Matthew would be turning 7-years-old today.
This day is always bittersweet.
Other days are for mourning the fact that he isn’t here.
This day is for being happy that we got to have that sweet, redheaded little boy in our lives.
Because HE. WAS. AWESOME.
And we’re all better for him being here.
Even if it was for far, FAR too brief a time.
We usually spend the day as a family and do fun things. We’ve taken to taking the boys to see two movies, letting them pick where and what we have for lunch and dinner.
Even though we have fun on the day, the days leading up to it are usually pretty tough on me.
This year has been a bit different.
I had a distraction.
A happy distraction.
Jonathan turned 34 on May 17th and Aaron had his 1st birthday on May 19th. After weeks of rain and cold weather and having to cancel it once, we FINALLY had a huge birthday BBQ to celebrate their birthdays this weekend.
It was a very happy and busy day full of so many loved ones and so many good memories: Aaron standing on one foot because of the foreign feel of the grass, the smell of smoke from the grill and oil from the tikki torches, the lined wheel barrow piled with drinks and ice, roasting marshmallows on the fire pit, Jonathan giving Aaron his first piece of licorice, an impromptu kick ball game, laughing with friends, hugs from grandparents, and of course, “THE BIRTHDAY CUPCAKE”.
Usually, I have a hard time in the days building up to Matthew’s birthday because oh, how I miss him, but having this celebration of the lives of my husband and little baby Butterlump really helped me this year.
I look at these photos and I smile and am so very thankful.
Since it has always hurt so that Matthew never had even one birthday, I worried I might have a hard time having this party.
Like it was trespassing on Matthew’s time.
But that isn’t what happened.
It felt good.
Warm and lovely and happy.
That time belonged to Aaron.
Just as it should be.
And today belongs to Matthew.
Just as it should be.
Happy birthday, Little Bug.
We will be thinking about how much we love you today.
Just like we do every day.
Always.
Forever.
Happy birthday to the birthday boys! And I’m so glad you’re finding some peace. That’s the best gift. Next to cupcakes, of course. ;-)
Thinking of you and your sweet boys. Happy, happy birthday. xoxo
So beautiful. And that fruit salad looks so yum! As do your family.
Happy Birthday to all your boys! Great pics!
I think your little bug gave you a present this year, I’m glad!
What a wonderful celebration!!
P.S.: Can you tell me about the watch you are wearing above? It’s fabulous – I’ve been looking for one like it.
Happy Birthday to your three babies, wherever they may be. :)
Aw, Loralee. This is beautiful. Hugs to you and all your boys today.
It looks like it was a beautiful, happy, wonderful celebrations. I’ll be thinking about you guys today.
What beautiful boys. Isn’t it interesting (sad, bittersweet, painful) how the losing of one child forever colors the emotions surrounding the lives of the ones who come after?
It looks like a fun celebration for your little guy.
My mom (our family) lost a baby boy….I was two when he died, but I remember the pain that it brought to my family…every year my mom would have a “hard spring” trying to get through the loss of Dean. I still wonder what my life would be like with a brother……but who knows maybe then I wouldn’t have my sister. God has a plan for every life no matter how short. Thanks for sharing, stay strong, you are a beautiful mommy.
Happy Birthday little Bug!!!! I am so glad you had a great time on Saturday. We were sad to miss it.
Thinking of you today ((((hugs))))
You look Fabulous. And I am thinking of you, praying, and loving on you today especially.
Love,
Steph
Little lump in my throat…but a smile on my face. Happy, happy birthday to ALL of your boys!
Wonderful photos of what looks like a fabulous party. I’m glad the weeks leading up to this one weren’t as difficult as you thought the might be. Your boys are indeed handsome–and lucky to have you!
Love to see you smile!
That looked like a fantastic party. Happy birthday to all of your May and June birthday boys and much love to you today.
Looks like a wonderful party. Happy Birthday to all of your boys. Hugs to you all.
I am so glad you had a great time! It looks like a lot of fun. I just want to wish everyone a happy birthday.
I liked the line up the stairs to the grill, and everyone eating while waiting.
Happy Birthday to all three boys!
So glad you had a wonderful weekend.
The peace coming through your words here is beautiful. I hope you feel it all day long.
Happy birthday to all! Love the pictures – what a beautiful way to celebrate AND remember. Hugs.
Happy Happy Birthday to three of your boys.
All five of them are blessed to have you.
Happy birthday to your guys! That looks like a wonderful day!! BBQ’s are so healing!! We haven’t had one yet because the weather has stunk but I can’t wait until we do! I loved looking at the photos!! Thank you so much for sharing them!! Sending good thoughts your way today!! ((((HUGS))))
Looks like an amazing party – especially the cake and fruit salad. Yes, I focused on the food.
It’s just what I naturally look for at a party.
Thinking of you today. I hope you feel the love and support from all of us. Congrats on the birthdays and here’s to many more.
Happy Birthday to three of your favorite boys.
Happy birthday, Bug. You’ll always be my little “Mr. French”.
Aw! Such a beautiful post and beautiful pictures!! I am so very happy that you have this beautiful distraction from the sadness! I know your little Bug was there with you, as you are always thinking of him. Love from AZ, 1mcmommy
Hugs, babe!
Hugs my dear friend.
Gorgeous pictures from the barbeque.
Happy Birthday to everyone in the household. And thank you for sharing this part of your life. It inspires those of us who face the same emotions to remember to live and love.
<3 you like a crazy, Loralee!!!
just re-read your post about matthew and cried my eyes out once again for your loss. the boys you have made are SO beautiful and i’m really glad that you got to celebrate aaron’s birthday with sunshine & smiles. i don’t personally pray, and i’m not going to sit here and come up with reasons you should be happy or thankful for what you’ve got or whatever else – i just want to say i am thinking of you today, that i think you are awesome, that i think your family is incredibly beautiful, and that i’m going to be hugging my daughter extra tight as i rock her to sleep tonight.
much, much love to you,
~emily
Happy Happy Birthday. To both of your babies.
it’s amazing how perspective changes my day. Happy Birthday to all of your boys – may this be the best year yet, for all of you!
Hapy birthday to both of your beautiful boys.
so many sweet pictures. good for you for enjoying this special time. <3
I didn’t even notice the picture of me and Nat the first time I looked through. I need you to send it to me. =) I also like how I look like a rock star with my sunglasses on. HEHE. And how our picture almost looks like an engagement shot. /wink
Your photos are adorable btw. Look at how artsy you are becoming taking all the detail shots. The flowers, food, drinks and the tiki torches are all nicely done.
And to everyone… yes that fruit salad was divine. I had thirds.
A beautiful post that is both heart breaking and joyful. So glad I had the chance to meet you. You are a beautiful person with strength I admire. So wonderful to always remember all of our loved ones!
Wow- you live among some pretty amazing scenery!
I’m so glad you were able to enjoy a celebration – you and your whole family deserve it. I can’t imagine what having to go on without one of your children must be like, but I think you are doing it well. That is to say, with healthy respect for your living children, and your gratitude for your time with your Little Bug is inspiring. Blessings to you all!
Happy Birthday to the two birthday boys. The party looked like a wonderful time. I’m so glad you were able to be busy with happy events leading up to one of your two hardest days of the year.
Thank you again for your writing and your honesty.
Love ya!
Awww … those photos are priceless! I’m so happy you have so much love in your life – especially surrounding such a difficult day. xo
Awwww. Lovely. *hug*