It’s only 10 am and I feel like I’ve worked a full day already.
Let me e’splain. No…there is too much. Let me sum up.
My mom got out of the hospital this week.
She’s had a rough go of it.
After discussing it with everyone and all the options, it was decided that she was simply not ready to go back home with my dad. God bless him, but he’s in his late 70′s and his back is awful. There is no way he can do the physical hefting that needs doing.
And no, I have no idea how long this will take. It could be short, it could be long. There is no way of knowing right now.
I know that adding another person, a hospital bed, commodes, and the like to our family and 1,000 sq-ft and 1 bathroom doesn’t seem ideal (and it isn’t) but given things like location to her doctors and other private family stuff, her being here is the best situation we all could come up with.
This is when being a personal blogger is tough.
I worry about unloading here about my stress.
I worry my boss will see this or hear about it and think I have too much on my plate to do my job. (I can do my job. I will get what needs to be done, done. I am beyond grateful for my job and the friends and support that it brings me. Not everyone has a boss that truly loves them and that you can call at 1 am and cry on their shoulders. I am one lucky woman. And I am SO grateful for the income it allows me to give my family. Worrying about money right now would truly be awful.)
I worry that the people waiting on posts that I promised to write and post weeks ago will think I suck. (UGH, I am so sorry. They WILL be written, I just gots nuthin’ right now.)
I worry that people will be judgmental or think I am an idiot for trying to juggle working full time and homeschooling and family and Butterlump and Jonathan being gone a full week with all of this and that my kids will be seriously neglected. (I am not a perfect mom but I would never neglect my children. Never. But you also gotta do what ya gotta do sometimes.)
I worry that my mom will read this and feel bad for being a burden, or my dad will feel like he isn’t doing enough to help or family will see it and think that I can’t take care of her well enough or that I think they or any of my friends should be doing more to help. (My mother is NEVER a burden. She’s my mom. I owe her. I can take care of her. Dad, you rock for doing all my dishes and sweeping my floors today. My siblings and friends are great…You’re all doing enough.)
I worry that no one will just let me say “Great!” when they ask me how things are going because they have read here that things are stressful. (Please let me just say it and act like you believe it. Sometimes we need to cling to our bravado to get through the day, you know?)
It can make it daunting to open up on here.
But at the end of the day, EVERYONE has to have a place where they can be vulnerable and honest.
And for me, that place has always been here.
My little blog.
The friend that is ALWAYS here for me no matter what, no matter when, no matter.
It can take and take and take what I dish out and I don’t have to worry about being too much or too little or too, TOO.
Even though it is public and out in the open, it is my little corner of the world to wrap up with my security blankie and get some comfort.
So, here it is.
This is hard.
So hard.
And I feel six kinds of inadequate about getting everything done that needs doing and being able to juggle all these balls without dropping one or four.
I’ve already failed like crazy.
My worst fear in all of this happened last night.
My mom, not wanting to be a burden, got up by herself in the night and she fell.
Luckily, she is FINE. She didn’t hurt herself and I heard her through the monitor we have set up, but it scared me to death. She could really have been hurt. I am thinking that I will move a mattress into the front room and sleep in there so that I can hear her and get to her more quickly.
But man…I am so tired today.
I have no resentment for my mom, family or anyone but I sure DO have resentment for the universe sometimes.
I mean, really? Did Butterlump REALLY have to mess in the tub RIGHT after I’d washed the shower curtain, scrubbed the bathroom and showered and right as I had a conference call and dinner on the stove? REALLY?!
Did all of this have to happen right when Jonathan has the ONE work trip he MUST take for his biggest client? REALLY? He felt so bad about leaving us for the week and it took everything I had to not grab onto him and sob, “Please don’t leave me here with all of this by myself.”
And did ALL of us have to wake up with hurting, infected lungs and fevers today????? REALLY?????
It’s enough to make you want to put a fork in your eye.
But, honestly, it will be OK.
I will be OK.
Because I got to talk about it here and get a little frustration out.
And I would rather have my life fall upside down and sideways and have my mom alive and here.
Because I am not old enough to be without her.
Whine all you want. You’re handling a lot right now. I know you can do it. I know you WILL. But that also doesn’t make it any easier. I get it.
xoxo
You are doing GREAT! and yes, we will all beleive it when that is what you want us to! If you can’t whine here, where the heck can you? and when all else fails, put a diet coke in each hand. :)
We are here for you to vent and supply you with Diet Coke. Okay you will have to come to Ohio to get your Diet Coke, but someday i will get to the valley and I will buy you the biggest one your quickie mart has.
xo
Being a good friend I will take away the fork and offer you a spoon. They hurt less when you stab yourself in the eye. ;-P DUMB JOKE!
But I know you. You have been through more trying times… so I know you will do great! And of course there will be hard times but you have the strength to do it.
Your mom is lucky to have you. And it sounds like you’re lucky to have her. And, if for no other reason than that, it’ll be okay.
My heart hurts for you and I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading your post. I seriously wish I could do something to help make this a little easier for you, but I live in Ohio. Far, far away in the frozen tundra. So I will just encourage you and cheer you on the best I can. I will say some prayers that all the extra “muck” clears up so you can concentrate on just taking care of your Mama and your family and everything else just falls into place. Cause you deserve a break, Girl! And I sense one coming your way soon…
And when you wrote this…”And I would rather have my life fall upside down and sideways and have my mom alive and here.
Because I am not old enough to be without her.” I cried. Because that’s exactly how I feel about my Mom and I can totally relate.
Hugs all around. And keep posting, even if you feel like we might be getting tired of hearing it because that’s how you’re going to feel better. We know you’re going through a little rough patch and we WANT to hear how you’re doing. You are reaching out for love and support. And THAT, my dear, is a very good thing.
You are a completely amazing woman and I am in awe of you! Your mom and your entire family are s lucky to have you. When your hubby gets back just make sure he gives you a break to take some time just for you!
so what day can I bring dinner over and chat with your Mom to give you a wee break. call, text, email me. I am just up the road and love you and your folks! Got it? Get it? Good!
I wish I had something helpful to say, but instead I will just send virtual hugs and let you know I’m thinking about you.
I LOVE the last line of this post. “Because I am not old enough to be without her.” Do you ever think we get past the point of wanting/needing our Mommies? I don’t think so…
But you are doing GREAT. And you can only do so much, so even if it feels like you’re failing, you’re NOT. You’re one person. Don’t be so hard on yourself… Give yourself a break.
Hugs to you, lady…
Vent. Unload. Breathe.
You’ve got this sister. Your instincts to do and care and share wouldn’t be so strong if you didn’t. xoxoxoxo
You are carrying a great load right now–it’s a difficult season for you and your family. But just remember it is just a “season”, not a lifetime, and things WILL get better! Let others help when and as they are able–a casserole, run errands, babysit, etc. I will be keeping you and your family in my prayers.
I sometimes think that doing too much is a woman’s lot in life – at least for a lot of her life. But you’ll get into a groove, and just when you have it down, your mom will be better and it will be time for her to go home. Then you’ll miss her.
I am so with you on the whole “Because I am not old enough to be without her.” Me to – totally still need my mommy. She’s had some scary health problems the last year or so, and I am scared to death every time she ends up in the ER (seizure disorder). Just take good care of her, but try to take good care of you, too. Know there will be melt down days, especially with a toddler to boot. Wow – aren’t they something? Yeb has a thing for paint. He can smell it, and is willing to risk life and limb to get to it. Our school room is now multi-colored – I have chosen to feel that this is festive.
Sending prayers and calming vibes your way! Blessings, Megan
Thank you for writing this. I have so many RW people reading my blog that I also fear unloading on my site because they’ll see me as vulnerable, inept, unprofessional and overburdened. While all of these things may be true and accurate, putting them up there to confirm their suspicions is not something I want to do. So, God bless you for having the bravery to do what I can’t.
Is it possible for your mom to get a home health care worker to come and help for a few hours a day? It was a huge help for my mom when my dad came home from his bypass. They handled bathing, medications, and some of his therapy. It gave her a chance to leave the house, run errands, and regain her sanity. check with the hospital’s social worker and see about getting a hand. And, don’t be afraid to ask for help. People really want to do SOMETHING. Let them make a casserole, take the kids to the park, run to the store and grab what you need. Let them.
“Because I am not old enough to be without her.”
We never are old enough, sweetie.
For the record:
My grandparents both lived with us when I was a kid, and my grandfather died of cancer in our house, so I’m sure you can imagine how taxing his care got at the end.
If you’re ever feeling like your kids will resent you for this, don’t. I’ve never resented my mother for taking care of her parents while I was a kid. It let me get close to my grandfather (he always said I was his favourite grandkid, and in a family that had 56 grandkids, that’s saying something) and showed me that my mom respected and loved her parents. I’ve never seen it as a negative thing. Ever.
So don’t worry about your kids. Trust me on that one.
When it rains on you Loralee, it really pours doesn’t it?
*hugs* I just got my net back after a many day deprivation and am catching up. I just wanted to say that we believe it you :) You’ll get through it.
I took care of my mom when her leg was broken and she couldn’t weight bear for a month. I think you definitely have more on your plate than I did, but I certainly can sympathize and mean it when I say I have an idea of what you are going though. *hugs for you and your mom and your dad and your sibs and your kids and an extra one for you*
I can’t imagine how difficult it must be right now. I know how much you love your family and that you would do ANYTHING for them. Just please remember to take a few minutes everyday for yourself. Even if that means just going to get your Diet Coke and calling me :)
Love you.
And love your Mama.
Oh Mama, I wish I were closer and I would come over and help you. I love you and wish I could do more.
We never get old enough to be without our mothers.
I believe in you, Loralee. You’ll sob, you’ll cry, you’ll get mouthful here, but then the next day you’ll get up and do what needs to be done. You’ll get through this. You’re a fighter.
If you’re doing something out of love, you can’t fail.
love,
Amy.
Please, please don’t worry about us! We love you and understand that this is a very stressful time. That way you will have one less thing to worry about. Life really really sucks sometimes. We have all been there and I wish the best for you and your family. I am sending good vibes your way and I hope you all feel better soon.
You are doing great. Keep it up. Hope things feel better for you.
As someone whose Mom was chronically ill for 15 years before she died 12 years ago, I so totally get it. I didn’t have children (another whole regret/issue) so being caregiver wasn’t quite as complicated as your situation. You will survive! Your kids will survive! Take advantage of help when offered is the best advice I can give. And no, sadly even when she’s gone, you never outgrow the need for your mother. I’m glad you’re able to be there for both your parents.
Hey,since you’re going into the kitchen anyway, will you fetch me some chips and a soda?
Loralee…I just had another thought. Do your siblings live close by? My Dad has 2 sisters and 4 brothers. When my Grandma had her hip replaced and a stroke and could no longer stay home alone, they each took a day/night and cared for her in her own home. They did not want to put her in a nursing home as that was always her greatest fear. They thought this might be a short-term thing, but she lived for 8 years under their watchful care. All without an arguement or disagreement. They had a schedule and took it upon themselves to “trade” days if the one they had scheduled didn’t work for them. More amazing people I have never met! I don’t know if this would work for your family or not, but I thought I’d share just in case you needed some “help.” Your Mom is much younger than my Grandma was when this happened to her, and that’s why it became a permanent thing for us. Yours would only be for a little while. It brought our entire family closer and formed an unbreakable bond. It was really a blessing to witness and to be a part of caring for such a wonderful woman. I just wanted to throw that out there and let you know that it’s okay to ask for help if you need it. Also, I keep thinking of that picture of you and your twin sister in those WONDER WOMAN underware (not in a weird or creepy way lol)…little did you know back then what an accurate description that would be of the woman you’ve become! *HUGS*
THIS. IS. AWESOME. This is the way caring for our elderly should be done. What a blessing to have all those siblings! I keep telling my kids that they should be so glad there are so many of them, it will always ease family burdens when there are many shoulders! I just wanted to pop on and say how wonderful I think it is.
My grandmother was recently put in a nursing home. She has dementia and kept falling down, all due to a subdural hematoma. Anyway, my mom has health problems, her brothers are gone. I wanted her to come to me, but my mom didn’t (she didn’t think I could handle another person). It wasn’t my decision to make, but being cared for by family would have been my first choice.
Loralee, God bless you and your family – this can’t be easy, but it’s the right thing to do. Blessings, Megan
wow. cut yourself some slack, give yourself some credit, and vent, whine or whatever else you want to do. it will all be fine. you know that.
you are an amazing daughter. who made herself into an amazing mother. with her mother’s help. you get it, you got it.
you are good. you can be great, even.
You are going to be just fine my friend! YOU ARE A WONDERFUL DAUGHTER! keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers.
We’re here to be your therapy, friend.
Big hugs and love and (virtual) Diet Cokes. xoxo
So much good advice up above me. All I can say is, you will look back on this time and wonder how you did it (I did it short term with my mother-in-law and a 2week old baby). But just one thing at a time. Make a list (works for me) and don’t stress the urgent, just do the important.
Loralee, I just want to hug you right now. I’d face the sick germs just to give you a big, fat hug. You’re a wonderful daughter, an amazing mother, and a goddess of a wife. I know this is crazy right now, but you will feel it in your heart later when you think of helping your mom, and see what a blessing it is for her and your family. This time really stinks, but just think how it’s gonna make things after this look! Easy peasy, rice and cheesy.
5 Words: Airborne, Zicam nose swabs, Mucinex
Loralee, I’m 100 yeas older than you and I’ll tell you this, you are never old enough to be without your mom.
“Sometimes we need to cling to our bravado to get through the day, you know?” — I know.
You are my hero today Loralee – 97.6% hero – that’s an A+ BTW
Thank you for this today Sherry
God Bless and Keep you and yours
Now I see where you get your good looks from…LOVE the photo, Loralee! You’re Momma is beautiful! ;)
You just do what you gotto do and amazingly, from somewhere, your strength increases, your time lengthens and one day you wake up and voila, you are actually wonder woman. Totally making miracles happen every day.
My heart aches for you and what you are going through. God Bless You. She mothered you when you were young and needed her the most and now you are mothering her when she needs you the most.
Mothering lasts a lifetime.
Big hugs to you and your mom. Everyone has bad days and everyone needs to be able to vent. Hang in there sweetie! Sometimes the universe hands us too much at once to handle and when you wade through the crap and emerge on the other side you will feel lighter and know it was all worth it.
p.s. your mama is beautiful!
Oh my goodness I just want to jump in and fix everything for you. Since I can’t, may I make one suggestion? You have so many friends and family to help, take half an hour and type up a few lists – one for things that have to be done everyday, one for weekly things, and a few pages with just blank lines you can write on. Put them in sleeves in a notebook and get a dry erase marker. Every time you have someone offering to help out, grab the notebook or even have them go get it and look at what has not been checked off for the day or week AND THEN LET THEM DO IT. You can get too tired to even know how to respond to offers of help in these situations. Use the blank pages to write down one time things that pop up (like “Clean poo out of tub”, etc.)
This is basically the Fly Lady control journal idea, you can even go to her site and download generic pages. Also, see if other family members can take turns staying over to sleep on the mattress in your mom’s area so you can get a good night’s sleep a couple of times a week.
OK, I’ll stop trying to fix things now and just say I hope that this difficult time passes quickly.
I love the picture of your mom! She looks like a fighter and I wish her the best and that she is up and feeling great soon!
You are giving your children a valuable gift by demonstrating your love for your mother this way. Once upon a time families took care of each other – and some still do! I’ve been where you are and it is hard work but in the end you will look back and feel such happiness at having been able to step in and help out when your parents needed it the most. Feel free to vent on your blog. and we will help prop you up on the rough days. Bless you.
I know this is hard.. I also know that you CAN do this, and you WILL get through it, and believe it or not right now, one day this will all be fond memories. Live the good parts, and hack and curse (and then forget) the bad parts. You can do it! Hugs Girlie!
PS if I ever leave an inappropriate comment, it’s probably because I wasn’t paying attention.. (LOL)