Bitching | loraleeslooneytunes.com

Meh.

February 25, 2011 By loralee 42 Comments

Hi.

It’s me.

Loralee.

You remember me, don’t you?

I’m that dorky redhead with OK eyes, a prominent nose, and killer ‘reclaimed bosoms’ that occasionally likes to don ninja masks and dork around online in this space?

Yeah, her.

I’ve been sitting here staring at this blank screen and blinking cursor for the good part of three hours.

But nothing comes.

Nothing.

The good news is that my mom was recovered enough to go home this week.

The bad news is that I feel like…like…

MEH.

(You know that ‘Houston’s got a problem’ when you wake up in the morning and your only overwhelming desire in life is for it to be night time so you can go to bed again.)

It’s not wretched or horrible. No one has to talk me down off the ledge or anything. I’m just in a cycle and in burnout mode in most areas of my life.

The fact that I’m feeling human enough to come here and write something about feelings is a very positive thing. (SING WITH ME! FEEELINGS…WOAH, WOAH, WOAH…FEEEEEEEELINGS…) (You all have that song stuck in your head now, don’t you?) (YOU’RE SOOOOOO WELCOME!!!!!!!!)

At least I haven’t lost my sense of humor. ;)

Anyway.

I feel really tired of some things.

I tend to be of the “THAT’S GREAT!” mind set.

I tend to think that people, places and things are automatically good and likeable and supportive and good for me.

And really…I don’t think that is the case if I REALLY sit down and examine them.

Something’s gotta change.

I think it’s time for me to really sit down and evaluate the things that are worth keeping in my life and the things that are not. I expound an enormous amount of energy and emotion and I am not sure that a lot of it is going to the wisest places. I think that it is more than high time to brutally think about the things I deserve and want out of my life and cut out the things that are giving me sucktastic Return On Investment.

Some things just aren’t worth it, you know?

Filed Under: Bitching 42 Comments

Four Months

September 19, 2009 By loralee 65 Comments

Aaron is 4 months old.

I can hardly believe it. He is still alive at 4 months old. I am so grateful I could (and do) weep with thankfulness. Aaron has eyes on him almost every moment of the day and night. I stay up with him until around 3 to 6 in the morning (depending on the exhaustion level and schedules of us all) when my parents or Jon stay with him while I sleep until around 10am to noon-ish (again, depending on exhaustion and schedules). I know that it seems crazy. Unless you have had a baby die of SIDS. Then? It makes perfect sense.

These 4 months have been so joyous, but also so very stressful.

We all worry, worry, WORRY about and fuss over this wee bundle of sweetness.

Before he died, Matthew got sick. It started out with goopy eye discharge and grew into congestion that lasted the 1.5 weeks before he died. The medical examiner that did his autopsy (and no, I still cannot write that word without dread) said that his illness contributed to his death.

Last week, Aaron got the SAME symptoms at the exact SAME time as Matthew.

He got very sick.

I freaked out.

FREAKED OUT.

We are extra cautious and vigilant and I still have a constant knot of painful worry in my stomach, even though his symptoms are greatly improved.

Nothing can happen to this baby.

Please?

I know that everyone loves and adores their children but people, this little baby is WORSHIPED by everyone in our family. He has saved us all and makes us all so happy. I love, adore and cherish every single second I get with him. I could stare at him 24/7. I love his expressions.

He is seriously the sweetest, snuggliest, laid back, sweet tempered, awesome little love.

I love how round he is.

I would also like to point out to you a feature in this shot. See that thing next to the tooth he got in a week ago or so?

YUP. TOOTH NUMBER TWO! (Seriously, this growing has GOT to slow down a little before I start to cry. Again.)

The kid has THE hairiest eyebrows. I love them. It’s like someone went and stuck two fuzzy caterpillars on his face.

HIS EYEBROWS GET BEDHEAD, PEOPLE.

For reals.

SEE???????

Seriously, how cute can you get?

I am so thankful for him.

This month has been one of the hardest I have had since Matthew died. With Matthew’s anniversary on Wednesday, this month is always very hard. But SO many other hard things are happening and hitting me and my family. Yeah, I have a drama-filled life but honestly, this month blows my usual happenings all to hell. My husband knows the most of everything, certainly more than anyone else, and even he is not privy to everything.

I’m not in the best place.

Not at all.

But?

Aaron is my secret weapon. My big gun of defense. He is a like a shot of sunshine, joy and love, all in one.

He is just about the only thing keeping me together right now.

He is what makes being in this ugly hole so different.

He gives me the most important thing of all when you get in this kind of state: HOPE that things can and WILL get better.

I love him fiercely and forever.

I’m so grateful he’s still here.

Filed Under: Adventures, Bitching, Bits of Information, Blogroll, Every Day, Friends, Kids, Serious Things, Suck 65 Comments

The invitation to visit The White House is actually shaping up to be one of the less weird aspects of the last week.

August 31, 2009 By loralee 25 Comments

Which should tell you just what kind of a week it has been. It’s been full of fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles*…

You get the idea.

Mainly, it’s just…weird. Weird as in making amends with 3 completely un-related people from your far past in the span of 4 days when you didn’t initiate it, weird. It seems like every random, unrelated bit of “Huh?” decided to pick this week to come out of the closet.

I’m used to weird.

See the title of my blog up there?

As much as I have blog name regret**, it fits.

I am horrible about promoting, networking, SEO, and all other things you should do to get your blog read. Any readership I have managed to build up is pretty much because I have an weird life.

I know, I know…you read that all the time in blog descriptions, “I have a crazy life” or “I have a weird life” or “Born to be odd” and blah, blah, blah. Inevitably, those blogs often contain post after post about things like how many minutes they used on their cell phone plans that month, that their dog, “Dougie”*** ended up getting their coat shaved too short at the groomers or that the school bake sale went horribly awry because they double ordered chocolate cookie crunch cupcakes and no vanilla bean was delivered.

Posers.

This week the weird has been kicked up a notch or five. The numerous examples of sheer coincidence that have been piled on is staggering. As in “WTF?!” staggering. There have been things that have been so lovely (old childhood friends contacting me) and generously overwhelming (all 3 places I live on the Internet are about to get prettied up) and exciting (can’t quite talk about those yet,but I will) that I have FREAKED WITH YAY! in celebration.****

And there are situations that make me so upset that I just want to scream at the top of my voice and then curl in a little ball with some milk and cookies under my blanket. (I’m an emotional eater.)

I’ve been dealing just fine considering everything, but it’s been a lot to handle and juggle, even for me and I am needing a bit of a vent.

So, since this is my blog, it’s roughly 3 o’clock in the morning AND my adorable wee little babe is sleeping snuggled up next to me, you are going to have to let me get some of it out here.

Ready?

BOO! BOO!! Rubbish!!! Filth!!!! Slime!!!!! Muck!!!!!! Boo!!!!!!!!! Boo!!!!!!!!!! Boo!!!!!!!!!!! BOO!!!!!!!!!!!

And why don’t we end on a good note and let some of the huge happiness over the amazing things that have happened this week squeeze on out as well.

Ready??

FREAK WITH YAY! FREAK WITH YAY!! FREAK WITH YAY!!! FREAK WITH YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Phew!

Thanks, I feel so much better. After I go get a Diet Coke**** I will be much, much more capable of facing this week.

Now, can someone tell the Dread Pirate Roberts that his ship is double parked behind my car?

Thanks n’ stuff,******

Loralee*******

* You all get the movie reference to this, right? TELL ME YOU GET IT, PEOPLE!

** Seriously, if you live in small-ish area and care at all about your blog being discovered by people who go to religious services with your relatives, I highly recommend NOT putting your highly unusual name IN your URL. It’s just a bad idea.

*** I don’t actually know a dog named “Dougie”, I cop to using the name of a blog reader that has been a fan forever. It may seem insulting to name a fictitious dog after a reader but I adore him and he insists on not marrying me and having babies together SIMPLY because I am already with husband and he is gay. Whatever. I do not accept excuses! “DO NOT LET MY VAGINA DESTROY OUR LOVE, DOUGIE! MY HUSBAND DOESN’T!!”

***** I totally made this up last week and cop to writing this entire pointless post JUST to use it. Totally worth it. Just so you know.

***** YES, I am going to go and get a Diet Coke at 3 am. Don’t you judge me.

****** I decided to try using asterisks in my post instead of over using multiple Post Scripts over and over. I feel they are getting a bit tired. Did it work?

******* What? What’s that you say?? The asterisks not only DIDN’T work but if you see another one of them or a list of mind-boggling Post Scripts again on this blog you’ll take my holocaust cloak and shove it where the sun doesn’t shine??? Dude, WHO PEED IN YOUR CHEERIOS TODAY? FINE, THEN! I WON’T USE ANY MORE ASTERISKS OR POST SCRIPTS EVER AGAIN!!!!!!

********* Or not.

OH, and?

P.S. PPPFFFTTTHHHH!!