There is something you should know about my personality. I know this might shock you but I am emotionally driven and passionate as hell.

When I do something?

I DO IT.

Very little is half-assed about me. (Uh…except my ACTUAL ass. Dude. My pants fall down. It’s embarrassing. If anyone would like to be a living rear-end donor for me I will TOTALLY take you up on it.)

I burn fire hot. (This can be GOOD.)

I freeze frigid cold. (This can be NOT SO GOOD.)

I can change my mind and my mood faster than you can complete the sentence you’re speaking. (This can be GOOD AND BAD.)

And that, my friends?

Can happen happen in one syllable.

One flutter of an eyelid.

Or, you know…one case of identity theft and one discovery that the FRONT END OF MY CAR WAS MANGLED BY SOME COWARDLY HIT-AND-RUN PHUCKWAD.

It was too much for one 24-hour period for me.

I got through the phone calls and fear and pissed off GRRR! When I discovered my bank account was over drawn and the theft had occurred, but I could.not.take.my.car.

Not when I JUST GOT THE BODY WORK TOTALLY REDONE IN DECEMBER AFTER 2.5 MONTHS WITHOUT IT.

So…after proclaiming to all my Internet world that I was giving it up, I fell off the “Diet Coke Wagon”.

I am very honest with my short comings, when I fail, where I can improve, when the fault is mine. And I usually cop to them, as much as it makes me blush and feel stupid. (In case you are wondering? YES, I feel pretty stupid and my face is purple writing this). I thought I was ready and could do this but holy freaking COW was that an utterly brutal 36 hours. There was stuff that was just a cherry on top that I can’t go into online.

Diet Coke is one of my top coping mechanisms and well…I wasn’t far enough into the game that I could do it. (Or as my husband says, “didn’t WANT to do it.”.)

I totally failed.

I was TOTALLY half-assed.

I suck.

I suck.

Oh, and did I mention that I SUCK?

Only 2 days in and there I was, slurping down a 44 oz-er in my car like it was going to save and protect me from the very demons of hell. Or, at the least, a viewing of Twilight. (Sorry…not a fan.)

So, my plan now?

Get my credit fixed.

Get my car fixed.

Warily eye the Diet Coke thing again.

I know I let a lot of people down and I am not only embarrassed, but I’m sorry.

I’ve already gotten the “I am so disappointed in you” lecture from Jon (and way more “I’m praying for you emails” of the snooty kind) and both of those suck, so…

Yeah.

Sorry.
:(

So, I get to find out that I am a victim of identity theft THE DAY AFTER I GIVE UP DIET COKE?!!!!!!!

OH, THE HUMANITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, this is going so super well thus far.

Not.

I feel like I have been thrown out of a freight train.

Then run over by a tractor.

Then peed on by the guy driving the tractor.

I need coffee.

(And a new, non-pounding head.)

And I may just say that giving up Diet Coke is enough and suck some java down and call myself a little failure-ish.

And then go kick some identity theif’s butt.

Ugh, though.

Just…UGH.

I made a decision that I am starting today.  I have shared this with exactly…NO ONE. You’re the first to know. I was scared that I would change my mind and wuss out and I didn’t want to embarrass myself if that happened.

Starting today…

I am giving up Diet Coke.

(WHY, YES! THAT CRACKING SOUND YOU ARE HEARING IS HELL FREEZING OVER!!!!)

I hope you don’t feel mislead by my title or my tweets. Some of you may pooh-pooh this aside as a non-large issue. I know this is not an “I have an alcohol problem” or anything like that but people…

This addiction of mine?

Is bad.

BAD, bad.

And I have noticed it is getting worse.

When I like something?

I LIKE IT.

I like it a WHOLE LOT.

And there are few things in this world I like as much as Diet Coke.

I drink a staggeringly large amount of it.

Huge.

I wake up every morning and after I get the baby squared away and the kids are in school and my husband is still getting ready for work/working from home?  I go for a drive and get a 44 oz and then do something that makes me utterly happy…I drive around and listen to music.

It’s my “me” time and I have come to dearly love it.

But I’ve noticed that more and more often?

I’ll pick up ANOTHER ONE ON THE WAY BACK HOME.

In the span of 45 minutes.

That means that by the time lunch rolls around, I have often had EIGHTY-EIGHT FREAKING OUNCES OF SODA.

This is embarrassing, much as I love “imbibing in the dark waters”.

I’ve given up Diet Coke once before for 6 weeks. I was hard core. I had no carbonation and no caffeine. I didn’t even take Excederine or eat chocolate. I found that I didn’t really feel any different, I gained weight and I was bored.

But…

Things are a bit different right now.

I drink a lot more of it than I used to.

Diet Coke are my meals more often than not.

Did you catch that?  I often DO NOT EAT FOOD, I DRINK DIET COKE. Sometimes I go several meals in a row without eating a thing. I’m a “chain drinker”. I ALWAYS have a Diet Coke.

Always.

Since I have a smaller stomach, this means I’m often not hungry for food.

And I have noticed that my meals are getting less and less and my soda consumption is getting more and more.

I take out GARBAGE BAGS FULL OF SODA CUPS.

Right now? As we speak?

This is the table next to me:

FROM TODAY.

(Well, I’m writing this Sunday night for publish tomorrow, so I guess technically it would be: FROM YESTERDAY.)

I get a lot of email from people who are concerned about me. Who spew out that I am poisoning myself and my holy hell, one person even sent me a pie chart of my diminished life expectancy due to Aspartame consumption.  (Ok, for the record? Those people piss me off a little.)

But the fact remains that this is just NOT HEALTHY.

I’ve been eying giving it up for a long time. And I made the decision a few weeks ago and haven’t breathed a word of it. I went on a trip and LIVED without waking up and immediately sucking down vats of Diet Coke in the AM.  Also…I’m starting with a trainer at a gym today and I just can’t try to get healthier while sucking down vats of carbonation.

I’ve decided to give up all carbonation and just go cold turkey (and it is going to effing suckasuckasuckasuckasuckaSUCK six ways from suckville).

I HAVE to have a safety net and way out of this, though.

So…

I AM GIVING MYSELF UNTIL BLOGHER NYC ’10 (August 6-7)  TO SEE HOW IT GOES.

I can’t say forever right now.

I just can’t.

RIDICULOUS as I feel saying it…I’m scared to do this.

Terrified, really.

This is going to sound incredibly ridiculous, but Diet Coke is just about the best friend I have. (NO offense to my living breathing friends…it’s a metaphor). It is constant. It calms me down. I take an insane amount of pleasure in drinking it.

And I am utterly scared to try to give it up.

The good thing about me, though?

Sometimes I make myself do the things that I am the most terrified of JUST TO PROVE THAT I CAN. I can be pretty stubborn. And I like to prove people wrong. And I know there are a whoooole lot of people who probably think I can’t do this.

But hell’s bells, people…if a girl who is terrified of flying and doesn’t like heights much can do THIS?

I.can.do.freaking.ANYTHING.

(And yes…I am the one looking RIDICULOUS in the goggles that were too tight, weirdo helmet and that is totally my heart JUMPING out of my neck as I watch everyone else on the plane jump before me before screaming “I AM GOING TO DIE” as my jump instructor is shoving  me out the door of the plane at THIRTEEN THOUSAND FREAKING FEET. Seriously…why do they make the terrified-of-flying-and-not-fond-of-heights girl JUMP LAST???!)

So, here it goes.

This has been tough for me to write and I am really embarrassed. I’m sure there is a lot to mock in this post, but gosh…I really hope you don’t.

I hope I have your support.

I am going to need it.

HOLD ME.