The Triumvirate

I can feel it coming.

It’s that time of year again.

Certainly, it’s not as difficult as September.

Nothing is as difficult as September.

But this isn’t easy.

Not by a long shot.

Every year, I try so hard to make the fall out minimal, to keep my chin up, to not pester to be cheered up and cry on people and just shut up about it as much as possible because it’s been 7 years and there is only so many times people can say they are sorry and you start getting the feeling you should just be better than you are already.

Every year I will the calendar pages to just magically pass over these difficult dates and pretend they don’t exist.

And yet, they always find me anyway.

I’ve taken to calling this month “The Triumvirate” in my head.

And it’s a doozy.

Mother’s Day: May 9th

Memorial Day: May 31st

Matthew’s Birthday: June 7th

It always sucks.

I just breathe, put one foot in front of the other and get through it the best that I can.

All without a red-headed boy who should be signing his name in crooked letters on my Mother’s Day card, getting BBQ sauce on his face from the family Memorial Day cook out, and blowing out 7 candles on a birthday cake.

I’ll never get that card.

He’ll never eat that meal.

I’ll never bake that cake.

And tonight?

That really, REALLY hurts.

*Leaving comments open on posts like this is always a bit tough. While comments and Internet hugs and loves are usually the sun in my day, please do not feel obligated to say anything. People can only say they’re sorry so many times and some of you have read many, many, MANY posts like this one. So please…it’s ok.  I know we’re loved.  xo