In my 6-years of blogging I have never done this, but I have to shut down and leave this space and social media.
For now at least.
Those who have been reading me for the last 6-years and know the things I’ve still managed to blog through will realize just how big the weight on my shoulders and heart is right now.
Too big.
I am not doing well.
There has been a lot going on.
Thing after thing after you-know-maybe-five-percent-of-it-thing. To the point that I’m beyond able to keep my head above water. Full of hurt I don’t think I’ll ever forgive or forget.
For the first time since I started blogging this place is not the place for me to work things out.
And that feels horrible.
This place has saved me. It has ALWAYS been the one place and thing I had to turn to when I had no one else and nowhere else to turn and right now I can’t.
And for someone like me that is just…awful.
And since I can’t use this space to work out, I can’t bear to see this place turn into a place that hosts youtube videos and vague posts that are written out of a desire to try to feel better but also to spare everyone details. Those posts are maddening to everyone and just suck, if I’m frank. This place deserves better, you know? If I can’t write how I need to write, I’d rather not write at all.
Putting down the online pen is hard. (There is always that fear that it won’t be picked up again, you know?)
Right now, I need a shift of focus and to pour any positive energy I have into different things.
I don’t know how long it will take but I know in my heart that it’s gonna take more than a week or two.
I have considered this carefully. (I even slept on it, people.)
I know that the world will continue to tick by.
I have no expectation that anyone will ‘wait’ for me.
I’m not different.
Or special.
At all.
I will lose the money my ad revenue gives me. I realize that if I can’t get it together and go too long I could lose everything I’ve worked so hard for the last 6 years. People could go away and not come back. I could lose all my traffic.
Right now, I just don’t care about that. If all the ‘perks’ that go with being a blogger goes away because I take some time to refocus, so be it. Sometimes I think too many of us need to step away to regroup sometimes, but the fear of ‘losing it all’ stops us.
But right now, that is what I need to do.
The one thing that sucks in this is not having you all. I do care about YOU. I’ve always cared about my friends online and my readers.
You’re so much to me.
And man, I’ll miss that.
For now, I am just going to step away from my personal accounts and write and focus on my day job and the many wonderful things that are going on with it. And I love that job. It is a delightful pond to swim in and it will do me good. I will focus on family. On my sweet wee ones. On the relationships I have left. On my house. My garden. My music. My bed.
I’ll do whatever it is that ends up righting and bringing happiness to my world.
And when that happens, I’ll be back.
So?
Go be happy.
P.S. I love ya.
P.P.S. A lot.
P.P.P.S. And I am totally leaving you with a sappy youtube video.
P.P.P.P.S. You know, because I can.
P.P.P.P.P.S. xo
Take the time you need and come back when you’re ready. People will still love you and be here for you. Real life trumps online, period.
You will be missed, but we will be here when you return. Take care & be well.
I love you immensely and commend you for taking such a necessary decision to get in a place where you want to be. It takes courage, strength, and determination to just step away to refocus, cordially and elegantly, no less. I’ve loved being a part of your universe through this space right here, and I’ll never forget that fateful night we held cyberhands and attempted to figure out the complexities of Skype, apart, but together. Your spirit is so impressive and will resonate all around, even if you’re not “present”. Love you to bits’n'bits and ‘specially those tits (see what I did there?! Snapped. Right. Out of it. You’re welcome.)
xoxo strap on your super goggles sister, you’re world is worth it.
Good luck and I hope things get better for you sooner than later.
“From this valley they say you are going,
We will miss your bright eyes and sweet smile,
for they say you are taking the sunshine, that has brightened our pathways a while”
Illigitemi non carborundum.
Drop by our haunts from time to time, you are most welcome there.
Best wishes/ Gramps
Hey! The pantry is stocked! so is the fridge! Looks like the car is in the driveway and the keys are hung there by the door.
We hope things take a turn for the better and taking a break may be just what you need. Always keep the main thing the “main thing”.
Best Regards,
Wilko
I will miss you dearly. I wish I commented more to let you know that I read (when I can… naptime seems to be going away. gah!) and love you.
I am sorry that you’re going through a really tough time right now and are unable to work it out using words. It’s one of those things that if you wanted to write about it on here that you would have to open it up completely. Writing about it in vague terms frustrates you and those who read. That totally makes me sound like a greedy snoop – which in the end I guess I am being that I love to read your blog and others to see into lives of people who I would never have known otherwise.
Babbling again… but I am thinking of you and hope that you can make it through this with your head held high.
Loralee – One great thing about life is you get to choose the actions you take. I always think it is better for people to make the choice that is right for the individual. When you come back, I’m sure we’ll all greet you with open arms. Until then, all the best. Whatever is hurting your heart now, I hope it heals soon. – Jenn
I miss you already, Loralee. Take care of yourself, and we’ll be here when you’re ready to come back. *hugs*
I am sorry you are experiencing something bad right now. Please know that your readers believe you are special, and we will be here when you return.
Big huge hugs to you sweetie.
So many hugs to you! I will be waiting as long as it takes for you to come back (as will so many others)! I will keep you in my prayes that this storm too will pass. Enjoy your time away, take care of you and your sweet family!
“The sea is calm to-night.
The tide is full, the moon lies fair
Upon the straits; on the French coast the light
Gleams and is gone; the cliffs of England stand;
Glimmering and vast, out in the tranquil bay.
Come to the window, sweet is the night-air!
Only, from the long line of spray
Where the sea meets the moon-blanched land,
Listen! you hear the grating roar
Of pebbles which the waves draw back, and fling,
At their return, up the high strand,
Begin, and cease, and then again begin,
With tremulous cadence slow, and bring
The eternal note of sadness in.
Sophocles long ago
Heard it on the A gaean, and it brought
Into his mind the turbid ebb and flow
Of human misery; we
Find also in the sound a thought,
Hearing it by this distant northern sea.
The Sea of Faith
Was once, too, at the full, and round earth’s shore
Lay like the folds of a bright girdle furled.
But now I only hear
Its melancholy, long, withdrawing roar,
Retreating, to the breath
Of the night-wind, down the vast edges drear
And naked shingles of the world.
Ah, love, let us be true
To one another! for the world, which seems
To lie before us like a land of dreams,
So various, so beautiful, so new,
Hath really neither joy, nor love, nor light,
Nor certitude, nor peace, nor help for pain;
And we are here as on a darkling plain
Swept with confused alarms of struggle and flight,
Where ignorant armies clash by night.” Matthew Arnold, Dover Beach.
To be honest, I’d stick with love. Spend as much time as you like walking with God. I don’t know what you’re going through and anything I can do to help, say, but I’ve been on the stroll awhile now and I find that sometimes the internal debates drown out the sound I need to hear. You have a lot of friends in life. Listen and perhaps raise up a song.
Wow. She still hasn’t locked the door, much less set the alarm. Someone is gonna get in here, steal the silver and electronics. (I call dibs on her boots and white sewings!)
Loralee – you are one of a kind. I know it’s not one thing – or two – or three that’s led you to this place. I’ve been busy and I haven’t dropped by for a bit. Then I noticed I hadn’t seen you on twitter. I figured I just missed when you were there. I’m just repeating what everyone else has said – take all the time you need – I will be praying – you are THAT special. I’ll come running back when you come back. If you see Svetlana please tell her I miss her too :)
God bless you Loralee
I love you and you are always going to be on my list of blogs to post when something new comes up. And would it be weird if one day I stopped by your house with some of my yummy easter egg chicken eggs and a diet coke just to make your day?
Sounds like the right thing to do
I know-how annoying it is to write a post when you REALLY want to say stuff that you can’t post.
Take the time out you need for your family and you and know you ARE special! xoxo
While I love blogging it can also suck a lot out of you creatively and otherwise and sometimes you just need to step back, refocus, and come back refreshed and more YOU.
I hope things are taking a turn for the better. I’m still checking in, just in case you come back. Continued hugs and prayers for a very special person and her family. Miss your blog very much.
Christ is Risen! Indeed He is Risen!
The Homily
If anyone is devout and a lover of God, let them enjoy this beautiful and radiant festival.
If anyone is a grateful servant, let them, rejoicing, enter into the joy of his Lord.
If anyone has wearied themselves in fasting, let them now receive recompense.
If anyone has labored from the first hour, let them today receive the just reward.
If anyone has come at the third hour, with thanksgiving let them feast.
If anyone has arrived at the sixth hour, let them have no misgivings; for they shall suffer no loss.
If anyone has delayed until the ninth hour, let them draw near without hesitation.
If anyone has arrived even at the eleventh hour, let them not fear on account of tardiness.
For the Master is gracious and receives the last even as the first; He gives rest to him that comes at the eleventh hour, just as to him who has labored from the first.
He has mercy upon the last and cares for the first; to the one He gives, and to the other He is gracious.
He both honors the work and praises the intention.
Enter all of you, therefore, into the joy of our Lord, and, whether first or last, receive your reward.
O rich and poor, one with another, dance for joy!
O you ascetics and you negligent, celebrate the day!
You that have fasted and you that have disregarded the fast, rejoice today!
The table is rich-laden: feast royally, all of you!
The calf is fatted: let no one go forth hungry!
Let all partake of the feast of faith. Let all receive the riches of goodness.
Let no one lament their poverty, for the universal kingdom has been revealed.
Let no one mourn their transgressions, for pardon has dawned from the grave.
Let no one fear death, for the Saviour’s death has set us free.
He that was taken by death has annihilated it!
He descended into Hades and took Hades captive!
He embittered it when it tasted His flesh! And anticipating this, Isaiah exclaimed: “Hades was embittered when it encountered Thee in the lower regions”.
It was embittered, for it was abolished!
It was embittered, for it was mocked!
It was embittered, for it was purged!
It was embittered, for it was despoiled!
It was embittered, for it was bound in chains!
It took a body and came upon God!
It took earth and encountered ?eaven!
It took what it saw, but crumbled before what can not seen!
O death, where is thy sting?
O Hades, where is thy victory?
Christ is risen, and you are overthrown!
Christ is risen, and the demons are fallen!
Christ is risen, and the angels rejoice!
Christ is risen, and life reigns!
Christ is risen, and not one dead remains in a tomb!
For Christ, being raised from the dead, has become the first-fruits of them that have slept.
To Him be glory and might unto the ages of ages.
Amen.
Darn, I don’t send enough bloggy love…I will miss you. Hope you can come back sooner than later.
am glum. need to leave it at that or it’ll be a novella.
I hope we’ll still see you around on The Twitter, at the very least.
Found this because I realized I had not seen you on twitter in awhile. Hope things are working out for you. I say take as looooonnnnng as you need. We’ll be here:)
Just checkin….
Just to inject some politics: REPUBLICAN ROAD RAGE – caught on film
Just checking in.
(putters about some, opens windows to air the place out, gives tables and counters a quick wipe down, runs a dust mop over the floor)
Miss you!
I’ve been missing you on Twitter, and here. Hope all is well. xoxo
Steph
Just wanted to drop you a line to let you know that you are missed.
Hey girl! XOXO
We all are still thinking of this special gal and sending big smiley faces her way. It is through each other that we all find strength.
Sending hugs/
TJ
PS Remember his light is always beside you (but you already knew that)
Well, a bit dusty in here again, but lordy, you should see the wreckage over at Lex’s place! Just need some dusting and knocking down cobwebs here. Open up the windows and doors, turn on the fans to air the place out too.
Just stopping by to see if you are back home. I miss your words, and hope you are well.
There! Bar is polished, mirrors cleaned. New lamps in the light fixtures. Floor swept, tables arranged, fridge and freezer stocked, Diet Coke on tap.