A little crazy. A lot of fun.
How many of you actually HAVE a “Zombie plan”?
Because I am pretty sure my husband thinks I am the only one on the planet without one.
He just shakes his head woefully at me in disappointment and says I am screwed when the un-dead start breaking in our door.
Also?
He refuses to include “saving-hottie-spouse-who-currently-has-no-Zombie-Plan-due-to-having-many-other-non-stupid-things-to-do-with-her-time” into HIS Zombie Plan.
Selfish bastard.
[...] P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Who I am kidding? OF COURSE HE WOULD. The man has plans to not only save Cache Valley in the case of nuclear terrorist attack, but he is well equipped with his own “Zombie Plan“. [...]
[...] do is start panicking about zombies. When I lived in DC, I had a zombie disaster plan. I know I’m not the only one. I had a significant amount of food stored up, and my East Coast friends and I discussed how long [...]
Loralee is a wife, mother, and blogger living in the wilds of Utah. She is mother to 4 handsome gentlemen, aged 15, 12 and 2, and a sweet little 4-month-old that passed away in 2003 of SIDS. She has been blogging since 2005 at the blog, Loralee’s Looney Tunes. She loves chirping on the internet as @looneytunes on Twitter and was named by Babble.com in the Top 50 Moms on Twitter in 2011, and has been in such publications as The New York Times, Parents Magazine
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Tell your geek of a husband that I have never even HEARD of a Zombie plan until today. So there. PFFFFT!
How do you NOT have a zombie plan?!
“There’s two kinds of people in the world, Doc. Those who have a plan prepared for when the zombies take over the earth and those who don’t. We call those last people dinner.”
Sadly, my husband also has a zombie plan. His is worked in to how he wants to build our “dream house” one day. Zombies and giant fresh-water fish, the only two things the man is afraid of.
My other half and all of his friends have a very elaborate zombie plan (to the point that they’re, uh, fervor was starting to scare me in a you-guys-REALLY-think-this-is-a-possibility-what-is-WRONG-with-you?!? kind of way). And while said plan DOES include saving moi, it also has the caveat of shooting me dead if I get zombified (oh, and don’t forget leaving me behind if I can’t keep up).
*shakes head*
I second the commenter above – how can you NOT have a zombie plan?
My friends and I definitely have a zombie plan. My husband and I actually had to reevaluate our zombie plan because he is deployed to Iraq. So the current zombie plan is a modified Plan B given the circumstances.
Okay, I didn’t have one previously but have just been spurred to create one. Feel free to steal it.
Step 1: Zombies attack
Step 2: Assess situation
Step 3: Realize zombies are obviously going to conquer
Step 4: Join zombies
Step 5: Victory!
I do. I’m not really kidding. But in my defense I’m a total zombie-apocalypse nut.
Since when are Zombies going to take over? I have never heard of such a thing in all my born days! What are all you people smoking?
My weirdo of a husband has been thinking about a zombie plan. I’m pretty sure that’s why he watches all of zombie movies and plays video games.
My zombie plan is to take a lot of pain pills, find the slowest moving zombie, get bitten, then run away and take a looooong nap through the painful parts of changing to a zombie (it is painful, I presume?), THEN wake up all zombified and go hang out near the library for some particularly tasty, tasty brains.
According to my husband:
We HAD a zombie plan, but since I won’t let him own a gun (we have kids)then it’s gone to shit and it’s all my fault!! So he would leave me behind and yell “See, I told you so” when they eat my brains…..
Thanks, I couldn’t remember what the plan was until I called him.
Can’t beat em, join em. Yep, that’s my plan.
We have had many discussions in this house about our zombie plan. It turns out that different sorts of zombies require different tactics. Apparently there are Caribbean zombies, British zombies and American zombies and all are battled with different techniques. I’m depending upon my brilliant children to assess which is attacking and whether to bring out the flame-throwers or axes or to direct the family to simply walk fast–zombies move reeeeeeealy slowly–to the nearest boat launch and throw some cans of food into the boat and go. Zombies can’t swim. Uh-oh. I think we need to get a boat, come to think of it.
Guns are not any good against zombies. One more reason not to have them.
Guns are excellent against zombies, they just have to be BIG ones.
Guns and ammo are good for trade when paper and coin money become worthless. They’re also good for posturing against humans who want your stuff because they didn’t have a zombie plan!
Yup, the husband and I have discussed our zombie plan. This also works for natural disasters & invasion. (we’re very rational, level-headed people otherwise.)
That’s so funny – I love zombie movies and have read “How To Survive A Zombie Attack” for a good laugh!
Did you read the Bloggess’s set of tweets for one? “Where were you during the zombie apocalypse?” I almost died laughing!!!
http://thebloggess.com/?p=6334 Ummm some swearing but very funny.
M
A bunch of my friends have them. I’m not too worried about zombies though apparently it’s more popular than I thought. Perhaps it’s time to reevaluate my stance on zombie plans.
Wow. I’m so glad I was prompted by this post to go and watch the commoncraft.com video about zombies again. (“Zombies in Plain English.”) I guess some of them do move quickly. This changes everything. Help!
Here’s your zombie plan: get all the food & water you can from the nearest grocery store/neighbor’s house (it’s too late for them anyways). Go up to the highest level of your house. Destroy staircase – Zombies can’t climb stairs.
Done and done.
Your chances of survival increase exponentially for each of the following things you can add to your zombie-proof hideout:
-Will Smith
- Bruce Campbell
- Gallons of gasoline & lighter
- Any of the cast from Zombieland
- Fake zombie makeup
- Super secret zombie vaccine
You haven’t seen the latest of George Romero’s zombie movies yet obviously! They climb stairs, use firearms, and even communicate with one another.
In other words, they’re normal guys. J/K
My hubs TOTALLY has a zombie plan so I count it as mine. I recently found him in our basement with every imaginable firearm and bullet known to man attached to him and his kevlar. He said he was going to the shooting range to practice for the zombies.
Just to clarify. I told her that she needed her own zombie plan in case I am not there when they attack. If she is with me, I will save her. I need someone to carry the ammo.
lol!
That is so romantic I could just die, baby.
Zombie Plan? Either I am WAAAAAAAAAAAAY out of the loop or the only normal person here! ;) Never heard of a zombie plan, but then again, I’m not a big fan of zombies. Period. I’d rather bury my head in the sand than watch one of those sci-fi keep me up all night kind of movies! Not a fan of scary stuff! I’m glad you all have your plans together. I am “planning” on not needing a plan at all!
See you in zombie-land……..
I have a zombie plan. I play the “what if” game in my head a lot and that was just one of those things. I also sort of thought that everyone had one, haha.
Everything in my Zombie Plan comes from my research. And by research, I mean watching Shaun of the Dead and Zombie Land.
1. Double Tap
2. Bash ‘em in the Head
3. Cardio
4. Beware of bathrooms
5. Always wear a seatbelt
6. When in doubt, know your way out
7. The buddy system
8. Check the back seat
9. Never be a Hero
10. Hole up in an English Pub and try not to turn the juke box on, thereby alerting all nearby zombies that dinner is inside.
Shaun of the Dead is one of the best movies of all time. :)
So this post brought about a huge conversation with my hubby, he does indeed have a zombie plan. He plans to kill the king zombie and then he will rule the zombies. Making me queen zombie, I suppose.
Honest to goodness – the title of the post right below this post in my blog reader…
“The zombies return to South Main May 28″
http://www.paulryburn.com/blog/2010/05/20/the-zombies-return-to-south-main-may-28/
Ok, so Zombies will be in Memphis next week. Do I have time to come up with a plan or does someone want to lend me theirs? Help!! :-)
I do not yet have my “official” (as in: worked out beyond Step 1. Scream hysterically, Step 2. Trip over cats). I think they have to be pretty official in order to be notarized and all. And I have a hard time with margins, sometimes.
But I did have this situation with the Zombie Lightbulbs (http://inpursuitofmarthapoints.com/2010/04/13/zombie-lightbulbs/) so I do know what to do in the case of an undead bathroom vanity light.
So I may be ahead of some.
I am thinking of staying under the covers. They’ll never see the big lump on the bed.
You are so NOT the only one!! I plan to head north into the arctic because zombies don’t like cold. Right? They’re scared of snow, right?
You are correct, cold makes them much slower.. and if it freezes, they freeze.
Perfect! MY PLAN WILL WORK!
OMG. I honestly thought my husband was the only one WITH a zombie plan! I don’t know if the fact that others believe they need one to survive is scarier than actual zombies.
While I don’t have a zombie plan per se, I recently read “How to Survive a Robot Uprising” and now have a stash of food in the woods. I think the chances of my laptop gaining sentience and trying to kill me is slightly more likely to happen than being attacked by the undead.
Having said that, the book on my nightstand is “The Zombie Survival Guide” which I found at the library in the non-fiction section. Did you know that most SUVs are no safer than a sedan would be, and they are both safer than a truck during a zombie attack? The best way to escape across terrain is on a horse.
Well, I thought my husband was too old (47) to have a zombie plan, but I had to call him at work to find out, and low and behold, he did not have an actual plan in place, but did have a sort of contingency plan ready for a variety of zombie scenarios. Who knew?
Apparently, my husband DOES have a zombie plan… it’s called a Glock 40. He says his plan DOES include his hottie wife as long as she doesn’t get bitten. I guess if I become zombified, all bets are off. Think of all the fun Jonathan and Paul will have together without us wives in their way!! Thanks for the funny post!
I have no zombie plan. But we do have a giant shotgun and aren’t afraid to use it. Plus… everyone knows BumpIts double as tools of death and Snuggies are zombie proof.
I practically spit soda out my nose laughing at this one! :)
After reading this I shouted out to The Babe. “We need to update our zombie plan.” She shouted back, “Does that mean you are going to order 50 bazillion silver bullets online?” I shouted back, “no, because zombies and werewolfs don’t interbreed.” ………sigh
I don’t know if my husband has a zombie plan, but I know I won’t have one. I’m a terrible planner, and work best under pressure. So I guess my “plan” is to not have a plan!!
I’ll have to find out if the hubby has one or not…
I’m confused. Zombies are real? Seriously?
Okay so I obviously would’ve been eaten first.
Unless I throw cookies at them to confuse them or something, right?
hahaha One of my best mates from college keeps one single granola bar and a piece of chocolate stashed in her work desk drawer in case of zombie attack. Sometimes it is hard for her to not eat that granola bar but she figures if they do come…she will at least have a day’s provisions.
I personally don’t have one but when I’m bored I will plan exit strategies/barricade strategies for where I happen to be…not specifically for zombies though.
Okay, I’ve never commented here before but I felt I had to just say that I have long taunted my husband for his zombie plan, I was convinced that he was a lone nerdy loser and that nobody else would dream of such a thing. I showed him this post and he feels totally vindicated and insisted I comment as a sign of solidarity with your husband and other zombie apocalypse planners. He’s never gonna shut up now.
I have one. Blame my ex. The first thing he would do when we moved was map out his zombie contingency plan.
i live in mississippi people. why would zombie’s bother coming here? i mean, it’s the last place on earth the weather channel mentions, if at all. the only time we’re mentioned is if it’s a REALLY slow news day.
and if oprah denies she’s from MS, do you honestly think zombies are going to be like, oh yeah, that’s sooooo the place to me.
in other words – no zombie plan.
Ok I was laughing at this and told my husband. I started to read him your post and didn’t even get past your heading and he said, “I do.” and I was like, “Are you serious?” … he proceeded to tell me his plan. I was laughing so hard. I would tell you the plan but he told me I am strictly forbidden…I was relieved to at least know the plan was for the whole family though :)
Oh hubby just informed me…”If you become a zombie, sorry bullet to your head. There is nothing that can be done. There is no cure. You will try to eat us.”
My daughter was in the room…she looked at him and said, “Mom is going to try and eat us?”
You have provided much laughter and “serious” discussion at our house today!
Ooh, this reminds me of that old movie “Omega Man.” Some sort of plague happened on earth and it turned people into zombies, basically. This one guy thought he was alone in the world. It scared me as a kid! I don’t have a zombie plan. I don’t even have a natural disaster plan. And that’s more likely, I think. Got one of those?
I guess I’m pretty safe, seeing how most zombie/alien movies are set in the US! And I live in Australia.
My husband and dad often discuss their zombie plans together. Usually involves Twinkies (thank you movies)
I do not have a zombie plan. I do however rely on a good friend of mine who is a Buddhist monk to let me follow him with his plan. He and I discuss zombie books, movies, etc. My hubs just tolerates it.
my bf told me his zombie plan the night i met him and yet i still decided to date him. personally i don’t believe in zombies, but if i’m wrong i’ll just use my bear attack plan. you don’t have to outrun the bear, you just have to outrun one person in your party. sorry to see you go fred, but you’ll make a nice lunch for yogi bear over there. :-)
Sooooo…I saw your post the other day, then today I came across THIS: http://wp.me/pOTq0-60
I hope those people have a zombie plan FOR SURE! A bike ride through a town (Morristown) in NJ dressed as Zombies? It is not even Halloween time.
Lets just say I’m confused!
Here is your zombie plan tutorial.
Would a vampire plan be the same?