Dear Wal-Mart,

So, about this…

Yeah.

Sorry about that.

My bad.

I just walked out of the store with the basket on my arm, put it on the seat of my car and drove home without even batting an eye that I walked off with your basket.

In my defense, this was totally not personal nor intentional. I’ve been a little preoccupied lately. To illustrate this point, I ALMOST clicked on a news link about Justin Bieber but THANK GOD I STOPPED MYSELF IN TIME.

So…I’ll see you in a few minutes to return your blue-plastic-grocery-carrier-thingy.

Kisses n’ stuff,

Loralee

(The inadvertent Wal-Mart thief)

P.S. While we’re at it, I should probably apologize for the eleventy hundred tweets and Facebook updates bitching about the fact that while my valley has TWO OF YOU IN IT, the nearest Target is 80 freaking miles away.

P.P.S. Sorry bout that.

P.P.P.S. Although, I really DO wish we had a Target.

P.P.P.P.S. Because seriously…it’s just so wrong that we don’t.

P.P.P.P.P.S. It is so wrong it’s almost…almost…WRONGER.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Yeah, yeah, I know.  But this is the kind of language I am forced to use when faced with no prettily stocked store of fabulous, yet affordable goods filling the red decked awesomeness that is Target.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. It’s just a different atmosphere, you know?

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Don’t get me wrong, you are great for many things, but your produce and lack of on-site butcher kinda blows.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Plus, I also wonder if my husband would make an automatic escape plan if he shopped at Target like he does when he shops with you.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Who I am kidding? OF COURSE HE WOULD. The man has plans to not only save Cache Valley in the case of nuclear terrorist attack, but he is well equipped with his own “Zombie Plan“.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And, NO. I still don’t have one.  I plan on sponging off of Jonathan’s Zombie Plan.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Although, now that I think of it, it would be a pretty good idea to hide out and live in the Wal-Mart in case of a zombie apocalypse. Kind of like Natalie Portman in Where The Heart Is, only instead of being a knocked up, down-on-my-luck teenager, I would be a aging, down-on-my-luck blogger trying to escape undead, flesh-eating monsters. I SMELL A BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE HERE!!!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. WHAT? IT COULD TOTALLY WORK ON THE BIG SCREEN, PEOPLE! I think you totally underestimate my acting abilities. I could totally pull it off. Ooooh! And I could add in a touching scene about using math flashcards from the school section to finally conquer my fear and loathing of Geometry! OSCAR MATERIAL, Y’ALL!

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. For reals.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S I guess for now, I will have to be satisfied with returning your basket.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I forgot to pick up milk anyway.

:)

**

A quick reminder about my last McDonald’s giveaway. There are only 6 days left to enter (ARV $100) Y’all…there are only 8 entries so you have an amazing chance at winning as it stands. It is for one of the best causes I know of.