be a regular over at Self-Portrait Challenge until I realized that, um, I am a really crappy photographer. Still, it’s one of the coolest weekly bloggity things out there.

This month’s theme of “Political” does make me want to crawl up into a little hole and die, but since it’s “Memival Week” at Looney Tunes (I am going to spend one week participating in all of those memes and carnivals I just don’t have the discipline to do on a regular basis.) I am just going to have to bite the bullet, deal with the theme, and participate.

I thought instead of one photo that sums up my feelings about how this election is going, I would give you a little photo essay instead:

Why, hello!

What? Would I like a moment to answer some questions about Obama, Hillary and McCain about the upcoming elections? Well, let’s see, a good portion of my life is already taken up with incessant news coverage about it, but since this is a rare opportunity…sure! Why not?

Who am I going to vote for? Hmm….I’m not sure.

Which issue do I think is the most pressing problem in America? There is the war, of course… and I think that the economy is… What? Who do I think is the best looking candidate?

Well, I would rather talk about more important issues but if I had to only pick between the three? Probably Obama.
Could we move on to something more relevant, though? I have to run some errands soon.
How do I feel about McCain and the whole “Did he have an affair with a lobbyist so long ago I was still in braces?”

That is a better question, although I think that the way it was done was poor reporting. I think the thing that concerns me more is the “Lobbyist” aspect and that he is not practicing what he preaches because he’s really in bed with a lot of big businesses and…What? Hillary and Don Imus share the same Dry Cleaners and does that make her a racist?

Um, I’m not really sure that matters? Isn’t there another question that…Huh? No…I didn’t really know it was leaked that Bill Clinton is secretly eating at McDonald’s again. Um…Is that really pertinent to the election? Well, it’s a shame that someone from Obama’s camp got fired for saying that he’s not going to be a good first husband because he’s suffering from Post Presidency Depression and that he’s been hitting the fry sauce really hard. That does seem a little juvenile.

Seriously, though…Don’t’ the candidates want to know how I feel about the war or foreign policy concerning…No…I wasn’t aware that Oprah had, “I heart Obama” tattooed on her Va-jay-jay…Um, I don’t know what to say…How about…EWE??

You know, these questions are really starting to piss me off. Can you PLEASE ask me something that is relevant to…Ok, seriously, I do not CARE if McCain thinks Hilary has cankles and NO, I DO NOT WANT TO BUY HIS “Get ‘er done!” TSHIRT!!!

Look at my face. I am done. Pissed. You are taking up a lot of time from my life. Time that I will never get back. I’m giving you one more chance to stop the petty name calling. So, I’m telling you to ask me some REAL questions! Stop with the superfluous crap and, tell me what the candidates want me to know about them.

Do I think that McCain will be soft on immigration because of his change in campaign managers? No, I didn’t know that he lured Pedro away from the Napoleon Dynamite campaign. Having a Hispanic with an unfortunate wig managing your team doesn’t necessarily mean that he is soft on immigration but…What? Hilary says that Tina the Llama asked McCain to stop using her likeness in his campaign commercials and Obama chimed in, ‘Your mom goes to college!”?
GGAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! SHUT UP!!!

I AM SO FREAKING SICK OF ALL YOU!

I THINK THAT I WOULD RATHER VOTE FOR A THREE-TOED SLOTH! OR PEE WEE HERMAN!! OR A FREAKING FICUS TREE THAN ANY OF YOU!!!! AND FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE I AM NOT GOING TO VOTE! I AM JUST GOING TO STAY THE FREAK HOME ON ELECTION DAY AND EAT NACHOS, A VAT OF BEN & JERRY’S AND A CHOCOLATE CAKE THAT IS THE SIZE OF MY HEAD AND IT WILL BE ALL YOUR FAULT THAT I BECAME A BIG, LARD-ASS, NON-VOTING CITIZEN!!!!!!!!!!”

That helped, but it would be a LOT better if someone could just give me a big freaking remote to fast forward through the next 8 months.

I’m rather tired of it all.

Before I launch into my post, I have to ask a question.

What the freak do people see in Matthew McConaughey?

He looks like he has completely suspect hygiene. By that I mean that he is perpetually covered in a grody oil slick that we are endlessly subjected to because the guy never wears a shirt.

And his hair? Dude, you probably just have to shave it off and I swear you will find Jimmy Hoffa hidden somewhere in the clippings.

I just want to scrub the man down with some Lysol and a loofa!

My friend Bridgy and I went and saw the movie, “Fool’s Gold” starring “Shirtless Boy” and Kate Hudson. It wasn’t the lamest film I’ve ever seen, but he seriously does nothing for me.

Not the case with Bridgy.

“He’s totally hot. I would DEFINITELY sleep with him. I may have to take massive amounts of antibiotics afterwards and have a smattering of STD tests, but I’d totally do it.”

“Dude. He was arrested playing the bongo drums while naked and high on weed. Or does that just make him go up in your estimation?”

“Pretty much.”

Uhhhh…

Before we went to view “The Oily One” in the movie, Bridgy and I spent some time together at the local mall.

Our local mall is not an amazing shopping experience. I mean, I’m grateful that the clothing options for my town are no longer limited to Penney’s and the work aisle of the Cal-Ranch store, but it really is a tiny little mall.

I certainly didn’t have any intention of landing there, it just sort of happened. Due to SUCKY circumstances we missed the 7 o’clock movie and Bridgy said we should catch the late show.

We had some time to kill and since we were practically in the mall parking lot we decided to go in and meander about.

There were some very interesting high points to our outing.

One of those would be going into the new lingerie store.

First of all, it was very sparsely stocked. I mean, a guy could have probably stuffed the entire collection into a trench coat to go flash and sell with his collection of “Genuine Rolex watches” in Times Square to unsuspecting tourists.

The whole atmosphere of this place was just…uncomfortable?

I kept thinking of it as “The Slutty Ghetto Store” in my head. It didn’t help that I had the world’s most flaming female underwear salesman on the planet that kept offering tips for what he thought would “Turn on my man”.

I mean, he was very nice and offered us chocolate truffles, but it was still really odd and uncomfortable.

I ended up throwing the chocolate away. I kept thinking of it as “The Slutty Ghetto Truffle” and eating it just seemed icky.

Slutty truffle disposed, we went into a store that I knew immediately that I was neither young enough, nor cool enough to be in. You know, the type of store full of distressed chucks and cammo-hoodies lined with fur and a liberal smattering of rivets, skulls and crossbones on everything.

Thinking that maybe youth and coolness could somehow seep in through my hoo-hoo by osmosis, I contemplated buying a thong with a black skulls and pink hearts all over it for about 40-seconds before I came to my senses. No amount of graphic-laden butt floss will actually make me younger.

Those were a pretty grand 40-seconds, though.

My thong-driven dreams of youth shattered, we meandered into a used game and book store where the owner was totally hyped for the upcoming D&D tournament. My eyes glazed over until I saw THAT THEY HAD THE ENTIRE SWEET VALLEY HIGH SERIES in the used books section!!!

RAD!

I used to own them all, and read obsessively about the perfect size-6 identical twins with polar personalities that had turquoise eyes and sunkissed hair, but I stopped at like, 42. These suckers go up to the 90′s now!!!! I thumbed through one and saw that Elizabeth gets arrested and Jessica steals Elizabeth’s faithful boyfriend, Todd! DUDE! WTF? Elizabeth was the angel twin and she and Todd were supposed to marry and live happily ever after!

Total bummer and definitely non-rad.

With a regretful sigh, I left Sweet Valley High behind and we closed our mall expedition at Bath and Body Works, home of the cleanest smells, the foamiest bath products, the most divine lotions and antibacterial hand soaps!

I didn’t buy anything because I didn’t see my favorite soap off hand and we were running out of time because they were closing. It was sad because I really considered buying a plethora of Bath and Body Works products to smear on the movie screen to see if it would help Matthew seem more appealing.

We left the mall and headed to the movie. On the way, Bridgy told me that Gary Coleman from “Different Strokes” married someone who was 22 and had never heard of him before she met him.

It made me very sad because I realized that most of the pop culture I grew up surrounded by are completely lost on the teens and younger 20-somethings.

I realized that while most of the world really wouldn’t consider me old, I AM to them.

Very depressing.

Maybe I SHOULD have purchased that thong…