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Blogging Frustrations

July 24, 2007 By loralee 28 Comments

Bloggers have cycles that range from smokin’ hot, to frustrated, to apathetic. Any blogger that cares remotely about their blog or web page will understand what I’m talking about. I have yet to talk to a consistent blogger who doesn’t go through these cycles. While it is helpful to not be isolated in this feeling, it doesn’t make the down times any less frustrating.

Here are my big challenges. Keep in mind that this list reflects my own personal frustrations, not a list of what I see wrong or flawed about blogging in general.

Technology Suck

I have a hard time grasping the technical ins and outs of web design and computer related things. Oh, I guess I do well enough and I read and read to try and understand and make it work, but it is just really difficult to wrap my head around. There are so many things that I would like to add to my blog (Like a sideblog archive) that I am not able to do without causing a power outage throughout northern Utah.

Statistic Obsession

This isn’t a huge problem for me, but like everyone else who has a blog with a stat counter, I am quite concerned with my stats and where they are at. Anyone who professes to not care about their stats is either lying to everyone or themselves. It’s died down a lot over time, but I still check my page quite often.

Comment Worry

I am much more concerned with comments than I am with my statistic counter. While there are few things that annoy me more than reading blog posts that whine about why no one ever comments on their blog, it can be discouraging sometimes. There have been times when I write a post that is difficult, embarrassing or just way too honest and I sit and worry and worry about if anyone will comment. There is nothing worse to have a post that no one comments on. It means it sucks, is too boring or no one wants to be associated with “That” subject.

It does have its plusses, though. Don’t think of this segment as me whining that you don’t talk back enough, because I am looking at it as a clue that I need to blog better. So, low comments aren’t always a bad thing. It often just encourages me to think of a fun project to post or to sharpen my wit or sense of humor. I don’t just look at these frustrations as bad things, people.

T.M.I.

I’m sure that a lot of you have noticed my lack of ability to keep my freaking mouth shut. I started this blog at perhaps the worst time of my entire life and while I am so much more constrained about what I write, I still put out way more personal information than most people in the universe. It doesn’t help that I made a LOT of mistakes at the beginning driven my total naivety. You know, things like putting my ENTIRE name on my blog. The point is, while I am doing better about what I put out there, I still have to work on keeping my mouth shut. TMI still bites me in the butt on a fairly regular basis.

Censorship

While I just said that I love comments, very few people enjoy negative comments or emails from their blog. It is really difficult to walk the line for me. It’s hard to allow people to disagree with me or my life.

Posting Pressure

You have to post regularly if you want to have anyone read your blog. You just HAVE to. Sure, you can take breaks and vacation, people get sick, there are huge crises, but all in all? You just have to stick your butt on the chair and type a post. It can be a lot of pressure when you don’t really feel like writing.

Inferiority Complex

Tons of bloggers are heading out to BlogHer in Chicago this week. I will not be one of them. I highly doubt that I ever will be. I would love to go to the classes and learn more about this passion of mine, but I have a feeling that I would end up feeling inferior. I prefer to be a bigger fish in a smaller pond. I feel pretty inadequate around some of my blog reads as it is.

Unrealistic Expectation

I expect a lot from this little blog. I started it as a form of therapy. Soon, it became a tool to help me get my life back, now it is more of a passion and a substitution for the music career I walked away from. It has become a source of validation for me. That is ok, except that sometimes I expect too much from it. Part of it stems from my personality flaw of REALLY caring what people think of me. I carry around every bad word and hurtful comment for a very long time. I’m working on it, but it is one of my worst flaws.

This ties into the next subject:

Meanness, hostility, trolling, haters, smug people, or when blogging just makes you feel bad and gives you emotional ‘OWIES’

Mean people suck.

I used to just let trolls and sucky people just walk all over me and trample on my blog. No longer. When nastiness happens on my blog now I am a lot quicker to delete comments that are spiteful or vicious, and right now I have a list of about 35 ip’s blocked from ever viewing this blog again. I have let a few people back in with good behavior stipulations, but there are some that will never be allowed back.

It really isn’t hard to deal with blatantly mean people for me anymore.

This leaves the category of people who just hurt my feelings, and are even often telling the truth. You know how it goes. 50 people can say you like your new hair cut and one person says you look like a Vulcan. Guess which one you carry with you all day? At least I do.

And finally, my last category:

Fresh Material

I am in awe of those with average lives that can create interesting blog posts day after day. I don’t know how they do it. I have a freaky, crazy, jam-packed life full of things that pretty much write themselves and there are SO many days that I have nothing to say. Nothing to write. But you have pressure to post regularly when you get higher into the readership count. It’s hard to be original or funny sometimes.

Luckily, these challenges aren’t obstacles that are too annoying or commonplace to really interfere with my hobby too much. At the worst they cause a few tears and a couple of days of mood suck and then I get over it. Mostly.
So, did I leave anything off the list? While I appreciate the huggies n’stuff in the comments, so far I would love to discuss some of these and find out what issues you all have. Do your feelings get hurt if your stats fluctuate too much? Do you have difficulty keeping up with the technology? Do others get intimidated like I do with other blogs?

Filed Under: Blogger, Frustration, lists 28 Comments

Taboo

June 14, 2007 By loralee 32 Comments

A few days ago, I was dinking around Google trying to find some information when I came on this post. I honestly can’t even remember what I was researching, but it had nothing to do with the content. Ironically, a few of my blog reads are in the comments (Which is a bit weird and also makes me feel the need to issue the disclaimer that I swear I’m not a stalker.)

It got me thinking about my verbiage choices, especially on this blog.

I have an inexplicable fear of mentally handicapped people. I don’t know why, they just scare me. I used to say that my idea of hell would be to be a hugger at the Special Olympics. I wasn’t trying to be mean when saying that, I just knew it.would.freak.me.out. When I worked at a bookstore they would have severely handicapped people come in and after the first week when a lady lurched at me and wouldn’t let go, I had to have other people ring them up because I would be having a full blown anxiety attack in the break room.

I felt bad about it. I’m not proud of it. I don’t do it on purpose.(So please don’t email me nasty things. It’s hard enough to be honest about it.)

So, in penance, I participated in “The Polar Plunge” to raise money for the Cache Valley team to participate in the Special Olympics. I jumped into a freezing cold lake in the middle of January and I had a great time doing it. Between that and spending a little bit of time with a friend’s nephew who has Down Syndrome, my fear has lessened a lot. I can’t lie, it hasn’t gone away, but it is a LOT better. To the point that I think I would do OK being a hugger.

What I can be blamed for is using the term “Retarded”, without thought. Example? I call myself a “Technotard” all the time. In MY head I’m thinking “WOW, my technical skills are totally delayed compared to everyone else”. BUT. I really shouldn’t use it. Looking at it from a different point of view, it is probably pretty darn hurtful to people.

That was pretty hard to admit because I am admitting to being uncouth, backward and cruel. I also found a couple of the commenter’s in the post to have a holier-than-thou “Smug” tone of judgment and I HATE admitting that those people are…well…RIGHT. But in this case? They are. And I’m going to stop. “Techno-dork” should suffice very well and I apologize if I made anyone uncomfortable. (And no, no one emailed me about this. I came to this conclusion all on my very own.)

This whole topic got me thinking about other “Gaffes” and “Taboo’s”.

Utah is a very Caucasian state. In fact, I was doing AWESOME in the diversity field because I had ONE African American friend in high school. He and his siblings were the only black kids in the school. In my interactions with him I first really clued in about how minority groups may say things about themselves that no one else is allowed to. One of the first things I remember him saying to me was when we were building a set for a theater performance.

“Hey, Mike? Could you bring me a different drill?”

He put his hands on his hips, gave me a big “TSK” and said in “That” tone:

“What color do I look?!!!!”

OMG! What do I say to THAT? EEK! ACK! I’m going to totally offend him!!!! So, I went with the safe, yet stupid:

“UUUUUHHHHHHHHH…..??????”

Yah. He LOVED doing that to people. Not particularly nice, but on the other hand, he had a sense of humor about it. As I got to know him really well, he would say this to me a LOT. By the end of high school our banter went more like this:

“Yo, Mikey! Grab a different drill. This one sucks.”

“What color do I look like, Miss Thing?”

“Black. Now give me the damn drill.”

“Ok. “

When I was a freshman in college, I had an African American roommate named, Charlotte. When her family visited they threw the “N” word around like you can not believe. The first time she did it in front of me I must have looked like someone bitchslapped me because she just laughed.

“It’s ok, girl. Black people are allowed to call other black people “N******’s”

REALLY? WTF? I never knew that! She also explained that if I ever said it to a black person the chances of getting the wrath of hell opened up on me were pretty high because I was white. White people aren’t EVER allowed to use it. EVER.

Ok. Good to know. Not that I would have ever thought about saying it, anyway???

Come to find out that it is pretty common for minority or special interest groups to use slurs or jokes with themselves.

I was visiting my awesome sister, Linny and my sister-in-law, Nooncy. They were watching a BBQ cookoff on food network. Linny called out to Nooncy in the other room.

“NAN! Come in here. You need to see this girl grill. She’s such a Dyke!”

UUUUUHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!???????????????

What the hell??

Now, to understand my confusion and “EEEEK!” factor in this exchange, I have history with the phrase “That’s so gay”. I’m not proud of it, I just didn’t see the harm in it. Until I said it in front of Linny and Nooncy during what I refer to as “THE GREAT LETTUCE WEDGE INCIDENT OF ’99″

“A lettuce wedge salad? All it is is a hunk of grody iceburg lettuce with some tomatoes thrown on top. That’s so gay.”

“OH, REALLY? I think it sounds rather heterosexual to me!”

SHIT.

I felt completely lame, mean, and like the smallest-minded person on the planet. As well I should.

Though I was forgiven long ago, I still whip myself about it. It pretty much cured me from using the term. I will confess that in TRUE LORALEE STYLE the three times that I have said this since then HAVE BEEN IN FRONT OF GAY PEOPLE! Yah. I’m a real winner.

So, when Linny went off using the “D-word”, it was a bit confusing. She explained that yes, they could use it and no, I could not. Cool. Just as long as I know.

On reflection, though. I do the same thing. This behavior isn’t limited to race or sexual orientation, but it falls into other special interest groups. Example? Mormons. In fact, I just commented on one of my favorite blog reads yesterday:

“Dude. I seriously need to hang out with your family.

Any interest in acquiring a plural wife???

(Kidding. Sorta.)

:P

(No, really people. KIDDING. No snarky replies necessary)”

She’s a Mormon, I’m an inactive Mormon (But having been raised one, I sill have some street cred) therefore it is ok for us to banter about polygamy, green jello salad, station wagons, and Mormon culture in general. (Well, if you have a sense of humor. I can’t see my mother-in-law playfully bantering about those things. Ever.) Point is, if you are a non-Mormon you just DO NOT joke to a Mormon about “How many wives do you have”. It’s tacky. It’s rude.

I think that it is obvious that I will never be the most politically correct human on the earth. Frankly, I wouldn’t want to be. I think that it can go WWWWAAAAAYYYY overboard. Like the movement in England to say that a student flunking out of school isn’t “REALLY” failing, they are just experiencing “Delayed Success”. WHATEVER.

But.

I can be more aware. I can be kinder. I can try to put myself in other’s shoes and try to keep my yap as closed and un-offensive as I am capable.

THAT said, I will probably STILL think to myself “BLOGGER IS RETARDED!!!” because really, there is no other better description. I will endeavor to be a good little hypocrite and not say it out loud, though.

Filed Under: Bitching, Bits of Information, Blogger, Serious Things, Stupidity, Suck 32 Comments

Blogging Friends

June 9, 2007 By loralee 15 Comments

I tend to do things in a big way with a loud and obnoxious style. As I recently wrote to a friend in an email, “I’m sort of like a hot pink, heathen bull crashing around a library”. I am sure that if there was any doubt to this statement the group of woman that I spent several hours snorting and yammering at on Friday night will put any doubts to rest.

See?! It’s happening. The dreaded “Social Anxiety Afterward” phase. You know, the period where you meet people that you don’t know (Or don’t know REALLY well) and then for hours and/or days you pick apart every hostess “Error” you may or may not have committed or every stupid look, sentence, snort, and nervous donkey laugh that you emitted throughout the evening.

Sigh.

Still! It was FUN!

On the way down to Salt Lake I stopped off at Target to buy a “Thank You” gift certificate for Jessica for the tons of time and help that she’s put into my webpage. I had my trusty IPOD, “Tide” with me and had one bud in my ear and one out so that I could hear the clerk.

“Are you listening to music right now.”

“Yah, I sure am.”

“Really? What are you listening to?”

“Um…er…uh…(BLUSH)”The third movement of the Organ Symphony by Saint Saens.” (It’s not really so impressive when you say “The tune that they made into the song the farmer sings to the pig in the movie, “Babe”)

“Wow. Not your usual fare. Probably why you’re shopping at Target and I’m ringing you up, huh?”

“Um. I’m A JANITOR.”

“Really? Wow. Well, that gives me hope then!”

“Great. Glad to have been of service.”

I was the first at the restaurant. Of course, I was also a total dork that kept taking photos of myself and the hostesses to pass the time. Lame-o-matic right here, people. Soon enough Jessica, her disgustingly cute and young looking sister(She is twenty EIGHT! Not fair.)Amanda, Heather and Sara arrived. Heather was just as cute in person as I thought she would be and she looked adorable with her short haircut and newly braces-free teeth! I didn’t really know Sara that well (She doesn’t have a blog. Yet.) but I enjoyed all the emails we exchanged preparing for the evening.

There was a tiny moment of silent “EEEK!” awkwardness, but luckily, since the reservation was in my name, I got to escape and get our table settled. Really, though we were all pretty chatty and happy from the beginning. It.was.awesome. I asked our waitress to take a photo. She was kinda cranky and so I only had her take one, so it isn’t the best quality ever, but here we all are. Actually, except for the fact that I ended up looking like a freaking serving wench at Octoberfest, we all look fairly good.

There is one really great thing about meeting with people who blog. They all understand the importance of posing for photos and making sure that they are done correctly. Jessica is the posing Queen. I swear she doesn’t know how to take a bad photograph.

I loved talking and getting to know these ladies. I found out cool things like Sara has a masters degree in piano performance from ASU. You would have to be a music major to fully realize how FREAKING impressive that is!!! Everyone managed to hold their own conversation-wise during the evening despite the fact that I don’t know how to shut the hell up and am an attention freak. Did I mention that this limelight hogging only intensifies when I’m nervous?!

I think that we ended up talking about everything under the sun, from blogging to “Being Popular” to why SAP’s (Socially Anxious People) tend to A: Publish embarrassing details of their lives on the internet (Like having your concrete guy catch you having “Enthusiastic” morning sex with your husband or Jessica getting naked in fro nt of the FedEx guy. ) and B: Why on EARTH those same Socially Anxious People deliberately act dorkish and/or constantly call attention to themselves in public. (Answer? Because obviously, we know that people are going to think we are bizarre weirdos that are freakish in nature at some point so why not have control over WHAT weirdness they see and WHEN they see it? DUH!).

There were times that I am pretty sure Sara and Amanda’s eyes totally glazed over with Blogger-info-overload, but in the end they survived with only minimal cerebral damage.

After we left the restaurant we SHOPPED.

Jessica really embraced the whole experience, don’t you think?

I did feel a tad silly shopping in a store called “Forever 21″ but hey, the clothing was cheap and cute, so why the freak do I care. Well, I still do care a little. I have told all of my friends that if I am ever one of “Those” mothers…you know…the mother’s who try to be teenagers along with their daughters? Yah, THOSE mothers…to just slap me upside the head. I don’t want to be a fuddy duddy, but I don’t want to look pathetic either!

We…um…had fun n’ stuff…

Memo to those who try on clothing over their shirts. You may want to not put your top on inside out, backwards and through your purse strap.If you DO, though? At least TRY TO NOTICE BEFORE WALKING ALL OVER THE STORE.

At first the shopping wasn’t really going so great. I am a rather big framed girl and a stored called “Forever 21″ just really doesn’t support “Big Framed Girls”. Quite a few of the tops I tried on ended up looking either “Tribal” or like I had just been to Mexico where I was mobbed and outfitted by mumu-selling street vendors. These two were the biggest disappointments.

Mumu#1

Mumu #2 Come to think of it,this one also reminds me of the maternity hospital gown I was given to wear after having my children.

I ended up buying two tops that I LOVE. They were cheap and they are tunics with sleeves and they are cute, so I was happy.

After we said long enthusiastic goodbyes out by the Gateway fountain (And some random guy standing there also yelled “Goodbye Cutie” to me. Cool.) I headed out to crash at the abode of my sis and sis-in-law, Linny and Nooncy. It was awesome to see them. Nooncy bought me TWO BOXES OF DING DONGS!! I heart Ding Dongs (Yes, they were an intense obsession) I haven’t had a single hostess product since December. Wow. Noon also stayed up and chatted with me, which was totally cool. I heart talking to Nancy. She rocks.

In the morning I helped a tiny bit with some yard work and then I went for an amazingly good cup of coffee with my friend, Bryan. It was so good to see him. I hadn’t really talked or hung out with him in six months, so it was wunderbar to get the chance today. Linny and Nooncy also joined us for lunch at this great little diner called “Eggs in the City” by their house. Our waitress had AMAZING tattoos. My favorites are the pin up girls on her calves and the Audrey Hepburn on her forearm. Wow. I could NEVER do that (I was traumatized by my tiny little ladybug tattoo!) but seeing something like that is just impressive. (Go to my flickr account to see the rest of them. And YES! I tried to cut and paste the code onto my website like you all explained, but when I hit publish it just stayed code! GRRRR.)