*UPDATE: Reports started surfacing after I posted this that she is believed to be safe. Which is a huge relief. I thought about taking this post down but honestly, the thoughts and sentiments here are bigger than this one story and things like this will most certainly happen again. I feel there is an important message here. xo

For the few that do not know, Abby Sunderland is a 16-year-old junior in high school attempting to be the youngest person to sail solo around the globe. Right now a rescue operation is underway to find her in the middle of the Indian Ocean because she set two of her emergency beacons off last night.

No one knows if she is alive or not.

I’m not really here to comment on her story, though…I am going to talk about the reaction to it and the massive backlash that is hitting her family right now.

Abby seems like an AMAZING young woman. Very skilled and very passionate. For me personally, as a mother who has lost a child, I know I could never sign off on my 16-year-old sailing solo around the world, no matter how passionate and skilled they were. I could not, simply could not take that risk when I have already had so much taken from me already.

But that is ME.

And I am the first to admit that like MANY who are knee-jerk reacting to this story without knowing anything about her, her qualifications or her history, I don’t know nearly enough about the situation to comment on her story adequately.

I am also not her parents.

But I don’t need to be her parent to empathize from one parent to the other about the basic worry of the welfare of your child. No matter what my own choices would be.

I am sure they are extremely worried right now.

As I went around reading different articles, the comments were pretty horrifying.

Everyone seemed to want two things: The parents to be held accountable and to know how much the rescue effort would cost and who will pay for it? (Said in much, MUCH harsher, ugly lingo as is wont to happen on the Internet, of course.)

Even if they were wishing Abby well and safe it almost seemed to be an after thought.

Look, this is an unusual situation and I know many are bewildered, upset and are thinking and voicing their opinions about her parents and this venture and also about all the other people who seem to do risky things only to have other people put their own lives at risk to go bail them out and the money involved. (These, especially the latter, have valid points to them. Especially when others are put at risk to rescue .)

BUT NOW IS NOT REALLY THE TIME FOR THAT.

Let’s get her home safe. See what the situation is and stop hurling all this horrible, ugly crap at a family who is trying to see if their loved one is alive or dead.

This story hit me hard.

I thought of all the hell I went through when we lost Matthew…and how it would feel to try and cope with that along with hatred and ugliness from so many.

My empathy is one that goes above blame. It’s base and almost automatic from one parent who has lost a child to others who are fearing for theirs.

I ache for them.

Because I can tell you, if something has happened to her?

Those parents will be in a much worse hell than most can imagine and they will have to live with it and play and replay and regret and hurt and have guilt like no others. And it will not just be the hell in their own heads…as I have seen today the weight and judgment of the world will crash down and do its best to pulverize them into the earth out of their own sense of outrage.

It seems to happen again, and again when tragic situations happen. The blame. The anger. The self-righteous judging and hateful comments hurled on grieving and worried people that are in the midst of crises.

I can see why people are upset that they allowed her to try this but I also feel strongly that until they know the fate of their girl people should just back the hell off already.

Whether I, or anyone, approves of what they allowed or not.

It’s just the decent thing to do.

I truly hope she is ok.

We needed some quick, last-minute family photos for a trip we’re taking next week and my friend, Brigitte came to the rescue.  Bridgy just opened a studio in the Cache Valley Mall called, “Smiles” (You all should go have her photos snapped by her. I love her stuff. If there is a pretty photo of me on this site the chances are dang good that she took it.)

It was not an easy photo shoot. We had a 1-year-old, 2 frazzled, hurried parents and 2 tween/teens that were NOT in the best moods that day. It’s a good thing Bridgy is such a pro at what she does. Even with her being a pro we had plenty of photos in “THE REJECT” pile:

Jonathan and I have just made peace with the fact that he looks like he’s posing for “American Gothic” in most of the photos he takes. (I also like to joke that in some of them he looks like just yelled out “KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!” but he doesn’t find this NEARLY as amusing as I do.)

I think it is a natural law that one child in the photo MUST LOOK LIKE THEY HAVE JUST BEEN TOLD THAT CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED AND THAT THERE ARE NO SUCH THINGS AS UNICORNS!!!!

(By the way…unicorns TOTALLY exist, yo.)

(Just so you know.)

And we DID tell them that their privilege of going into the “Hurricane Simulator” at the mall was taken away because they would.not.stop.bickering.about.it. So, I’m surprised they actually look as pleasant as they do.

At least in this one Butterlump is pulling out his inner “diva” to counteract that blue raincloud of “MEH” on his right.

And don’t even get me STARTED on the “eyes closed /looking weirdly off in the distance”.

Seriously, WHAT IS UP, FAMILY!?

Oh…wait…er…maybe they aren’t the ONLY ones with the issues…ehem…

(MAN…I look like I have been totally binging on weed brownies*.) 

Happily, there were plenty of photos that were great and I’m happy to include them in the “Choate Family Album”.

At the end of the day, we all survived and EVEN managed to look like we might just like each other a little bit!

And honestly?

Isn’t that what family is often all about anyway?

:P

* DISCLAIMER: I was totally kidding about the weed brownie.

**For reals.

***I’ve never even SEEN a weed brownie.

****Seriously, when I was in high school I spent my randy, partying Saturday nights with my BFF Susie in her basement doing lame photo shoots with me made up like Christine Daae in Phantom of the Opera or slow dancing in the dark with pillows sprayed with our boyfriend’s cologne.

*****Yes, I KNOW I WAS A TOTAL LOSER DORK, BUT I WAS A SOBER, NON-WEED-BROWNIE-EATING-LOSER-DORK!

******For all I know, weed brownies don’t even really exist and are the figment of imagination from people hallucinating on PCP and shrooms.

*******DISCLAIMER’S DISCLAIMER: NOT THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN OR USED THOSE EITHER!

******** BECAUSE I ABSOLUTELY HAVE NOT! PINKY SWEAR N’ STUFF!!!!!

*********HAVE YOU EVER FELT LIKE YOU NEED A DISCLAIMER FOR A DISCLAIMER’S DISCLAIMER?!

**********I RECOMMEND THAT IF YOU DO NEED A DISCLAIMER FOR YOUR DISCLAIMER’S DISCLAIMER, YOU TYPE IT IN ALL CAPS AS IT WILL PUT FURTHER EMPHASIS ON YOUR WORDS!!!!! AND!!! USE MANY EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND DO NOT FORGET THE ITALICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

***********Seriously, I don’t do drugs, it was just me being funny.

************I am ashamed of myself for even kidding about it.

*************Ok, not really, but I can TOTALLY PRETEND THAT I AM FULL OF SHAME JUST FOR YOU PEOPLE WITH YOUR KNICKERS IN THE HAPPY FUN KNOT OF CONDEMNATION!!!!

**************I think it’s best if I just end this, blush, smile and offer you all a peace offering.

***************Brownie, anyone???

****************(Hee, hee, hee.)

:)

• Facebook and its revolving door of never-ending-crashes-and-changes. (Really, is there any further explanation necessary?)

• My 10-year-old came in upset and fuming that, “Brother is tormenting me!!! He says I am a social outcast because I am on “Team Jacob” and I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!!!”. (I have never had one statement that has made me feel more like a success and failure as a parent simultaneously. Sigh.)

• I have FINALLY picked a side in one of the greatest and most heated debates of all time. Is it health care? No. Abortion? No. I have come to the absolute conclusion that the correct way to hang the toilet paper is with the end going over the top. I wavered for a little bit but I have now seen the error of my ways.  Hanging down against the wall is just wrong. Unless you have cats and toddlers and are trying to prevent them from strewing it all over the floor as easily. I MAY give you a break in that instance, but only if you have tried the correct way FIRST.

• W…T…F!? is with ABC FAMILY channel? I was stuck in bed sick yesterday and for some unknown reason I ended up watching a marathon of The Secret Life of the American Teenager. I am no prude. I believe in sex education. I don’t mind sex education in schools (though if you are leaving it up to the schools to teach your kids about it you are not doing your job as a parent), and I am not overly strict on what my kids watch. But I would let my 14-year-old watch this OVER MY DEAD, COLD BODY.

I probably watched 7? episodes and I cannot remember ONE SCENE that was not ALL about sex. Sex, sex, sexity-sex. IT WAS ALL THAT CAME OUT OF EVERYONE’S MOUTHS. EVERY SINGLE EPISODE. (Well, there was ONE scene that took place in a courtroom regarding the custody of a baby born to a 15-year-old that might not have talked about it but the previous scene where two 16-year-olds are debating if it is illegal to video tape testimony because you promised to give the other person oral sex kinda made up for it.) It is all the so-called “Adults” talked about with their kids. (I could probably write about 5 paragraphs about that alone).

I am no prude but this show sucked and I am angered it is being marketed to my kid. It was like “Sex and the City goes to high school” only lamer and more unrealistic and with less-exiting shoes. I don’t care if you are the horniest teenager in the world, you OCCASIONALLY sneak in a conversation about oh, soccer practice or show choir rehearsal or shopping or SOMETHING BESIDES GETTING IT ON WITH THE ENTIRE HIGH SCHOOL.

They say it is all about “educating” kids about the consequences of sex but I utterly disagree. I saw no real light into the consequences of running around coupling with your entire circle of friends or having a teenage pregnancy occur from a one night stand at BAND CAMP (No. Not kidding. Band Camp. For reals.). It’s just a platform to endlessly (and I mean ENDLESSLY) talk about sex. It has no business being marketed to kids or on a channel with the label “family”.  Just my 2-cents.

• Seriously, can YOU think of an explanation for this? Because I am at an utter loss.

So, what about you? Anything making you go, “Hmm…” (Or rant. Or use little symbols in place of very naughty words?)