I uncharacteristically snapped at a Goth couple in their early 20′s the other day.
Maybe it was because I hadn’t eaten anything since the night before.
Maybe it was because I had a fever and a throat so sore I had to mentally gear up and brace myself to swallow my own saliva.
Or maybe it was because THEY WERE HAVING A PICNIC AND ROLLING AROUND ON A BLANKET HUMPING EACH OTHER AND MOANING IN THE CEMETERY NEXT TO WHERE MATTHEW IS BURIED and it made me so disgusted and pissed off that I told them,”Get your whore party away from my son’s grave.NOW.”
Things have come up lately that have been very difficult regarding Matthew and many painful memories have been dredged up. I was sick and stressed out and while I was out getting some medication I drove to the cemetery because that is what I do when I get to a certain point.
Nothing and no one will do but my baby.
All I wanted was to get a little peace and comfort by watching the sunset near my son and instead I got to watch people that were definitely old enough to know better desecrate a sacred place to me.
I am so sick and tired of people glamorizing death.
It is not sexy.
It is not pretty.
It is not romantic.
It is ugly and painful and traumatic.
And if you are one of the blissful for whom none of this is a reality?
Fall to your knees in thanks.
And if you can’t even bring yourself to do that?
Don’t drink wine, eat chocolate dipped strawberries and do sexual things in the place where a mother had to bury her baby.
Please.
Because like the loved ones of every single person laying in that cemetery?
I have been through more than enough already.
Filed under: 
I am so sorry this happened. The ability of people to be completely clueless never ceases to amaze me. They are probably lucky you didn’t just smack them. I hate to sound like I am a hundred but…The nerve of some people.
*HUGS*
I’m so sorry you’re going through a tough time now – I’m keeping you in my thoughts.
(((HUGS))), Loralee, and know that there are there are those of us who *do* fall to our knees in gratitude, especially as we keep vigil through the lonely length of time with those who are no longer able to be grateful. I hope you find some peace. (((HUGS)))
People suck. In particular, young people who’ve been blessed so far with lives that haven’t turned hard yet and who are “bored” with how easy they have it so they seek out excitement by trying to be edgier suck.
Some people are morons. Simple fact.
I’m sad to hear you are going through a tough time. I’m dismayed that you had to have a place where you can spend time with your son desecrated by people who clearly don’t have a clue as to the realities of life.
Keep strong. Loyal readers like me are here for you.
That’s revolting. I’m sorry that happened to you and I hope they were mortified at their behavior. Although, probably not. If they were doing that in the first place, I’d have to think they aren’t smart enough to be mortified.
Some people really do just suck.
Amen. People exercise and play in the cemetery where Emma is buried and it makes me crazy. I hate it. Cemeteries are not a place for recreation, at all.
When you have never felt the sting of death, it is easy to glamorize it. But common sense and manners should kick in instead. Sheesh! I have hard enough time tolerating the celebrations that go on in cemetaries for the Day of the Dead down here. I realize it a cultural and religious thing but it isn’t my culture or religion so please keep the party atmosphere down and to your own gravesite.
I wish I could have been there and seen you verbally attack the goth couple. Even though it’s not funny, it really is so TOTALLY funny I can’t help but smile.
Oh darlin’, so sorry about all of it. Hugs too.
I have been reading for a while but haven’t commented yet. This post just made me HAVE to comment. I can NOT imagine how you must have felt, that is just so disgusting and disturbing I am rendered totally speechless.
I am so sorry!!
Okay, before I give you hugs with a diet coke……this made me laugh ~ and not disrepectfully ~ completely in support of you telling them to take their “whore” party somewhere else. Good for you, and shame on them! I have been reading you for a while now, and don’t comment very often. But you are in my thoughts and prayers as you get through this yuck you are dealing with. HUGS, HUGS, HUGS AND A DIET COKE FOR YOU! :)
I would have been FURIOUS!!! I don’t blame you one bit for reacting that way and I would have done the same thing (or maybe worse)! I can’t get over the nerve (or balls) some people have. That is inappropriate ANYWHERE public, but a cemetary? That leaves me speechless. And that doesn’t happen often.
BTW…what you said to them…PRICELESS!
**HUGS**
Ohmygod.
No one deserves to see that when heading towards a grave of a loved one. Kinda wished you had a golf club in your hand to wave around at them while you yelled.
I have never lost a child (so, I have no idea how to make you feel the amount of respect I have for you to get up and carry on everyday) but I have lost the one person who loved me for what I am not what they want me to be and I gotta say I think they’re lucky they just got yelled at.
Very lucky.
M
wow. i’m just amazed that people woudl actually do something like this. I’m glad you said something. that is disgusting and so disrespectful.
I am so sorry. For everything. Hugs to you.
You were justified in what you did. How incredibly rude!
I’m so sorry this happened, Hugs.
Praying for you…really! Here is a song dedicated to you and Matthew.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o
Here are the lyrics:
There were photographs I wanted to take
Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes
Who could love you like this?
People say that I am brave but I’m not
Truth is I’m barely hanging on
But there’s a greater story
Written long before me
Because He loves you like this
[Chorus]
I will carry you
While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle
Through the coming years
I will carry you
All my life
And I will praise the One Who’s chosen me
To carry you
Such a short time
Such a long road
All this madness
But I know
That the silence
Has brought me to His voice
And He says …
I’ve shown her photographs of time beginning
Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes
Who could love her like this?
Here is Angie’s blog…so inspiring! http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
*hugs* You had every right to yell. They were disrespecting the grieving.
If they wanted to do stuff like that they should have at least had the courtesy to go to a very old and abandoned graveyard where the zombies could rise and eat them and all would be undeadly happy ever after. (Yes, it’s an odd way of trying to make you laugh.)
I am so sorry you had to go through this *hugs*. Some people are just stupid and wanton. I hope you’ll be okay, though. *hugs once again*.
love ya,
xoxoxox
Amy.
Wow people have no clue about how insensitive they can be. Selfishness seems to be the in thing these days and people can be so stupid!
I am so sorry for the heartache you have had and continue to have to live with. I hope you can find the peace you so desperately need at this time.
I can’t fathom that level of disrespect. I’m sorry you had to deal with it, but I’m glad you chewed them out! I once chewed out a track and field coach for having her team run laps in the cemetery, now that seems respectful after what you encountered.
I applaud your restraint! It is shameful that some people have ZERO respect for others. I think I would come unglued if I went to my sister’s grave site and saw two people going at it!
On a sidenote: Jen that video and song are beautiful! My heart just ached and swelled at the same time!!
I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time right now Loralee! Hugs to you! ? ? ?
um…. awkward for me– those question marks are suppose to be hearts. *a bit embarrassed over here!*
Andrea, Do you follow Angie Smith’s blog? Soooo inspiring! I have lost 4 babies and watching her walk through her storm with such grace and healing from the Lord is amazing. Her husband sings with the group Selah (highly recommend) and they sang that song for their daughter who died a few hours after birth (they knew she would thus their personal photos on youtube). Check out her archives…
Note to Lorealee…Angie and Todd Smith’s (his sister), Nicol Sponberg (google, also AMAZING singer with touching songs) she lost a son to SIDS at 10 weeks old 2 years ago. She also has an inspiring blog and songs you might be interested in. http://thelukesponbergfoundation.blogspot.com/
Did you watch the youtube link I posted? What did you think about the song? I bawled my eyes out once again thinking of my babies I lost but so thankful for the last stanza. Can you imagine our little ones being shown God’s wisdom, creation and glory? That brings me such joy. It WILL be yours too Loralee. Sealed…to Christ alone…heaven…ask and you shall receive, knock and the door will be opened.
“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand. I and the Father are one.”- John 10:28-30
Jen…. absolutely beautiful lyrics you posted. And while I am a mother and has not lost a child, my heart aches (as much as it knows how to)for those who have. I will say a prayer for you and your 4 angel babies. Thank you also for posting John 10:28-30. Many blessings to you and yours.
So glad you liked it too! The last stanza just blows me away! It is so comforting to grieve with hope that my babies are basking in perfection and one day I will join in their joy and worship of the King! I have such a heart for women who have lost babies and to share how the Lord has healed those wounds for me. Visit me sometime on my website if you love scripture and send me an email/facebook too! :) framechangers.com. Blessings to you too!
We were just out at the cemetery on April 3rd. It was peaceful and quiet. But like you, there was evidence of parties having happened in the sacred spot.
To me, I look with such reverence at the cemetery and the people whose bodies rest eternally within. We walked the paths and looked at the sites of families buried in the 1800′s, looked at those who lost children to scarlet fever in 1933. I went with bunches of roses and left with none.
It breaks my heart to think that people use this space for anything other than remembrance. I wonder with the vandalism etc if the time has come for cameras….clearly consciences won’t work.
My heart is with you as it always is on this subject. If you need a likeminded ear, I am h”ear”
I lost the adult love of my life when we were both far too young for death to have touched us. I remember sitting at his grave for so long that I would fall asleep… terrified that if I left… if I wasn’t there something might happen. It was irrational and I always had to eventually leave.
You are right and I agree. If someone doesn’t understand, then they are ridiculously fortunate. My Love was killed almost 10 years ago and I’m now married and expecting my first child… but it still hurts. Nope – not sexy, not romantic and definitely not pretty.
Oh this makes me ache.
Steph
Wow, anything I could say about that would sound trite. What were they thinking? Mike Straka (Fox News blogger) would call them “obliviots”. Seems to fit here.
Hope you are feeling better soon! I think your other readers would agree it’s high time for a new Butterlump post!
Blessings to you~
I’m glad you said that to them. And I hope they felt like crap, because they were being completely disrespectful. I remember visiting my cousin in the cemetary after she died. I hadn’t gotten to go to the funeral, and it was a year or two later. As I sat near her stone, two women walked around, complaining that the grass was not green. In the middle of a heat wave in summer. I wanted to punch them because they were disturbing me, breaking into time that was so meaningful to me. My only point to this story is that if I felt so mad and irritated then? I can not even imagine how you felt about those two dumb kids you encountered. I hope they will think more about their actions and how they affect others.
My husband and I were visiting Arlington Cemetery and were right by the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier when a 9 year old boy started running around yelling. When it became obvious that his parents and grandparents weren’t going to do anything about it, my husband stepped in to suggest that he should be a bit more respectful. We were both so angry and shocked – and we didn’t know anybody buried there. If it had been my child or any other family member I’m certain I would’ve come unglued. So sorry that you had to experience that ugliness.
No, people who do things like that do not get it and never had to feel it or live it. I get like that when people make cavalier and judgmental remarks about suicide. “Oh really” I want to say in my nastiest voice. “Who that you loved was in so much pain that they couldn’t bear to take another breath?”
The answer, invariably, is “No one.”
Thinking good thoughts for you. I’ll hang onto those for a while. : )
Teach respect, parents! Cemeteries are sacred!
Aw, honey. I would have done the same thing.
THANK YOU! If I have to deal with another person talking about the beauty of death because it’s final or thinking that vampires are hot because they’re broody-dead and somehow lose compassion so just take the sex they want…I may just tell them off like you did.
Death sucks and hurts. Hope your day is going better.
Good for your for calling them on their insensitive and inappropriate behavior.
I’m so sorry. You did the right thing. They are idiots and one day they’ll understand. :(
Hope you are feeling better!
I find no fault with your reaction whatsoever. Even in my all dark and gloomy (I still refuse to call it Goth :P) phase, I had a lot of respect for cemeteries.
Now I know a lot of people think it’s really weird that Logan Cemetery was my sanctuary of sorts but it didn’t come from a weird place. It was a quiet, peaceful, and beautiful place within walking distance from my home. And my obsession with history compelled me to search for the oldest headstones and try to put that person’s life in perspective.
My love of that cemetery never had ANYTHING to do with death. If anything, seeing the grief of those who had lost loved ones evident in epitaphs and flowers helped prevent me from doing anything stupid in my darker moments.
Logan Cemetery also provided for a great place to take pictures in my photo class. I wish I had a scan of the Weeping Woman photo I took, it’s definitely one of the best. But I do have these:
This is one of my favorites but not because of the quality of the picture. I discovered these headstones before Bug was born. They’re from the 19th century and absolutely beautiful headstones even despite the obvious neglect. They were children, siblings, who had died rather young. It broke my heart that they were forgotten so I decided to take them under my wing. At least once a week I would go to the cemetery and clean their graves. Sometimes I’d bring freshly picked flowers. I referred to them as ‘my babies’ and rarely told anyone about them or shared the location because I didn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea.
A week or so before Matthew died I had opened up about ‘my babies’ to my boyfriend while we were shooting picture at the cemetery and was very surprised that he wasn’t appalled.
When Bug died I couldn’t stop thinking of how unfair it was. Why couldn’t they have taken anyone else? I begged whatever deity I could think of to take me instead as I could not lose him, I could not have another child’s grave to care for.
Until Fall Semester last year, I’d been to the cemetery like twice since Bug’s death. They were both pretty traumatic experiences.
Anyway, long story short… I’m with ya. Death is glamorized far too much (Stupid Twilight). I think that someone should post a Free Range Zombie sign outside the cemetery to scare away insensitive idiots who think that having a romantic picnic in the cemetery in the hope of getting some.
Awww, hon. That’s so sad and angering. I’m appalled that those kids did that, and even more so that they did it in an area where there would be family members visiting. I hope they felt properly ashamed.