*I’ve wanted to assemble a post about attending conference with babies from different points of view for a long time. I’d like to thank my good friend, Kim, for heading up this project for me. I wanted to bulk of this post to come from the point of view of a mom that has taken a baby to a conference and she fit the bill perfectly. Give her a warm welcome to let her know that Loralee’s Looneytunes has the best readers in the world! (Because I SO DO!! Muwah!)
Last year when I went to Blogher, there was no question in my mind that I would bring Libby. She was 10 months old and I was still her main source of nutrition. I don’t leave my babies and I wasn’t about to start for a conference.
Since I have done it, and there are several conferences coming up in the next few months, I thought I’d share some of the wisdom and experience that I have gained.
When you bring a baby or child to a conference with you, there are going to be certain obstacles that you face. First are the logistics; travel, hotel, dining. How are you going to do it with the baby? Do you bring someone with you to help, or do you do it alone?
I was concerned about sharing a room with someone, I mean I love my baby, but who else will love her and her baby noises in the middle of the night? Lucky for me, I found one such Mama, and Heather loved my Libby as much as someone not related to her could!
I figured out how to use the car seat in the Limo (I know, swanky huh??), and really had no problem with travel or hotel or even dining. I thought I was doing good until I got to the hotel. After checking in and looking up everything that was going on, I realized there was so much more than I had even thought of.
First off, the parties. I am the type of Mom who just brings my babies with me wherever I go. If it is not somewhere that I can take my wee one, it is not somewhere I am going to go. So on the first night, after going to the Social Luxe Party, then getting dinner with some friends, I took Libby to our room, got her in her pj’s, and set off to The People’s Party. I had a couple of folks stop me and say how surprised they were that I was bringing a baby to the party. I didn’t think twice about it though. She went with me to all of the parties, and it wasn’t until the last night there that I did stop to think a bit more about it.
On the last night of the conference, Stephanie and I had a very eye opening experience, one that neither of us will soon forget.
“At BowlHer on Saturday night we had an absolute blast. In the music room there were mini concerts and plenty of room to chill and let the babies crawl around. Ivy was dancing and clapping and at one moment I turned and said this was the best moment yet.
Only I didn’t say it. I had to shout it. And I looked at my baby and asked myself if I was an idiot. If we had to shout to hear each other, what were we doing to the babies’ ears? The set ended and we took the babies out before the next musician came on. I felt like everyone was watching me and, although I am honest and make plenty of mistakes here on the blog, it seemed like in real life? I wasn’t allowed to make any mistakes. Because shame on me if I just had a learning experience like any other Mother.”
I remember this moment so vividly because it was such an A-HA! Moment.
Both Stephanie and I realized that maybe, while we had thought out other parts of the conference, we hadn’t considered the parties. Maybe, just maybe the parties weren’t the right place for our babies. We both realized at that moment that while the conference it’s self was baby friendly, not all of the parties were.
The next big challenge for me was the conference. Blogher was SO huge and SO overwhelming, I really was glad to have my Libby strapped to me. I could hide behind her and not have to worry about much else. I was not the only Mom with a baby either, so that gave me comfort. There were babies in wraps, slings, strollers and on their feet. I couldn’t go very far without someone wanting to touch Libby’s soft head and smell her. Several new friends even told me that she made their ovaries ache!
In the classes, if she got fussy or restless, I would simply leave. I wasn’t about to sit there and interrupt someone else’s experience just so I could listen. So, I went to 2 sessions and wasn’t able to stay for either of them. I was not the only Mom who did this, as I saw several of my fellow comrades in the hall with their babes.
Sadly though, that is not always the case. Loralee has been to several conferences and has seen both successful and un-successful conference moments with children and brings her point of view as someone who has never taken her baby along with her.
“Because I am a Mom, I empathize and have a lot of patience and admiration for Moms who bring their babies and toddlers to conferences. I think that women-oriented blogging conferences have a much higher tolerance than many other situations we try to navigate as mothers with infants.
I LOVE having babies at conferences and am happy when conferences make things as easily as possible for mom’s with babies. I support feeding your baby whenever, wherever and I will probably be the first one to come and ooh and ahh over your wee bundle of cute. When I saw Catherine’s infant Jasper at Blogher 8 in San Fransisco, something inside of me shifted, and I knew I was ready to have another baby. I like hearing them coo and seeing them do cute baby things during sessions just adds to the experience, in my opinion. (Note to conference-attending-moms with babies: I am an EXCELLENT baby holder and snoggler. Hint, hint!)
BUT, because these events and the majority of attendees ARE so empathetic and welcoming of babies, when a parent allows or causes behaviors with their children that crosses the line into disruptive, rude and thoughtless to others, it seems more offensive than in any other situation.
When you are in a session or listening to a panel it is not the place to let your infant cry it out. And, if you have a toddler, I don’t mind them toddling at the back of the room at all, but if they are toddling all over the front, up on the dais,on the people in the panel or around the audio equipment, it is not appropriate and is very distracting not only to those in attendance, but to the panelists and speakers who have paid to be there and deserve to not have their experience disrupted and ruined. It’s not right or fair.
Also, getting frustrated or lashing out at your child, the other attendees or organizers (especially if they are child-friendly conferences) if you have a disruptive child or if you allow the situation to escalate with your child to the point that people or organizers must indicate that you need to be more considerate of other people in the panel is a big bad NO as well. Children and conferences are difficult. Appreciate that and think long and hard before you go that you simply cannot and will not have the same conference experience and time as someone attending that is childless.”
I appreciate so much Loralee’s input about this subject. I know my experiences, and what I can say to do and don’t do, but to have someone who is on the other side of the coin to share is very enlightening. We live in a time when Attachment Parenting is steadily on the rise and more and more Moms are bringing their babies and children with them wherever they go. We also live in a time when more and more Mom’s are in charge of events and can plan for those who will bring their kiddos.
I am lucky enough to be friends with two conference organizers, Kelby Carr, The Type A Mom herself, and Allie Worthington, you know, Mrs. Blissfully Domestic! Kelby has created a kid’s conference at the Type A Mom Conference for this very reason. She is a Mom and knows the challenges we all face.
She said, “From a conference organizer perspective, I wanted to set a standard at Type-A Mom by having affordable, accessible and trustworthy childcare for all attendees. I set up Kid Con so that moms could enjoy the conference and children will not just have babysitters, but their own camp style version of a mini conference.
It always seemed odd to me that there were few options with many conferences targeting moms. So that means attendees are not only allowed to bring children, but encouraged. What that means, of course, is that many people are attending with babies, and that is totally welcome.”
Allie shares her perspective not only as a conference organizer, but as a Mother of young children. “At BlissDom we welcome babies. We especially welcome cute and quiet babies. We have been lucky that all the babies that have attended the conferences have dutifully taken notes, been amazing mic wranglers, and have yet to have any terrible meltdowns. In all seriousness, young babies in strollers and slings are always a joy to have around. A sweet little baby face, a few toys and hundreds of instant Aunties ready to play makes bringing a baby to an event easy.
My favorite bit of advice is to expect to need help and plan ahead. When I had a baby in tow, rather than worry about what I would do with my infant son during hectic moments, I picked out a few friends in advance. There was always a set of willing and familiar arms for him.”
My biggest advice for those bringing babies to conferences is to keep your expectations low, that way you won’t be disappointed. I didn’t get to go to very many sessions last year, but that was okay. I knew going in that it was a possibility and I was ok with that. I was able to meet so many online friends, make new ones, and make connections with businesses on the Expo floor.
There are advantages and disadvantages to bringing your baby and how you will feel about it after the conference is entirely dependent on your attitude. If you don’t over schedule yourself and remember that you are a Mama first then you won’t be as disappointed. If you do over schedule yourself you and your baby will be overwhelmed and no one will be happy.
I am not bringing Libby to Blogher this year. I will get to go to whatever parties I want to, sit in on all the panels and classes I can muster, and have adult conversations without being interrupted by a wee one. But at the same time, I am losing my travel companion, my ice breaker and instant conversation starter. So, while it may take a lot more to bring your baby to the conference, it might take just as much to leave them at home. Do what you are comfortable with and whatever you do, remember to have fun.
Great post.
Thanks for writing this! I’ll be bringing along my 9 month old son to BlogHer this year and am trying to plan ahead for what to expect. I did sign up for the day care and I am not that worried about making it to all the parties (or any for that matter) so I think we’ll be fine.
But this helped reassure me. :)
Oh I am so glad this was helpful!!! I hope to meet you and nibble on that sweet baby of yours :)
Thanks so much for lending this perspective! I’m not bringing a baby, but my 5 yo son to the BlogHer conference. He’ll be in childcare while I’m in daytime sessions, but I’ve been trying to figure out what to do about the evenings. I often take him to festivals, to music events, indoor and outdoor, and leave if it’s too loud or clearly boring for him. I arranged childcare for a couple of nights, but was hoping that on Thursday I might drop by the People’s Party (I don’t drink, so they are of limited interest to me – other than connecting with some people to say hi – anyway). Now I’m not so sure. Finding anyone who wants to share a room has been impossible, though! I wish there was a clear place for those of us who are single moms (or single momming it at the conference) to connect and support each other.
Oh yes, that would be so helpful wouldn’t it? Maybe when you take him to the childcare area, you can meet Moms with other older children and you can trade party time a bit. Good luck! :)
Great post Kim. I have never taken my babies to conferences (my youngest is now 4 1/2) so I won’t ever have the opportunity. So I am more on the accepting and sometimes tolerant end of babies at conferences. I, too, love seeing the babies and watching their moms be so loving and sweet with them. I love getting to hold and snuggle with a baby that isn’t mine. But I do get bothered when the mom’s let their baby/toddler scream and yell or be disruptive. We’ve all paid to be at the conference and deserve to be able to hear what is being said.
I love the learning experience that the parties weren’t for babies. I think I would have had mine at the party as well with an a-ha moment to follow.
Thank you so much for sharing this. I hope MANY moms that are attending up coming conferences read it.
Ah, now that’s a reason to have a baby – to get an ice breaker at those sorts of things! I’m terrible and mingling, and have always known I needed something.
Now to find a man.
I have a 9 year old and I am not bringing her to Blogher, much to her dismay as she wants to go to NYC. As a former event manager for a huge computer company, I will say that babies and children are awesome and totally welcome when they are cared for properly. I have so often seen parents fussing at their children, toddlers wandering off and children/babies screaming through sessions. People paid to be here so if your child is having an issue, they should be removed from the room.
I know when we would host parties/receptions, especially if drinks were involved, we did have many people uncomfortable if there were children running around. But those were mixed events-it might be better at a women-centered conference.
I know there are childcare options at blogher-is it not available during parties? That would be wonderful-at least for the earlier ones.
(I personally love to hold babies so feel free to fling one in my direction-just don’t convince me to have another, I don’t think I can start over ;) )
I can see why Lauren said to u on twitter to “F*CK you”. I agree with her. It is plain as the nose on my face you are singling her baby out forgoing up on the stand with the Bloggess at mom you 2.0. You should try taking a colicky baby and see how you are teated at one of these things! You owe Mom’s that are doing there best at conferences like her an apology. This was a really rude post
Even though your reply is directed at Loralee, I am going to comment. If you have a colicky baby, then you really shouldn’t be going to a blog conference. There is a time and a place and a season for all things. Obviously if your baby is colicky, you are not in the season of your life to attend conferences. Wait until your baby gets older and try it. There is nothing saying you HAVE to attend every conference.
The main point of what Loralee was saying is to be respectful of the other attendees.
However, by your language, I am guessing that you don’t have a lot of respect for others, so this could be difficult for you.
I point my comment to loralee not kim. Kim is a nice fall.
Thanks for the advice! The only reason I’m NOT going to BlogHer this year is because when the tickets came out I couldn’t imagine bringing my son – who will be 16 months in August – and I was still nursing full time. I didn’t want to leave him home but wasn’t sure how welcome a toddler would be or what options there are for childcare.
Next year I’ll have an 8 month old and I don’t think I’m going to let it stop me from attending. That seems like a good age for a baby at a conference – young enough to be immobile and maybe sleep through stuff in a sling, old enough to put in childcare if there’s something I REALLY don’t want to miss. Thanks again for the post!
Oh yes, 16 months old is a HARD age. That is why I didn’t go to Blissdom or Mom 2.0 this year, my baby was at that very difficult age. But, an 8 month old, oh yes, that baby will be great at Blogher next year.
Btw, congrats on the new baby!!!
I must say as a Mom I’m surprised so many conferences don’t have childcare (and lots of qualified childcare givers) available so that Mom’s can come and NOT worry.
Or a room set up that lets Mom’s with children that have to leave the room can watch the parts they missed. If not a room then a video capture of it to watch later.
I hope you have fun at your conference!
M
I didn’t ask the anonymous commenter to leave such a harsh comment. Thank you to Loralee for talking with me about it. I know you weren’t speaking directly about my incident. I wish that Mom 2.0 had offered child care.
It’s definitely a learning experience for each individual Mom and baby. I’m not ready to leave Ivy this year for BlogHer and it wouldn’t be fair to me, her, and other attendees to bring her, so I’m sitting this one out. (I say that because I know myself, and my baby, and I’m just not up for all that goes with it.)
Steph
I would love to go, but I’m not ready to leave my son. He’s still breastfeeding, and it’s on the other side of the continent from me. And as a toddler, I know that there would be little point in me attending with him. It would be miserable for both of us. Other people might make a different choice, but I’m cool with mine, even though I am sad to miss the conference.
I think that it’s important to remember that BlogHer 10 (or 11, or whatever) is not the only shot you’re ever going to have at getting to a conference. If this one doesn’t work for you, there will be others. Kids grow fast, and in a few months or a year things may be different for you. At least, that’s what I keep telling myself.
Oops. I didn’t mean to direct this specifically towards Stephanie, although we are in sort of the same boat. :)
can i get in your boat too, lovelies?
I took my baby along to the last conference I attended. She was only five weeks old, much too little for me to feel comfortable leaving her behind. I was nervous, but really, it went great. I did set really low expectations though… I didn’t get to attend a lot of the classes and sessions, and that was fine. I think had I gone expecting to see and here everything, I would have been frustrated in the end.
I didn’t have a baby last year and I just had a baby 2 weeks ago. Considering I’m the baby making machine I can’t go without her ;) she’ll be so small, sleepy and cute, I think we (hopefully) will survive. Thanks for the helpful post!!
Oh yes, a little tiny baby will be so fun!! And, there is the Lansinoh Suite that is set up for Breastfeeding and Pumping Mamas. A nice quiet spot to go and relax a bit. I went last year and it was so nice! Congrats mama!
All my traveling when the kids were babies was for work – i.e., no babies allowed. I was pregnant with my son on one trip – he was a month old on the next. I was pumping on more trips than I can count, missing my babies. I would have loved to have taken them with me. Now that they are 5 and 8 I would love even more to take them places just so that they can see the world and to experience something new through their eyes.
This is a great post and I hope more moms will be inspired to plan on bringing their babies with them after this input.
*sigh* I WISH I could come to BlogHer this year, but the fact of the matter is that I can’t even take Kairi (15 mo) out to a restaurant without causing a ruckus. And since I’m still breastfeeding and we co-sleep and we’ve never been apart for more than 3 hours at a time I really didn’t think it would be appropriate for me to go without her this year.
I really appreciate the perspectives given here though! I didn’t even know that women brought their kids! That’s awesome!!! I wish Kairi was the tag-along baby that Gracie (5 yr) was, but she’s just not. Maybe next year!
I realize that you moms want to be with the kids, and have them experience things, but think twice about bringing one along to a big event. You will be distracted and not fully able to participate, which is the whole reason you are going. And I don’t care what you say, a kid in the room is distracting. No matter how good you say they are, at some point they will be bored/cranky/want mom’s full attention. At that point you are intruding on the other people’s time, taking away from them the experience they went for. No matter the size of the kid, a conference is for the adult. Make a separate trip if you want your child to experience a new city, then take them all, along with hubby or friend to help out. (yea, sound like a mean guy here)
No, I don’t think you sound like the mean guy, just sharing your experience and opinion.
I am glad that I went to Blogher last year and that I brought my baby. But, I know that not everyone has that same experience. The moment my baby became loud, I took her out so as not to be distracting to anyone in the room.
Maybe I didn’t get the full conference experience, but I loved my time there and if I had to do it over again, I would not change a thing (except taking her to the loud parties).
And, not all conferences are just for the adult, Blogher and Type A Mom both have childcare options so that it can be a family affair. I just think that you need to plan more carefully when taking children to conferences.
Does the conference advertise as being baby/child friendly? Would you not think the child care is provided to enable people to put their child/ren in there, rather than take them to the conference and possibly disturb or distract others. I would never have taken my children to a conference, and I would not be keen to go to one where I knew small children would be. I don’t think it’s appropriate, but I think it’s the responsibility of the organisers to make it clear TO ALL whether it’s a child friendly event or not. Good luck either way.
Kim. Thanks for this post. As you know I absolutely adore babies. And pretty much want everyone to give me theirs. But I also love respect. And the most adorable baby in the world can still cause a disruption. And if a parent doesn’t recognize that and remove themselves and the kiddo then it is disrespectful. But… If anyone at blogher needs a baby holder in the hallway… Just ask me. I will pace the hallways while they enjoy the session. :-)
I took my son to BlogHer 08 in Chicago, when he was 7 months old. The next year I left him at home. I used the daycare during the day, but I really needed it most at night. I did take him with me to some of the evening events, because that’s all I could do. But I had to leave early – it was just too much to lug him around. He’s a big boy and at 7 months there was no way I could carry him around in a sling all night. So I used the stroller but it’s tough in large crowds.
When I did take him around in the afternoons & on breaks, so many friends stopped to say hi (they remembered me from the last con where I was pregnant). Like you said, instant convo starter.
I did love being able to come and go from the daycare, taking him out during lunch & playing with him and then going back later. I checked in a LOT because it was the first time I was separated from him for more than an hour at a time.
It was tough though. There were times I needed help, more than I felt comfortable asking friends for. (And my friends were fabulous, but trying to enjoy the con, too.)
I really wish the conferences would consider extending childcare into the evenings, as the social/networking events can be vital, too.
Doesn’t having them in day care all day and night make the point of bringing a baby to a conference pointless, though?
I think the biggest point of this post that most everyone is missing is to know your limitations and those of your child.
My kids would never have been good conference babies. My daughter maybe when she was an infant but my son? Never.
I raised hedgehogs for years and every other year there was a hedgehog show in Denver. I was encouraged to bring my son who was I think just shy of 3 at the first show and it was a nightmare. He was bored and disruptive and I missed a lot. Thankfully my mother-in-law went with me and they spent a lot of time swimming and things like that so my hedgehogs could compete. The second show I went to my husband went along and we took him again but he was 5 and a bit more self sufficient. He even showed his own hedgehog and won 3rd place with her. The last show I attended he was 7 and didn’t want to go and I had a baby at home and I just didn’t want to take the kids so we made it an adult only weekend and it was by far the best show I attended. I got to absorb and attend every event.
I can totally get behind taking your kids to kid friendly events but don’t delude yourselves in to thinking you won’t miss out on something unless you use the childcare and at that point you might as well leave them home.
Thank Loralee nd Kim! I will be bringing Baby Violet to Blogher and she is 6 months old. She’s a really good baby biut I still signed up for the childcare the moment I got the email. The moms are allowed to go in and out and take babies out and put them back in so I will get her and head to the Lasinoh suite to nurse her and hook up with other bfing moms and then head out to socialize with a very happy baby and maybe she will help me make some new friends. She LOVES to smile and coo and be held by stangers (hint hint).
I have friends in NY who are going to watch her at night in the hotel for a couple of hours so I can head to the parties and mingle a little sans baby and then I will go back up to the room to have a drink with my old friends and new baby V sleeps through anything so I am hoping for a party in my room (small of course!)
Anyway, I agree on taking tantrums out of the room and gauging whether or not your child will do okay at an event.
Thanks! Can’t wait to meet you and let you cuddle my chubby baby Violet!
I’m bringing my 10 month old to Blissdom Canada in October…this is my first foray into the conference world, and I’ll be glad to have him as an icebreaker. That being said, I agree with you and think there is a time and season for all of this, and knowing yourself and your child is the best way to make it work. My first son? NEVER would have brought him to a conference, he is (and always has been) way too high energy. But my 2nd son is very chill, more than happy to sit in a sling for hours….I’m really looking forward to both of us being there! Thanks for a great post!
I’m so glad I found this today, just as I was having a total meltdown over my decision to take on BlogHer with my 10 month old in tow alone. I’ll just print this out and stick it in my pocket so I can keep reading it over the next seven days, and hopefully my polite, quiet baby and I will do just fine.
haha,Swimming is much less difficult if you put your fears aside.