Dear Mom,
It made me start hyperventilating and I almost swallowed my tongue was super awesome to get your friend request on Facebook today. My Facebook is pretty much open to bloggity people, family and friends so I am pretty sure that I am going to accept you onto my ‘friends’ list. After all, carrying twin fetuses around for 9-months when you’re 37-years-old is no small task. So, I sort of owe it to you and dad for gettin’ it on and creating me n’ stuff.
(Although NOW I am totally thinking about you and dad getting it on.)
(Which is really, REALLY disturbing imagery.)
(And sort of makes me want to hurl and go AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! simultaneously.)
(Why don’t we just end here and get off of this topic before I curl in the fetal position and start babbling incoherently, m’kay?)
Where were we again?
Oh, yes.
You friended me on Facebook.
Here is the thing about that. Facebook is kinda “my space”. It’s kind of like my blog ala 2005…I sort of use it as a brain dump and it’s just a place where I can totally be ME.
Sooooo….I’m down with you being my friend but I have to warn you that while I post photos of the kids and funny updates and youtube videos and such, I ALSO post about sex, my boobs, getting Brazilian waxed (yes, I know that both you and Oprah think it’s “gross”) and I also curse, whine, moan and can be occasionally bitchtastic and often post about needing liquor.
So, if you are good with that?
We can be friends.
If not, you might want to just stick to reading my blog and talking to me on the phone, Ma.
Love,
Your favorite daughter.
P.S. I’m going to get scolded for this post, aren’t I, Ma?
P.P.S. And for I will TOTALLY tell everyone that you are not responsible for my heathen ways.
P.P.P.S. Everyone! My mom is totally not responsible for my heathen ways n’ stuff!!
P.P.P.P.S. In all seriousness, she is a good, upstanding LDS woman that did her best and somehow ended up with a heathen offspring despite all efforts to convince me that Jesus is my best friend.
P.P.P.P.P.S. She also tried to teach me how to bottle fruit but that didn’t stick, either.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Not that I have anything against bottled fruit, I don’t.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. In fact, bottled peaches and cherries are some of the best things on the planet and I am very fond of my memories of everyone helping out to make rows and rows of them to put in our fruit room when I was a kid.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I also have fond memories of taking the canning lid rings and tying them together with yarn to make a bra.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Which was awesome.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Although, I am not sure that my mother felt the same way as I did about my metal canning bra of awesome.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. It probably had to do with the fact that I ran around up and down the neighborhood showing it off to the neighbors with no shirt on and wearing the “bridal veil” that I made by cutting down the brand new sheer bathroom curtains the day after she hung them up.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. She wasn’t too thrilled when I ran around the neighborhood flashing my “bikini”, either.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Which would be my Batgirl Underoos.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. AND THEY WERE AWESOME. SEE?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Now that I have given you enough disturbing/awesome imagery to last a lifetime I will let you go.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I also have to go call my mom and offer to take her to lunch to make amends for this post.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. :)
Batgirl Underoos. Cool. Just darn cool.
Hi Mom. I said ‘Darn” just for you.
I also actually edited my comment, on the fly, because I … well nevermind because, because if I go there, then what’s the point in self-editing?
I mean really.
I had those Batgirl Underoos too!
Too awesome.
I am so happy Mom doesn’t like computers. Sooooooo happy. However, that being said – my Uncle is and he’s a Reverend of the United Church of Canada and it makes me re-think EVERYTHING!
I had Wonder Woman Underroos with fake metal bracelets. I love them, wish they still made them for girls as the only ones I can find are for boys.
M
I totally want to know how to can peaches.
Love your blog!
Just today my FATHER-IN-LAW, who just asked last week “why would anyone be on FB?” sent me a “let’s be friends on FB” message. Seriously?!?
More importantly… You had a “fruit room” when you were a kid???
What is it with uncomfortable FB friend requests lately? My husband decided about a month ago to get on FB. I about had a fit but felt obligated to approve his friend request. I have started a second blog just so I’ll have one remaining space that is mine. Ugh.
Sing it with me now…”It’s the end of the world as we know it…”
My mom friend requested me, too, and I accepted and honestly, 99.9% of the time it is fine…others? well, let’s just say that it doesn’t matter how many times a day I talk to her on the phone, if my status even IMPLIES something is wrong, she calls me back to find out what and if I am complaining about someone, she gets on me for it.
Fun times…
When you post something NSFM (not safe for Mom) on FB, just hide it from her using the easy posting settings.
Yeah, both my parents and even a couple of my grandparents are my friends on FB now. NOT ideal. I’ve got to get better at using my privacy settings. At least you gave your mom fair warning!
I’m so glad my mum still rings me to ask how to do things, like email photos or other ‘simple’ stuff. She has no desire to FB.
And because I know your Mom, it makes this post all the more awesome!!!
I have awesome visions now of you in a metal bra ;)
Oh, and if you want to try your hand at canning fruit, I’ll be doing peaches in September. ;)
I think you write all of those things here too, so Mom is out of luck in the avoidance department.
Oh – Facebook – can I be your friend? (poke)
So #1 I had a pair of those underoos. Along with my wonderwoman and C3PO. #2 I think a Brazilian wax is the best thing ever invented and hurts way less than eyebrows or the lip. #3 Luckily my mom is more like me so I don’t worry about my facebook posts…it’s my mother in law who is very Mormon and proper. I don’t have any idea what’s “proper and not proper” so I feel bad for her. But I did marry her crazy son, so she shouldn’t be too surprised. BTW- I love the idea of the iron bra. My sister and I found my parents’ Costco sized box of condoms once and filled them up with water and used them to fill out her bras. It was great cause they were balloons with nipples. Mom wasn’t amused.
LMAO at this entire post. So…did she decide it was okay to be your FB friend or did she run and hide?
Awesomeosity! Did she snap the pic of the Underoos? What I wouldn’t give to have a shot of me in my Wonder Woman set..tank top cause I was modest.
If my mother friended me on Facebook I would take cover cause the Four Horsemen would be galloping down my driveway any second.
And your mum reads your blog? Wow. *waves to Loralee’s mum*
I totally thought that I was the only one that made those metal bras. Except, I never actually wore one. That’s what little brothers are for.
My mom and MIL both friended me on Facebook. As a result I took my Twitter stream off of there. *sigh*