2012 January | loraleeslooneytunes.com

High School Reunions

January 27, 2012 By loralee 34 Comments

“True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.” – Kurt Vonnegut

I got added to a group on Facebook this week.

This year is my 20th high school reunion.

Let me repeat that.

THIS YEAR IS MY 2oth HIGH SCHOOL REUNION.

I simultaneously wanted to marvel that time flies by so fast and curl in the fetal position and throw chocolate at myself.

As messages flew back and forth on the Facebook wall, the student body officers for our class announced the location and date and it turns out that it is smack dab in the middle of BlogHer. BlogHer is THE blogging conference that I always go to. Even though I don’t have a job any longer and we have a lot more expenses with the new house, I was still going to move hell and high water to make it to Mom 2.0 and BlogHer this year.

The dates aren’t the only things conflicting…my feelings about what to do are as well.

High school was not great for me.

I mean, I looked like this:

While being fat likely saved my virginity in high school, it really wasn’t an overly awesome trait for winning friends and influencing people, you know?

However, I am not convinced that high school is great for most people. I think that during the hormone-crazed and awkward-as-all-get-out-years you’re known as ‘teenager’, people for the most part just try to survive.

When I saw the conflicting date I thought, “Oh, well. I will be in New York, so I’ll send my regrets. But hey, at least this way I won’t spend the next 7-months dieting and convincing myself that Botox probably isn’t THAT bad or expensive so THINK OF THE SILVER LININGS, LORALEE!” Heh.

But as I kept thinking about it, I had to admit that I am curious about my reunion and part of me really wants to go. I didn’t attend my 10-year reunion and I wonder how everyone turned out. I think a lot of people analyze themselves at reunion time. Most spruce up or try to lose weight and wonder about how they will measure up to others.

I didn’t have a ton of close friends at my high school but I did have some and they were great. And I have had enough people that I have caught up with on Facebook that I wouldn’t feel like a total loner if I attended. I have aged pretty well and even though I probably won’t have another job in place by the time I attend, I am pretty happy with my life and don’t feel like there is anything to feel embarrassed about or to try to overcompensate for. When I was much younger, I’d think about seeing my classmates and have a lot of anxiety. But, that is gone for the most part. I think that most people have done what people do, which is mature and become lovely adults that I would likely enjoy socializing with very much.

But BlogHer is the biggest and most important conference that I attend. And I will miss seeing so many of the people that I truly love. As a final add in, Jonathan was going to go to New York with me for BlogHer this year and we were both looking forward to it very much. He is totally supportive of any decision I make and pointed out that with the reunion in Park City, we could still have a lovely few days away from home. I’m pretty sure he’ll be happy with either decision as long as he gets laid at some point during the weekend.

So there you have it: BlogHer in New York or Bountiful High School class of ’92 in Park City, Utah.

Hmm…decisions, decisions.

What would you do if you were me?

Filed Under: Every Day 34 Comments

Red Letter Day

January 23, 2012 By loralee 18 Comments

Telling a reporter from The New York Times that I needed to hang up the phone in the middle of our interview because my toddler was standing in the doorway naked, covered in black Sharpie marker and sporting a shaving cream Mohawk is one of the more interesting things that has happened in my life.

It’s been a REALLY interesting day, people.

Remember that last post of mine? The one where I told you all that my life seems to have both very bad things and very good things happen all at once?

Today has been an excellent example of that.

It certainly did not start off well.

As some of you know, the last month has been riddled with a whole lot of stressful, bad, and painful things. I’ve felt like I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath and get up from one disaster before another one smacks me down again.

I woke up this morning feeling awful due to horrible back pain. I don’t know any of you suffer from chronic pain, but it is awful. Butterlump has been having a hard time during the night since we moved. He often wakes up crying and frightened because of nightmares and last night I was up and down with him a lot. Lifting him up and down and sitting to rock him for a lengthy amount of time took a toll on my back and I woke up feeling like I had been thrown out of a train. Then run over by a tractor. Then peed on by the guy driving the tractor.

I had to take a couple of pain pills and had to wait for them to kick in before I was able to get up. I felt frustrated and glum and was going all Alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad, ‘I think I’ll move to Australia!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ day in my head. (Moving to Australia sounds so nice right now. It is warm, and sunny, and full of awesome accents, crocodile hunters, Hugh Jackman and enough cool things that I am willing to overlook the fact that it is also the birthplace of that foul-tasting, sludge-in-the-bottom-of-the-oil-can looking substance called Vegemite. How people manage to choke that stuff down eludes me, dudes.)

So anyway, my day was not off to the best start.

THEN I checked my email and my outlook vastly improved.

I had back-to-back interviews with Parents Magazine (Who I am thrilled to work with again. I loved the way the article about my visit to The White House turned out.) and then with The Times.

Parents Magazine spoke to me about a blog post I wrote about having a favorite child and The Times wanted to speak to me about my amazing visit to McDonald’s USA headquarters with my family and the wonderful working relationship that I have be privileged to have with them ever since. The article in Parents Magazine is set to come out in a year or so and The Times is being published in a couple of weeks or so. I am not sure if I will be included in the story but being interviewed by The New York Times is simply one of the greatest honors and thrills of my life. Since my father spent his entire career as a newspaper man, I have been reading them since I was very small.

Both of the journalists that I spoke to were simply delightful and I had a great time. I think I avoided saying anything too idiotic, but this is also the chick who smelled marijuana smoke for the first time while walking with friends outside of the dorms in college (I was pretty sheltered growing up) and proclaimed, “That’s marijuana? Dude…that stuff smells like burning weeds!” (Yeah. I know.) so I will probably remain nervous until both are published and I see if I made the cut and which quotes were used.

After my interviews, my back felt well enough to drive into Logan to go to a board meeting for The Social Media Club of Cache Valley. It was only the fourth time that I’ve left my house since Christmas. I seriously feel like I am two steps away from becoming a shut in that owns 20 cats and orders everything from the JC Penney’s catalog, dudes. The meeting went well. We are all such good friends and it was so lovely to see everyone. It cheered me up so much and I am grateful I was able to get through it.

I even had enough stamina to swing by to see my new friend, Annaleee.

Did I mention I made a new friend?

Well, I did!

I met Annalee at the gas station that I go to when I want to imbibe in ‘The Dark Waters’, otherwise known as Diet Coke. I pulled up to the drive thru window and she said, “Are you Loralee?!” She has been reading my blog for a long time and she just moved back to Cache Valley after living away for a long time. She knows my beloved friend, Brigitte, and so I invited them both to my house for lunch and we were instant friends. We have A LOT in common. We have both lost babies, we have so many similar things that have happened to us it’s crazy…we even have the same blood clotting disorder (Leiden V factor). I feel truly blessed that we have become friends. I have been very distraught and sad since my BFF Kim left Logan to move to Texas a year ago. I still have wonderful friends in the valley but I have really missed having a friend that lives by me that can understand what it is to have lost a baby and go through some of the things I have. No one is a replacement for my Prairie Mama, but Annalee is just great and I am so happy she recognized me at the gas station and that we have become friends.

My night is set to be a happy one as well. Jonathan is working late tonight so I am ordering a pizza and have a pint of Ben & Jerry’s with my name on it. AND I am FINALLY going to watch the movie, Driving Miss Daisy. How it is that I have a vagina and went 37-years on the earth and love shows like Matlock, Murder She Wrote, The Golden Girls and Designing Women, yet have not seen this movie is totally beyond me, but I am finally rectifying that situation. (Don’t be hating on the old people television shows, people.) (Or Air Supply.) (Or Neil Diamond and Barry Manilow, while we’re at it.)

And saving the best for last…BUTTERLUMP WENT TO THE POTTY ALL BY HIMSELF TODAY! I didn’t ask him, or help him or anything. He handled it himself from pulling down his pull ups to flushing and washing and drying his hands!

(And yes, it truly is the BEST part of my day. Y’all have no idea how much potty training and I do NOT get along.)

So, there you have it.

You just don’t get better than days like today.

Even in Australia.

;)

Filed Under: Every Day 18 Comments

Curtains.

January 18, 2012 By loralee 45 Comments

*It was pointed out to me that this title could be taken as me leaving the interwebs. Not the case and not deliberately done on my part. My apologies, dudes. ;P

Sometimes I feel like my life is like this big set of stage curtains. It started out as this flaming red, beautiful and perfect thing. But as is the way of it, life has put all these rips, tears, frays and holes in that beautiful fabric. Some holes I’ve been able to patch up. Some patches are prettier and more well executed than others, and some are barely adhering with fabric glue. Some rips and tears haven’t been patched at all. Some probably never will be. For the most part, I’ve come to view all those seams and patches that make up the crazy quilt of my life as something that makes me more interesting and full of character. But that usually only comes after a bit of reflection on my part.

It’s been quiet around here.

When someone like me shuts the curtains and goes quiet, you are generally safe in assuming that it’s not anything awesome that is quelling my non-stop desire to chatter.

My life seems to follow a trend where things tend to happen all at once and often to big, dizzying degrees; both the good things and the bad things. I don’t want you to think that my life only has black rain clouds filling it…it doesn’t. I have had some huge, grand, beautiful and fabulous things happen to me; things I am so grateful and happy for.

But…

It’s been a bit rainy around here as of late and quite honestly, I haven’t wanted to talk about it because one, I didn’t want to sit here and just whine at you all. And two, I’m not even sure how I feel about a lot of it. And three, many things beyond my control are in a purgatory state of waiting to see how they resolve. (Which pretty much sucks six ways from Sunday. Especially when the outlook is grim and there is nothing you can do about it.)

I had a lot of things hit me at once.

I rang in the New Year by losing my job (I really don’t want to get into that one except to say that everyone involved is still on good terms and we all wish each other the best, but I am taking much harder than I anticipated), getting one horrible case of pneumonia along with my wee little Butterlump, having to lay in bed 85% of the day because along with my pneumonia, I dislocated my sacroiliac joint (For those that are blissfully unaware of what injury to this joint feels like, I’ll tell you that it pretty much makes you want to rip your face off. I am used to back suck and pain. I am NO wuss. I have chronic back pain from herniations in my neck and back for about two decades, but this has totally laid me flat, people. It suuuucks. ). I also have to get a lawyer to settle some issues with my ex. This was totally not my choice, it was his. I guess in the end going the official legal route will be better over all, but I get so anxious worrying that this isn’t going to be pretty or end well with lawyers involved. I pride myself on being an excellent ex-wife. We have worked hard to be fabulous co-parents and have a good relationship. I want it to stay that way. I loathe everything about this situation. Everything. Even writing about it, so let’s move on, shall we? And as the cherry on the top of the sundae, my laptop was destroyed during the move.

And those are just some of the things that I can write about.

Even the blessing of my beautiful new house (And really, it IS beautiful. I love it so much) has been difficult in a few ways…we have a lot less monthly money to work with now and our housing costs are double what they were. That is stressful. I’m annoyed I didn’t have any time to just enjoy my house before all these huge worries and stresses hit us. And I feel pretty isolated since we’re fairly far out of town, we’re new and not active in church, which is a huge amount of the social structure in this state.

And I am struggling with how I feel about leaving the house where my little Matthew lived all the days of his short life.

I went from an incredible high of finally owning my beautiful, lovely, dream home, to a series of unfortunate events that came so hard and fast that it sent me into a bit of a tailspin.

It’s been hard, but I am so glad to at least be feeling better than I was a few weeks ago.

I have some freaking amazing friends who not only drove up to see me and bring me cupcakes, but also sent me my very favorite candy in the world in the mail. (Steph, Kim and Lauren, you are simply the best and I adore you..having friends who are there for you when the shit hits the fan is priceless and I’m thankful.) Many of you checked in on me and I want you to know I love you for it. Just asking how I am doing was so considerate and thoughtful of you and it was deeply appreciated.

Butterlump and I have recovered from our pneumonia, but man, my back is still horrible. I have spent SO much flipping time in my bed. I pretty much want to tear my hair out in frustration over it. I’ve left my house exactly THREE times since Christmas. Once, to go to the doctor for pneumonia and back suck, once to go to lunch with my boss and have my job fall apart and once to attend a meeting. Which was done standing up a lot of the time and on pain killers. (I can’t say I recommend doing that. Just so you know.) I am a bit of a homebody, but damn…this is getting to be too much for me.

Parenting the adorable whirling dervish that is known as Butterlump when you have debilitating back pain is not easy. The constant bending and lifting that I have to do with him has made healing this back really difficult and constant physical pain tends to expand the little black rain cloud I have over my head.

I am in bed flat on my back as much as I can be. Even though I have a tremendously beautiful view out my window, I am getting really tired of it. Although, I guess I can say that I have totally caught up on a lot of really awesome television…like watching the entire first season of Shameless, which is to the max graphic and vulgar and contains a cast of characters that are such a train wreck, and so well written and acted that for the life of me I CANNOT LOOK AWAY even when it makes me ill for the moral bankruptcy of some of them. I think part of me is drawn to it because it’s these kids with a HORRIFYING father (So well done by William Macey) have to scrape out and earn this ramshackle existence for themselves. I’ve always loved plot lines like that. It’s kind of like one of my all time favorite books, The Boxcar Children, only in the the ghetto and with a lot more swearing, sex and weed.

Then in my I AM SO ASHAMED TO ADMIT I WATCH THIS viewing category, we have Switched at Birth. I can’t help it. I’m totally taken with it. Will Emmett and Daphne ever get it on??! Is Angelo the creep I think he is going to be??! Will Mr. Kennish ever wear anything that isn’t a polo shirt????!!! THESE QUESTIONS HAUNT ME, PEOPLE! And I cop to having a total girl crush on Emmett, even though it usually makes me want to run screaming into a shower when I stop and think that, while legal, the kid is like, 19. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Hey, at least I am not a 30-something female that is crushing on a sparkly 17-year-old non-human-blood-sucking vampire, right? Give me an adorable deaf guy wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle any day, dudes.)

(Also, my husband just piped up that he totally cannot understand “how you can be so ashamed to watch a show geared towards teenagers when you watch every single episode of “Real Housewives of 18 flipping cities”.) (I might have to concede that he has a bit of a point on this.) (Maybe.)

To make up for my more base television viewing habits, I am also obsessed with the very classy PBS Masterpiece Theater series, Downton Abby. OMG, people. This show is absolute perfection. It starts with the sinking of The Titanic and follows the life of a wealthy and titled Edwardian British family and their servants. I was mourning the loss of Larkrise to Candleford. (Thank goodness for Mr. Bates. I loved him in Larkrise but have so much more of a crush on him in Downton.) If you have ANY fondness for period pieces and love all things British as I do, YOU MUST WATCH IT. Preferably with hot black tea and scones topped with a generous allotment of clotted cream and lemon curd.

And they may have showed my very favorite episode of Psych. Which would be the one that has Shawn stumbling into a bit part on a Mexican Soap Opera. It’s pretty much one of the best things ever. They even changed the title song into Spanish. Comedy gold, people.

Man. I guess you know what a crappy state you are in when the most positive things you have to say are about television, no?

I guess it’s reasonable enough to wallow for a bit. I lost my job. I got sick. I have back suck. I am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow. I feel a bit isolated and conflicted about the move we made. And I have watched way more television in the last 3-weeks than is good for a dozen people. And that like all stories that are on a blog, you know there is a whole lot more going on behind the curtain than in front of it.

It’s all upended me.

But it’s also time to pick myself up, brush myself off and start peeking my head out of the curtain, dammit.

I’m sick of feeling awful.

And I DO feel like I’m starting to get on the upswing of things. It’s been good to have time alone to think about things. To mourn the loss of some things and people and to ponder the future of others.

I’m not sure what is ahead of me.

Some of these changes are really big and deep and I admit…I still feel a little lost. I have a hard time with big changes. But I also think that there will be something to fill all these tears and holes and spaces that have ripped through the fabric of my life lately.

And I just have to have faith it will be something awesome.