“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut
I got added to a group on Facebook this week.
This year is my 20th high school reunion.
Let me repeat that.
THIS YEAR IS MY 2oth HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.
I simultaneously wanted to marvel that time flies by so fast and curl in the fetal position and throw chocolate at myself.
As messages flew back and forth on the Facebook wall, the student body officers for our class announced the location and date and it turns out that it is smack dab in the middle of BlogHer. BlogHer is THE blogging conference that I always go to. Even though I don’t have a job any longer and we have a lot more expenses with the new house, I was still going to move hell and high water to make it to Mom 2.0 and BlogHer this year.
The dates aren’t the only things conflicting…my feelings about what to do are as well.
High school was not great for me.
I mean, I looked like this:
While being fat likely saved my virginity in high school, it really wasn’t an overly awesome trait for winning friends and influencing people, you know?
However, I am not convinced that high school is great for most people. I think that during the hormone-crazed and awkward-as-all-get-out-years you’re known as ‘teenager’, people for the most part just try to survive.
When I saw the conflicting date I thought, “Oh, well. I will be in New York, so I’ll send my regrets. But hey, at least this way I won’t spend the next 7-months dieting and convincing myself that Botox probably isn’t THAT bad or expensive so THINK OF THE SILVER LININGS, LORALEE!” Heh.
But as I kept thinking about it, I had to admit that I am curious about my reunion and part of me really wants to go. I didn’t attend my 10-year reunion and I wonder how everyone turned out. I think a lot of people analyze themselves at reunion time. Most spruce up or try to lose weight and wonder about how they will measure up to others.
I didn’t have a ton of close friends at my high school but I did have some and they were great. And I have had enough people that I have caught up with on Facebook that I wouldn’t feel like a total loner if I attended. I have aged pretty well and even though I probably won’t have another job in place by the time I attend, I am pretty happy with my life and don’t feel like there is anything to feel embarrassed about or to try to overcompensate for. When I was much younger, I’d think about seeing my classmates and have a lot of anxiety. But, that is gone for the most part. I think that most people have done what people do, which is mature and become lovely adults that I would likely enjoy socializing with very much.
But BlogHer is the biggest and most important conference that I attend. And I will miss seeing so many of the people that I truly love. As a final add in, Jonathan was going to go to New York with me for BlogHer this year and we were both looking forward to it very much. He is totally supportive of any decision I make and pointed out that with the reunion in Park City, we could still have a lovely few days away from home. I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy with either decision as long as he gets laid at some point during the weekend.
So there you have it: BlogHer in New York or Bountiful High School class of ’92 in Park City, Utah.
Hmm…decisions, decisions.
What would you do if you were me?
Filed under: 
I’m going to give you an opinion that will probably not help you a bit, except to give you more to think about.
I attended my 10 year reunion, 15 years ago. (ouch) Although I did have a great time, I ended up hanging out with the same couple of friends with whom I was already keeping in touch. When my 20th reunion came around, I hesitantly decided to attend, and it was the same kind of situation. I DID talk to other people and it was very nice to catch up on what others were doing, but with the popularity of Facebook now, I keep up with everyone I’m interested in anyway.
BlogHer, though it does come once each year, has to do with my current friends, some of the people who are most important in my life RIGHT NOW. It also has to do with my professional development.
A note about your wanting to take drastic measures to look “better”: don’t worry so much. First of all, you’re beautiful right now. Second, once you’re there you’ll find that the people you *really* connect with don’t give a care about whether you have crow’s feet or a muffin top (not that you do; I’m just saying that people don’t care about that kind of thing! :) ). And that’s regardless of which event you attend. (Being a BlogHer veteran, you already know this…but it applies at the reunion, too!)
Good luck: I know this is a tough decision!
Melisa that was my *exact* experience at my 10 year reunion. I went with and hung out with my two best friends form high school (who I’ve kept in touch with) and ended up feeling like we cold have gone out for a really nice dinner for a lot less money.
I didn’t attend my 20 year. And my 30 year (gulp) just happened, and since they decided INEXPLICABLY to hold it in Vegas instead of our home town, I didn’t even think two seconds about going. The truth is that I could be in touch with high school people if I wanted to be, but I’m not sure what it would get me. I’ve gotten in touch with some organically through online, and that’s coo. but you don’t need a reunion (and botox and a fancy outfit and stress) to do that.
But I am biased, a tiny bit, perhaps.
Personally, I would go to the reunion. BlogHer is once a year, but the reunion is once every 10 or 20 years.
I’d vote for BlogHer. When my 20th school reunion came around I thought about it and realized that I was already keeping in contact with anyone who mattered to me. To me going would have been looking back, which is fine, but I’m a going forward kind of guy.
I would go to the reunion, it only comes around once every 10 years or so. You can do BlogHer next year. I wasn’t one for much fun in highschool (I wasn’t overweight then, but I certainly am now) and understand how you can be worried about how you look — I did/do for these things. In the end, for my 10th, only a fistful of people from my graduating class went. For some effed reason at my school, they do anniversary reunions to the school so like 50th anniversary of Glendale, 60th, etc. Stupid really, but that’s how they do it.
Oh this is the easiest question I’ve ever been asked. Go to BlogHer. Skip the reunion and don’t look back. BlogHer is important businesswise for you and it helps you maintain contact with the people who are responsible for helping you feed and clothe your family.
I didn’t bother with my 10 year reunion and once the word spread to other classmates that I wasn’t going and why, they decided it sounded like the thing to do and we ended up not having one. Man were certain people pissed – mostly the ones who were the popular crowd. Why everyone decided to follow my decision is beyond me. It’s not like I ran the class – far from it. I was too fat and too shy w/ emotions on my sleeve.
My decision – and it was voiced to anyone who asked: It’s been no less than 10 years since we graduated from high school. I can count on one hand how many of my so called friends and fellow classmates have bothered to see me or talk to me since graduation. Even those few times when my parents were in the hospital. It’s not like I’m that hard to find – my parents have lived in the same place for the past 45 years and had the same phone number. They weren’t that nice to me in high school then, so why should I care for them now.
I have no regrets.
High school was not a great time for me socially, either. However, I did go to my 10th reunion and as it turned out most all of us had really grown up. I had a great time visiting with my old classmates, and if I hadn’t moved across the country I would have gone to my 20th. Next year will be my 30th reunion and you can bet I will go. People DO change, mostly, and even though a few people were still the same, nobody really gave them much thought.
There are people you will see at your reunion you might not ever see anywhere else. Blogging conferences happen every year. You can never have another 20th reunion.
My vote is for Blogher all the way. I went to my 20 year reunion last year and it was a bit of a let down. Yes, it was nice to see people I haven’t seen in years, but most people ended up hanging out with people they have kept in touch with. Besides, with facebook, I already knew what was going on with most of them anyway. Blogher is a chance to be with your current friends, people you admitted you love, and spend a getaway with your husband. That would be my choice if I were in your shoes.
I vote for BlogHer because I think you need the support of your online community and you know you’ll have fun and you won’t feel the anxiety over having to change who you are. But my decision could also be based on the fact that I grew up in the UK where we don’t do reunions. It’s one of those American phenomenons (like Prom and Homecoming and HS graduation) that I used to watch in movies. I just don’t understand why these events are the be all and end all. Isn’t school hard enough without worrying if you’ll have a date for the dance or if you’ll look cool enough? And no matter how much everyone has changed since high school, I think it would still be nervewracking to see everyone, and I had a great time in school! Go to NYC with Jonathan, see your friends and take a romantic stroll through Central Park. Do what YOU want to do, and don’t worry what anyone else thinks (including me).
I am having a hard time understanding why this is even a question. What’s the value in going to your high school reunion? I see none. Anyone you’re interested in knowing about, you’re probably friends with on FB or can find out about through someone on there. BlogHer, meanwhile, is an event that brings together many close friends you have all over the country.
To me, a high school reunion is about trying to make yourself feel better about the people you went to high school with if you had a crummy time in h.s. (my experience was similar to yours). I really don’t see any benefit on spending my energy wondering if people are nicer now when I’d rather spend the same time really, truly looking forward to a fun time in NYC with 100s/1000s of women I know totally rock and support my current endeavors.
I vote BlogHer, a hundredy-milliony percent.
BlogHer, totally. Why look back? I didn’t go to my high school reunion, mostly because I am still friends with the people I was friends with then, and the rest were kind of horrible. Go to BlogHer – that’s now, that’s the future…
I didn’t go to mine and it was 20 miles away. I haven’t kept in touch with 99.9% of my old classmates, nor do I have the desire to. Why look back? I have nothing to prove to them. New York… sooooo what you should do!
BlogHer, absolutely. Like others have said, what can you really gain from going to your high school reunion? It sounds like you always have fun at that conference and can meet and network with cool people. That sounds SO much more enjoyable than spending an evening hanging out with people you went to high school with.
I went to my 10 yr reunion and it was like no time had passed. It was sort of sad. I’d moved on with my life, but it seemed like so many of them had moved back to our small town. Anyway, I won’t be going to the 20th reunion if there’s a party planned for that. It’s not worth it to look back at the past, which was pretty painful for me.
I think you’ll have a LOT more fun at BlogHer.
I vote for BlogHer because I try not to let my past interfere with my present or future.
I’m with Melisa…high school was your past. BlogHer is your present and your future. Where would you prefer to invest your time and energy?
I am one of the odd ones – I enjoyed high school, for the most part. I wasn’t particularly popular or pretty but I had a small, solid group of friends and I’ve been blessed to maintain contact with them since graduation. I went to my 10 year and hated it – I blew hundreds of dollars (we were stationed in Alaska at the time and I grew up in SoCal) to hang out with people I normally hung out with when I was in town.
While reunions make for great people watching and a few revelations, that’s about all it does. And if you find that you harbor deep regrets over not making it to the 20, you can always make the 25th.
And Melisa’s right in that you’re beautiful. Stop worry so much. And go enjoy New York with your husband!!
Facebook has made HS reunions kind of a -meh- thing–you can connect with old classmates online, catch up, meet face to face the people you *really* want to see and talk to the people you’re curious about.
I’ve never been to BlogHer, but it sounds like there you’ll be with people who matter *now.* Sure, they have one every year, but the people you go there and hang out with, they’re the ones who are there for you right now…right? HS reunion would just be a touch0base kind of thing, and for that…there’s Facebook…
BlogHer for sure. No question. Look ahead. People to see. Things to see. Places to go. Send gracious regrets and don’t think twice.
I faced the same question two years ago (BlogHer was in NYC then too), and I went to BlogHer. One, I was speaking. With Jenny the Bloggess. Like I would ever give THAT up. Two, I missed New York terribly and would have gone there at any opportunity. And three, hello – some of my old fave people in a Holiday Inn in Dayton Ohio vs. tons of my new fave people in New York?! No contest.
Then again, this year I’m missing BlogHer in favor of a Half Ironman, so that ought to tell you about my weird priorities. ;)
didn’t go to the 5, the 10, the 20, 25, 30, but did go to the 35th….under extreme pressure from 2 dear friends. Had a blast. When the 40th came around last year, I opted for Florida instead. Your decision lies in where you feel best…..are you going to the reunion to show them that you are now skinny, talented, beautiful, etc or because you really want to see the people from high school, and not to compare yourself to them , but because you really want to be there. Are you going to Blogher because you really love it there, feel like you are an equal, want to grow more as a blogger. look for possible job ops or to make sure you are not missed? I vote you to on a cruise to some exotic place where there are some very nice cabana boys, myself……
BlogHer! stay in the present, no need to go back. I was coerced into attending my 20h and it was exactly what I thought it would be. Not worth missing something awesome like a weekend in New York with your husband and a bunch of really cool people! Just my two cents.
I haven’t read the rest of the comments but I am going to assume I am the oddball, I normally am. I vote Reunion they don’t happen every year, blogher does. Maybe it is because I come from such a small town, or maybe because I just buried another one of my classmates. I would love to get together with them all for a joyous occasion instead of another funeral.
BlogHer! I went to my 20th Reunion a couple of years ago and I was really let down too. There were just a couple of people I was happy to see again that weren’t on FB and the rest, meh. Most of them (other than being balder) were no different than they were in high school; really drunk and boring. I guarantee if you haven’t kept in touch with them all of these years there was probably a good reason.
I totally understand where you are coming from. When I was in high school I was the geeky girl with glasses, braces, buck teeth, and big hair. I had a high school boyfriend who everyone expected me to marry until I dumped him for my husband, who at the time was the same age as his FATHER.
I went to my 10th to prove to people that I was well adjusted, successful, happy, and not the freak that small town rumours (some from my own family, some from vindictive ex boyfriend) had made me out to be. We flew in on our own plane, I was in the best shape of my life, wore a sexy dress to the evening thing, and was all, “Yes, I WAS that girl but I’m not now!”
It wasn’t as great as I thought it would be. Oh sure, I had the chance to see a few old friends but the other people were pretty much exactly the same. The divided into the same old cliques and reacted the same as they would’ve in the halls of high school. My once best friend who I had a falling out with after my wedding was there with her asshole boyfriend and acted very much a bitch.
Fast forward to my 20th, and I chose not to go. My philosophy is that I left that town for a reason, and I have nothing to prove to anyone. I’m not friends with those people anymore, and I really could care less what they think. If they don’t make an effort to be my friend throughout the year when we are connected by Facebook, why bother? Why give them the opportunity to make me feel less than in person?
Now Blogher is different. I’ve seen you there, and I know you are completely in your element. You can tell that you LOVE it, sweetie. Everyone there loves you too. There is no past angst, no having to prove yourself, no fighting past demons. You own it. Not to mention you are gorgeous and rock Blogher like no other. It’s up to you, really. I needed to go that one time to put my own demons to rest. Now I don’t know if I’ll ever go again. But I think many of us who had rough high school years go back looking for some kind of acceptance that we never had when we were a kid, and generally, we’ll never find it. Best to move on and hang with the people who love you just the way you are.
PS. And seriously, you are gorgeous. Why on earth would you diet and/or worry?
Blogher. No brainer. Some may say the 20 year reunion only happens once – true, but Blogher 2012 will only happen once and you love it so.
I didn’t go to my 20 year because I felt so inadequate. Even though I feel very confident about my career accomplishments – I was not a mother (and in Utah there is SO MUCH PRESSURE to have a beautiful family and be that elusively perfect SAHM). The no children part changed within the next year (thank you, IVF). So, now having both – career and child – I can honestly say having what I thought was missing doesn’t inspire me to go to the next reunion. I have moved on from proving myself to those old classmates.
There are a few I think I would love to see again. I believe if I truly wanted to connect, I’d find a way to do it outside of the class reunion.
BlogHer. End of story. Honestly, a few days in the Big Apple with Jonathon, or a few hours at the punch bowl getting hit on by dudes who can’t believe how hot you are now? No contest.
I didn’t go to my high school reunion last year. Hubby’s was the same weekend and it would have been too much. Plus, everyone I want to talk to is on FB and I keep in touch with those people. I was happy about my decision, especially because the reunion was cancelled due to lack of interest (It was overpriced and the location really sucked. Aren’t I glad our ASB officers now choose the fate for every reunion?)
I would go to BlogHer. You know BlogHer is a blast. You roll the dice with the reunion. Could be great, could be meh.
Blogher!
I know I’m late to this discussion but, fwiw, here I go:
You know that I LOVE BlogHer. It’s fantastic. BUT BlogHer is once a year and you typically go to multiple conferences a year. So you’ll see most everyone that you want to see.
Your 20th comes around ONLY ONCE. I have been the organizer of our reunions since our 20th. It was fantastic, and not because I planned it. Everyone was genuinely happy to see each other. It was great to catch up with people that I knew then and have now (6 years since the 20th!) become friends with. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We really had a blast-including my husband, who now only wants to go to mine and not his.
So my vote is reunion. (Email me if you want the juicier details!)
In a word? Blogher
Having been to both Blogher and a major reunion, I vote the reunion, especially if you’re happy with where you are in life and want to show that off.
People may say not to live in the past or that it doesn’t matter, but I think there is something very satisfying in feeling secure in front of people that used to make you feel insecure. Plus it makes for excellent blog fodder. :)
Just know that whichever you choose, some part of you will wish you chose the other one.
BlogHer. Class reunions are overrated, if you wanted to keep in touch with people, you probably would have. BlogHer is where you see people you love and want to talk to.
New York. High School is looking back, NY is looking forward. Move forward.
My 10 year reunion was totally anxiety-filled, worrying about what to wear, trying to lose weight etc… all anyone wanted to know is what are you “doing” as in, are you successful? Do you own a home? Drive a nice car? Fortunately, the 20 year, which I happened to coordinate- was not like that in the least. Everyone had grown up by then and were genuinely just excited to see each other. It was a lot of fun and not stressful at all. Is it possible to just attend one of the reunion events and spend the rest of the time at BlogHer? Truthfully though, you will probably get more out of BlogHer and as others have said, are likely already “caught up” via FB with the people you really would have wanted to see. Perhaps arrange an afternoon get-together with a hand-full of your favorite BFF’s from back in the day on another weekend?
Who is going to hold my hand at the reunion???