I’m currently in the ER, blogging on my phone to pass the time and try to distract myself from the throbbing “ouch” signals going off all over my body.
Why?
Because of this:
Fun, no?
I rear ended someone (who then rear ended someone) on the major highway that goes through my town.
I hit so hard that the rear view mirror broke off and both air bags deployed. (Do you know how much the smoke from those things deploying SUCKS?) (I’m very grateful I had them, though.)
I am pretty banged up and HURTIN’, but I’m ok.
The car that has the hated WHEEL as a seat reclining mechanism is TOTALED. (While this SUCKS for us financially, it DOES save me from having to go to Germany to track down Franzor Hanz and kick their asses for thinking that CRANKING A FREAKING WHEEL IS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO ADJUST YOUR SEAT.) (Not that I’m bitter or anything.)
I am sure it will be an insurance nightmare.
However, I am trying to look for the good in all of this.
For starters?
No one was seriously hurt.
I begged the woman I hit to go to the hospital because she is 12-weeks pregnant.
(I KNOW, RIGHT?! I HIT A PREGNANT WOMEN WITH MY CAR.)
She said she would.
She was SUPER nice and cute as a button and so lovely.
Her name is Kelszi, and we had a lovely chat in the back of the squad car. I was going home from getting groceries, she was picking up pizzas because her husband is a huge Ducks fan and they were watching a football game at their house. I mentioned that at least it would be good Internet fodder for my blog and she asked what the name of it was.
“Loralee’s Looney Tunes.”
“OH MY GOSH! THAT’S YOU?!!! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!”
(I KNOW, I KNOW, RIGHT?! I HIT A PREGNANT WOMAN THAT IS A FAN OF MY BLOG AND WANTS HER COMPANY TO WORK WITH MY BRAND WITH MY CAR!!!!!)
(At that point I pretty much determined that I was going to hell.)
(And that I pretty much have the biggest track record of all time for drumming up business IN HUGELY WEIRDO WAYS.)
Turns out that she just started as the social media and blogging person for a local cleaning company (Alpine Cleaning & Restoration. I’ve used them many a time and I love them aside from all this “I HIT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA PERSON WITH MY CAR” business) and they have told her on several occasions that they really wanted to work with me.
So, she asked if I’d like my carpets cleaned.
Let me repeat that: I JUST HIT HER WITH MY CAR AND GIRLFIREND WANTS TO CLEAN *MY* CARPETS. (I’ve mentioned the people where I live are spectacularly nice, right?)
At that point, I would have given her a freaking kidney, so I was like, “WHATEVER YOU WANT. WHENEVER YOU WANT. OMG, I WILL TOTALLY HELP YOU HOWEVER.)
(And you know, if you want to ‘Like’ their page on Facebook or read the blog she runs for ALPINE CLEANING AND RESTORATION, and give them some Internet love, not only WOULD I LOVE YOU FOR IT, but I would also directly attribute you with saving my soul from burning in hell and having to answer all of Beelzebub’s irritating Social Media questions for all eternity. (I may be a heathen but I am not going to Tweet for Satan. I have standards, dude.)
(And maybe they won’t think I am a vehicular menace to Cache Valley.)
Oy.
I need to go and take some pain killers, so I’ll sign off.
Thank you for all the kind words online from you all. The compassion was needed. (Speaking of…do we follow each other on Twitter? Are we friends on Facebook? If not, let’s remedy that!!)
I am DEEPLY grateful and thankful that no one was seriously hurt.
THAT is what is most important, here.
(Well, ya know…after that whole “I’m getting my carpets cleaned for free” thing.)
;D
I am glad you are ok!! Awesome you get a carpet cleaning out of it all…not sure I would ever be that lucky!
I’m hoping by now, you’re feeling better or at least the pain meds kicked in. =) sweet dreams!!
You get in a wreck with someone who wants to clean your carpets. I hit the guy that had a gun standoff with local police. I am doing something wrong. Clearly. Perhaps many things.
Only you. Kill a car and get clean carpets in one big ol bang.
oh my gosh what weird circumstances that she knew you!?! So glad you weren’t seriously hurt. Now down to business, how did you happen to rear end her so hard? Were you tweeting? C’mon now, be honest ;)
Don’t answer that! It could be used against you in a court of law! Seriously. You never know what some people will do…
It’s a burden you have to bear Loralee. Everywhere you go, folks are gonna know you. Celebrity, like airbags, can deploy unexpectedly at any moment. Glad you are ok.
LL darlin’
xoxoxo only you.
Adore you, my girl.
Take care, get sleep and rest and heal
xoxoxoo
You are one crazy-lucky-amazingly fortunate-woman! I can’t get over you!. I am SO happy that you are okay. I am thrilled that the person you hit kinda knew you and knows you aren’t just some wild lady driving around rear-ending people. I can’t believe your fortune that she not only knows you but wants to CLEAN YOUR STINKIN CARPETS. Because NO ONE but you, Loralee, has that kind of “luck.” You make me smile even when you’re banged up in an ER updating your facebook status. Actually, especially then. LOVE YOU and your crazy life, girl! ;)
If it makes you feel any better? I ran over a guy in an electric wheel chair a couple years ago.
Also? My insurance rates went down after that. Go figure.
Glad everyone’s okay, and…congrats on the chance meeting? :)
Glad everyone is okay. I’m kinda laughing though. With you. Not AT you. Maybe.
Wink. Be well sugar. And take care of yourself tomorrow.
Glad you are okay and the whole thing had some, although odd, plus side! I hope all turns out well for you! ;)
Glad everyone is OK. It is probably too late for this advice, since you already posted this… but your insurance will really dislike you for this post should more come of what happened tonight.. you know how they say “don’t admit anything- let the insurance handle it”. I am sure everyone will be cool and it will turn out fine… but unfortunately, sometimes after parties in accidents like this have time to think about it and get talked into being more upset by relatives, THEIR insurance etc… posts like this can come back to bite you in the buttocks. My advice would be not to say anything more about it publicly until everything is 100% resolved… I would hate to see your cute buttocks get bitten! :)
I am so glad you’re okay and that she’s okay too! How scary!
I say we start a fund so that we can each chip in $5 toward a new car for you. I’d be willing to forego my weekly venti iced Chai at SBUX for ya!
That Sucks! I’m Glad to hear you’re OK & you haven’t lost your sense of humor. (Blogging for Satan=LOL!) I have to agree with Margie though-don’t make any further comments until it’s Clear that your not gonna get sued over this. It’s A letigious society out there. The cache valley might not be, but I wouldn’t bet on it. The Important thing is you’re OK. That’s what insurance is for. Also, don’t be surprised if you do get sued. Far too many people think it’s their duty to get whatever they can,however they can! As for the smell, that’s the airbag propellant, sodium azide. It disappears quickly. Kiss Butterlump for us, will Ya?
In the future, it might be a better idea to kill the car and make it look like an accident. You know, leave it in park near a lake or something like that. Sure, you might not get your carpets cleaned, but at least you fans will be safe :)
Get well soon!
Too freaking funny! Hope you aren’t in too much pain today- the next day can be a bitch. Take care of yourself. xox
Glad to hear that you were not hurt, and best wishes on a minimally painful recovery (though with your recent Crossfit excercises it should be a piece of cake!)
How are you feeling this morning? Need anything?
Glad you’re not banged up worse!! Take care of your sore self and just think of how awesome your carpets will be when they’re all cleaned.
Wow, thats a -odd way to get business, but at least you met someone who seems very geniune and nice. Glad to hear you are all ok and that no one was seriously hurt, although, I’ve worked in an ER so I know no matter what, if the airbags deploy, your going to hurt for awhile. Hope you get some good pain relief.Hugs
SO glad you are OK! And what uh… timing! Take care and drink a lot of water. Srsly- water up girl.
PS Yes I want to be friends on fb. I will look you up right now. :)
I HATE that I am so far away that I can’t even take Aaron for you, or bring you Diet Coke or anything of the sort.
I am glad you’re ok though.
And I am SO not surprised that you are getting your carpets cleaned. It IS Logan after all, you can’t go far without running into someone you know.
Holy Crap Babe! Take care!!!
How did I miss this on twitter?!?!?
M
I’ll just say, “Only you, Loralee. Only you.”
Oh, and THANKS BE TO THE BABY JEEBUS AND OPRAH THAT YOU’RE ALL OK.
I’m glad everyone was ok. Feel better soon.
you were just tweeting the other day about the meticulous care your cleaning crew took right?? Well there you have it you get back what you put out – way to pay it forward you are a living proof it’s alive and well!
well done, now go rest.
We are fb friends now, yay. I forgot you had that awesome photo lineup! Since I am going to be forced into the new profile I’m back here to find your instructions how to do that. I think you posted something like that sometime recently?
Oh shit man. Only you. I swear only you would have this all happen.
I am so thankful that you are okay. And that she is too.
I’m so glad to hear that you’re ok! And that the pregnant lady is ok! And that the crash actually drummed up some business for you. That part is kind of weird.
So grateful that no one was hurt. Why are pregnant women out to get you?
That’s pretty great that she knew your blog. It’s an even better story then when someone came up to me in a restaurant to ask if I was the writer of my blog, which is especially freaky since I was only getting like 2000 page views a month then. (as if I’m getting 10s of thousands now lol but I am getting MORE than 2000)
Darling, your life sometimes cracks me up. ;)
Good though you or noone else was hurt
ciao,
Amy.
Oh Loralee I feel for you. I am an accident magnet. People are afraid of driving places with me because they think I will be slammed into. I know exactly how you are physically feeling right now. I hope the pain meds are good and that you have some down time to heal. I wish you and your family all the best and that this will just be a small glitch and nothing more.
Hmm, was she thinking ‘whiplash – whiplash’ and throwing out the carpet cleaning as a distraction? Glad you were all OK. (weren’t drunk at the time, were you Utah girl?)
So glad you are alright – and talk about falling ass backwards into stuff! Hope you are not in too much pain tomorrow! Blessings, Megan
I feel offended you have never plowed me over with your car.
Let me know if you need anything. I will drive on up.
*hugs a lot lot lot lot*
I’m really glad you are okay. I saw your fb post before I went to work, but only got to read enough to know that you were currently okay and that you seem like your adrenaline had been maxed out.
I had a bad wreck a little over a year ago. I hydroplaned into a parked semi on the interstate. My 04 Malibu was wrecked. The semi’s axle was bent. I was the only one injured, and those injuries were minor, if irritating after a while.
I probably cracked two ribs, majorly sprained my left hand, and had numerous bumps and bruises. But only one finger was bleeding.
The ribs didn’t announce their injuries until a week for the first one, and a two weeks for the second. It was a loud (to me pop) and staggering pain. I just wanted to warn you about that. It’s pretty scary when it happens. And, as I know you will use humor to help you cope with all this, I’ll give you my most entertaining (to me) schtick: My left hand was very sprained and mostly unusable for a couple of months and all green and purple with very swollen fingers. (I think I had a tight grip on the steering wheel upon impact.) So anyone who was too serious about the wreck business would get a face full “Ewwww-www–wwwhh! Zombie HAND!” It was useful. The hand is all better. As are the ribs. Though one of those chest restraining stretchy velcro things helped a hell of lot with that.
The insurance people will likely make you love them if they are anything like mine. I’m with progressive and they were just gob-smackingly fantastic and nice and concerned.
And… you should totally post pics of your car. It makes for a lot of “oohing and aahing” but it’s informative.
Here’s mine: http://www.flickr.com/photos/wickedmoonchild/sets/72157622883637749/
Feel Better Loralee!
PS: You aren’t going to hell :P Shit happens. It’s how you act after you mess up that makes all the difference.
Oh, and if they give you oxycodone, it will likely eat your brain into mush :P
I’m annoyed that they have put a ban out on darvoset. It was the only pain killer I could have that didn’t make me have nightmares, toss my cookies, or drool while reading Agatha Christie.
Lame. You’re not that big a deal….quit acting like you’re comparable to dooce.
Really, dude? Really? First, way to kick a girl when she’s down. Second-that’s why I wrote about it– the odds given my readership are astronomical odds. And, I think I’d much rather be accused of being a naval gazer than someone who is a deliberate jerk to someone when they’ve clearly had a rough day.
She never acted like she was that big a deal. Where is your compassion for someone who was just in a car accident??? Jerk.
38 seconds of fame for Jason – sad really.
I don’t see how this comment is even relevant. Who mentioned Dooce, anyway? Why comment just to be unpleasant. I see you have no point to make. Weird.
Stop picking on my boyfriend and lover, jason. It isn’t his fault that he lives alone in his mother’s basement; lots of people move back home these days. It isn’t his fault that he has a deep depression that is only temporary lifted by me penetrating him in many many unmentionable ways. The only other thing that gives him any joy is making lame comments on blogs that he is jealous of. and finally, the dooce he was referring to isn’t the popular blogger, it’s the hole which he likes it in.
*snort* *cackle* *highfive*
WOW. Not cool, dude, not cool.
Loralee— hope you get home from hospital, refreshed and in fighting condition. We’ll need you in tip-top shape for THE JASON TAKEDOWN.
Am wondering how Jason even happened to comment considering what an unknown you apparently are. How unfortunate that he seems to think it is okay to be rude to others.
Funny, if I got in a car accident with Loralee I’d know who she was but Dooce? Not so much.
Wish I knew where “Jason” lived. I am in the mood to kick some Jason booty. If Loralee isn’t such a big deal, why waste time posting negative comments on her blog? And how did you find her blog if she’s so lame? You are obviously a blog stalker that waits to comment until someone is down on their luck. SO NOT COOL. You can leave now…cause I’m pretty sure you’re not welcome here.
We’ve got your back, Loralee…love you to pieces! ;)
Oh darlin’! Glad everyone is ok. Don’t feel too bad, that’s exactly how I showed my daughter how much I loved her last summer-yes, MY OWN DAUGHTER! No harm though, except her car looked like shit and cost me a small fortune. bleh
I have driven that highway, and OUCH. Glad all turned out well, you both are okay, and now you’re getting your carpets cleaned (too funny!)
As for the troll, just ignore him. He obviously is just trying to get a reaction as he needs the attention. Poor widdle guy has nothing better to do than say mean things on blogs to people. :(
PS..remind me to watch my bumper when I’m driving through Salt Lake next summer. Bwahahaha!
I am so sorry you got hurt but I am so laughing my ass off!
That VW, was it the Jetta? We had a 98 Jetta and we also hated the wheel-recliner-mechanism. WHo in the hell thought THAT idea was a good one??? Don’t they have people test this shit out???
We also hated the cup holder. It was too short. It was really restrictive in terms of Big Gulps and McDonalds Large sodas.
I totalled our car almost 2 years ago and was so upset because we still owed on it and it was our only decent car and we couldn’t afford to get a new one like it. It turned out to be OK.. we paid cash for a cheap van and to make myself feel better about it-decided to count our blessings that we didn’t have a car payment anymore. It still sucked though. Glad you’re OK.
Holy. Hell. You’re funny.
I just found your blog, and I think I’m in love (with your blog).
I’m following you on twitter now. @kaitevans
Amazing. You turned having a car accident into a humorous event. Only you could do that! Have you considered a career in standup comedy? Am sure that free carpet cleaning will offset the cost of replacing the totaled car and paying for the ER visit. Hope you are feeling better. So sorry you had an accident.
Diet coke and chicken soup and maybe some of Rachel’s magical hot chocolate – so you get better soon.
God bless you.
Glad you are OK.
I’m dying here! Loralee, I am so glad you are ok. I think it’s pretty funny some guy thinks your blog is called “I want to be dooce”. Both blogs are great, I love them both, but they are both very different. So…whatever. dumbass.
Loves to you and your family. Can’t wait for more stories of your days. :D
WOW! Prime example how things work out in mysterious ways! AND, glad you all (pregnant lady included!) are ok!