We have been experiencing ALL SORTS of two-year-old “OH-MY-FREAKING-HECK-WHO-ARE-YOU-AND-WHAT-HAVE-YOU-DONE-WITH-MY-CHILL-AND-AGREEABLE-WIDDLE-BABY-BUTTERLUMP!!!???-ness” at our house lately.
Aaron (aka Butterlump*) is in a phase that is LIKELY TO KILL ME AND MINE SANITY.
He is a tornado.
He gets into absolutely anything (and usually destroys it) in seconds.
I can’t even go into the ‘taking off the diaper” thing he does MULTIPLE times a day. I’m too traumatized. Let’s just say we rented a rug cleaning machine so many times in a week period we just went out and bought one.
But the thing that drives me freaking NUTSO right at the moment is the word “NO” and his utter, utter love of it.
“Aaron, would you like a drink?”
“NO.”
“Can you hold on to mama’s hand?”
“NO.”
“Want to go bye-bye?”
“NO.”
“Would you like a bit of sandwich?”
“NO.”
“Can we try going potty?”
“NO.”
“Would you like to snuggle with mama?”
“NO.”
“Do you love mama?”
“NO.”
“Do you love Daddy?”
“NO.”
“Would you like to go outside?”
“NO.”
“Do you want to go swing on the swings?”
“NO.”
“Do you want to go get soft blankie?”
“NO.”
“Do you want to watch Sponge Bob?”
“NO.”
“Do you want a cookie? Some ice cream?? How about new shoes??? A teddy bear???? A DS????? An iPod??????? A scooter??????? A trained baby unicorn that can speak Swahili, belches magical rainbows and feeds you grapes in your custom swimming pool on a remote island that is made up of candy bars, water slides and theme park rides???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!’
“NO.”
“FINE THEN! FINE!!!!!! SEE IF I CARE IF YOU EVER SAY YES TO ME EVER AGAIN!!!! BUT I WILL LET YOU KNOW, MR. NO-NO PAT OF BUTTER, THAT WHEN YOUR NEGATORY LITTLE HEINY IS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND PEOPLE OFFER YOU WEED, ALCOHOL, JOY RIDING, LETTING YOU CHEAT OFF THEIR TERM PAPERS OR ANYTHING INVOLVING BOY BITS AND GIRL BITS CO-MINGLING IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, THIS TREND OF ALWAYS SAYING NO TO EVERYTHING HAD BETTER CONTINUE!!!!!!!!!!!”
“NO.”
Sigh.
*I’m trying to ease into using Butterlump’s given name online. It is killing me. Just so you know. :(
NO. http://ow.ly/5P9Xk
hehehehehe. I laugh because I have twins who will be 2 on the 31st of this month. Jack is my no-er. Abbey is the overly cute one. Together they are PURE CHAOS. They use tactics to destroy my house that the armed services would be jealous of. Yeah. I laugh. I have to or I’d be crying.
I always thought that my twin and I would have had a much easier time of it if we were fraternal. (Also? Jack is my very favorite boy name. I tried to get my husband to let me use it every time we had a baby.)
I got Jack out of pure compromise. Jack is a family name, my grandfather on my mother’s side. There are a LOT of Jacks in my family. Every other one of my mom’s kids (she only had 3, but she’s one of 8 herself, that makes for LOTS of grand and great grandkids) was done having kids. I was the last (I was also the first, but that is a story for a different day) and I knew I wanted to use the name. My husband wanted to name our daughter either Ramona (which I automatically nixed) or Abbey after a Beatles album (HUGE Beatles fan and our last name is Rhodes…yeah). He didn’t want Jack and I thought that Abbey was too kitchey (I know that’s spelled wrong, but oh well). So I compromised. I agreed to Abbey (which totally suits her) if he would give me Jack. I love my kids dearly, but honestly, 2 year olds drive me bananas. Absolutely bananas.
Oh how I miss that! That stage is hectic, hard and traumatizing when you are the parent but when it’s someone else’s its fun to watch and see how the wonderful mind of a 2 year old works! Don’t worry, his word choice could be a LOT worse! :) Good luck!!!
OH, yes. He repeated “DAMMIT” for an entire day after I stubbed my toe hard once. I do not care to repeat!
Hahahahaheeeeheeeeheeee! You crack me up. You can even turn something so aggravating as a kid saying “no” into a humorous event! LOVE IT!
BTW…my cousins daughter would take her diaper off anywhere, anytime. So much so that they resorted to duct taping it on! You might want to try it if you’re getting tired of cleaning the carpets! See if your little Houdini can get out of it! LOL :)
Oh, we are so there…and backwards zipup jammies with other things too. I may write about it if I can get over the trauma. It’s been really…awful. UGH.
When G was that age, everything was “damn you.” While The Dad and I are both pretty prolific profaners, neither of us uses that term. 2 year olds are a mystery.
Blame Grandma. :)
RIGHT?! The things he picks up on kill me.
Heh, I dodged that phase with both of mine. The worst things I’m getting right now are:
The three year old likes to say “Why not?”
And the little one (will be 2 on Sep 9th), my drama queen… when she’s fussing in general, she’ll refuse whatever you’re giving her by saying “Don’t want it any more” {sometimes adding “at all!”}, even if it’s her most favoritest ever sheepie lovey. *rolleyes*
Butterlump also loves “Go way!” so I feel ya on this one.
Damn, woman, that butterlump’s about all growed up into a full on stick of butter!
Having forgotten my two year old days, and not having any of my own, I’ve got bupkis for you. I could have fun with a situation like that and parrot him, “No! No!”, but then he’d start to cry because someone’s making fun of him. You’d end up throwing me out, banishing me to outer Los Angeles, and unleashing the blog Mommies on me.
So, I guess I’ll pass.
I KNOW! HE IS GETTING SO BIG IT IS MAKING ME CRY.
Dude. As we have all seen, unleashing of the blog mommies is so not a good idea. Like, ever.
;)
Toddlers, aren’t they great? (Said sarcastically because my 3yo drives me nuts most of the time)(but then turns into a sweetheart by saying, “I love you Mommy” about 500 times a day. So I guess that makes up for it……..a little.) :)
You are not alone. Elijah, (AKA”Squish”) is in the EXACT same phase. I’m really getting tired of playing “find the shitball. Mine waits until the five seconds a day where He is alone, and then strips and poops on something. When I come back to the room, he points at it and says “Noooo! Ew! NO!” I’ve tried the whole potty thing, but the kid will sit there for hours and then get off and crap on my book. I have to pit him in bed with pull-ups wrapped in duct tape and covered by backwards feety jammies, and he still manages to wriggle out through the neck hole, and tear apart the inch of diaper not covered in tape at least half the time. Also, he likes to head butt things/people when he doesn’t get his way. ( Empathy hugs.)
Ignore all my autocorrect fails please.
I am fearing the day he figures out how to get around the backward jammies we have started putting him in.
@sahans I wrote a Butterlump post. I included a baby unicorn. Just for you. http://ow.ly/5Pbnn
You still have the roll of duct tape, right?
Ignore the little thug. Limit his choices. If he says “No.” then drop it and move on.
Butterlump “Thug” Choate.
I dig.
;)
“@looneytunes: @sahans I wrote a Butterlump post. I included a baby unicorn. Just for you. http://t.co/dlwg9SA” yay #babyunicorn
I’m right there with you..Louis’s favorite saying is “no wanna” and “no ike” and forget potty training…*sigh*..he’ll be 3 in october…
This sounds *exactly* like my two and 1/2 year old. Everything is NO. Everything is a battle. I think he’s mainlining speed when we aren’t looking. Yesterday, he managed to slice his finger open, take a faceplant in the hallway that resulted in a bloody lip, cover himself head-to-toe in marker, and put a hole in his brother’s boxspring, all without breaking a sweat. He was racing around the house shrilling and laughing, in between bouts of wailing from hurting himself.
That child alone has given me more gray hairs than the other two combined. Some days I grit my teeth and contemplate creative ways to make him sit still. Then he runs up and gives me a giant bear hug and I think, “Well, shit. Now I have to let you live.”
Kids. YARGH!
I adore this post.. pretty much made my day… just so you know. :)
No more Butterlump – just wait until teenager. Yup.
Gah!
NO. http://ow.ly/5PCWM
The no passes. However the MINE DO IT MINE SELF! Is currently killing me. Like really kid, you can’t drive. You aren’t even three.
Told my sister-in-law that the first 10 years were but a blur but the next 12 years have felt like 30! Just so you know. :-)
He seems to be just like his mother. Beautiful and confident … and that is good!
I’ve been through a few poop parties myself. Duct tape was the only thing that worked. (On the diaper-not the kid).I found your blog from a blog, from another blog – or something like that. Glad I stumbled across it. I’ve enjoyed browsing around.
“I say thee nay, base villain” is what I’ll train my spawn to say.
Hi! I am a fairly new reader but loving your blog. I am a new mom so I have not been through the two’s with my son yet, however, when I was a nanny my mom suggested never asking a toddler a yes or no question. Instead I only ask option questions ie; do you want a banana or an orange? Do you want to walk to bed or be carried?
Please don’t think I am trying to say this would solve all the problems a two year old brings, I am not that crazy! But I just wanted to share a trick that helps a little.
Hi! I honestly never thought of doing that. (My guess is he will still say “NO” to most of it but it is SO worth a try!!)
Thanks for the tip!
Butterlump is two now, right? ‘Nuff said.
Just a lurker here, but no “yes,no” questions is usually helpful – also no questions at all, “here’s your … or it’s time to do…” then if you get a “no” you just ignore it, it looses power that way. Oh and a safety pin through the top of the zipper of the jammies usually works – thankfully their dexterity makes this tricky or painful as the case maybe (not suggesting you injure your child!) Loved remembering this stage, glad mine are all done. As you know, this too shall pass….
Two was not so bad in our household… Three on the other hand brought me to my knees on a regular basis. Remembering three makes me nervous about Deuce (our second child) making his/her debut in a few weeks…
When our oldest goes into his “NO!” mode, my husband will start asking if he needs a kick in the butt, and are you sure, and it sounds like ya do, and on and on until the punk is laughing and a little more agreeable.
It’s working 9 times out of 10.
But the No thing is really annoying, isn’t it?