Oh, y’all.

My head hurts.

This is the craziest week of my year.

WHY, you ask?

Well, it’s that little conference I’m speaking at in New York next week called “BlogHer”.

(No, I SWEAR this is NOT going to be a BlogHer post.)

(Although my one tip is this: For the love of all that is holy wear comfortable shoes.)

(And?  I WILL PAY MONEY I DO NOT HAVE if people can write a BlogHer recap and not use any of the following terms: “COOL KIDS TABLE”, “IT’S LIKE HIGH SCHOOL” OR “POPULAR” AND/OR “MEAN GIRLS”. For reals. FIGHT THE CLICHE, PEOPLE! Just go to have fun and talk to people. People are nice. I’m nice, come talk to me. I will make a fuss over you and likely squee and hug you. I will not be judging you, your shoes, your clothes or your business cards or the size of your blog. Promise. I also have so much social anxiety and make more ridiculous conference faux pas than any person I know, so you are in good company if you feel like you’re doing everything wrong. I feel that way every year. And as a plus, I’ll have my boss with me to introduce her to everyone and she is UBER AWESOME. So, come and say hello to us!)

I’m swamped, people.

Dwarfed by the amount of work on my plate and the chaos swirling around me.

I’ve pretty much just thrown up my hands and given into it.

I’m not good at organizing anything. From my closet to my purse to my life. And with everything I have going on, I am really beginning to suffer the consequences of it.  I’ve dropped so many balls so many times, I think I threw my back out bending down so many times to pick them all up repeatedly.

I HAVE to get more organization to my life.

And since I can’t afford a secretary or a life coach or a professional organizer, I went all retro and bought a “day timer”

Surely you all remember those, right?

They look like this:

I owned one in high school and college and LIVED AND DIED BY IT.

I have tried since being online to be as organized as I was then but have failed miserably.

I think I may have figured out why.

Here is a secret: I like paper.

I like making lists on actual paper.

Not on the computer.

Not with a fancy phone app.

PAPER.

I like taking pen to paper so much more than typing.

Ok, there is one thing I that does frustrate me. I have a weird problem. When I am making lists or writing letters I have to have it look perfect. If I mess up? I make a new list and start over.  Same with letters. Same with my notes in school. It drives my husband nutso.

(And really? I used to pray every freaking day that I would wake up and have a borderline OCD compulsion about housekeeping and THIS IS THE ONE THING I TURN OUT TO BE ALL ‘TYPE A’ ABOUT? COULD I NOT BE  TIGHT-ASSED ABOUT MOPPING MY FLOOR OR IRONING MY LAUNDRY???!!! It is so very, very unfair.)

I have no idea if this will be the saving grace of me, but it’s a start.

I’d LOVE to hear what your best “organize your life” tips are.

Heavens knows I need them!

Now if y’all will excuse me, I suddenly feel the urge to go put on a plaid shirt and start a garage band in Seattle.

*Also, I visited McDonald’s Headquarters in June with my family (SO much fun) and am hosting a giveaway (ARV $100) on my review blog sponsored by McDonald’s. Leave a comment with a question about McDonald’s, my trip, or just something you love about The Golden Arches! (Ends August 10th)

There is an audition at BlogHer for a mom blogger reality show called “Project Mom”, and I’m crazy enough to think that I’d be an excellent candidate for it***

(What do YOU think about this idea? )

Now for the tough part of the application.

They want to know who I am.

What sets me apart?

What is my story?

It’s an interesting question. I’ve been trying to find “me” my whole life. To be comfortable in my own skin, my own story and with who I am. It’s been a long journey and one that continues to challenge me.

My name is Loralee Choate, and my story is about loss.

(TOTAL downer answer, I know. But wait till the end of the story, dudes!)

My losses are considerable.

I lost my son. When Matthew died my heart broke so hard I thought it stopped along with my son’s. BUT I SURVIVED.

I lost a marriage. A story familiar to so many people. I was too young, too poor, just  too…TOO.

I lost my plan to be a professional opera singer but I got to become a SAH mom and a blogger instead.

I lost my religion. A big deal for anyone but a *really* big deal in Utah. But I gained a sense of peace.

I lost our immediate plan of owning our own home to pay medical debt, but now I have the JOY of my life.

I lost my political identity. But speaking out about my insurance story and being invited to The White House gave me a backbone.

I lost the normal shape/function of my leg because of a near-fatal blood clot. But I learned to finally love them.

I lost half my body weight. Being obese caused a lot of heartache but it also gave me my sense of humor as a coping mechanism.

I lost my sense of humor. But then I TOTALLY FOUND IT AGAIN.

So, yes…my story is about loss and how it has changed and shaped me.

BUT is also about how I have survived!

What I have done to kick that loss in posterior and triumph to come out on the other side. I may come out a little (or a lot) worse for wear, but I ALWAYS make it through, even if by the skin of my teeth.

These losses of mine continue to challenge, come up, throw curve balls at me and shape me EVERY SINGLE DAY.

BUT…

With the exception of loosing my son, I’m grateful for the loss I’ve had.

Because somewhere along the path of fighting my way through it all?

I am finding me.

NOW if only I could lose my hormonal, PMS-driven case of EMO that’s making me do weird things like incessant Lifetime channel watching, craving peanut butter on cheese slices and pretty much sobbing at EVERYTHING while curled in the fetal position throwing chocolate at myself.

Sigh…

***Thanks for your opinions, dear readers. I welcome all of them. I need to be clear I am just THINKING about this. I have very little information and want to get a WHOLE LOT MORE INFO and thought before I’d do anything. This is just to get an interview. Whether or not I would actually go through with it depends on many factors that I just don’t know yet.  But at least I know I really respect the creators so that makes me at least want to throw my hat in the ring! Thank you so much for your concern! xo)

*I’ve wanted to assemble a post about attending conference with babies from different points of view for a long time. I’d like to thank my good friend, Kim, for heading up this project for me. I wanted to bulk of this post to come from the point of view of a mom that has taken a baby to a conference and she fit the bill perfectly. Give her a warm welcome to let her know that Loralee’s Looneytunes has the best readers in the world! (Because I SO DO!! Muwah!)

Last year when I went to Blogher, there was no question in my mind that I would bring Libby. She was 10 months old and I was still her main source of nutrition. I don’t leave my babies and I wasn’t about to start for a conference.

Since I have done it, and there are several conferences coming up in the next few months, I thought I’d share some of the wisdom and experience that I have gained.

When you bring a baby or child to a conference with you, there are going to be certain obstacles that you face. First are the logistics; travel, hotel, dining. How are you going to do it with the baby? Do you bring someone with you to help, or do you do it alone?

I was concerned about sharing a room with someone, I mean I love my baby, but who else will love her and her baby noises in the middle of the night? Lucky for me, I found one such Mama, and Heather loved my Libby as much as someone not related to her could!

I figured out how to use the car seat in the Limo (I know, swanky huh??), and really had no problem with travel or hotel or even dining. I thought I was doing good until I got to the hotel. After checking in and looking up everything that was going on, I realized there was so much more than I had even thought of.

First off, the parties. I am the type of Mom who just brings my babies with me wherever I go. If it is not somewhere that I can take my wee one, it is not somewhere I am going to go. So on the first night, after going to the Social Luxe Party, then getting dinner with some friends, I took Libby to our room, got her in her pj’s, and set off to The People’s Party. I had a couple of folks stop me and say how surprised they were that I was bringing a baby to the party. I didn’t think twice about it though. She went with me to all of the parties, and it wasn’t until the last night there that I did stop to think a bit more about it.

On the last night of the conference, Stephanie and I had a very eye opening experience, one that neither of us will soon forget.

“At BowlHer on Saturday night we had an absolute blast. In the music room there were mini concerts and plenty of room to chill and let the babies crawl around. Ivy was dancing and clapping and at one moment I turned and said this was the best moment yet.

Only I didn’t say it. I had to shout it. And I looked at my baby and asked myself if I was an idiot. If we had to shout to hear each other, what were we doing to the babies’ ears? The set ended and we took the babies out before the next musician came on. I felt like everyone was watching me and, although I am honest and make plenty of mistakes here on the blog, it seemed like in real life? I wasn’t allowed to make any mistakes. Because shame on me if I just had a learning experience like any other Mother.”

I remember this moment so vividly because it was such an A-HA! Moment.

Both Stephanie and I realized that maybe, while we had thought out other parts of the conference, we hadn’t considered the parties. Maybe, just maybe the parties weren’t the right place for our babies. We both realized at that moment that while the conference it’s self was baby friendly, not all of the parties were.

The next big challenge for me was the conference. Blogher was SO huge and SO overwhelming, I really was glad to have my Libby strapped to me. I could hide behind her and not have to worry about much else. I was not the only Mom with a baby either, so that gave me comfort. There were babies in wraps, slings, strollers and on their feet. I couldn’t go very far without someone wanting to touch Libby’s soft head and smell her. Several new friends even told me that she made their ovaries ache!

In the classes, if she got fussy or restless, I would simply leave. I wasn’t about to sit there and interrupt someone else’s experience just so I could listen. So, I went to 2 sessions and wasn’t able to stay for either of them. I was not the only Mom who did this, as I saw several of my fellow comrades in the hall with their babes.

Sadly though, that is not always the case. Loralee has been to several conferences and has seen both successful and un-successful conference moments with children and brings her point of view as someone who has never taken her baby along with her.

“Because I am a Mom, I empathize and have a lot of patience and admiration for Moms who bring their babies and toddlers to conferences. I think that women-oriented blogging conferences have a much higher tolerance than many other situations we try to navigate as mothers with infants.

I LOVE having babies at conferences and am happy when conferences make things as easily as possible for mom’s with babies. I support feeding your baby whenever, wherever and I will probably be the first one to come and ooh and ahh over your wee bundle of cute. When I saw Catherine’s infant Jasper at Blogher 8 in San Fransisco, something inside of me shifted, and I knew I was ready to have another baby. I like hearing them coo and seeing them do cute baby things during sessions just adds to the experience, in my opinion. (Note to conference-attending-moms with babies: I am an EXCELLENT baby holder and snoggler. Hint, hint!)

BUT, because these events and the majority of attendees ARE so empathetic and welcoming of babies, when a parent allows or causes behaviors with their children that crosses the line into disruptive, rude and thoughtless to others, it seems more offensive than in any other situation.

When you are in a session or listening to a panel it is not the place to let your infant cry it out. And, if you have a toddler, I don’t mind them toddling at the back of the room at all, but if they are toddling all over the front, up on the dais,on the people in the panel or around the audio equipment, it is not appropriate and is very distracting not only to those in attendance, but to the panelists and speakers who have paid to be there and deserve to not have their experience disrupted and ruined. It’s not right or fair.

Also, getting frustrated or lashing out at your child, the other attendees or organizers (especially if they are child-friendly conferences) if you have a disruptive child or if you allow the situation to escalate with your child to the point that people or organizers must indicate that you need to be more considerate of other people in the panel is a big bad NO as well. Children and conferences are difficult. Appreciate that and think long and hard before you go that you simply cannot and will not have the same conference experience and time as someone attending that is childless.”

I appreciate so much Loralee’s input about this subject. I know my experiences, and what I can say to do and don’t do, but to have someone who is on the other side of the coin to share is very enlightening. We live in a time when Attachment Parenting is steadily on the rise and more and more Moms are bringing their babies and children with them wherever they go. We also live in a time when more and more Mom’s are in charge of events and can plan for those who will bring their kiddos.

I am lucky enough to be friends with two conference organizers, Kelby Carr, The Type A Mom herself, and Allie Worthington, you know, Mrs. Blissfully Domestic!  Kelby has created a kid’s conference at the Type A Mom Conference for this very reason. She is a Mom and knows the challenges we all face.

She said, “From a conference organizer perspective, I wanted to set a standard at Type-A Mom by having affordable, accessible and trustworthy childcare for all attendees. I set up Kid Con so that moms could enjoy the conference and children will not just have babysitters, but their own camp style version of a mini conference.

It always seemed odd to me that there were few options with many conferences targeting moms. So that means attendees are not only allowed to bring children, but encouraged. What that means, of course, is that many people are attending with babies, and that is totally welcome.”

Allie shares her perspective not only as a conference organizer, but as a Mother of young children. “At BlissDom we welcome babies. We especially welcome cute and quiet babies. We have been lucky that all the babies that have attended the conferences have dutifully taken notes, been amazing mic wranglers, and have yet to have any terrible meltdowns. In all seriousness, young babies in strollers and slings are always a joy to have around. A sweet little baby face, a few toys and hundreds of instant Aunties ready to play makes bringing a baby to an event easy.

My favorite bit of advice is to expect to need help and plan ahead. When I had a baby in tow, rather than worry about what I would do with my infant son during hectic moments, I picked out a few friends in advance. There was always a set of willing and familiar arms for him.”

My biggest advice for those bringing babies to conferences is to keep your expectations low, that way you won’t be disappointed. I didn’t get to go to very many sessions last year, but that was okay. I knew going in that it was a possibility and I was ok with that. I was able to meet so many online friends, make new ones, and make connections with businesses on the Expo floor.

There are advantages and disadvantages to bringing your baby and how you will feel about it after the conference is entirely dependent on your attitude. If you don’t over schedule yourself and remember that you are a Mama first then you won’t be as disappointed. If you do over schedule yourself you and your baby will be overwhelmed and no one will be happy.

I am not bringing Libby to Blogher this year. I will get to go to whatever parties I want to, sit in on all the panels and classes I can muster, and have adult conversations without being interrupted by a wee one. But at the same time, I am losing my travel companion, my ice breaker and instant conversation starter. So, while it may take a lot more to bring your baby to the conference, it might take just as much to leave them at home. Do what you are comfortable with and whatever you do, remember to have fun.