There has been an ongoing battle at our house lately.
The subject is ‘manners’.
We are trying to teach our 2-year-old how to say, “Please”.
It has not been going well.
This is the reaction that the request for “The P-Word” usually garners:
(Umm….I am afraid I MIGHT have passed on my theatrical side to Butterlump. Poor little dude.) (I would also like to point out that since viewing this video I have been more diligent about arranging my shoes in my closet.) (I also also got a pedicure.) (And also also also cleaned my carpet.) (I also also also also take NO RESPONSIBILITY WHATSOEVER FOR THE OUTFIT BUTTERLUMP HAS GOT GOING ON.) (I also also also also no longer have a tired quilt that resembles a bad set decoration day on Little House on the Prairie for a bedspread.) (Enough disclaimers for you?) (NO?) (Fine, then.) (I also also also also also know that we will have to tackle ‘nose picking’ next.) (Sigh.) (Moving on now.)
Yes, Butterlump has hit the “Terrible Twos” and even though I am by no means an inexperienced mother, it is hitting me with more surprise than with my other children for a couple of reasons. One, I had almost convinced myself that I could stop time and keep Aaron a baby simply by the force of will and desire. He is likely my last and OMG, IT IS GOING BY TOO FAST, PEOPLE. I’m having difficulty dealing with it, I’m afraid.
For example, I still give him a bedtime (known as “Soft Blankie Time” at our house) bottle.
I know.
I know.
I KNOW.
I know it’s high past time to give that up but I am just not ready to totally chuck his bottle.
And since it is the last “baby” thing Butterlump has going on, I will do THE UGLY CRY when I am.
But that is a post for another day.
It also surprised me because all of my other kids were very easy 2-year-olds. They didn’t really start testing boundaries until they were 3.
Not Butterlump.
We HAVE gotten him to say “Please” several times but it is always a fight.
I’ve found with him that 3-basic things help teach him new behaviors. (And some things are more successful than other just because of his personality. Based on the sheer volume of passionate requests I get daily for “MAMA! TEEF! BOOSH TEEF!!!!!” I highly doubt that saying please and thank you will ever be as wildly successful as teaching him about brushing his teeth.)
Show by example. This is an exercise for me, as well as Aaron. I am not an unpolite person, but I don’t say ‘Please” nearly enough. So I have been saying “Please” and “Thank you” for EVERYTHING. Saying please has not just been something that I do. My whole family has gotten involved. Aaron is hugely lucky to have big brothers that are insanely devoted to him and they want him to achieve and succeed as much as Jonathan and I do. So, they are very good examples to him of what to do and when I need to teach him behavior they often help me illustrate the behavior I will expect from Aaron. I have to say it’s set a nicer tone in our home.
Praise the times he says “Please”. I LAVISH Aaron’s good behavior and it makes him light up like a Christmas tree. Positive reinforcement is really effective for him so I pay close attention to it. (Man, how great would the world feel if they had a group of people that praised them perpetually for everything they did correctly? Ok, it MIGHT get annoying at times but still…)
Take it in small chunks. Though we always say it in aforementioned examples of behavior, we are not pushing Aaron to say “Thank you” yet. One thing at a time, dudes.
Be a broken record. When I am trying to get Aaron to learn new behavior I am a broken record about it. I keep on reminding my kids (and myself!) throughout the day to say please and thank you. If they ask for a glass of milk, I wait for the magic word. If they try to leave the dinner table, I call them back and ask them to ask to PLEASE to be excused. I have generally polite children but we are totally stepping up the game to teach Butterlump and frankly, it’s done us all good. We do drop the ball on it and since this particular word seems to be Aaron’s Waterloo, I’m sure it will continue to be a struggle until, well, it isn’t. But I think like anything involving kids, patience and consistency will win the race at the end of the day.
Anyone else have any tips (or memories!) for/of The Terrible Twos?
I hope you’ll share them with me.
Please?
;)
What…what are those things?
That is known as a child, Sean. A young human being below the age of full physical development or below the legal age of majority.
Must I teach you everything?
Sigh.
P.S. How is your silverware organization coming along? ;)
Children?! I’ve heard of such beasts in my study of mythology, but never imagined that I would see video evidence of their existence. Frightening! My silverware organization is just great. There’s a drawer. It’s for silverware. Knives spoons and forks go in there.
I totally love your quilt! Don’t be hating on it!
p.s. wanna see my toenails? it’s frightening!
p.p.s. butterlump is too precious for words, he’ll get there. For now, just enjoy his theatrics.
That’s only because you can’t see that it had two rather large and unseemly rips on the top of it from the boys deciding to act out “All Star Wrestling” on my bed one afternoon. :D
For us the 2s were easy; it was the 3s that liked to be the death of us. Now the boy is 6 1/2 (can’t forget the half) he has been showing major attitude that we are battling daily. *sigh* Parenting – it doesn’t get better, it just gets different.
ME, TOO!
Two was a snap and three was challenging with James and Christopher. But I guess Aaron is the over achiever and prodigy of the family! ;)
Well ya know it looks like he totally KNOWS all about saying please, he just doesn’t waaaaaaannnnnnaaaa. (I mean, so at least there’s that!).
Snort! True enough.
When he was two, #2 son was fond of wearing bib overalls. You know – the kind that farmers wear. As an aside, he also had a hat that looked like the hat that Paddington Bear wears – and he wore that incessantly. But anyway – I found that the straps on his bibs used to be the perfect ‘handle’ when he started to misbehave – like in a store, for example. I’d just pick him up and carry him, like a suitcase, by the straps of his overalls. He soon learned that unless he wanted to be suspended in midair, unable to roam at will, he needed to behave himself. And he did. Most of the time.
BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAH!
Memo: Buy bib overalls for Butterlump.
If you find the magic cure for terrible twos, PASS THAT MOTHER ON. Overall, carli is a ball of sunshine, but when I ask her to do something, like pick up a toy, she looks at me, considers it, then says, “no, tanks, you do it, mama”. Um, child, I know you come by stubborn dramatics honestly, but two and change is fast too young to pull off the diva thing.
Most recent memory is granddaughter, who progressed (downhill) through 4, when we ended up with multiple fall on the floor in the store screaming fits. But it is getting better, and the fits are almost gone.
we are smack dab in the middle of the 2′s.. louis will be 3 in october and he is testing me in ways i didn’t even know exsisted.. please and thank you aren’t a problem here.. but bedtime is STILL a battle, and listening in general (do you know how many times a day i say, please leave the kitty alone.. Louis, PLEASE leave the kitty alone… LEAVE THE CAT ALONE *yes i lose my temper :( )
i also hear it was the terrible twos, the “thre-vils” (Evil threes) and the F***ing fours..
oh and we’re still working on the no nose picking here too..
good luck :)
~Anne
I have a good friend who used to give her youngest daughter chocolate milk in a bottle at bedtime because it was the only way she could get her to cuddle. True story. So don’t feel too guilty. :-)
My two-year-old still needs an occasional reminder about saying please, but for some reason she’s great with thank you. Whenever you hand her something, she always chirps, “Oh, GANK you very much!” in her squeaky little toddler voice and it just about kills me with cuteness. She also says, “Excuse me,” after burps and farts, so sometimes we’ll be in a checkout line and she’ll announce, “I tooted! Excuse me.”
I wish I had some suggestions, but I think we just ended up with a strangely polite toddler. If you find a cure for nose picking, though, we definitely need that.
P.S. Welcome back!
I don’t even want to think about the 2s. Lucy is only 13 months old and the fits have me cowering in the corner.
Booze? Oh wait. Um that’s only helpful to you.
The please phase wasn’t hard for my son. Or thank you. It’s the current NOW MOMMY phase that seems to be taking forever. The boy has absolutely no patience. I’m mean, I keep saying to him: Please use a full sentence or mommy can’t even understand you.
I think…it’s repetition. Being consistent with it.
And an occasional drink. :)
In NZ/Australia, we start by teaching children to say ‘ta’ because it is a sound they can make very young. We say ta whenever we hand them anything and eventually they copy. Once they get to Aaron’s age, we do just what you’re doing. When they’re three or older, if they ask for something and forget to say please, we just say “Pardon?” like we didnt hear them. Usually they repeat it again without manners and we’ll just repleat say “pardon?” and they usually stop and pause to figure out whats going wrong and then remember to add please. Works surprisingly well because they KNOW you’re close enough to hear them so they put thought into what else could be the problem. If they dont click, I just keep saying ‘Pardon?’ ‘Pardon?’ until they do lol.
I’ve probably watched this six times now, and his little plaid butt gets me EVERY time! When grown men wear plaid shorts, they (almost always) look like tools, but small boys look adorable!
I do sympathize with your difficulties, though. My youngest brother was a pain in the butt when he was two…and three…and really, it kinda kept going until he was 5 or so, then he started to stop being a spoiled brat. He’s turning out great, now, though–really thoughtful and hard working. Just sharing some hope and light at the end of the tunnel. :)
P.S. So glad to see you back! :)
For us, please and thank you were the easy part. I would try to be more helpful, but right now I’m drowning and two-tude, praying we all survive. If everyone else is right about 3 being worse than 2, I’m screwed.
Yep, we’re doing the terrible 2 this here, too. Wingnut isn’t so bad, though. I had a harder time around 18 months and again at 3 with Peanut. Both kids seem to have acquired to drama gene here, too. Oh, my. And the refusal is usually accompanied by loud weeping and wailing. It’s rather entertaining if one is merely a bystander. I’m still working on the nose-picking with my almost 5 year old. *sigh*
You’re on the right track, but you know that already. Our 2yo boys are good with the pleases and thank yous, but the “No”s are very plentiful from them. Even if it’s something they want to do, they are still very interested in telling you “No!” Love them!
My one day older daughter has the please and thank you down, but (and I’ve gotten tons of shit for it, because “THEY’RE STILL LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTLE OMG) we’ve always been sticklers for teaching teh manners early on, and then I get compliments from teachers (Oh they’re SO POLITE!!11). And you know what? Thank GOD I did, because she has that same dramatic, Taurean stubbornness that he does. Please and Thank yous are now her idea, as it has to be.
I get repaid in emptied dressers and torn books.