Did you know Butterlump took his first step?

No?

WELL, HE DID!!!!

I visited McDonald’s headquarters in Chicago a few weeks ago (more on that in July) and when we were there, Aaron took 2 steps surrounded by a crowd of McDonald’s executives and blogging peers cheering him on.

He will be walking any day.

Walking.

My little pat of butter will be WALKING.

I went through some of my video footage of Butterlump and found this. It was taken almost exactly a year ago. It’s only 20 seconds long but it’s SO FREAKING cute it makes my heart hurt.

HOW did he go from this:

To this??

(Sorry. I know it’s sideways. I always forget and hold my phone the wrong way. But it’s so, SOOOO cute. And for the record, this is the first “game” I play with all my children. I made it up. I call it “The Spider Game” and babies can participate in it at a very young age. ALL BABIES LOVE THIS GAME. Trust me.)

I am so grateful he is growing and well and strong (not to mention as cute and sweet as they come) but this is going by too fast.

I want time to slow down.

I want to freeze all of his moments.

I want him to grow and thrive and yet still be my little tiny baby forever and ever and ever.

I can totally find SOME way to make that happen, right?

Definition of a troll or a troll-statement: One who posts a deliberately provocative message, often devoid of fact, not totally on topic and full of excessive and inflammatory statements with the intention of inciting reaction and causing maximum disruption and argument amongst the people on a forum, newsgroup, social media or blog community.

What a troll is not is someone who simply disagrees with you, even passionately.

However, if they become disrespectful in that passionate debate they can then be defined as an asshat.

Trolls are always asshats but asshats aren’t necessarily always trolls.

And, if you are (or defend) any of the above?

It’s sucky of you.

Just so you know.

“Yeah, I’ll totally go with you but only if we can go through the drive-thru window instead of parking to go in.”

“Why?”

“Well, for starters, it has been the longest day ever, I’m in desperate need of a shower, I have bed head and left over eye makeup, I’m barefoot, in polka-dot pajama pants and a ratty tshirt covered in baby barf and stained with the remains of meatloaf , potatoes and carrots that Butterlump decided was much more entertaining to use as objects to throw at his mother than to consume as a food product, I’m not wearing a bra, I apparently have the wrinkles of a 30-something with the break out pattern of a teenager and OH, YES…I have a cold sore the size of the city of Fargo on my lip and as everyone knows, nothing says “GET TO KNOW ME” like herpes.

“Uhh…drive-thru it is.”

“I thought you’d see it my way.”

“Word.”

* I don’t REALLY think that anyone would find my state at the moment attractive in the least.

** Although, I would not necessarily be totally surprised if someone out there went, “RAWR! HOT! LET’S GET IT ON RIGHT NOW, BABY!!!!” after reading this thing online.

***What? This is the Internet! It could happen, people!

****Ok, seriously? If I can find fans of stuff like THIS online I don’t think I’m being all THAT unrealistic.

P.S. My sincere apologies for subjecting you all to this piece of utterly egregious WRONG.

P.P.S. Cause seriously, EVERYONE knows that if Batman got knocked up Robin would TOTALLY be the father.

P.P.P.S. I should also probably apologize for combining asterisks and post scripts in one post.

P.P.P.P.S. Terrible of me, really.

P.P.P.P.P.S. On the other hand, I suppose since I managed to throw baby barf, herpes and mpreg fan fiction art at you in one post I suppose this is the least of everyone’s worries right now.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And hey, if Batman and Superman can co-parent, I have hope that my weird writing styles can co-exist in peace and harmony.

P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Just be glad I’m not throwing in parenthesis at you as well!

(Because that would be wrong.)

(And obvious.)

(And screaming of, “OMG, LORALEE! YOU HAVE OVERUSED THIS RAMBLING-EXCESSIVE-POST-THOUGHT STYLE SO MUCH YOUR READERS ARE GOING TO START BLEEDING FROM THE EYES IF YOU DO IT ONE. MORE. FREAKING. TIME. WHETHER YOU ACTUALLY THINK LIKE THIS OR NOT.)

(I mean it COULD be seen as a terribly desperate move to shake things up and make something that is all trite and tired seem fresh and funny.)

(And I would feel very, very, horrible about doing something like that to you all.)

(Unless it worked.)

(THEN I would feel pretty damn awesome.)

(And repentant and contrite, of course.)

(But you know…mainly awesome.)

(Heh.)

:)