In which I talk to my friend-that-I-am-always-so-eager-and-hopeful-of-looking-cool-and-awesome-in-front-of-and-impressing-them-and-yet-rarely-do*
“Talk to me, Goose.”
“Yes. In traditional Loralee fashion, I have decided that you need a nickname. So, I am going to call you, “Goose” because, HELLO, NICKNAME OF AWESOME because Top Gun was just hawt. And then I could totally be all Meg Ryan and yell out, ‘TAKE ME TO BED OR LOSE ME FOREVER” when we’re, like, in a deli and then fake an orgasm at the table and ignore all the wondering “are they?” stares because we’re girls n’ stuff.”
“You know Goose dies, right?”
In which I talk to my truly-lovable-and-recently-reformed-from-the-couples-swinging-lifestyle-when-he-recently-wed-his-longtime-girlfriend-and-joined-his-stepkid’s-PTA-friend**
“I signed up for the PTA at my kid’s school!”
“Wait…WHAT? You did?”
“Umm…can I just give you a little advice?”
“I LOVE you and I know that y’all aren’t swingers anymore and all that, but, um…should you ever go back to the lifestyle please, please, please, please for the love of all that IS do NOT hook up with ANYONE IN THE PTA. As a former 4-term-President, just take my word on this. Put your dick in a hornet nest first. It’s safer, dude.”
In which I talk to my friend about how Jonathan and I have difficulty navigating our very different political beliefs***
“It is just so hard. I am beginning to think that he should just stay on a ”Jonathan-is-libertarian-except-for-that-whole-gay-marriage-thing” island and I stay on an “everytime-I-hear-of-something-horrible-happening-my-first-instinct-is-to-say-THERE-NEEDS-TO-BE-A-LAW!” island. OH, and of course, we need to have “Conjugal Island” in the middle for hooking up.”
In which I decide to play a tiny practical joke on the childhood-like-my-brother-friend-visiting-on-vacation-that-I-accompanied-on-errands-that-includes-a-stop-at-the-pharmacy-to-pick-up-his-girlfriends-prescription-of-birth-control-when-the-female-pharmacist-mistakes-me-for-his-wife****
“Is this for you, Ma’am?”
“Why, YES. Yes, it is.”
“Do you have any questions about its use?”
“Oh, NO. I am totally good with it now. I mean, I didn’t USED TO BE, obviously…we have 7 kids under the age of 8 to show for that.”
“You have SEVEN kids under 8?”
“Yup! All girls. We named them after the colors of the rainbow! We have Scarlett, Valencia, Saffron, Kelly, Bonnie, and our twins Amalie and
Violet! We did kind of have to make a stretch with Bonnie and Amalie. Bonnie is for “Bonnie Blue” and Amalie is the combination of the Indigo Girl’s names, Amy and Emily. And while we’d REALLY like more, I think we should wait until he can get on full time at WalMart.”
(Blink, blink, blinkity-blink)
“Damn! Can’t you all just get yourself a ’52-inch and watch TV or something?”
“You realize that pharmacist was looking at me like I was a total asshole, right?’
“Well, I like to keep our friendship interesting. Also? You never got me a birthday present after I delivered the twins, so consider it payback.”
In which I talk about a tweet I get from a friend-after-I-get-all-self-righteous-on-Twitter-about-blogging-ethics-and-High-Fructose-Corn-Syrup-and-the-universe-decides-I-am-too-big-for-my-britches-and-gives-me-a-dose-of-humility*****
LONG back story short: A big site called MomCentral was paid by The Corn Refiners Association for a blogger outreach program. MomCentral had some mom bloggers blog on behalf of the CRA and High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS-which is controversial as all get out at the moment). They were compensated in gift certificates.
The fallout over the client and their product and the way MomCentral ran everything was not pretty.
Feelings got hurt.
Then Stacy Debroff, CEO of MomCentral wrote a response about how we, as mom bloggers should not call out individual bloggers or be petty, un-supportive or critical. All in a post in which she was calling out a mom blogger and being petty, and critical. (Oh, and she also she labled the mom blogger in question and anyone who followed her “Borg”, complete with funky Sci-Fi photo.) I like Liz, I thought I had some good points, so I went to MomCentral’s post and I chimed in with this comment:
My personal feeling is that this client and the program selected was probably not going to go over well with mom bloggers, but what is done is done.
I’m surprised at the surprise at criticism of this highly charged issue and client.
This past June, McDonald’s flew my family to its headquarters to participate in a 3-day blogging event. I thought long and hard about it before going, what putting my blog and name directly in conjunction with theirs would mean as far as backlash, did my homework, decided I loved McDonalds and would participate and then braced myself for the possibility of huge amounts of criticism. It comes with putting your blog name onto something that is embroiled in debate and controversy, you know? So, I am a little surprised (with the furor over HFCS) at the bloggers reactions to criticism they surely should have known would come?
As for this post, well…it doesn’t seem genuine to say “stop calling out mom bloggers and support them by not being critical and petty” when your post smacks of calling out mom bloggers, being critical and petty.
I just feel a good PR opportunity was wasted here.
P.S. I eat HFCS
After I posted, she deleted all the comments but the 2 that were positive and then closed the forum stating that she was getting attacking and profane comments from “The Queen Borg” supporters. (EHEM. BULL. I read every one.)
Which, in my world is hugely disgusting and wrong from an ethical point of view and I went from having a mild opinion to PISSED OFF in about 3-seconds.
Maybe it was because I was hormonal, maybe it was because I had a lot of pent up steam from biting my tongue off about Gay Marriage, or maybe it was just because I still haven’t had time or the will to go and buy acceptable and comfy knickers, but I went and got all SCRAPPY on Twitter in the wee smalls of last night.
I will condense but my Twitter stream (my handle is ’looneytunes’) looked something like this:
looneytunes Oct 5, 9:54pm via HootSuite
WOW. So, I commented on @momcentral. NOW all but 2 comments (supportive) are deleted and comments closed. And she is a businesswoman? #FAIL
looneytunes Oct 5, 9:59pm via HootSuite
This is just insulting. You run a huge site, you take $,open up bloggers to criticism and then you DELETE ANY CRITICISM AND CLOSE COMMENTS? #LAME
looneytunes Oct 5, 10:05pm via HootSuite
@lauriewrites I was mildly concerned/interested before.NOW @momcentral has made me go from mild to PISSED in 2 clicks of her mouse. #coverup
looneytunes Oct 5, 10:11pm via HootSuite
@kitchenmage @momcentral. She deleted all but supportive comments (all 2), closed comments. HUGE, HUGE PR fail made WORSE. http://ht.ly/2P8sK
looneytunes Oct 5, 10:14pm via HootSuite
The irony of all of this (re: @momcentral coverup) I EAT HFCS. Way to make an enemy out of a friendly, dude.
looneytunes Oct 5, 10:23pm via HootSuite
And on and on it went. Lots of people were already involved before I got annoyed, many more joined in after. (You know, the way blog drama goes. :)) THEN it got interesting. A reader sent me a private Tweet with “the handle of the social media director of communications for the association”. The social media director is who you want to direct your online praise/concern to regarding a brand.
His handle was @Ken4Corn.
And I was already piiiissssed.
So, I am afraid Mr. @Ken4Corn got quite an earful from INDIGNANT! MISS!! LOONEYTUNES!!!
(Presenting an (overly) dramatic re-enactment of Twitter Drama since I deleted the tweets for reasons that will soon be explained:)
@Ken4Corn You should know that @momcentral has been unethical in her online behavior about criticism for the HFCS campaign.
@Ken4Corn @momcentral took money from you, her campaign failed and she just made it So! Much! Worse!
@Ken4Corn And I consume HFCS, dude. I was a friendly! So, way to turn the tables, @momcentral!
@Ken4Corn AND @momcentral deleted all but supportive comments! She closed the form for public opinion on a public campaign!
@Ken4Corn AND AND! @momcentral went all Sci-fi and brought Star Trek The Next Generation into it!
@Ken4Corn AND AND AND now I am wondering what kind of association would work with someone that is unethical.
@Ken4Corn AND AND AND @Ken4Corn! I mean, really! If they can do that what if everyone is right and HFCS is reallyjust Satanic excretions of Beelzebub? HMMM, @Ken4Corn??? I mean what IF it really sucks? Like maybe it really DOES do bad things, @Ken4Corn! Like cause cancer, and leprosy, and ADHD, and migraines, and erectile dysfunction, and ulcers, and measals, and hantavirus, and tsunamis, and inflation, and PMS, and herpes, and global warming, and acne, and killing puppies and weevils, and child slave labor and people who wear socks with Birkenstocks and WHAT IF IT IS RESPONSIBLE FOR JUSTIN BEIBER AND SNOOKIE FROM JERSEY SHORE?!!!!!! WHAT THEN @Ken4Corn?!! WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOUR DAMN SELF, @Ken4Corn??!!! HMMMM????!!!******
And then I got a tweet from a friend:
@looneytunes Um, @Ken4Corn is the communications director of the National Corn GROWERS Association. Not the Corn REFINERS Association.
*It’s a curse, man. If they were a guy they would totally have been my unrequited middle school crush. Sigh. To be fair, I’m sure I didn’t help my cause much with this exchange. :)
**Don’t even try to guess who this is, yo. It’s not exactly a secret but I will never, ever tell. And many of you would never, ever believe me anyway. ;)
***I am not quite sure how to take Jonathan’s assessment that “his island would be the one with all the productive people on it”. Though sticking up a sign that says “Ferry to Conjugal Island is closed. Too bad, so sad.” sounds really appealing. (You know, if I was one of those women who used witholding sex to punish their man. Which I do not. TEMPTING THOUGH IT IS AT TIMES.)
****I know, I know. EVEN though it was hilarious, and EVEN THOUGH it was perhaps the greatest comedic real life moment I’ve ever had, it was over the top, inconsiderate and mean of me to do. I and I totally regret doing it. Maybe. ;)
*****I MIGHT be exaggerating my accusations a wee bit here. After all, Twitter only allows 140 characters per tweet. (And? Ken4Corn is THE BEST SPORT OF ALL TIME. I profusely apologized as soon as I found my error and took full responsibility for being a neglectful, rash idiot. And despite waking up to a WHOLE lotta various tweets that had NOTHING to do with him, Ken4Corn was kind enough to accept my offer of pop rocks, a medal for being the most understanding person on Twitter and a drink.)
So use all of this information wisely the next time you catch yourself wishing with all your heart that you were my BFF, dudes.
I’m a handful.