My friend is moving away.
Tomorrow.
It sucks.
I was going to sit down and write this fun, light-hearted post, but I am afraid that I have been in serious denial that my bff is about to get in a moving van and go all the freaking way to Texas.
And it has finally caught up with me today.
And. it. blows. big. hairy. donkey. balls. (I had to put that illustrative bit of awesome in JUST FOR HER.)
I do have friends here, good, cherished and loved friends, but man, I live in a small place. It’s not the easiest thing to find someone that has walked the walk of losing a child, ‘gets’ blogging, AND knows all my weird and horrible, no good, very bad bleck!…and still likes me anyway.
And she LIVES HERE.
And Internet friend that gets all of the above, like me not even having to explain anything regarding the child I lost because she just knows already (which is PRICELESS), that I could actually DO THINGS WITH, FACE-TO-FACE, REGULARLY. I guess you’d have to have the majority of your friends live in a box on your desk to get how much this means.
We have had an awful lot of fun together–going to (and knitting at) (HER, NOT me) movies, lunches, hanging out at houses, watching our kids play, picking up the phone to hear things like, “Hey, I actually took a page out of the “Loralee playbook”…don’t worry, it’s a GOOD thing!”, and her telling me that if she had a super power it would be to be elastic. “You know, so I can drive and nurse at the same time!” (Did I mention the woman has been nursing for, oh, the last 8 years or so?)
Plus, she fits my sense of weird.
This really says it all. (I can’t take her anywhere.)
When I was younger, I would hear lines in movies about people being afraid of opening up or extending or having friends because it meant they could be hurt.
I honestly marveled at that.
I didn’t get it. Even though I suffered my fair share of hurt, I was never scared of the prospect of it. It didn’t occur to me to be afraid, I just jumped in, with both feet. (I also thought that things like friends moving away didn’t phase adults. LIES!)
I’m older.
I get it now.
I get why people are afraid to make friends with people.
Because losing them, or having it blow up, or end badly, suuuucks.
It makes even the most outgoing, gregarious, people-loving people gun shy.
And I think I’m there at this point.
I feel things deeply. Always have, unfortunately, probably always will. I have always been a very emotional creature. (SHOCKING, IS IT NOT?!) Such a ‘heart on my sleeve’ person, but honestly… right now, looking over my life and this past year, I don’t think it has served me all that well.
I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, I hate change. Even though I know it’s inevitable.
I’ve had so much change this year.
So much.
For the good and the not so good.
Right now, I need that to stop.
It’s really upheaved me emotionally and I don’t think I can take much more of it. (The roller coaster ride of it all is certainly not making a lot of my other relationships easier, ya know?)
Or losing anymore people.
Relationships.
SO, IT WOULD BE SUPER GROOVY IF MY FRIEND WOULD JUST MAGICALLY BE ABLE TO STAY IN THE VALLEY, YOU KNOW???
Ugh.
I’m not really sure what I’m going to do without her.
It’s not like we’re breaking up.
It’s not like there is bad feeling.
It’s not like we aren’t in the same internet/bloggity/conference circles and that I have no hope of seeing her again.
But things will be different.
Because that is just how life IS, dammit.
(Right now? Life can just go suck a freaking DUCK, people. The big butthead.)
I seriously don’t even have a negative memory with Kim (except this whole SHE IS LEAVING ME thing), so I KNOW I will have nothing but smiles, fondness, laughter, good feelings, well wishes and yes, above all things, I am THRILLED and so thankful and happy and grateful that her family is being taken care of and that her husband has a great job and they are moving to a great place.
ALL of that is true and certain and it will come to be how I feel about the whole thing.
But right now?
I am going to play this on youtube eleventyhundred times because I am cheesy and THIS IS HOW I MOURN, PEOPLE. (Dude, I don’t even want to get into the great “When She Loved Me’” SOB fest of ’99 when my college roommate, Amy, moved away.)
I can remember all the good things and be happy and grateful LATER.
Right now I am just going to go cry big, fat tears and feel crappy.
Because I’m really sad.
She’s going away, and frankly, that deserves some tears because our friendship means a lot to me.
AND IRONICALLY, I COULD REALLY USE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
(RIGHT?!)
I can’t see the screen anymore, so I will stop the torture for you all and turn my attention to meh bestie: Thanks for marshmallows, and baby slings, and Indian food, and sushi and endless phone conversations over dishes, and helping me when I’ve been sick, and talking to random friends, and “Yeah. YEAH!”, and that one time you got me to go the gym, and sewing eleventyhundred table cloths, and gluten-free coconut cupcakes, and just loving a very flawed person, Kim.
I love ya.
And?
I will miss you so.
Somehow I know, we’ll meet again.
Not sure quite where and I don’t know just when.
You’re in my heart so until then…
Wanna smile…
Wanna cry…
It’s time for saying goodbye.
~Fozzie Bear
Filed under: 
I’m sorry she’s moving away. I’m sorry you’re sad. That all just SUCKS. xo
YES IT DOES! xo
Ugh, I understand this feeling. You’re right, it absolutely sucks. Luckily though? There’s blogging. At least you’ll still be able to get inside each other’s heads and keep in touch. Without blogging? It gets harder to do. Maybe that’s just for me though. Either way, sorry to hear your friend is moving away. With blogging or without, that one always stings.
It’s true, and it is a big consolation. I LOVE my bloggity friends, but I was so thrilled to have someone here, in person, that got so much of it, you know? (Sting, indeed.)
I get it. The friendship thing, both in real life and on the computer, has changed for me in the last couple of years. And this change started when my best friend moved to Nashville.
Things aren’t exactly the same when we get together now, but they’re not as different as I feared. We are still totally on the same page about almost everything. That kind of thing is irreplaceable.
I’m sorry you’re sad.
I know we will still be on the same page, I’m sure of it. It’s just different. I will miss the mutual help we are to each other and her being here in person. It was so nice.
That’s a rough one. You’ll miss her, but at least she’ll now be in that box on your desk at least…I’m not helping, am I? I feel for you. (((hugs)))
Nah, you are. It’s a good reminder. Truly. xo
She is definitely the kind of neighbor you’d want to have- I am jealous of the time you had together- I hope you can still stay in touch. Because if she’s moving anywhere after Texas it’s to be closer to me, right Kim? You two are adorable!
Steph
I’ll see what I can do Steph :) Jeremy actually looked at a company in Chicago, so it is always a possiblity ;)
She’s just all sorts of fabulous. I am going to throttle her hubs if he doesn’t let her come to blogging conferences! ;)
My heart breaks for both of you.
xoxoxoxo
This is one of my very least favorite changes of all. And I have had to suffer through it three times so far. Hate it. Sending some Snuggie-filled love your way. (She will be missed by others as well…even those who didn’t know her as intimately as you did.) We love you, prairiemama!
Oh, I know that. Because she is rad. Like a Snuggie. The Utah Peeps are losing a good one. :(
I’m going through the exact same thing (married couple are my best (only? REAL real-life friends?), their son is my nephew, etc): I’ve known since May they’d be moving two provinces and 860+ miles away, but I’ve been in denial for the past seven months. Until their going away dinner on the 23rd. Hell, I think I’m STILL somewhat in denial about the fact that they’re GONE and have been “home” for two days – I think my brain’s still telling me that they’re “just busy” with Christmas, and that I’ll see them on the weekend (by the by? This will be the first New Year’s Eve I haven’t spent with them in 7 years *sob*).
I get it. Hugging you hard.
This breaks my heart for you, hon. I’m so sorry. :( xoxo
Aww, that all does suck. :(
P.S. My mom loves that song and says all the time she wants sang at her funeral. Umm, o-k.
My father has had a revolving list of funeral songs for me to sing for the past several years. He asks me all the time if I have been practicing, to which I basically tell him to suck it, because I AM NOT DISCUSSING THAT. (I know.)
What a blessing to have such a friendship and I am truly sorry she is moving!
It really has been a blessing. I wouldn’t feel this bad if it wasn’t.
I could have almost written this myself. My one-and-only-friend-who-lives-in-this-state friend (sad, but true) moved away this year, and I was just devastated. I am lucky to have several “internet” friends, but they all live so far away, and Local Friend was my lifeline in many ways. We’re still close, and I’ve already visited her twice, but I miss her.
When I mentioned this to a far-away friend, and told her I knew I was being silly and selfish, and I’d get over it, she told me, “allow yourself the room to feel the pain of this great loss.” Those were apparently the magic words I needed to hear. Oh, just seeing them again makes me tear up.
I’m glad you’re giving yourself the “room”.
There is just something about someone that lives by you, you know? :( So sorry yours moved, too! xo
lump in throat. so sorry.
xo
I’m in Texas too if Kim needs a new friend where she’s going.
I’ll let her know! xo
Ugh. I”m in that denial part right now. You’d think – after 12 years as a military spouse – the goodbyes would get easier. But they don’t. And now I’m facing having to say goodbye to one of my closest friends – on island and in life – in a few short months. And I do my best not to think about it because it’s going to devastate me. It already is.
She’s been with me through some of the most awful times of my life over the past 5 years and I’ve been with her through some of the most awful times in her life as well. We’ve laughed until milk shot out of our noses, cried until we ran out of Kleenex, taken care of each others’ children, listened to each others’ woes…you name it. And now the stupid Army is moving her (and eventually me). It breaks my heart.
I’d love to tell you that it’s going to be ok and that nothing will change. But it will change. And I hate that for you. And her.
HUGS.
Because I am so sorry for you, too! :(
I adore Kim. And I get it. My Friend moved to Texas years ago, I still remember the choking sobs that day. Luckily we get to see each other a few times a year.
Freaking Texas! (Grumble…)
I totally, TOTALLY get your pain and sadness right now. I am blessed with so many internet friends, and when we lived in San Diego several of those internet friends became awesome real-life friends. Moving across the country from them (especially Brenda/SAJ) was so very hard to do. I will tell you that having the internet as a way to keep in touch does make it a little easier than when non-internet friends move away. I’ll be thinking of you both.
Also, I love that Muppet song. I also love the happy counterpart to it, “Together Again.” :-) Which you will be with Prairie Mama someday.
I TOTALLY thought of you and Brenda when all this went down. :( (I love the counter part to it, too!)
Stop, stop, stop. You’re making me so sad…
We had so much fun at our last lunch today. She said, “WHERE IS TAUNI TO PULL THE SHRIMP TAILS OFF MY SUSHI?!!!!”
:)
The we sobbed all over each other in her empty sewing room. :(
I totally miss her.
as soon as I saw the title to this post I thought of that muppets movie. That scene STILL makes me cry, 20-some-odd years later. Because losing people (whether it’s to a move, a blow-up or otherwise) SUCKS, no matter how old we get.
Big hugs.
I TOTALLY thought of you when I posted it! It DOES suck. Yeah, it’s easier in some ways with perspective and all that but fat lot of good that does some days!
I am so sorry! I was an Army brat and I was the one that always had to leave. It is hard. And I understand about not wanting to open up and let anyone in… I said that one time when someone asked me about why I wasn’t trying to make friends in our “new” town and I said it wasn’t worth it because I’d just move again. They said, “Yeah, but you don’t want to live the rest of your life without friends. That is like buying a bag of M&Ms and never opening them and eating them because then they will be gone.” I doubt that will help, but I shared it anyway for you. It still sucks. I agree!
And I am sorry!
I’ve been friends with a lot of military brats and they were the ones I sat in wonder at, but truly…I get where they were coming from a lot more now. It just took longer.
Hugs! I”m sorry she has to move.
Good Luck Kim!
WE MISS YOU, TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not. Fair. Part of you abandoning you. No time to breathe. Life keeps rushing in and no time to deal. NOT. FAIR. Texas doesn’t deserve her, YOU do. Lights will be off when lights are on. Smiles, but only for display. How to walk when ‘always there’ becomes absent? No words for this really. And to say it will get better, and to say it’ll be OK, and to say “chin up” is blah, and blah, and blah…and blah. Healing is for later, hurt is for now. Sorry isn’t enough. Too much change. Too much not there. Even willow branches break. To keep going, part of you missing, shreds the heart. But you will. You have.
JUST. NOT. FAIR.
JUST. HATE. THIS.
JUST. NOT. FAIR.
It’s so not fair, but I keep reminding myself that the alternative is her family being out of work. Sigh. :(
Oh you big stinker head, I am sobbing now.
I am going to miss you too.
I knew I’d met a kindred soul when you told me about your high school boyfriend and I snorted my drink out my nose and you laughed so hard.
You are my bestie, my bosom friend. We can be like Anne Shirley and Diana Barry. Can i be Anne though? Even though you are *slightly* more dramatic and have red hair (sometimes when the bottle is your friend). Ok, you can be Anne and I’ll be boring Diana, that is fine. Yeah, YEAH!
We will see each other and I will still call you eleventybillion times a day, I promise. You will text me, the real prairiemama, and we will laugh until we pee our pants. We can even do marshmallows on skype. It will be much more fun than the conversations you are used to on skype. heehee.
I love you more than you know. I feel so blessed to have met you and become your friend. I know it was hard for you to open up, but I am so glad you did. Because really? it feels like WAAAAAAY more than a year that we have been BFFs. Seriously, it feels like forever.
And with a friendship like that, it will never end. It will change, but that is just how it is. But you will fly out to see me and snuggle my new baby. I will fly out to see you and bring my baby (but not the other 3 hooligans b/c they are crazy) and Libby will still call you and say, “Hi lordee!”
Ok, now I am rambling. Just know I love your guts lady.
SO much of this coded comment made me LAUGH.
Fine. You can be Anne. But only if you get “a dramatic recording of a blog post comment” posted for posterity.
(Wait…that would mean I would be married to Fred. Never mind.)
(Bastardly of me, but then again, YOU ARE LEAVING ME.)
;)
Love you to bits, friend. xo
P.S. I miss you.
Oh I so get this. I’m sorry you are sad. I’d be sad too. Hugs to you lady.
All of my best friends live elsewhere.
Thanks for your Tweet. It meant a lot. xo
I know the feeling well. And it does suck. So go ahead and feel what you feel and know that the rest of us; near and far, are listening. (and understand)
I think most people understand someone going away, which is kinda sucky, you know? xo
Many people can’t say they have or ever had a friendship like the two of you share…so feel blessed for her even though it SUCKS that she’s moving! Your friendship will obviously stand the test of time & distance. And, hopefully, she’s moving somewhere that’s really cool to visit (and not too far away)! Thinking of you both today… :(
That’s true. I have been blessed to have MANY amazing friendships. I should probably count my blessings way, way more.
Me too, me too… ;)
This just sucks. My heart goes out to you both.
xoxo
I’m so sorry sweetie. It’s not easy having your best friends live several states away. I know. But? Look at it this way: it’s better to have her, even far away, than to not have her at all. That’s the only thought that keeps me sane when I’m wishing for the 15millionth time that my best friend was only a drive across town.
I agree. And I am grateful. I am sure I will unthinkingly drive to her house a lot. Sigh.
Having lost many friends over the years for various different reasons and more recently because of the one thing you hate “change” (actually just posted on that topic today, lol) I can totally relate to what you are going through. Good friends…and particularly girlfriends (because men are sometimes so much easier to be friends with) are few and far between when you have them you want to keep them close.
Won’t give you any of those cookie cutter comments I want to insert here but will say that you are lucky to have her! :)
I actually read that post today. (Killer pearl necklace, btw). AND yes…’change’ was a reason my life has been upheaved quite a bit lately. I guess it’s inevitable.
Oh that blows AND sucks! Makes me think of when I was 11 and my BFF moved to Colorado leaving me in Texas with no one who got my humor. It did sucketh the maximus. So we wrote entire spiral notebooks to each other and toilet paper letters, which are hilarious to write. We’re still good pals, and she lives in Texas again, but still 200 miles away. :( Thank God for the internet. Sorry your pal is moving. But now you have a good excuse to come to TX and I’ll meet you, and you can drop in on P-Dub on your way down. ;)
Sucketh the maximus is an excellent way to state that, Ted.
this won’t help you now, but store it away for later. no matter where she is, your bond will never break. my best, and at times, only friend moved away about 7 years ago. since then our lives could not be more different, but, when something exciting happens she is the first one i think of and when i am going through a rough patch, she is the only one that can make me feel better.
Oh, yup…the person you have to call. I know it well.
I just want to say that I’m a little jealous. I don’t think I’ve ever had a friend who “gets” me and my strange and weird and still likes me. Who understands my fight I fight dealing with depression and doesn’t care. I have never had a friend like you just described and that made me sad. I’m so sorry she’s leaving. I hope you find someone close by to kind of fill the void. I’m glad she’s not gone forever and that she’s not gone due to a disagreement. I am glad to see you cherish her so much and know what you have and what you are missing.
p.s. I mostly love that you have the same smile on in all of those pictures. LOL. you two are beautiful.
I feel churlish because I have been VERY blessed with good friends through the years.
And…she totally mocks me because I have ‘a pose’. (When you have had your nose broken all to hell and it mends oddly, you get good at knowing how it best looks on film.) This is our mocking ode to it.She was trying to get me to break character. I WON. ;)
Kim even drove you all the way to SLC just to eat a grilled cheese sandwich with me for what? Maybe fifteen minutes? That is a TRUE friend! I am SO sorry she is leaving you!!
That was an awesome day because I GOT TO SEE YOU. (Damn that you live so far away, too!!!!!!)
xoxoxooxoxoxoxoxooxox
I’ll join the pitty party. Losing Kim to Texas SUCKS! Though, when Kim moved away from me, she did it in steps. First to Logan, which took seeing here ALL THE TIME down to much, much less. I cried. A lot. Now Texas. More tears. Sad.
Kim really is the best, and if you are friends, I know you must be pretty great too (she told me you are!)
So just know, I know how you feel. And if only SLC were closer to Logan, I’d take you to sushi for a little food to help drown the sorrow.
Aw, sweetie! Well, as I like to say, “Out of sight, out of mind!”
xo
(kidding)
Good scan, good points, a number of which I have learned along the manner additionally (humility, grace, layoff the controversial stuff). Can share with my colleagues at work as we begin blogging from a company perspective.
I almost cried when I read this! And that surprised me. I’ve been the mover most of my life and always had to make new friends. This time I didn’t move, but I did make a huge lifestyle change. Turns out that friendships aren’t the same after that. I am still the one who moved (on) but I haven’t had much time or energy to make new friends. I’m in Texas…hm…