I didn’t have plans to post today but something happened this morning that has me pretty disturbed. And I am not sure at all what, if anything, to do about it. So I am writing to try to shake off some ick and think it through so that if it happens again (or to anyone else) I’ll know better what to do.
Jonathan had to go to Salt Lake today, which means he takes the car I primarily drive because it gets better gas milage.
Thing is, he took the key to his car with him.
So, I called him and he said he would turn around to bring it back to me. I went out to meet him by the curb so he wouldn’t have to come it. I hadn’t showered yet and so I just threw a coat over my tshirt and pj pants and put my Dansko clogs on so I wouldn’t freeze to death. I only planned on being out there a minute and certainly didn’t think I’d see anyone. (So, you pretty much know what was going to happen due to the laws of nature and everyone seeming to see you when you look totally fugly.)
I went out down my front steps, the friendliest, prettiest, yellow Lab came up to me. I saw she was collared and tagged so I knew she belonged to someone. We do have leash laws here but we live around big, open fields and it is not uncommon to see dogs running about. I really didn’t think much of it. She was a gorgeous dog and very friendly and I didn’t see an owner around so I just let her follow me down the walk and out to the driveway.
To kill time waiting for Jonathan, I opened the door of our car and started cleaning out the bits and bobs that had accumulated since the last go through, with the friendly Lab nuzzling me as I went about my business.
Out of the corner of my eye I saw a shiny, expensive-looking, black SUV circle and pull up to the curb by my driveway.
This is the point where I realized I was about to have human contact in my bedraggled state and my brain started yelling at me that I should have listened to Susan Wagner’s advice about never exiting the house in your pajama pants (And puffy jacket! And Dansko clogs! And bedhead! OH, MY!).
A very angry looking man jumped out of the car and started striding towards me as he pointed at the yellow lab and snarled, “GET IN THE CAR, DAMN YOU!”
I physically stepped back and pressed against my opened car door, and the lab whimpered and pretty much backed up with me.
I think I probably looked frightened as hell because angry-SUV-guy backed off and got that forced nice tone that you can tell happens when very angry people are suddenly reminded that they are in front of other humans and that some amount of decorum is required.
“That’s my dog.”, he said through clenched teeth. Then he looked hard at the dog, pointed at the ground and said,”COME. HERE….NOW.”
The dog did NOT want to go but the guy reiterated and the dog put his head down a bit and moved towards the man. When he went close enough, the guy grabbed and yanked the dog hard by the collar and grumbled, “Sorry,” at me as he bent down to attach a dog leash, which he promptly started yanking the dog by towards his vehicle.
I took a few steps towards them and stammered out, ”No, she’s a very sweet dog…really. She was no bother and didn’t do any harm!”
But he was already half around the car and I couldn’t see the lab anymore, but I did hear a sharp squeal come from her like she was either having her leash yanked hard or had a sudden shock or pain. I took a couple of steps forward but he jumped quickly in the car and drove off and were gone.
And I was left in a cold driveway blinking and sorting out what the hell had just happened.
I feel icky and sick.
It gave me the same kind of feeling like when you see those movies on TV and know that a sweet and innocent little kid that acted like a kid in a store is going to go home and catch a huge amount of undeserved hell from an angry, abusive, parent.
I sit here and wonder if I should have done more.
I was just so damn caught off guard.
It’s not like he was screaming obscenities or kicking or beating the dog in front of me. It’s in this annoying gray area that leaves me questioning everything.
I wonder if what I saw was actually a big deal.
The dog was healthy looking and friendly when she came up to me and the 10 minutes or so we hung out together. Maybe the guy is a good dog owner who was having a profoundly shitty day and took it out on his dog?
But…the vibe felt so BAD.
And ANGRY.
It felt in my gut like a very big deal.
More than what I saw it was what I felt coming off of this man.
I never use this word lightly but it felt…abusive to me.
I don’t know if I can describe it better than that.
Maybe what I *saw* wasn’t abusive in and of itself but the feeling around it sure was. But that doesn’t mean that it is actually the case, you know? It’s just my opinion and reaction to what I saw go down. But…if that is how that guy behaved with his dog in front of a total stranger how does he react in his comfort zone?
I just wish I had said more to that angry man.
I wish I’d been braver.
Stood up for the dog.
Told the guy to chill the hell out and not take out his anger on sweet and helpless things.
But I didn’t.
Ugh.
I will be thinking about that sweet dog.
And hoping she is ok.
I think I might have witnessed animal abuse…maybe? (Ugh.) http://t.co/HhKKre2C http://t.co/8m180xpw
I guess without knowing the circumstances it’s hard to say. If the dog was happy and healthy then the chances are it was a one off bad day for the owner. Sucks that the dog was yanked so hard it hurt and there’s no excuse for that but the kind of animal abuse that gets prosecutions is so much worse.
“the kind of animal abuse that gets prosecutions is so much worse.”
I know, and that is what makes this so gray.
It just left me feeling so…ICK.
Bleck.
From her description, she didn’t seem healthy and happy. The poor thing cowered, and was afraid to go with her owner.
I have a dog that has been known to escape and run around in areas that it shouldn’t…and trust me, he knows just how angry I am when I find him too…which since dogs are even more sensitive than humans, they react to that. I almost 100% guarantee that the dog and owner have a very loving relationship the majority of the time. If the dog appeared well cared for and not scared of humans, it is most likely b/c it is well cared for and taken care of by it’s humans. I have hit my dog, I’m certain I’ll do it again, he yelped, he was and is fine. Of course, I believe a spanking – not to be confused with a beating is okay with children too, so we might be on different fences.
This comment makes me feel better about the situation that dog is in. And I do take the dog being friendly and healthy looking is a good sign. The thing that was so startling to me is the display of anger in front of a perfect stranger on their property, you know? It was pouring off the guy and was very disconcerting and very hard to shake off.
For the record, I don’t spank as a regular form of discipline but I also don’t believe it is always wrong to spank. For myself I ONLY use spanking for times young children (who don’t quite understand danger) put themselves in harms way like running out into the road, turning on the stove, etc. And I can count on 2 hands how many times I’ve done it during my 15 parenting years. And it did the job.)
Have to agree with this one. We recently had to rehome a dog because he wouldn’t quit running away – we were getting tickets, angry letters from neighbors, police stopping by and bringing the dog back. He was HORRIBLE! We had a fence, we walked him THREE times a day. He was so bad. And totally sweet and lovable. By the time we rehomed him, my kids were in love, my husband really liked him, but I could just not handle it anymore. That dog KNEW when he was being bad, and knew how angry it made me, but he could run like nothing. When I finally got that leash on him, I had to DRAG his little butt home. He yelped a time or two, but was totally fine. I was NOT. I was a hot, steaming pile of PISSED. This dog quite likely is a runner, and maybe the angry dude just didn’t have time for it that day.
I have three of the most spoiled dogs you will ever meet. They are all the same breed,
and bloodline. I will tell you what I know, animals are like kids, no two are the same.
My oldest is outright defiant, at home or in the field, it doesn’t matter. You can yell
all you want, he’ll stare at you and then proceed to do whatever the heck he wants.
My middle guy is the perfect kid, does nothing wrong but perpetually looks as though
he’s hiding from the cops. The youngest is female and if you so much as look at her
crosseyed, she immediately pees and then falls to the ground moaning and whining
like she’s being killed. These traits are magnified in all the dogs if my husband is the
guy doing the handling. As an owner, if one of them gets “away” my heart is in my
throat and my adrenaline is at an all time high. Sadly, if you happen to encounter me
during this time, I’m not going to come off as the most pleasant person you could meet
If the animal was healthy looking, not fearful of people, and didn’t bolt at the very sight
of the guy, she’s probably just fine and you just caught the owner at an icky time.
I need to chime in here, at (I should add) at Loralee’s behest. I have been a pet columnist for a couple years. I won’t even begin to recount the stories I’ve heard, read and know about first hand. Some of them are of horrific abuse, and others have to do with people making snap judgments without having the foggiest idea what the hell they’re talking about. That said, here’s my take:
-Did you witness actual abuse? Not per se, no. That was discipline, frustration, and a bad scene, but as you said, the dog seemed healthy and well cared for.
-The bad, scared look that you saw MIGHT have been the dog knowing they had done something very wrong (ran out of the yard, down the driveway, and into a potentially unsafe/dangerous situation).
-It also might have been “uh oh, I’m about to get really, really slammed around by my owner who has very major anger management issues, and I wish I could stay with this nice, pretty lady forever, because I bet she’ll treat me a lot better than my asshole owner and his overcompensating SUV”
-The problem is, you have absolutely no way of knowing which it is. However, I have to be honest with you….your gut might have been correct. There’s a big honkin’ problem with that — the simple truth is you really didn’t have any right to do any more than you actually did. You witnessed no actual abuse. Strictly speaking, the man was rescuing his dog who had escaped into the neighborhood (or for all you know, three of seven neighborhoods away). Rescuing his dog is a good thing. After that, well, it’s hard to say.
That yelp that you heard might have been accidental, it might have been intentional, and it might have been the beginning of a very, very bad day for that doggie. Again, you have no real way of knowing.
All you really can do is give it up to the universe, hope and pray that doggie has a much better life than you’re afraid she might, and vow that when you have your own doggie, you will never EVER EVER EVER exhibit that much anger toward your pet.
In short, it’s really crappy that you could have just witnessed the face of evil, or at the very least someone wildly out of control….or you could be wildly overreacting.
My gut instinct? It’s the former, not the latter. My heart aches for what you witnessed, and for what I really do believe likely followed.
In my humble opinion as someone who has seen, heard and recounted waaaay too many stories related to man’s inhumanity to animals, people SUCK.
And not in a good way.
It might have been that he couldn’t find the dog, and that can be a scary situation, in which anger is the outward expression. And I’m sure he was pretty embarrassed by his outburst at his dog, and that’s why he sped away. He wasn’t confrontational with you, which is a good sign.
I’m with D on this one. I think he is a good owner having a crap day.
That sucks so badly. I’m not good at confrontation in the black & white situations; the grey ones are exponentially worse. I’ll also be hoping that that dog is doing OK, and I’ll be working, some more, on getting more comfortable in saying things to people in the moment, since this kind of uncertainty just blows.
I mostly agree that this might have just been a bad scene, that surely could have been handled better by the owner. I’d probably be just as worried as you, because I have never treated my pets that way, and can’t wrap my head around it. That said, I do feel concerned when many people assume that the dog’s lack of fear of humans equals never having been abused. Yes, that probably does mean she really is ok. However, fear of humans doesn’t equal being afraid because of a current owner. I’m saying this because my sweet little Aussie came from a rescue, and TEN MONTHS after adopting her, she is still very shy, skittish and fearful of strangers, especially men. Sometimes, she is hesitant around male family members, despite the work we’ve done to earn her trust. Whoever made her this way is a total monster, IMO. She’s afraid of collars and leashes and very food obsessed. The picture her behavior paints about her past is ugly. It may take years for her to “forget” the cruelty she suffered. If a stranger ever saw me trying to capture her, in the event she got off leash? They might assume she was afraid of ME, and not the leash.
Sorry to slide off the specific topic. I would have been just as worried, and would be hesitant to say anything to a strange, angry man.
Be gentle with her, and very careful, too. My friend adopted a dog that had been abused. He had the dog for ten years (knowing that new people had to be careful around the dog). One night, he was sitting on his bed, doing his homework. The dog was sitting beside his bed. He reached down to stroke the dog’s head, and the dog “saw” it wrong, and reacted. He jumped up and bit my friend in the face. 38 stitches on the inside of his face, and 60 something on the outside. There were small children in the home, so they felt they had to put the dog down. Broke my friend’s heart. Just be careful, and never fully trust her.
Sounds rough. I hate watching anyone when they lose their temper. It’s so tough. I’m thinking he was just freaked out by losing his dog. At least I hope so.
I am afraid I must take the abusive side. This is not a gut reaction; it is being on my 8th foster dog, in addition to previous stints at the SPCA and Humane society.
I don’t know that you could have done anything. If a dog has food, shelter, and water, the owner is presumed to be ok.
Ah well, let’s hope there is such a thing as karma.
I’m betting the guy was worried and/or frustrated by the dog getting away from him and that was shown in his actions. A dog yelping isn’t an automatic sign of abuse. And, the dog cowering a bit from the guy is probably just not wanted to get caught and knowing it was in trouble. My dogs get that way when I catch them on the couch.
I wouldn’t worry about it.
Ugh, tough one. I’m hoping it was just a bad day for the guy and the yelp was just a result of being put in the car too fast. It’s a good sign that the dog looked healthy and had a good disposition. One of my dogs absolutely knows when she’s done something wrong. When I catch her, the last thing she wants to do is come to me. It’s not because I abuse her in any way…it’s just because she knows she’s messed up and is going to get a stern “No” or have to go in her kennel for a bit while I clean up the mess/calm down/whatever need be for that particular situation.
I have a black lab myself. He lives a cushier life than most dogs probably know exist. In the rare event that he runs across the road or goes outside of what he knows are his boundaries, he is disciplined. Unfortunately, dogs are not like children in the way that you can put them in the car and take them home to talk about their actions when no one else is around. By that time, the animal has forgotten what the infraction is and discipline is pointless. The most discipline our dog has ever received is a firm smack on the nose, but trust me–when he knows he has done wrong, he still hunkers down and tries to avoid me. In our case, this is clearly no indication that he is abused, but I believe it’s his way of showing remorse for his actions. I would be prone to give the dog owner the benefit of the doubt here. Hopefully my instinct is right.