I am an old soul.
As far back as I can remember I have always felt old.
Ancient like an old, wise owl.
(Well…maybe we can skip that whole “wise” part since I think that things like drinking Diet Coke for breakfast are totally acceptable. Except I CAN say with UTTER WISDOM that this song is AWESOME. I highly recommend it with utter confidence. Even if your husband yells at you to “GET ANOTHER SONG, ALREADY!”. Whatever. What does he know anyway? He’s YOUNGER than I am, SO BOO ON YOU, MR. YOUNG AND INTOLERANT TO REPETITION OF MUSICAL AWESOMENESS, WHIPPERSNAPPER!!!! You should respect your elders! I had to milk 300 cows and haul the milk teaspoon by teaspoon uphill both ways before walking barefoot in blizzards to a one room school house while carrying my lunch in a bucket and chewing on hardtack in stockings I had to spin and knit myself!!!!!!! So, PPPPFFFFTTTHHH!!!!!!)
Wait…where was I again????
Oh, yes…
I have always felt old.
But…
In some ways I am exceedingly juvenile. (You know, besides the fact that I say “rad” and use emoticons a lot. Heh. :) )
IT OFTEN UTTERLY SURPRISES ME HOW OLD I AM.
I’m not just referring to how old I am as in the number of birthday candles I have on my cake (thought that is shocking enough) but the fact that I am an adult.
A grown up.
I will be shopping and from time-to-time I’ll gleefully think to myself, “Wow. I can buy WHATEVER I WANT WITH THE MONEY HAVE BECAUSE I AM NOT A KID LIVING IN MY PARENT’S HOUSE ANYMORE! I AM A GROWN UP!!!”
(Unless my husband is grocery shopping with me. Then he puts back items I have selected that are on his “disapproval list” back on the shelves when my back is turned. Drives me nutso, that.)
Take this evening as a case in point.
I’m heading to speak at a conference in Phoenix next week.
And I realized tonight that I will need to rent a car.
All by myself.
I’m not sure how I got to be 35 years old without having done this before but it’s a virgin experience for me.
Weird, no?
Anyway, my point to all of this is that I’m having a moment where I feel ridiculously grown up. And I feel just a LITTLE bit ridiculous admitting that I still have many, many moments where I feel like a kid dressing up in her mother’s high heels and lipstick, but it’s true.
Anyone ever have these moments or am I hangin’ out here by myself on this one?
Filed under: 
I am right there with you. It amazes me all the time that I’m considered a grown up because I’m 34. I like it though, keeps things interesting. My sons and husband enjoy it because they like to play as much as I do. :)
Totally not alone. It happens to me all the time!!
Happens to me ALL of the time. Though, I’m only 20, so technically people will tell me “Psh. You’re still a kid — I’m forty, go AWAY.” Buuuuuut, I know I’m having moments where I’m all “Holy shit. I’m living in my very own apartment and am making to-do lists that include visiting the bank and grocery shopping for ‘essentials’.” By essentials I mean coffee. I drink COFFEE now?! Not to mention I’m suddenly taking pride in how clean my bathroom is, and how well-vacuumed my carpets are just in case I have guests. For God sakes, I’m pretty sure I’m just turning into my mother.
This happens to me EVERY night. I catch myself, wondering where the years went, amazed that I’m not actually still 12. Wondering how it all went by so fast. Absolutely overwhelmed by the fact that I’m ‘mature’ (ya… no I’m not). I mean, I have bills and a mortgage, house insurance and not a ‘job’ but an actual career, for crying out loud. How the heck did that happend? I feel like it was only yesterday I was playing with LEGO, watching Family Ties and listening to Wilson Philips. And then I realize I’m 32… single, childless and haven’t dated in years. And I realize just how old I am. And, suddenly, time is not my friend. It’s running out. I don’t know where all the years went but I want them back, damn it.
And that, my friend, is why I don’t sleep well at night.
I find it’s best just not to think about it. I figure I’m still younger then Jennifer Aniston so clearly there’s still time to become a movie star… and be hot.
I understand those feelings heck my blog is called “When did I go from a kid to a grown up?”. I think all the time I can go to bed whenever I want with someone griping.
Totally had this moment when my BFF and I saw a teen wearing short shorts in a store. I was aghast and pretty much reacted like a boring old mom type. I’m old! It’s official.
I must say I am completely the opposite. I don’t feel grown up at all. I have a mortgage, a husband and a great job. None of these things have done anything to make myself feel older than I did when I was 19….maybe I will feel differently when I have children. Perhaps its an “oldest child” syndrome…..
Every single day. I am old. People who are technically my peers make me feel old too. The ones with tiny babies, while I have a big giant almost Kindergartener.
And teenagers these days. Oh my gosh, how I look at them and think “Where is their mother?!” Very very old I am.
Also? In 27 years, I’ve never rented a car by myself before, and have to do it this summer. It’s a little ton of crazy right there!
Oh yeah. I totally get this. I’ve never rented a car before, and I’m also terrified to drive on my own in an unfamiliar city.
I feel this way all the time. I rarely/never feel like a “grown up”. When I express this to other women, I get fairly blank looks, so I try to keep it to myself.
oh yes i HEAR you (despite your frail aging voice and my frail aging ears).
i think i feel it most when i’m hanging out with other parents. they’re all “sit with me, let’s chat while our kids play together” and i’m all “sure thing”. but in actual fact, on the inside, i’m completely “omg, pinch me”… and it’s like i’m having an out-of-body experience in which i look at this cool scene with these “grown-ups” being cool and i’m all “squeal” because, wow, that there mum, sitting, sipping that there coffee, with that there friend, surrounded by those, those… superkids, is… ME!!”
it’s all so grown-up and unexpected!
[cue hippest, cool and funkiest song you can think of.]
[aaaand cut]
seriously though. i still get giddy thinking about it. me? responsible for my own actions? responsible for three other miniature human beings too even? WOW!
I’m 42 so you ain’t old yet! But yes, I still have those feelings of surprise that I’m “grown up” every now and then.
I remember the 1st time I realized I was turning into my mother. I was getting dressed and caught a quick glimpse of myself putting on my undies & bra in the mirror. Right then I realized I did it exactly like I had seen my mother do all my life! In fact, for a second there I thought I was seeing my mom in the mirror.
I’m 27 (my birth certificate says I’m 43 later this year) and have moments when I have to remember that I’m not the same age as my 16yo daughter (whom I get along well with).
I will admit, though, that I was married for about two years before I stopped dreaming that Mum and Dad were going to come and pick me up and say “you’ve played at being married, it’s time to come home now.” Very scary, and Mum laughed when I finally told here. I don’t think they wanted me to come home at all!
Had to comment on the song, I spent my teenage summers on the salthill prom in Galway…. Happy days the song always takes me back. About never feeling grown up… My husband and I went to southern Spain for a week without our kids (they are 11 & 9), it was our 1st longer than a weekend, away without them. People by the pool thought we were honeymooners !!! We’re married 15 years… Don’t think I’ll ever feels really grown up – on the inside – at least I hope not.
I totally know where you’re coming from – when the heck did this growing up happen?!
I still feel like a grown-up poseur every time I have to wear a suit (such a grown up thing I can barely handle it) or shake someone’s hand. When I meet someone new I just want to wave and say “hi”.
I’ll be 40 next year and I have six children so I guess that makes me grown up in every possible sense of the word.
I feel that way every time something goes wrong with the house – broken faucet, leaky roof, etc. I think “What the hell am I supposed to do about this? This is a grown-up problem. I don’t know how to fix it!” And then I look at my daughter, and my growing belly, and think about the mortgage and realize I am the damn adult. And then I go find a diet coke.
I’m 21, but a lot of times I feel like I’m either 30 or 17. I’m graduating from college in less than a month! HOW? I feel like someone should realize I’m woefully unprepared for the real world!
Last year I was waiting to merge onto the highway and some old dude started honking at me because I wasn’t merging fast enough. I yelled “Shut the f up dude, I’m sixtee…”(oh shit. nope. not sixteen. 20. fail)
I have a daughter who needs a lot of medical attention. I don’t feel grown up enough to making medical choices. Or when they call out for Evelyn’s mother I am shocked that it is me that stands up.
I have those moments all the time – though until I read your post I was unaware there’s something strange about me sitting here drinking Diet Coke for breakfast, so maybe I’m really not a grown-up yet!
I’m not sure when we’re supposed to start feeling like grown-ups. I keep thinking it will happen at some point but so far I still feel like any minute now someone will realize I’m a 17 yr old pretending to be in charge of stuff. There’s a quote by Ann Lamott that I can’t remember right now about feeling like a babysitter and waiting for the real adults to show up; wish I remembered how she phrased it.
(PS. I have never rented a car. I have never gotten my driver’s license. If people understood what an air-head daydreamer I am, they would give me an award for not driving instead of looking at me like I’m a moron.)
I am a grown-up.
I can put pop-tarts and chocolate milk in the shopping cart if I want.
Then I get home and hide them from the kids.
Much like I hid things from my parents.
So, perhaps, I am a hugely immature grown-up, but at least I’m not paying for my pop-tarts and chocolate milk with babysitting money anymore.
Those moments are almost a daily thing for me.
Not me. I’m going to be 65 in September and I still don’t know what I’m going to be when I grow up.
I thought it was pretty funny when I was married and I could rent the car but my hubby couldn’t- he wasn’t 25 yet. Hee hee!
Most days I look in the mirror and say “WHOA! who is that momlady?” My motheryness and my wifedom ARE overwhelming to me…I am like “dude” why was I 22 yesterday and today I am 41? When did all this happen? The wifey/mommy thing seems like it snuck up on me but I love it!
Hey my husband doesn’t put stuff back on the grocery store shelf he just corrects my math, cause I am still in 2nd grade math, ya know!? ;>) :=D :>/ X:O(bad hair day) :)
I feel it every day. I wake up, shower, and dress, and then realize, “Whoa. I’ve got a kid. I am responsible for her. Me. Responsible. For another life. 24/7.”
Hell, I still remember what it feels like to be my kid’s age (3.5). That knocks me over the head all the time. Hello, you are no longer 3.5, riding your tricycle, hanging out at Nana’s house. Nearly 30 yrs have passed.
I still can’t believe I’m somebody’s Mummy. Actually, I am mummy to two people with another one on the way. How the heck did that happen? I feel like such a fraud at parent/teacher conferences. I always think “Um, why is this teacher asking ME questions about this kid’s education? Oh yeah, because he’s MY kid.” And then when hubby and I have to make a decision about some household repair job, I half expect either his or my parents to pop up and tell us what to do. I still expect to wake up and find out I’m late for class or something, and I graduated 12 years ago!!
I have decided though that the best thing about being a grown-up is being able to grab something yummy from the Thanksgiving snack table without having to ask permission. I can eat brownies and cupcakes whenever I want. That is totally rad!
No matter how much I hate paying bills I get a huge satisfaction in knowing that I have bills to pay!! Anyone else do that? ok, maybe I am just wierd so I will stop talking now :)
XD
I’m turning 26 and work at a community college. Despite wearing my work badge constantly to stave off the “Are you a student?” questions even though I’m working a degree skilled job, (Yes, it is actually annoying after a while. I look young, but not THAT young.) the wee little students make me feel motherly and protective xD It’s hilarious. Sometimes I actually want to ruffle their hair! Or just run after them and give them tons of advice.
I suppose I will feel it even more sharply soon, I’m moving in with my bf to a house! Eek! More bills! Housework! Sharing!
I am totally with you and am feeling relieved that I am not the only one. I am 38 (UGH) and still have yet to rent a car (shows what a worldly traveler I am). I also have those moments of wonderment when I realize that I am in charge of 4 kiddos and I am always amazed when I ask them to do something and they DO IT! With no arguements or screaming (although that happens on more occassions than I’d like to admidt). I mean, who am I to guide these little people and help them grow up? I still am amazed that I’ve been given the job as mother because so many times I don’t feel qualified!!! ;)
I’m 27 and still kinda feel like I need to ask my parent’s permission to do things. And then I think “I’m way too old for that” followed by “I’m way too young to do that”
I was talking to a very nice man from our church the other day and he patted me on the arm and told me I was a “very nice lady”. I just stood and stared at him. He called me a “lady”! Not “young lady” like I was used to. Ugh! When did this happen?
Nope, you are not alone, and, I keep a secret stash of cookies where my kids can’t find it, just like I used to keep a secret stash of chocolate where my parents couldn’t find it!
Also, kids aren’t allowed to drink diet coke for breakfast, so you’re at least at a high school maturity level – that’s pretty good, right? I think one reaches maturity when cold pizza no longer sounds good for breakfast. I’m not quite there yet, how about you?
You are not alone! I feel the same way sometimes—especially grocery shopping!
My husband was always told as a child that when he grew up, he could have whatever (and as many) animals he wanted since he’d be an adult. So, at one time we had: 5 fish, 3 guinea pigs, 2 birds a cat and a dog. Now we only have a dog and a cat as we have learned that taking care of all that menagerie wasn’t all it was cracked up to be! (we let them naturally attrite, we didn’t give them away) :)
Loralee, as my blog states: “I’m 67 years old and still wondering what I will be when I grow up!”
Tomorrow is ALWAYS full of possibilities! There is ALWAYS something new to learn! There are ALWAYS new people to meet and learn about! There are ALWAYS new foods to try, new clothes to (at least) look at, new sewing techniques to master(ah…you KNOW I’m a seamstress), ALWAYS new books (or old ones) you haven’t read,….
The list goes on and on. It is so much better to look ahead to all the millions of possibilities available to us, than looking at the numbers of years you have lived and think you are done learning.
I hope you NEVER feel old, Loralee!!!
Yes, sometimes I feel like I am pretending to be a grown-up. I can’t believe I’m married (for the 2nd time), have 3 kids and a house. How did all *THAT* happen? Having to be a grown-up at 36 is hard yo! :)
I have this feeling all the time. I think I matured really, really slowly. I’m still pretty immature, to tell the truth.
dude. I feel this way constantly. I’ll turn 30 this year, and I keep waiting for the moment I feel like a grown-up.
Heh. Just tonight we were at Six Flags with our 5 kids, and I got on a ride with 3 of them. I saw the six flags worker and thought, “The toddler probably needs to have an adult with her for this ride.” And then I realized, OH YEAH, THE ADULT IS ME!!! I’m the parent, not the babysitter.
Duh.
I’m 38, which makes it all so much the worse.
Totally creeped myself out. I was swooning over Taylor Lautner in the Twilight: New Moon movie! I was thinking “Man, Shark Boy grew up good!!!” Then……. I realized he is 17. HOLY SHIZ I AM CLOSE TO BEING TWICE HIS AGE! He is JAILBAIT to me! So yeah. I have those moments.
Only all day, every day, sista. I keep waiting for someone to point at me and yell, “hey! She’s not even a grown-up… what is she doing driving a car and using a debit card!” and then the people from juvie roll up and take me away.
Yep…a few years ago (before I had a child) when I was about 26 or 27 – I woke up in the middle of the night I was thirsty and all I had was coke in the fridge (ok – and beer)…so I drank the coke in the middle of the night…and all I could think was “Mom is going to be so pissed I’m drinking coke in the middle of the night” before I realized she’d never know because I was an adult living alone several hours from home.
Good luck with the car rental…I’ve never done that either.
Then again – I had never flown alone until a few years ago!
I just turned 21 the day before yesterday (I love this English expression, it’s charmingly long :D) so really I am very young by any standard. Which doesn’t stop me from feeling like a 15-year-old most of the time, despite the fact that I am at my second year in college living on my own 70km from home :D (Well, okay, I still get money from my parents, and my apartment is rented by them, but still.)
ciao,
Amy.
Happens to me all the time. I’m turning 40 next year. FORTY!! How did I get so OLD?!
I remember my first car rental experience. Hubs was away working and the car broke down, and I had to get to work. Would’ve been easier to just call in sick, I think. (hee hee)
Every time I go to the school for a parent-teacher conference! And when I am out with my FOUR children. I think… how did I get all these kids, and end up In Charge?! -34 going on 18
Rick was 41 when he was called to be the Bishop. I said these actual words to the Stake President: “Don’t you need a grown-up for this job?” Even after that…still had to do it anyway! :)
Well I had two doctors agree (two weeks ago) that I have the body of about a 65 year old woman.
My birth certificate says I’ll be 33 on June 3rd.
My brain says I’m a 12 year old boy
Eh you do the averages.
BTW I live in Gilbert, Az. Where and when are you speaking? I doubt I’ll be lucky enough to make it (turns out when you turn 65ish body wise you aren’t allowed to drive any longer. Something about fear of seizures and/or really bad low blood sugars (pish posh. I can still discuss a LOT of things when my blood sugar is in the 30s… I may not give you my address but I sure as hell can tell you Obama is president, that there’s the health care bill and what I like and dislike about it. I can tell you I PRAY Obama doesn’t get killed cuz Joe … what’s his name? he has bad hair? whatever. I don’t want President Joe!)
sigh.
I also will tell you I hate my body. And that there has not been a day recently that I don’t FEEL at least 65 or older. That I have cried every day the last two weeks because I can NOT control my blood sugars despite 13 (omg!) years of experience and doing what EVERYONE says.
… it’s 345am. I’m treating one now. With eggo waffles. why eggos? cuz they have slow and fast acting carbs in them. and this means I can go to sleep (yeah after I drink a bit of juice)
Where was I?
Oh. Where exactly are you speaking and when? :)
I’m 37 (38 in June) and I have never rented a car alone, therefore, I consider YOU MY ELDER.
Eat that.
heh heh
Sounds like lots of people feel like you, so I guess you aren’t alone. But yes, get another song.
I’m 47, and I still feel like I’m going to get busted and sent to eat at the kids’ table (you know, like at big family get-togethers) all the time. I asked my mom awhile back if you ever get over that feeling, and she said it still happens to her regularly at 67. My husband and I had been married about 10 years before he “learned how” to check into a hotel. Turns out I’d done it every time, so he never knew that it was just a matter of slapping down the credit card and saying your last name!