How do I show my readers I love them? By plowing into them with my freaking car, of course.

I’m currently in the ER, blogging on my phone to pass the time and try to distract myself from the throbbing “ouch” signals going off all over my body.

Why?

Because of this:

Fun, no?

I rear ended someone (who then rear ended someone) on the major highway that goes through my town.

I hit so hard that the rear view mirror broke off and both air bags deployed. (Do you know how much the smoke from those things deploying SUCKS?) (I’m very grateful I had them, though.)

I am pretty banged up and HURTIN’, but I’m ok.

The car that has the hated WHEEL as a seat reclining mechanism is TOTALED. (While this SUCKS for us financially, it DOES save me from having to go to Germany to track down Franzor Hanz and kick their asses for thinking that CRANKING A FREAKING WHEEL IS AN ACCEPTABLE WAY TO ADJUST YOUR SEAT.) (Not that I’m bitter or anything.)

I am sure it will be an insurance nightmare.

However, I am trying to look for the good in all of this.

For starters?

No one was seriously hurt.

I begged the woman I hit to go to the hospital because she is 12-weeks pregnant.

(I KNOW, RIGHT?! I HIT A PREGNANT WOMEN WITH MY CAR.)

She said she would.

She was SUPER nice and cute as a button and so lovely.

Her name is Kelszi, and we had a lovely chat in the back of the squad car. I was going home from getting groceries, she was picking up pizzas because her husband is a huge Ducks fan and they were watching a football game at their house.  I mentioned that at least it would be good Internet fodder for my blog and she asked what the name of it was.

“Loralee’s Looney Tunes.”

“OH MY GOSH! THAT’S YOU?!!! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!”

(I KNOW, I KNOW, RIGHT?! I HIT A PREGNANT WOMAN THAT IS A FAN OF MY BLOG AND WANTS HER COMPANY TO WORK WITH MY BRAND WITH MY CAR!!!!!)

(At that point I pretty much determined that I was going to hell.)

(And that I pretty much have the biggest track record of all time for drumming up business IN HUGELY WEIRDO WAYS.)

Turns out that she just started as the social media and blogging person for a local cleaning company (Alpine Cleaning & Restoration. I’ve used them many a time and I love them aside from all this “I HIT THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA PERSON WITH MY CAR” business) and they have told her on several occasions that they really wanted to work with me.

So, she asked if I’d like my carpets cleaned.

Let me repeat that: I JUST HIT HER WITH MY CAR AND GIRLFIREND WANTS TO CLEAN *MY* CARPETS. (I’ve mentioned the people where I live are spectacularly nice, right?)

At that point, I would have given her a freaking kidney, so I was like, “WHATEVER YOU WANT. WHENEVER YOU WANT. OMG, I WILL TOTALLY HELP YOU HOWEVER.)

(And you know, if you want to ‘Like’ their page on Facebook or read the blog she runs for ALPINE CLEANING AND RESTORATION, and give them some Internet love, not only WOULD I LOVE YOU FOR IT, but I would also directly attribute you with saving my soul from burning in hell and having to answer all of Beelzebub’s irritating Social Media questions for all eternity. (I may be a heathen but I am not going to Tweet for Satan. I have standards, dude.)

(And maybe they won’t think I am a vehicular menace to Cache Valley.)

Oy.

I need to go and take some pain killers, so I’ll sign off.

Thank you for all the kind words online from you all. The compassion was needed. (Speaking of…do we follow each other on Twitter? Are we friends on Facebook? If not, let’s remedy that!!)

I am DEEPLY grateful and thankful that no one was seriously hurt.

THAT is what is most important, here.

(Well, ya know…after that whole “I’m getting my carpets cleaned for free” thing.)

;D

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