Tomorrow is surgery day.
I am no stranger to hospitals.
We aren’t BFFs for anything like that but I have been in my them over the average fair share for someone my age. And I have actually been MUCH more ill in them than I am this go around so I feel much more secure.
Hospitals are a necessary part of existence and I am grateful for them, but well…I cannot say that I am a fan.
If feel pretty silly about this but…hospitals scare me.
Not to a phobic level but they always have.
And as I grow, I have more people who depend on me.
Plus, I know that no matter how diligently, how valiantly or how much they may want to, the men and women who work so hard in those place cannot always fix the precious, ill and/or broken people that come through their doors.
I can’t say that it helped how I feel about them.
So while I cannot, cannot, CANNOT WAIT to have this surgery…I’m a little scared as well.
I have the same worry and “what ifs” as many facing surgery:
What if my pain isn’t gone or because it deals with my nerves it makes my nerve damage permanent or worse?
What if recovery takes longer than we think?
What if I don’t wake up?
I know I’ll be fine, I do…I swear.
It’s just ‘nerves’. (Ha ha ha ha! I’m soooooo ‘punny’.)
I am going to concentrate on the really awesome things that will make opening my baby blues SO much move beautiful: LIKE I WILL BE OUT OF THIS HELLISH PAIN.
And, and, and!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When Jonathan and I found out we had to have surgery, the hospital told us that we qualify for insurance for me that will cover this surgery even though the condition is pre-existing! I’ve been untouchable with insurance for so long and my one experience was so awful, it feels like heaven.
Ask, my how I feel after all of the HELL that we we through with Aaron how I feel about that?! are still out of pocket for all the doctors, MRI, the shots, etc. up until now and will have the deductible and percentage to pay with a pretty big monthly payment, but that is NOTHING compared to having all of this on on our shoulders.
I didn’t want to say anything about it until it was certain, but it is.
It’s true.
My gratitude is huge.
I have had SO much love and help surrounding me. Not only has every note, email, tweet, comment and kindness been loved and appreciated, but I have had dinners and angels who have brought treats and massages and housecleaning and flowers and every single act love did the best thing possible: gave me hope and made me feel loved.
And I will thank each of you when I am more coherent, because you and and your kindnessness have kept me going.
I’m blessed.
Fingers crossed, good mojo, prayers, thoughts, etc, etc, being sent your way. xoxoxox
I’m praying for you beautiful lady!!
Sending warm, healing thoughts and keeping you close to my heart. Pain-free will be worth the pre-op jitters. And am I the only one who saw “handmade dingo & dresses” on the Prairie Mama badge above?
Lots of prayers coming your way tomorrow Loralee.
Prayers coming from here too.
Sending you multitudes of blessings and love from my heart <3
I will be praying for you tomorrow…that the dr will have a steady hand, that all will go smoothly and that this will be the very thing that brings you relief from the pain!
~Kristin
Good luck tomorrow!
Let your worries go and know that you are in capable surgical hands from the nurses all the way to the surgeon.
And know that you’re supported from here to eternity by friends and loved ones.
You are in good and loving hands and hearts all the way around. I wish nothing but relief and good care of and for you.
XXOO
You’ll be in my prayers tomorrow for sure! I hope your recovery is swift and as pain-free as possible. That’s SO wonderful that your costs are covered though – what an incredible blessing! Wishing you a restful and peaceful sleep tonight as well.
Many prayers for a successful surgery and rapid recovery!
You’re in my thoughts! Sending love and healing magic. Vx
Loralee, I’ll be praying for you from Japan – that the doctors will have extra skill, the nurses, extra care, and you, extra peace.
You are appreciated and loved by many – even people that you don’t know.
Pax!
Not to be nosy, but when you say: “all of the HELL that we we through with Aaron” are you referring having to deliver him without pain medication, or was Aaron ill? Jonathon had to have surgery also? or are you using the royal “we” here? I so hope you are back on your feet soon. I am terrified of hospitals — didn’t used to be, but after a bout of PTSD and nurses who were relatives of my exes looking after me, TRYING to scare the potatoes out of me, well…I step one foot in, and I’m near heart attack level of panic…so i understand…It looks like I may have to have surgery again, my Roux en Y had complications afterwards you’ll recall (leak) and now they think I have fistulas. I wouldn’t mention it at all, except I know you’ll understand how scary all this can be. I have a bunch of tests upcoming…if they can’t find anything (and they tell me they well might not) exploratory surgery is on the table, and then, maybe having to redo my bypass. I can eat WAY too much food and I’ve been in pain since the beginning with reflux (which I’m NOW told shouldn’t be the case whatsoever). Anyways, this ain’t about me. I’m sorry to go on, I should have a blog of my own again to download this garbage off my chest….except it is too private to share with most that know me….hrm….anyways….I also just got diagnosed with degenerative disc arthritis…fairly advanced….so while I’m guessing your back suck is far worse….please believe that I am glad for your being able to correct it…and I even understand your pain on some level. Love from Canada! Take care.
Loralee I am very, very hopeful that your doctors today will put an end to your hell. Please post (or have someone do it for you) when you are out. We all love you!
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
You are in my thoughts. Wishing you a speedy recovery.
Sending my thoughts for a successful surgery and a easy recovery.
Thinking of you today, hoping surgery goes smoothly and recovery is fast and as painless as possible. update us when you can.
I don’t know what it is like to be a patient having to have surgery, only as the mom of a small child having surgery. She has had to have seven of them. That is nerve wracking enough. I only have to worry about her. I am so glad to hear about the insurance. That is truly a miracle. Someone is watching out for you! I wish you a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. We are all pulling for you, remember that!
Sending many prayers your way for you and your family. Praying that not only will the surgery be a fantastic success but that your recovery will be speedy quick!
Here’s what I did. The moment I entered the area where you put on the gown and funny hat to get ready for surgery, I clamped down on the nurses arm, started crying and told her I have a HORRENDOUS fear of being put to sleep then I started hyperventilating and crying louder. (Really put on a good act here – the louder and more dramatic you are, the better the results) I gripped even harder, too. I might have even clung to her leg when she tried to leave the room. She came back with a happy shot and I don’t even remember saying goodbye to my family or being wheeled out of the room. Beg for calm down shots as soon as anyone will listen to you. Tell the valet guy as you’re arriving! Good luck – you’ll do fine.
Hope everything went spectacularly well and when your painkillers wear off, that your pain is minimal and able to be managed by Diet Coke!
I hope that your surgery went well, and you are now recovering quickly and with much pampering!
Loralee – heard that things went well if a bit more challenging that expected. I hope you are back on your feet soon. Don’t try to be strong – take the meds girl!