I did a full (but modified) Cross Fit workout yesterday.

How do I feel today?

I feel good, but dude, even my hair is sore.

I can only think of a handful of times in my life where I’ve felt this sore, in fact.

One would be after starting a “boot camp” at the local gym. (You all remember that one, right? Where it was me getting my rear handed to me by Doris, the woman in her 70′s? Yeah, that time.)

And one of them was after I spent three days with the Army ROTC  in the middle of the Utah desert.

(I know, right?!)

I am a girl of varied interests.  While I wish I had stuck to a quicker path to graduation in college, I had a GREAT education. Why? Because I took classes in anything that interested me. Political Science, Anatomy, Art, History, Human Sexuality, Food Science, Literature, Psychology, Anthropology…with the exception of the harder sciences (because, well, that is just not how my brain ticks) I took a ton of classes and thought of a ton of different career paths.

Given my intense fascination of law enforcement and the legal system, I considered being a cop for about thirty seconds.

And then I pictured actually, um, having to arrest someone.

And it went something like this:

“Excuse me? Mr. Criminal? HI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m Loralee, your arresting officer! I’m here to make sure you have a fantabulous incarceration experience! Could you scoot over here and put your hands on the hood of my car?? Yah, she is a cutie, huh?! I named her “MUFFY”. She is a super sweet little car, thanks! Are those cuffs comfy? GREAT! Oh, and can you pinkie swear that you don’t have any contraband on you???? SUPERLICIOUS! Ok, watch your head getting in, we don’t want any nasty boo-boos! Have an awesome day!!!

Ok, this MAY be a wee bit of an exaggeration, but not much. :)

Before I attended Utah State University, I had a semester at a local college. I was walking around the orientation with my friend, Spencer. Spencer was dating my best girlfriend, Susie. They are actually married now. They are the two on the left. (Go ahead. Mock my butt bow and yuppie sweater. I understand. :))

Spencer is just like a huge bear and he is very comfortable in the outdoors. He was an Army brat and is just inclined to do all things hunting, shooting, and running around the outdoors in cammo.

“LORALEE! Let’s sign up for this class! Three credits in three days for Mountaineering! Come on! It will be FUN!”

Uh…

In case you all hadn’t noticed, I am sort of an INDOOR girl.

BUT, I also love trying new things. And, hey…hiking in the mountains sounded appealing, so, sure, why not?

We signed up.

A month later I received a phone call.

“Is this Loralee Mitchell?”

“Yes.”

“This is SGT. Joe with the Army ROTC calling to give you information about our practice rappel from the stadium next week.”

(The silence was deafening as I blink, blink, blinkity-blinked on my end of the phone.)

“Army?! Rappelling from A STADIUM?!!!! WHAT??!?!?!?!?!??!?!”

Yeah.

Apparently, there would be no easy nature trail, meandering through the trees and eating S’mores by the fire.

I was going to be gone for three days WITH THE ARMY.

I was going RAPELLING with THE ARMY.

FOR THREE DAYS.

Really, if I was in the army it would look something like this:

And did I mention I am scared of heights?

And I am not fond of rappelling?

The only time I had ever been rappelling before then, my hair got caught in the ropes and they had to hack half of it off to get me out. Not a good sign.

But it was too late to drop the class and sign up for a new one and if I withdrew, I would lose my vocal scholarship, so…a week later I found my butt in a harness trying to repel off of the football stadium without dying.

I didn’t die, but it was close.

The week after that I was sitting on an old bus headed out to the desert of Calleo, Utah, with my friend, Spencer (who was SO in the dog house). We quickly realized that neither of us got the required packing list.

Like I said, I am sort of an “indoor girl”. My family does not “camp”. In fact, I had the only outdoor gear our family owned with me, which was exactly ONE 20-year-old orange sleeping bag with a broken zipper. It was stuffed into a garbage bag because I had no idea how to roll a sleeping bag up.

That was it.

I was also 17 and stupid, so it did not occur to me to think of the more practical things I would need.

So?

I had no warm night clothes. No coat. No extra blankets. No bug spray, sunscreen or practical clothing.

AND?????

I accidentally left my tennis shoes on the porch so I was in PENNY LOAFERS.

Oh, and WE DIDN’T KNOW WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BUY OUR OWN FOOD.

Between us, we had one box of NutraGrain Strawberry bars, a six-pack of red cream soda and a bag of Funyons for three days.

It was really that bad.

There were only 5 civilians in the group and I was the only female. So, I was in a tent with the 4 ROTC females that were in attendance. They were really sweet. They knew I had no freaking idea what to do and helped me a lot.

We hit the ground running at 5 am and didn’t stop until well after dark. I don’t think I have ever been so subjected to such physical hell. I weighed WELL into the 200 pound level and was not exactly in shape.

Have you ever tried doing a chimney climb in penny loafers? Well, I have. Try doing a 1,000 ft forward repel in them, too. It’s a treat.

Even though I was woefully unprepared and inexperienced and the youngest person in the group, I did my best.

I didn’t complain.

I (as usual) made everyone laugh.

Nobody made me feel bad that I was always last and they were very encouraging and helpful. (I look back and feel really bad at how much I slowed them and their training down, but they never even hinted it was a problem. That group was rad.)

In many ways I was having a great time.

But…

My commanding officer and I really didn’t see eye to eye. He was understandably appalled at me and my complete lack of ability and probably frustrated I was there in the first place. I thought he was an ass, so we were even. When we were doing the 1,00-ft boulder repel and I couldn’t get a secure footing on the rocks (WITH MY PENNY LOAFERS) and kept slipping. I would swing into the side of the cliff and bang against it pretty hard. The 7th or 8th attempt, I caught a rock with my forehead. They hauled me up.

As I sat there, shaking and BLEEDING FROM THE HEAD, he let me have it:

“Dammit, Mitchell! I have never sent a soldier home from these exercises on medical and I am sure as hell not going to have the first one be a civilian. GET UP AND DO IT AGAIN.”

I am not really an aggressive person. Maybe it was my hunger, cold, exhaustion, or the fact that during the last repel my brand new Mickey mouse baseball t-shirt got caught in the ropes AND HAD TO BE CUT FROM MY BODY, but I wasn’t in a good mood.

“NO! I am NOT doing it again. I DON’T HAVE TO. I AM A CIVILIAN TAKING A CLASS. FAIL ME!”

He did a double take and took a good look at me.

I think he expected me to cry, but I didn’t.

I can’t be sure, but from the look on his face, I think he re-evaluated my situation. I was a civilian, I was 17-year-old overweight, out of shape girl in freaking penny loafers that clearly had NO idea what she was getting into. And I had been trying my guts out without complaining for 2-days and I had a bloody face.

He cooled off and so did I.

And?

I did the rappel.

And I kept going.

I’m glad I did because if I had given up, I would have missed my one moment of success.

I was the only person in my group to make it across the canyon ravine on the single-strand rope bridge without falling off and having to start over. (A rope bridge is NO BRIDGE. You have a single rope to step sideways on and a rope above to hold on to. It’s highly unstable and scary as all get out.) God directly intervened because there is NO way that one person should have been me. I was terrified and I knew that there was no way I would get back up if I fell. It was a good, no, it was a freaking AWESOME moment for me. The CO even gave me a surprised nod of approval.

(This may sound weird, but I think that some part of the guy actually liked me by the end.)

This is the only picture of the trip. Me and my tent mates. Before my awesome Mickey baseball t-shirt bit it in the rapelling ropes. :(

By the last (freezing) night, I was in pretty bad shape. It helped that we would be leaving in the morning.  We just had the awards ceremony that night to get through.

Then there was an announcement. THEY HAD DINNER FOR US! Hot dogs and beans. Dude. I was so grateful I bawled. It was one of the best meals I have ever eaten. I think Spencer and I consumed half of their supply by ourselves. When the commanding officer caught on to what we had both been going through, he was really pissed.

“Mitchell, why the hell didn’t you say something earlier?”

Good question.

I don’t know. I was just used to solving my problems by myself. It didn’t even occur to me to ask for help. It was my own fault, I should just suck it up. It’s nice to know he would have been willing to help if I had asked him.

When they gave out certificates of completion, the CO just stood there shaking his head.

“I can’t believe she did it, but she did. Mitchell, get your ass up here!”

I got a standing ovation.

It was way better than most standing ovations I’ve gotten for my singing because, well…I worked way harder on this trip.

It was one of the proudest moments of my life.

I came home battered and bruised with a healthy appreciation for people in the service. They do stuff like that all the time, and THEY THINK IT IS FUN. I also gained a sure knowledge that there is NO WAY I would ever, EVER DO THAT AGAIN.

I will take brutal Cross Fit work outs any day of the week, yo.

:)

I dragged my sorry (and pancake-like) arse out of bed at an ungodly hour.

Why?

To go to a gym.

(I know…is there anything more boring than reading about someone working out? You’ll just have to trust that I can make most things entertaining.)

(And? I know, I know…starting to work out at the new year. Part of me wants to yell, “FIGHT THE CLICHE, LORALEE!” at myself, yet part of me also rationalizes that cliches exist for a reason.)

(And, And? I know, I know, I know for sure that my flat heiney exists for a reason; which would be that I consider going out and getting the mail my daily workout.)

(And, And AND? I am still not sure I could I get more trite if I tried.)

My friend, Jill, and I were at a board meeting for the Social Media Club “Tweet Up” we’re having (It’s on January 11th, at Cafe Sabor for all you Cache Valley people! You should come!) and she was like, “Hey! I joined this Cross Fit gym and I think it could be a really good work out for you!”. You all remember Jill, don’t you? This is her.

She is one of the two most together, type A organized people I have ever had grace my life as a friend and she’s pretty much who I want to be when I grow up.  I am adult enough to realize that this is about as likely as my childhood dreams of wanting to be Princess Diana coming true. (Which, in hindsight, is probably a really good thing it didn’t work out for me, no?) Isn’t she pretty?! Plus, she has disgustingly white teeth that has had nary a Crest Whitening Strip to help them along.

We are really yin and yang, but it works beautifully and we really like each other, to boot. We’re both just so busy we don’t see each other often, so this seemed like a good way to get some more face time, so I decided to give it a try despite knowing full well that I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.

It doesn’t help that it is morning AND it is winter.

Do you know how freaking cold it is at 6 am in the morning in Logan, Utah?

Let’s put it this way…IF I had nasal hair IT WOULD HAVE FROZEN AND ALL FALLEN OUT JUST BY BREATHING THE FREAKING AIR THIS MORNING. (For the record, I don’t have nasal hair. No girls do. Excess female nasal hair is just a vast conspiracy driven by the evil media to perpetuate inferior complexes in women!!!) (Damn, DAMN THEM!)

I got lost on my way there. Turns out that 6 am in Logan, Utah, is not only cold as the heart of an ex-boyfriend, but it is dark as all get out as well. So, I arrived a bit late for my workout.

Jill looked so freaking cute: Black workout leggins, cute shoes, cute little shirt and an adorable Nike cap. I looked like I had just been hit by a train and outfitted by good will and wearing shoes that my trainer said would be worse than working out barefoot in.

(I am off to a really stellar start here, no?)

I told him I will have to be at this a month before being able to justify the investment in good workout gear, and he was pretty much adorable about it.My trainer is pretty much just…adorable. I tried to give the moniker “THE PUNISHER” in my head, but really? He’s just too damn adorable for that. So, for now, I am going to refer to him as “Little Joshy”. (Because ALL former National Guard turned personal trainers LIVE TO HAVE A NICKNAME LIKE THAT BESTOWED ON THEM.)(But if you know me, you know that is a compliment.)

So, how did my work out go?

Well…I made it through the warm up and then about half of the work out and then I was done.

Hey, it was a pretty intense warm up and half a work out, people!

The truth of it is this: I have multiple back/neck herniations. Since I lost my work out buddy a couple of years ago, I haven’t worked out steadily. I have had some injury and significant illness in the not-too-distant past and I need to be very careful starting this. I want it to be long term and try to finally get it to stick as a lifestyle. I’m tired of getting so easily injured and feeling like crap and I know my body. I have to start slow or I will overdo and burn out.

So?

Steady and slow wins the race.

And?

The best part?

I have promised myself that after every early-morning work out?

I WILL GET TO EAT THIS:

Do you know what “THIS” is, people?

“THIS” is the GLORIOUS MCDONALD’S OATMEAL I HAVE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT FOR SEVEN LONG, DEPRESSING MONTHS.

I first tried in JUNE when McDonald’s flew me and my family out to their headquarters. I was super, SUPER wary because I am very, VERY picky about my oatmeal and the texture of it and the thought of fast food oatmeal made me kind of want to hurl. But the second it hit my tongue I was in immediate, blissful, irrevocable, oatmeal Nirvana. (It’s true. Kurt Cobain was up in heaven singing gravely and intense grunge tunes about the awesomeness of it. For reals.)

Even people who think McDonald’s is of the devil (which I don’t) can find NOTHING wrong with this amazing and healthy concoction from their fabulous executive chef, ‘Chef Dan”. (Hi, Chef Dan! You’re fabulous! Just in case you didn’t know that already!) It has 2 kinds of raisins, 2 kinds of apples, and sweet, lovely craisins, and just a hint of maple.

I FLIPPING LOVE IT. And it was a perfect thing to get for breakfast on a freezing cold morning. (Even though my windows being FROZEN SHUT proved to be a bit of a challenge at the drive-thru.)

The only thing that even remotely sucks about this oatmeal is when I’m done with it. My tummy is satisfied but my brain and tastebuds KEEP WANTING MORE!

But, hey…at only $1.99 per generous serving and with how healthy it is, I COULD TOTALLY HAVE ANOTHER SERVING IF I REALLY WANTED TO.

I feel good and like I did something fun and positive without an over inflated sense of AMAZING (which burns out quickly) or feeling like I’ve been put through a grinder.

I like it.

And I like the thought of doing it again on Thursday

So?

I am going to keep going back.

If only for the company and the oatmeal.

And, you know…a butt that doesn’t exemplify medieval thought of how the world is shaped.

:)

P.S. I received no, none, nada, zip, zero compensation from McDonald’s or anyone for prattling on and on about their oatmeal. And since, you know, IT’S OATMEAL…it must be pretty damn good for that much prattle to occur. ;)

2010 has been an interesting year, full of twists and turns and surprises and endings and beginnings that have  totally surprised me.

There has been a ton of change for me this year.

Professionally, wow…I don’t think I could have imagined the last 12-months at the beginning of it if I tried.

It’s been fabulous.

Personally, it can pretty much kiss my lily-white pancake-butt.

(Not that it’s been horrible, just challenging.)

(Ok, some of it has been horrible and paiful, but well…let’s talk about something more cheerful, shall we? Like a tooth abscess or puppy death or the fact that that actress who played Andrea Zuckerman on Beverly Hills 90210 TURNED FIFTY TODAY.)

But, so much learning and growth has gone on for me in 2010.

SO MUCH.

Even though growth can be painful and scary and that my main goal for 2011 is to keep growing and trying to be better and I have to be grateful for that.

I have so much to be grateful for in general:

I’m cared about.

I love my job.

I have wonderful boys (and the words CUTEST pat of butter, that has learned to clap after every achievement, build and knock down block towers and who has said full sentences in the last week).

I have a roof over my head, while, though tiny and with no storage and 1 bathroom, has been updated, is cute and is cozy and full of love.

Jonathan acquiesced and got rid of the black golfing hat I hated. (It was because he bought a GRAY golfing cap that I also hate, but we’re taking baby steps here, people.)

I have a new lover in English Breakfast Tea. (And while, I have stepped out on Diet Coke, I have found that it is more open and understanding to this new relationship than I ever thought possible. I think it is all the episodes of Sister Wives we’ve viewed together.)

I have a car that, while I loathe it (STUPID WHEEL-RECLINING-VW-MECHANISMS!), it gets me where I need to go.

I have gotten to travel all over the country and meet amazing people. I’ve eaten steak and lobster on skewers on a 5th avenue penthouse balcony, I’ve seen the sunrise over the Arizona desert. I’ve downed Patron in the world’s largest honkey tonk and ran around in a tutu in Minnesota. I interviewed Mary Poppins at the Beverly Hills Four Seasons and had the art department of a major network (ABC) turn my family into superheros for a portrait:

(I love this thing so much. Even if my boys are still bickering over which one of them gets to fly.)(And I think Butterlump’s superpower is keeping his socks on, because lord knows he never does it now!) (Also, I love how even though Jonathan that  is a super hero, they still gave him glasses and put him in his ‘I am never without it” geeked out tool belt.) (I think my super power is just looking hot carrying groceries and a mini-van.)(But ya know…his legs are spankin’ and my boobs look good, so really…not much to complain about here. They ARE magical, ya know.)

I have the ability and capability of educating my son at home.

My children have never known hunger.

I’m still here.

And there is reality television. Mustn’t forget that.

Really, it’s a blessed life.

What have you been blessed with this year?