I have been wanting to write this post for a long time but I have been a wee bit hesitant.
This would be why I am posting it on a weekend.
I’m sneaky like that.
Grin.
Today’s topic is guns and keeping them in your house when you have children.
I know this will surprise the people who know me and who read this blog regularly but I AM TORN ON THIS ISSUE.
(See! Loralee is torn on something! SHOCKING, IS IT NOT?!!!)
When I met with Valerie Jarrett at the White House, I told her that I had recently switched parties. After asking my very conservative husband how he was coping with it, she asked me how being a new Democrat was going for me.
I responded in true “Loralee” fashion.
“Well… think I may like guns too much and not love the earth enough to be a Democrat, but so far I am digging it!”
She laughed. :)
Here is the thing.
I like guns.
It would be way more comfortable and PC for me to hide this fact as most of my blog readers are likely overwhelmingly anti-gun, but it’s who I am and I’ve always used this blog as a way to write my way through my feelings about different situations.
And I have a situation. And it’s not one that will get solved today but I tested this topic out on Facebook awhile back and it was a positive thing that enabled some changes, so we’ll see what happens here. (Though this is a WAY bigger stage than my Facebook account. Gulp.)
But yup…I like guns.
I like looking at them. As clearly illustrated below, I think men who can use them in a responsible (ie: non “Rambo Asshole”) way automatically make them more attractive to me. (So does a uniform, but THAT is a story for another day, my friends.)
I like shooting them. (In a range. I don’t hunt.)
Big and small…doesn’t matter.
It’s fun for me.
I may totally regret posting photos with me and guns but what the heck…I’m not ashamed of it. Also, I’ve talked about my girl bits so much online this week I might as well just go for it.
My husband likes guns even more than I do. (As in way, WAY more.)
Note the bullet shells as earplugs.
We are such dorks.
When he makes a purchase he spends hours researching and picking out and hemming and hawing and making sure that the guns he buys are just what he wants. He has taken a ton of training and gotten all special licensed n’ stuff. I even sent him to Nevada to complete a totally intensive tactical course.
He had a blast.
And he bought a gun.
And then added another to the collection.
And another.
And well…
Here is the thing.
I don’t like having them in my house.
I just don’t.
Reason why?
My kids.
My son, Matthew.
And because of that, I know that the very worst, and most unimaginable thing that you can think of can and DOES happen.
No matter how careful you are.
I know that in the blink of an eye things too horrific to believe can happen that you can never, ever take back.
(I can’t tell you how awesome this has been for getting a good night’s sleep, people.)
I am a FIRM believer in education about gun safety and teaching kids the ins and outs of a weapon and to respect it. And though he argued the nullification of protecting the home (yeah, because we live in such a vicious crime ridden area here amongst the cows) I was freaking THE HELL OUT until Jon bought a gun safe, but we have one of those. Unless you are, oh, a cop or the like with massive training on them, I just don’t think using guns as a means of defense is the best idea. I think more accidental things occur in situations like that or it gets turned on someone who doesn’t know what they are doing far more than not.
I know I should NEVER use one under ANY KIND of duress.
See, once a very drunk/stoned/high as a kite on something man came stumbling into my kitchen at about 2 am while I was standing in my underwear getting a drink of water at the kitchen sink.
They say there is a “Fight or Flight” response that every human has.
I call bullshit on that because my reaction was neither “Fight” nor “Flight”.
It was more like “Loralee is going to stand here frozen like a deer in headlights while she is raped and murdered”.
I couldn’t even make one sound.
My vocal folds would.not.work.
I couldn’t find the capability to use the instrument that I had spent the better part of my life training, I really don’t think I could have even attempted to THINK about using a gun at that moment. (Again, I know this is a highly individual situation, but still…)
I just worry.
I worry about my kids. I worry about accidents. I worry about the sheer stupidity. While we aren’t an angry household, I can’t help but think of all the stories where someone lost there temper and… I worry about having to tell the parents of children coming to my home that we have firearms here (though truthfully, it probably wouldn’t be too much of a problem here), I worry about kids that are more curious and less knowledgeable than my children are.
And…deep, deep, DEEP breath here…
I worry a tiny little bit about me.
Well, my past really.
But still…
When I was suicidal after the death of my son, I thought about trying to find a gun. If I had found one, no gastric bypass would have saved me. My worry may seem (and very well may BE over blown here. Do I think I will ever go back to that hellish place ever, EVER again?
No.
But.
When you have fallen that hard and been that close to dying?
You tend to be uber cautious because you never, never, never, never want to go back there.
Ever.
(And no. I am not unstable in the least. IN THE LEAST. So, please don’t see this as some ominous sign.)
But my husband really loves them. He feels strongly that we have them here so he can protect his home. He wants our kids to grow up around them. And like I said, I really like them a whole bunch.
Still…
There are guns.
In my house.
And I am not sure I will ever be comfortable with it.
My household defense mechanism of choice? Uh…. we have a baseball bat behind the bedroom door but I don’t know how to use a baseball bat. We have an uber heavy back massage roller that would do some damage, but again… my wimpy arms probably wouldn’t wield it well. So, I would have to say, I have LOTS of kitchen knives… BIG kitchen knives, and I know how to use them! As for a gun, I am torn as well. I think maybe someday I’ll take a shooting class and feel all empowered and get one. Maybe…. someday… or a knife throwing class.
Stupid question here—How does one approach the mother/father of a friend about guns in their home? YES, I know I should ask and my children’s lives are so much more important than being known (my kid’s) uber-controlling mom, but still, I’m not sure how to broach the topic in my very gun-happy community. Should I send a form to potential friends of my children so I can learn about each families gun policy? Could I just only have their friends over to my house for their whole childhood (this is my current tactic–but has more to do with child molestation and abuse issues than the potential of there being a gun in a friend’s home), or do I just dress my kids like the Brady Bunch kids so they don’t have any friends to worry about?
I wouldn’t reply. Sorry…none of your business. If you are concerned with your kids coming over my house, come talk to me. You should probably get to know a person before your kids spend any time there anyway.
Rereading my reply…didn’t mean for it to sound rude. My apologies
@anonoboy
I would love to get to know the families of the children my kids are friends with. BUT, no matter how well I know someone their stance on guns in the home, and how they are kept, isn’t necessarily part of getting to know someone. (For the record, I’ve been great friends with Loralee for 19 years, and this is the first I’ve learned that there are potentially guns in her home–it doesn’t bother me, but it just hadn’t occurred to me to ask.) What I really want to know is how to bring this up when the mother of my 2nd grader’s friend calls and suggests a play date at her house. I usually try to invite said friend AND MOTHER to my house for a get to know you session/playdate so both families can feel comfortable putting their most precious possession in another family’s care.
And, for the record, the mention of a form, and dressing my kids like they live in another era was my sad attempt at being funny. Maybe it’s not appropriate, but guns in the home is one of those topics like sex, politics, or religion that can get a little uncomfortable to discuss with someone you’ve just met.
So please, gun owners, I’m sincere in my request at how to bring up the topic of potential guns in you home.
As a side, I wonder how many gun owners would say anything other than yes and they are in a gun safe. I mean, would you (not you–because you’re way to responsible to keep them in your night stand loaded) really answer me honestly? And would you think I’m a control-freak mom for questioning you?
Last note–Loralee and Jon can vouch that I’m a pretty reasonable person (right Loralee?) and am open-minded about most things.
Amy, the best way to approach it is simple and direct. Don’t dance around the issue, it just makes it feel uncomfortable. But first you have to have already decided what you reaction will be depend on their answer. If they say ‘yes I have guns’… what are you going to do? If that means you children are not allowed to be there then have your alternatives preplanned. Maybe this means you say “oh, would it be ok if they just played at our house, I am uncomfortable with having the kids around them” Or does that mean you just want additional information to ensure that they are properly stored away from the kids? But, having made the decision in advance means you will avoid the awkwardness that will ensue if you get a positive answer and don’t know what to do about it.
Many people (myself included) are armed at all times. Unless I am entering a school, federal building or posted no weapons location, I have a gun. This has very little to do with my personal safety. When you are as big as I am, you rarely get messed with. However, if my wife or children are with me I may not be able to protect them unarmed. I carry a weapon to protect those around me.
To be honest, I probably feel more protected by the fact that you are 6’4 240 lb man with a big scary beard that could break me in half with your pinky if you wanted to then the fact that you carry a gun.
(Not that the sentiment of you being all protective isn’t sweet, love. It is.)
Any and every responsible gun owner will make an effort to accommodate you in your concerns, if you ask in a polite manner. Please remember that person has made a decision to be armed to protect their family too.
I carry and am armed, everyday, everywhere, anytime, all the time. This is my decision and it stems from a shooting, October 1991, at a Luby’s. An armed gunman came into the restaurant and started shooting. One of the patrons had a weapon in her car but left it behind on this occasion. As a result she lost her mother and father.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luby%27s_massacre
I was once asked by another patron in a restaurant who happened to see my protection unit while I was fiddling with my daughter, trying to get her in the booth to sit down. He came over in a very condescending manner and said I had to leave because it made him uncomfortable. I gave him the scenario of the Luby’s attack and asked him what he would do? I have 6, 3 and 1 year old children, it is not practical for me to try and wrangle all of them and their mother in all of the confusion. After a few minutes of discussion he ceded and the rest of the evening was pleasant. I don’t know if I changed his mind but I’d like to think I at least made him think.
I have spent hundreds of hours training, shooting, mental exercises ectetera to build my awareness. If I see a situation that looks bad or doesn’t feel right in my gut, I am out of there. But sometimes leaving isn’t an availability. I an constantly looking and thinking, if this happens what will be my reaction? This is my dedication to the decision.
Unfortunately, there are those “Rambo Asses” that cause people to worry. In fact, I worry too. I pray there isn’t one there if someday I have to call upon my training to defend lives. I’d fear for their life and my own that they don’t shoot me thinking I am the attacker. When seconds count, you can count on the police to be minutes away.
The police are not there to protect us. They are “Law-enforcement” Officers. They are charged with the duty of upholding the laws. I can assure you they will protect if they can but that is not their primary function. They are there to determine what law is broken, find the perpetrator and detain or incarcerate them.
It is our responsibility to protect ourselves. using whatever equipment we should see fit. It is better to have a tool and the knowledge to use it, and NEVER have to, than to need the experience and not have it. Are you prepared?
Your thoughts echo my own exactly. I’m comfortable with them personally. I grew up with one in our house, out in the open (dad is in law enforcement). I like shooting them too. But. Now that I’m a mom I’m not so sure about having one in the house, mostly echoing Katie’s (Overflowin’ Brain) sentiments above. I haven’t told DH no, but I haven’t said yes either.
My dad kept a gun in his nightstand drawer. As far as I know, it was unloaded, but he also kept the box of ammo RIGHT NEXT TO IT. I also don’t think it was registered. My dad is an idiot.
My parents never told us it was there. We were taught in school to never, EVER handle a gun unless we were being taught how to use one. I KNEW I should never, EVER handle a gun if I ever came across one.
Well, my sister and I found my dad’s gun one day. And do you know what we did? We picked it up. Both of us. We looked at it, felt it in our hands, the weight, the power. And it scared us shitless. We put it back right away. BUT. We still picked it up. I was a smart kid who never broke the rules, but that damn gun was just too hard to resist.
Neither of us got hurt, but that is sooooo besides the point.
There will never be a gun stored in my house. Never.
Don’t you think if your parents had educated, taught you to shoot, etc. that some of that “I WANT TO TOUCH IT” mystery would have been eliminated though?
This is a very tough question and is one that every family need to decide for themselves. I myself am VERY anti-gun. I have lost family members (yes plural and in multiple incidents) to guns and I will not have a handgun of any type in my house.
After 25 years of marriage I have finally relented and allowed my husband to keep a rifle for target shooting in the house, but it has to be kept in a locked case on a top shelf with the key in his pocket. I feel that between accidents, suicide, and hot tempers, the risk is FAR too great to have them around my children and my family.
For protection, I wouldn’t mind a taser, a rubber pellet gun, or any other non-lethal form of protection. I really don’t feel that aspect has been investigated enough because I think it’s the ideal solution to keep your family safe without the risk of killing them one way or the other.
My nightmare is that probably EVERY house my kids go to play at has guns in it and I know without a shadow of a doubt that my son would pick up a gun if he saw it, no matter what we said or what training he had been given. I KNOW he would do it, so I always worry about that, but the alternative is to forbid him to play with just about anyone in our gun-hungry Utah neighborhood and I can’t do that either.
Wow I probably shouldn’t even respond considering all the anti gun commments. I was proposed to on a shooting range and had to shoot the target to get my ring. I never thought I’d be a soldiers wife or a pro gun advocate but if anyone ever tried to break into my house they would not be a happy camper afterwards.
My kids and I are all trained on proper gun safety and I’d rather a parent ask me if we had guns than be shocked after their kid came to play. If you don’t want your kid to play at my house because of guns that is fine with me. I agree with who ever said it isn’t up to the police to protect us. They are their to enforce the laws but what happens when they aren’t around.
Anyway I guess what I’m getting at is that I can’t imagine not being able to defend myself, my children or my home and anyone who thinks they can take that right away from me doesn’t know my family very well.
I’m not anti-gun, I just want to be an informed parent and make safe decisions about where my children play. I’m comfortable having my children play in a home where a gun is kept in a gun-safe with ammunition kept in a different place. But, I’m not so sure that my questions would be amicably received and honestly answered.
And about pools, I would never have one, but I think it’s every parent’s absolute duty to ensure their children know how to swim. Water/pools/lakes/water parks can be wonderful, fun, safe places to enjoy but only if the parent has taken the step to ensure their children know how to swim. I’m shocked at how many parents don’t consider this a priority. I don’t care if you live in freezing-cold Alaska with not a pool in site, learning to swim is a safety issue just as much as teaching your kids not to pick up a gun or get in a stranger’s car.
WOW. Hot topic! I loved skimming all the different posts…
We have guns. And children. I love shooting them. The guns, not the children!! We have gun locks/safes, etc. But I do have a sense of worry over what could happen if the kids got curious. I think if we didn’t have them I would worry about not being a fit protector. As a mother I will always worry, whatever it is I choose. It’s my job to. All we can do is teach. Teach, teach, teach.
People are surprised when I tell them that I go shooting with my dad/family. (And I really do enjoy it.)
Having said that, I can understand your concerns. While you have moved past events and experiences, you do not forget them. I hope that you can find something that gives you peace regarding this situation. I wish I had something to offer!
It’s hard for me to make a stand on one side or the other. I have guns in my house too but I’m not happy about it. They are locked away in a safe and only come out on the way to the range. I think it’s great my bf likes to shoot at targets instead of animals but I still don’t want to see them in my house. It’s always about safety which is why I’ll never put a gun in my hands. I don’t trust myself.
Thank you so much for posting how you feel about guns. I love them as well. My husband a former Marine loves guns and has tought me the safty and concerns you should have as a gun owner. We aren’t hunters either just range shooters and we love it. I’ve had the same concerns as you since I’ve had my daughter with guns in the house and now we are looking in to buying a safe. Thanks again.
Just seeing you and your hot body with that gun wants to make me find you so You can shoot me in the chest killing me
I just found your site, via Lex, and find it interesting.
I know I’m coming in very late on this thread, but felt I needed to comment on it.
I, quite literally, grew up shooting. A few years back when I asked my dad when he started teaching me to shoot he said “About when you could walk.” Yep…guns in the open rack, ammo in the storage drawer. Dads loaded pistol in his sock drawer. My earliest memory of shooting is at an abandoned quarry that was the local shooting range. I was laying in the dirt, single shot rifle resting on a sand bag, my dad laying next to me, arms around me, “helping” me to hold and aim (doing most of it himself while allowing me to think I was), and seeing the water filled peach can jump when I hit it. I was almost 4 then. We went out shooting at least once a month.
It is ignorance that is dangerous. And the “forbidden fruit” aspect that many people impart to firearms. “Oh, Little Johnny! You mustn’t touch this! I’ll just put it here on this shelf where you can’t get to it.” Which guarantees that the little thug will try to get his grubby hands on it first chance. And the people who do things like that usually don’t know how to handle firearms themselves – they read the owners manual once and think they know how.
When I got married the second time I got two little ones (7 & 6)in the deal. Once we got settled in, I spread a sheet on the floor, took out all my firearms, and gave everyone a lesson on firearm safety. What each was called, how it operated, how to open the action and check the chamber. I also let the kids know that they could ask me any time (unless I was in the head or was jointing a chicken) and I would get a gun out of the cabinet, and help them get a gun out, check it to make sure it was unloaded, and allow them to handle it. As they got older it changed to getting the key for them and allowing them to get a gun out themselves, but I had to hear that action open (or the ramrod bounce off the breech) or they were in Big Trouble. Range time was about once a month.
I have come around to that, Joe. We have a gun safe and the boys have started shooting more with Jonathan. I don’t know that I will ever rest easy(and I see that as a good thing) with them here but I am getting used to them.
Besides, I want them to absolutely know what they are doing and to respect them.
Because I totally agree that education is vital.
I’m married with 6 kids. 4 are married and have kids of their own (8 grandkids now). My 2 kids at home are a 17-year-old son, and a 14-year-old daughter. I have a small pistol gunsafe securely mounted and electronically locked. Only my son and I know the combination. When I go out of town, I will usually take my Springfield XD/C in .45 ACP with a light/laser combo with me. I leave my son a loaded Ruger SP101 in .357 mag in the gunsafe. I sleep much better at nights knowing that if an intruder invaded our home that I should be able to do what it takes to protect my family.
Hey, this is an intresting subject . I guess using Yahoo has been a great help :) Keep posting!