Believe it or not, I was a pretty good kid in high school. I never smoked, drank or did any kind of drug.
Normally a wild night out for me was doing photo shoots with my best friend in her basement and slow dancing to cheesy 80′s love ballads in the dark with pillows sprayed in our boyfriend’s cologne.
(Yeah. I KNOW. I was young. Stupid. I needed the money. Whatever.)
Though it is pretty whorish for where I live, the naughtiest I ever got before I graduated was that once in awhile I sneaked out of the house to make out with my boyfriend and let him play with my boobs occasionally.
People assumed I was a lot randier and naughty than I ever was. I mentioned this to my parents once and my mom was relieved AND SURPRISED. Apparently, they just assumed I was on drugs during high school.
Not only did I not use drugs, I was really clueless about them as well.
I mentioned this at a party my husband, Jonathan and I were at.
“I’d never even seen an illegal drug in my life. I hadn’t ever even smelled marijuana until college. I was out walking with my roommates and they pointed out the heavy marijuana smell in the air and that it was probably going to draw the attention of the cops and I piped up, “THAT’S marijuana? It smells like burning weeds!”
People laughed. It was a fairly funny story that may or may not have gotten me the moniker “Captain obvious” for a short time.
Then, surprisingly, Jonathan piped up.
“In Driver’s Ed we had a cop come to lecture on the dangers of drug use. He brought a huge case of “controlled substances”. He removed a baggie from the back of the case. It had three joints in it. He took them out and held them up. ‘I’m going to pass them around the room and there had BETTER be THREE of these that come back to me. If there are not THREE that are returned I WILL search each of you and you WILL be arrested and prosecuted.’ He passed them out and went on with his lecture until the joints came back to the front of the room.”
Jon paused to take a long drink of water and impatient me piped up, ‘So? What happened? Was one missing? Did three come back?”
“No. FOUR did.”
He totally won.