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BUSY!

Yo! I know it’s been a few, but with birthday happenings, work, family stuff, getting cool stuff in the mail, tackling yard work and “Deep Cleaning” of our boys HIDEOUS room and playroom, it has been a very busy few days.

To make it up to you (And courtesy of the HER)  I leave you my blog in jive.

P.S. I am hereby adopting the translation seen in my IPOD post of “SuckasuckaSIZZLE” .

Sweet,

Broken things, flocks of seaguls, and it ain’t no lie, baby, bye, bye, BYE!

It has been a week of broken things and trying to fix them. Some things that have been broken are fixable or temporary, some are not. Some of these things broke a long time ago and were finally looked at, examined and faced up to. Some have an excellent prognosis, and some do not. In the better cases, though it will never be quite what it was before being damaged, the wound was cleaned, applied with Neosporin and the boo-boo was adequately covered with a Sponge Bob Band aid and kissed better. It still hurts, there will probably be a scar, but it is on its way to being good as new, if not better than it was.

Other things that were broken sort of feel like the same Sponge Bob Band aid put on a hemorrhaging artery or one of those scenes where there is one overly optimistic or guilt-ridden doctor in a packed trauma room fruitlessly doing CPR on a patient everyone else and their dog can tell is past saving.

At least I haven’t lost my sense of drama about it all. (Not always a good thing, I know.)

Not that everything broken this week was so severe. Though they were still six shades of suck a duck, there were some less extreme examples, such as:

I was trying to kill time waiting for an important conversation to happen. It was one of those things that you dread, like knowing you have to throw up. You know you are going to, but it isn’t something you look forward to. To pass time, I took my car through a carwash. In the “Hang over suck” of the next morning it was just LOVELY to find out that I had left the door to the gas tank open and it was ripped off in the wash cycle. Or, as my friend Karen pointed out, it was “Sort of” ripped off.
I guess it is fitting. I’ve my car a whole two weeks and it just wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t somehow managed to damage something lovely in that period of time.

And then something that could possibly be worse-

My fabulous, comfy, lime-green earphone of cuteness that are almost surgically attached to my body has suffered a fatal injury. Doesn’t it look like a little amputee victim?I can’t replace them at the moment due to the HUGE FREAKING FINE I am receiving for my 25-mph over speeding adventure the other night. I may very well have to whore myself out on the mean streets of North Logan to come up with the cash to pay the court system. Actually, since I’ve reduced my rates to $5 dollar blow jobs, I may have to whore Wilbur out as well.

So, if anyone knows any desperate, horny fur-balls of the human or feline variety that have extra cash to bandy about and are in Northern Utah or Southern Idaho, let me know.

Actually, scratch the Southern Idaho part. I’m not THAT desperate. Yet.

At least I had a great Easter. It began with my friend calling to inquire if I was the one that had her lawn “Flocked” with plastic pink flamingos. (You can “Flock a friend” and have the proceeds go to the Children’s Justice Center). I was entirely flattered that she assumed it was me. If I had any clue that something so spectacularly COOL was around my valley I would have totally done it in a heartbeat. Alas, it was not me.

She also made my day by giving me a way cool “Easter Gift” of cupcake boxes of various size (As to more attractively and conveniently tote cupcakes made for my beloved sister-in-law, Nooncy), an Allison Krauss CD, and BEST OF ALL: A huge anthology of the “Jack the Ripper” case. Dude. Nothing says Easter like Jack the Ripper.

She rocks my world.

And finally, this is probably the very last post I will do before moving to my new blog.

It won’t be for another week (Or two) because It’s spring break and my kiddies are home all day so I don’t really have the time to blog much. My children are fighting 24-7 and I am almost to the point that I am willing to sell them on EBay.

After the spawn return to school on Tuesday I am going to throw myself into making my new web page, learning CSS (Or at least understanding it and Word Press enough so that I don’t blow up Argentina when I try to operate my new blog) and getting everything settled.

So, don’t worry if I’m not around for awhile

I haven’t decided if I am going to redirect from here, post my new link or just send it to people and keep it more confidential. It will probably be the latter, so if you are interested in following me you better let it be known in the comments or by email.

Sorry in advance to the lurkers, but I have my reasons.

It’s been fun. Except for that whole “Blogger is a wench” thing, of course.

Random Bullets of Crap

*I’m tired. FYI-Sex at 5 AM probably isn’t the best time to try to break a world’s record.

*It is really difficult to *ehem* CONCENTRATE when your cat starts moaning and having freaky animal love outside your window when you are getting early morning action. It also doesn’t help when your partner keeps telling you he “Hates your damn cat”.

*I have to keep Christopher from wearing his bowtie, vest and suit jacket to school. We go through it every day. I think I am raising a combination of Alex P. Keaton and Felix Unger. Sigh.

*My friend, Chelly, is back from a spa-weekend in Arizona with a good friend that moved last year. She had a great time and despite the airline losing her luggage when there were only TEN PASSENGERS on a direct flight from Phoenix to Salt Lake City, she returned to us a sexy(Yet crispy and sunburned) babe. RAWR!

I took her out for lunch and a spin in my new car. I feel so sorry for all of you that you can’t have a totally hot BFF like me. It rocks. (I have to go run and hide now. Chelle is also freakishly strong and I have a feeling she may open up a can of Pioneer WhoopAss on me after that.)

*Have you ever been weird enough to wonder what it is like to see me get dressed? Well, here you go: In the words of my “Diva Dress Fluffer”. I would like to thank all the little people….

*My parent’s 50th wedding anniversary is going to kill me. Seriously? SERIOUSLY. If that doesn’t the flipping reunion they are forcing me to attend the month after that surely will.

*My video “Dancing in Cache Valley” is getting more attention. If I had known it would be in the paper and posted around so much I probably would have worn a different outfit and brushed my hair. Sigh.

*Having a gym stalker SUCKS. If I am there at the same time as a particular woman, my workout is totally screwed. She has followed me into very *PRIVATE* moments to announce that she “Left me gym towels by my clothes”. I know that sounds nice, but my hell, I just want to be left alone to sweat and grunt in peace, ok????

After looking around for adjoining treadmills for forever, Bridgy and I finally found two. I had just started running when I felt tugging on my arm. It was her. OMG. She kept harping and harping (I kept saying “I can’t run and talk”) Finally, I had such a side ache I just said screw it. I only had a 10-minute workout. UNLESS YOUR NAME IS BRIGITTE , DON’T FREAKING TALK TO ME WHEN I’M RUNNING! (Ok, you can if you are Christian Bale. Or as hot as Christian Bale. If not, f-off.)

*I was feeling pretty great about being adventerous and brave by really liking an octopus salad served in a local sushi restaurant. I totally love the taste of it and I don’t get grossed out by the octopus becuase it is usually chopped into really small pieces so it is manageable. I found out the hard way that when the restaurant is slammed, they don’t chop up the octopus, but serve it cut in big wedges. It still tasted great but all I could think is “Oh my hell. This looks like a vagina with suction cups.” Tends to put a damper on the appetite. EWE.

*My sons love my car. I’m glad. They deserve to have some nice things. They are very good boys that aren’t vain, or spoiled. Just really good kids and I’m happy that they like it so much.

*Now that I have praised them, I can say that they often make me rip my hair out.
You know that you are in for a piece of crap evening when your son comes home and says “I know you are going to hate me, but I have a history project on West Virginia due tomorrow.”
Ulcers suck. The suck six ways from Sunday. They also suck a duck, a goose and also a turkey.

*You know what else sucks? Missing submitting your forms for hot lunch and knowing that you will be packing lunchfor your kids every day in April. That SUCKS.

Sweet Dreams, everyone.