(Quick update on my mom–she is still in the hospital but she made it through the surgery and after a rough patch is now doing really well. I’m sorry it’s been so quiet here. Lucy, I can e’splain! Guess who has been at a blogging conference all week? That would be me. Guess who left her laptop in the car at the airport on accident? Yeah, also me. I will blog about all that later, but for now I’ll give you this ditty. I wrote it for BlogHer but the discussion was totally interesting so I’m posting it here. Thanks for the understanding!)

**Additional edit: This was written for a huge website and was meant as broad commentary and discussion on blogging. Even though it can be frustrating to see commentary drop off in general, in no way am I whining or begging for more comments. Y’all are lovely and I am grateful for every single one I get on whatever place it is left and am hugely happy people are even reading. It’s been eye-opening to see how the different spaces evoke different translations. If I made anyone feel inadequate as a reader I apologize. Let’s hug, dudes.

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook.

(Except for endless request to join apps and requests from Mafia Wars, Farmville and the like. Those I just simply HATE. With a blinding fury that I might have to possibly consider getting help for.)

I’ve been blogging since 2005, and I have been no blogging “overnight sensation.” (Heck, I’m not even a blogging “sensation” after 6 years. A ‘snstn’ maybe, but I have a LONG way to go before I can afford to buy the vowels to go in that title to make it complete.)

Whenever someone asks one of the “FORBIDDEN BLOGGING QUESTIONS” — 1. How much traffic do you have? 2. How much money do you make blogging? 3. Can I have the email address of your contact at Disney*, I cringe.

There use to be a saying that “comments don’t always accurately represent blog traffic.”

This has never been more true.

And I think a good deal of that is due to that big, blue, frienemy of the blogger called Facebook.

I was aware of Facebook from the first few months of starting my blog.

It’s a pretty long story but my first “fans” were in the Communications, English and History departments of a small university in Bemidji, Minnesota. And as I got to know them, I heard a lot about writing on everybody’s “walls.” It was mainly for college kids at the time, and I really gave it no thought at all.

I signed up for it at some point but it just sat there. I think I had an account for a year before one of my friends finally wrote something on my wall.

AND THEN IT EXPLODED.

And I saw what it did to blogs.

I saw what it did to my own blog.

Where I used to get an average of 60-80 comments a post. While I can still pull in 3-digit comments on the important posts, I am often lucky to get 30 or 40 comments now. (Sometimes I am annoying and flat out ask people to comment so my poor mother will stop calling me with worry that my blog is sucking up a storm. She’s cute that way.)

Also, a lot of people don’t have as much respect for HOW FLIPPIN HARD IT IS to get blog comments because getting Facebook commentary is pretty easy to get. (Don’t believe me? Log into your husband’s Facebook profile. Type “I PINK PUFFY HEART JUSTIN BIEBER” and get back to me on that.)

The commentary now sort of confuses and frustrates me. I am not sure WHY it is, but people will come from Twitter or Facebook, read my post, then GO BACK to Twitter or Facebook and comment THERE. I do it all the time (AND I LOVE ALL COMMENTS FROM ANYWHERE) so I am certainly not going all “I SHALL SMITE THEE WITH STONES, YE SINNER!!!” on you all. I just don’t get WHY we all do this. Why do I do it if it bugs me?

Am I in a hurry?

Do I feel like I need to reply in the medium I came in contact with the link?

Am I a freaking snob?

Why?

(AND WHY CAN I NOT FIND A PLUGIN FOR WORDPRESS THAT COLLECTS COMMENTS TO A POST FROM SOCIAL MEDIA AND PUTS THEM ALL IN MY BLOG COMMENTS?! I NEED TO KEEP TRACK OF MY VALIDATION, PEOPLE!)

And as for traffic, well … yes. My traffic has suffered. I am not ashamed of my traffic. It’s not amazing or huge, but for a personal blogger, it’s pretty darn swell. But for my length of time online, my reach, the exposure and opportunities I’ve had, it should be doing more. My growth has slowed WAY down since Twitter and Facebook became part of the common vernacular.

It’s taken a toll.

People only have so much time to be online, you know? Okay, those of us who make a living at this blogging/social media thing are online a lot more, but our time is STILL parceled out and stretched thin. Reading blogs now has to compete with a gajillion social media sites, with Facebook being the mother of them all.

HOW CAN WRITING ABOUT SURGICALLY RECLAIMING MY BOSOMS AFTER LOOKING LIKE A CAUCASIAN NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC COVER MODEL AFTER GASTRIC BYPASS POSSIBLY COMPARE WITH HARVESTING YOUR OWN FRUIT AND DECORATING YOUR FARM WITH BALES OF HAY IN FARMVILLE, PEOPLE?! HOW, I ASK YOU????!!!! (Ok, that one actually did pretty well, but as history has shown, bosoms have magical powers beyond measure, yo.)

Don’t get me wrong, I ABSOLUTELY get traffic coming from Facebook, but I cannot think that there would be more coming to my site for longer/reading more, if it didn’t have to compete with Facebook. It’s like the homely girl who is deep and interesting having to compete for the attention of the boys when her college roomates are all blonde cheerleaders with plenty of exposed T&A. Sure, some will stop and get to know her and she’ll have a cult-like following that hang out with her in the student center but for the most part? But it’s more work and a lot more rare. When it comes down to it, it’s all about the quick and easy booty, people.

As a final disclaimer, I totally admit that the decline in comments could totally just mean that I suck. Or smell like feet. Or both. (Which would make me sad. And make me want to sob on Skype with someone. Or put EMO tweets about WHY DOES NO ONE LOVE ME ANYMORE?! Or eat an entire pie.)

I love Facebook, I really do. And I DO get traffic from it, but it’s been a little like watching Wal-Mart come in and take big, shark-like hunks out of the little mom & pop store that you’ve worked so hard to establish.

And I hate that.

But not as much as I hate Facebook apps.

Just so we’re clear.

What about you? How do you feel about Facebook? Has it hurt your blog? Has it helped your blog? Do you prefer it to reading blogs?

*I don’t actually have a contact at Disney.

**I think I am likely a wee bit weird for them.

***Although maybe my abundance of smiley emoticons will even the playing field for me! :) :) :) :) :) :)

I know this is two posts in one day, but when you need to talk to the internet, you need to talk to the internet.

You’re my support system and you have helped me a lot over the years.

My mom is in surgery right now.

It’s major surgery.

It’s on her back. (I know, it’s not as worrisome as other surgeries but back surgeries are so complex and have a really bad outcome rate. And she is in her mid-70′s and well…it is risky doing anything at that age.)

And afterwards her recovery is going to be long and hard and we have no idea what the outcome will be.

Worst part?

This was sudden, unplanned surgery.

I have had a speaking engagement at a blogging conference scheduled for a long time.

I feel so flipping TORN right now.

Part of me wants to cancel my trip today but my mom didn’t want that.

So, I am going.

I am SO unprepared.

This.day.has.blown.

After a rousing 2 hours of sleep I have two bags with things just thrown and shoved and for all I know I may be speaking in my pajamas.

AND the other day when I was pulled over for something stupid, the cop did not give me back my license so guess who gets to spend the day at the DMV.

AND AND the stress has made my husband and I snippy. I’ve annoyed friends and have been generally unpleasant to the masses.

AND AND AND I get to have lunch with my estranged twin sister that hasn’t spoken to me in, oh, 5 years or so.

FUN PARTY! YAY!

I can’t do much right today. I am pretty sure it was penned by Satan in the blood of sacrificial virgins and yaks.

But so far I am getting everything done.

But it sucks and is hard.

It’s hard going to work when my mom is sick.

She  has always been there for me and when she needs me, where am I?

On a stupid plane.

I just want her to be ok.

Anyway.

Thanks for listening.

I really needed an ear today and I think the Internet is the only one I’m gonna get.

xo

I need advice, Internet.

I would really appreciate it. (Especially if you are a cop or lawyer or Fed-like type of Internet person.) (But hey, I will take commentary from any and all on this. Even if it’s just a hug or a high-five.)

Why am I looking for help?

Let me tell you a little story.

It’s about a women named Mia.

Also known as Mia Bergman.

Also, also known as Mia Szabo-Bautista-Bergman.

Also, also, ALSO known as Maria Francesca Ditas Chantal Cristina Molina Szabo.

Take your pick.

It’s ALSO about a blogger who was witty, and pretty, and gay.

(The happy kind, not the sexual orientation kind.) (Which kind of fills me with regret some days since I usually get how chicks think WAY more than men.)(Sorry, dudes, I CERTAINLY like your ilk, but it’s true.) (And girls have cuter bits than boys.)(I actually think the day the final design for boy bits were due God was out sick with the flu and their only option was to have Bob the sandwich delivery guy fill in.)(In fact, I am probably about 21.8% lesbian, now that I think about it.) (But that still would make me a poser, so ya know…I’m straight.)(Ok, this really was not supposed to turn into a post about how much of a lesbian I am or am not.) (Moving on to the issue at hand.)

ANYWAY…

Maria Francesca Ditas Chantal Cristina Molina Szabo Bautista Bergman.

I pretty much loathe the day I ever became aware of that name.

She has been a pain in the ass from the MOMENT I heard it.

Which would have been TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS AGO.

In July of 2008, I woke up to 3 emails from different readers telling me that they noticed a blog on Cafe Mom had ripped off a couple of  successful posts of mine.

I was pissed.

So, I wrote about it.

Little did I know what a chain of events it would unleash, OR that it would be following me around TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS later.

But, see…Mia Bergmen is apparently NOT just a nare-do-well blogger that rips off the writing of other bloggers because she has no personal imagination of her own.

She is also apparently a con, thief, scam-artist and all-around-wench of a person that has ripped off thousand and thousands of dollars from friends, family, good-hearted people and random people on the Internet.

And it looks like she does a good deal of this scamming through the Internet. Apparently she baits on MySpace, Blogs,Facebook, etc.–contacting old friends with even the slightest relationship and building trust with them before money gets involved. She promises goods, a cheap rental in Hawaii, needs a loan, whatever. Her specialty seems to be in telling tales about designer purses from her ex that she needs to sell for cheap! And as most people are good and trusting and so they give her money.

And then when it is time to collect the trouble starts.

The excuses.

That apparently include faking her own daughter’s DEATH. (Y’all know my history and how very, VERY angry and sick this particular tidbit makes me.)

SO WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO WITH ALL OF THIS?!

When she rips people off and they realize something is up and there may be more to her than they thought?

They Google her.

And then they find me.

They find my blog post about her.

AND they find the TWO HUNDRED AND TWENTY TWO COMMENTS outlining disgust, victimization and her all-around asshattery.

You don’t know how I WISH they had found it before sending her money. (I know they do, too.)

The stories make me sad.

Angry.

Livid.

Helpless.

Keep in mind, she only ripped off my words. There is no crime she has committed against me that I can really act on.

But others?

She’s allegedly taken a load of money from them.

And I would love to be able to point them in a direction of where to go or what to do when they find this or contact me. What can they DO to get help besides just writing or commenting out their frustration? (Not that I mind hearing from them, mind you!) Where do they go for help? Can they band together on it? What is the best course of action for them?

This is not a one or two person thing.

She’s on anti-scam sites.

I’ve heard about her from people all over the world. (And in a STUNNING turn of my personal blogging standards that I set up after being bombarded with death threats on the douchebag I wrote about from Wife Swap, I have allowed all information possible to be published about her instead of removing it. I still don’t feel great about it but I also consider it evening the playing field a little.)

You can read some of the comments from her alleged victims for yourself here if you don’t want to bother with 200+ comments on my original post.

“I went to high school with Maria Szabo- (who started going by Mia at some point.) She is married now and her last name is Bergman. She lives in NY, supposidly! She ALSO borrowed money from me and has only partially paid me back…actually, she did not pay me back, her new husband paid me some of my money from an account for a non-profit he is president of and is currently being investigated. The story goes on and on….she is a sick person :(“

“She is definitely something else. She was my childhood friend, almost like family. So I thought I could trust her. She scammed me big time! Like six figures big time! Then she goes on and slams me on one of her blogs like I was the bad guy. Beware. She’s not much to look at but she can charm her way into anything. She also uses her kids to get the sympathy of others.”

“WOW…I just happened to do a Google search on Maria/Mia Szabo/Bautista/Bergman. She was a Myspace friend, then became a facebook twitter friend. I’ve been VERY loosely following her blogs, and all her switches to new domains…I personally never had an issue with her until 2 months ago. I was going to buy a purse from her, but either she changed the price or I got it wrong. Looooooooong story short, I’m trying to get my money back. She comes up with excuses after excuses.
I wish i had done my research ahead of time, but I never thought I would have to.”

“I actually dated Mia Szabo for about a year. It was a long distance relationship..I live in Idaho she lives (or lived) in Las Vegas. I felt that I really knew this woman, so when she asked to borrow some money from me I loaned it to her. Well she refused to pay me back and now I’m stuck with a loss of over $2000….Lesson learned on my part. I wish I would have found your blog sooner than I did…I feel like a complete fool who was totally scammed.”

“Hello everyone! Yes I was one of her victims who fortunately got the money back,but mind u it’s not easy!!! Was given a bogus confirmation number for a wire transfer she allegedly sent. It was hard to send money coz she’s in Idaho for her Dads funeral,etc,etc. Now a friend of mine was told that her son is in the hospital, I hope none of you will hear that her son died!!! Who in her right mind use her kids to this evil doings!!! And yes,she will try accuse you of harassing her or saying libelous statement against her in an effort to get u off her tail. Count me in in any future litigation .”

“Worse than losing the money is that I feel so stupid. SO STUPID.”

And then there is the matter of her husband that she married after this whole mess started.  Who actually seems like a decent guy. If he truly doesn’t know what she is? I feel huge for him as Mia apparently took to ripping off their mutual friends.

Her (Mia’s) latest FB page:

http://www.facebook.com/?ref=home#!/profile.php?id=100001463125275

I am currently anon for reasons that will become clear eventually. I have a story to tell about this woman. I can’t wait to tell it but I have to wait. I wish with all my heart that none of you peeps had crossed paths with her. She is the most pathologically jacked up person I know and I feel for you all…

…Here is an old clip of her husband pitching his last company.

http://abcnews.go.com/Video/playerIndex?id=4432715

Yes, he is really her husband. Knowing them both fairly well, my gut instinct is that he has no idea how bad her pathology is. I find him to be a decent guy. Even if he found out though, he is dedicated like you wouldn’t believe to her two children and has really taken them on as his own. In a way, if he knew how messed up in the head she was, he probably would react very cautiously because he wouldn’t want to allow her to raise the kids on her own. The instinct would be stronger the more damaging he felt her influence to be. He is really going to be in a spot when he finds out what kind of monster he has dedicated his life to.

And then this last comment just this week:

I’ve read all the comments about Mia and I’m literally sick to my stomach. Like ‘Anon Mia Buster,’ I need to be careful about what I say, so as to still have a slight chance of recovering my money. Like most of her victims, she used the ‘designer handbag’ card on me – same story, she says the bags are from her EX. Not once did I ever think that she would dupe me. We’ve known each other for years, I know her ex-husband (Derek Bautista, father of her two kids), her cousins etc. I’m just totally mortified that I was stupid enough to believe her BS. When something seems too good to be true,it usually is.

So anyway, getting my money back just isn’t enough anymore. She will continue to scam other people, pay back debts, then steal again. All, most likely, to avoid jail time. It’s about time she’s prosecuted and her scamming is put to a stop.

I can’t help but wonder how long she’s been baiting me. For real, she even interviewed me for her ‘effin bogus blog one time, claiming that she has over 5,000 followers, yada yada. Then I come here and find out that not only is she stealing money from other people, she’s also stealing their words. Can a person get any lower than that? Apparently yes, if she has the audacity to fake her daughter’s death. What a friggin piece of work she is.

I think all of her victims need to unite and do what it takes to bring her to justice. It won’t be easy, but it seems collectively, we have a lot of evidence against her. I’m currently in contact with a former FBI agent (family friend) and he’s looking into her REAL whereabouts.

“MARIA F SABO BERGMAN JSUT SUCCESSFULLY SCAMMED ME OUT OF $1800.00″

“She almost got me too! She posted pics of signature purses on FB that,according to her was given by her ex that she wants to get rid off so she’s selling it for a very low price. She first asked us to pay via paypal but she then said paypal put her account on hold since she can’t provide receipts for the said purses. So she asked us to deposit the payment directly to her husband Ben Bergman’s Bank of America account,which we did!!! Of course the purses didn’t make on the delivery date promised. So I demand my money back and after a week of stress,she sent me back the money in staggered basis. A fiend of a friend of mine was also scammed using the same purses for$5000 and never got her money back!!!”

THERE ARE SO MANY, MANY MORE LIKE THESE AND IT MAKES ME SICK TO MY STOMACH.

Could I be wrong about all this and her?

Sure.

But when you look at the sheer NUMBER of emails from different ISP I’ve had about her, all outlining the same criminal behavior, stories, excuses, mode of operation?

I doubt I’m wrong.

I’m not trying to create drama here. Or traffic. Or be sensational. This woman has hurt people. A LOT of people. And for TWO-AND-A-HALF YEARS I’ve read and sat back and sympathized and mainly kept my mouth shut as emails and comments and stories came in. I thought it might go away. Die down. That she’d be caught or prosecuted. But seriously, this does NOT seem to be ending soon. I realize I am dredging this all up again and it may be a colossal headache for me but it’s gotten SO awful I refuse to be quiet.

So?

I’m looking for advice from people who deal with this. Not for me, but for the people that find me here looking for help.

What should happen?

Law peoples? Cops? Feds? ANYONE out there with advice about what these PILES OF PEOPLE can do about this one wretched women? Do you think they have any recourse or is she just going to waltz through life wearing shoes that were likely paid for by other people?

I full on expect Miss Mia @CheeksNMonkey to read all of this. Whenever she sets up a new place, people link it in the comments and it gets shut down or protected pretty quick.

I’ve done what I can. People are always welcome to email me. I’ll read and sympathize. You can comment here. I hope truly that you get justice.

As for Mia, I hope she sees the light one day and makes better choices. It seems like she has lovely kids and a possibly great guy for a husband. I really wish she would choose to take all that time and energy she is apparently using to allegedly scam and suck people dry and focus on being a good mother to her children, get a real job and do something good for the world instead of perpetually hurting the people that live in it.

Because, really?

This is no way to live a life.