When I was 15-years-old, I was a hard-core “Thespian”. Which basically meant I was a tool that wore black and crystals, enjoyed misery, took my big freaking tome of The Complete Works of Shakespeare with me everywhere and read interpretaive poetry about my pain aloud in front of mirrors backlit by candles and set to music like “Gloomy Renaissance nose-flute quartet: The Greatest Hits” in my bedroom.
(Dork.)
I was also a gifted singer, but while I was in 2 choirs, lessons, and did musicals, it was not my primary focus as a teenager. I wouldn’t realize that that was my true, god-given gift and how rare it was until a few years later.
(FYI people, those of you who hear me dork-sing at conferences or with a radio HAVE NOT REALLY HEARD ME SING. My kind of singing is in a gown in front of an orchestra or in a choir, not doing karaoke. My “for the masses singing” is ok, but nothing to write home about. But I’m good. Promise.)
Theater was my focus and my love.
And I did a shitload of it.
At my highest point of “busy” I was involved in one aspect or the other of 11 different productions and projects. One of my gigs was with a Shakespearean troop and I was excused from school once a week to go around to different schools around the valley and introduce kids to The Bard.
I loved it.
On the advice and referral of one of the directors I worked with, I went and saw a couple of agents. Before you do that you have to get head shots. The photographer was good humored, but said he was having a hard time getting a good shot. That I had to die down my expressions because when I laughed or smiled too hard, my nose scrunched and made me look like a gargoyl. So, at times he would say, ‘Gargoyl nose, Loralee!”, and that would be my cue to cute back on the grin.
Even though he was funny, I was young and never forgot it.
Then I went and met with the agent.
I took my plus-sized-shape self into his office with my head shots and resume.
He looked at them, took off his glasses and started cleaning them with a handkerchief as he leaned back in his chair.
“I’ll be honest with you, Miss Mitchell. I respect the man who sent you here and if he says you have talent, I believe him, but you need to know we work primarily in print and commercial casting and I will never use you for any kind of print or film work. You have much too prominent, harsh features for it. You have a “far away face” that needs to stay on the stage and far off to be pretty.”
All I could do was sit there, listen, and try to not to let the burning feeling in my chest and eyes spill over into humiliating tears.
It was not even close to the last time I would hear similar things and have similar reactions.
The audition process over years can be really shitty for your self-esteem. For every chance you have to shine and be a star (WHICH IS AWESOME), there are usually dozens and dozens of rejections. People can say horrifyingly blunt things to you. One of my college professors told me I was moving across the stage like a fat truck driver AND I WAS PAYING THEM TO BE THERE.
It’s just the way it is.
I’ve never told anyone that story. Not my parents, not my best friends, no one.
Then came Houston.
When I went to Mom 2.0, I attended a panel on incorporating vlogging (video blogging) into your website . (I’m the one on the laptop sporting the Flashdance look.)
Not only was one of the most truly wonderful Internet people I know moderating, but I was very interested in the subject.
I have been told so many times that I should get into vlogging because my personality is awesome.
But…I have a Far Away Face.
I couldn’t vlog.
Could, I?
So, I went to this particular panel that featured the staggeringly beautiful and talented Chookoloonks, Girls Gone Child, and Rob Morhaim of Deca TV. I wanted to know if me having this unfriendly-on-film-face would be too much for people to watch.
How important was being photogenic on film in vlogging?
I raised my hand and took the microphone
To give a quick background, I told the story. I thought it would just be a quick reference and I’d get to my main question.
No biggie, right?
WRONG.
There was a huge gasp behind me. I think Karen (Chookoloonks) physically recoiled. Many were like, “WTF IS A FAR AWAY FACE?”
People had SUCH an issue with it.
I told people that I didn’t think (and I don’t) that I need to wear a bag over my face but I am horribly self-conscious of how I appear in photos and on camera. It’s tough for me to watch. I feel I am really hard to photograph, but good pictures of me are GOOD. I just have to work hard, the photographer has to be really talented and the camera has to be good.
I said as much to Karen when we talked after the panel.
“Oh, EFF THAT! Now I’m mad. Get your ass over here. We’re going to go shoot by the pool.”
So, we did.
And I bit my tongue from saying things like, “BUT MY HAIR! MY MAKEUP! I AM A SWEATY, TOUSLED MESS! SHOOT ME FROM THE LEFT SIDE!!!!!”
(If you had gotten a raised eyebrow “I AM WARNING YOU” look from Karen you would have totally done the same thing. She is awesomely, kindly, fierce, people. It just made me like her more.)
I just tried my best to let it go and have fun.
And it was awesome.
I know I am utterly extroverted but that and inner peace about yourself do not go hand in hand. Karen told me that she just didn’t understand where all of this negative crap about myself was coming from. Once I told her that I hit my highest weight of almost 300 lbs at 20 before undergoing gastric bypass surgery, and that I had not had the most awesome experiences in my life, she understood a lot more. She is seriously one of the most beautiful people inside and out. I want to be her when I grow up and I will treasure getting to know her.
As we talked by the pool when she was photographing me I was taking everything in.
Analyzing.
Thinking.
Why had I been so genuinely surprised that people thought the term “Far Away Face Girl” was horrible?
How did I not REALIZE THAT MYSELF?!
Before the age of 35??
Was I really that used to that kind of label being stuck all over myself?
It made me sad.
I do not think I have hideous self-esteem but I am far harder on myself than I would EVER allow anyone to be on someone I love. I have times I think that I can truly be staggeringly pretty but somewhere in my head it is due to the lights, costume, make up, hair and photographer and camera. I feel that they (or I) have to work very hard to make it so.
I struggle to take a compliment without deflecting it with an insult to myself. Singing helped that. I realized that I was backhanding and disrespecting the opinion of the person giving it. Still…you can shut off what comes out of your mouth but what goes on in your head is much harder to reign in.
In a conversation with a dear friend that I think the world of I told them how I am really struggling with a few posts that I have committed to writing. How ashamed I am of things that have happened in my life and how embarrassed I can be at how damaged I am by things that I have gone through in my life. They said something that I won’t ever forget. “Loralee, I don’t see you as being damaged. I see you as being HUMAN.”
I have amazing friends, no?
After Karen finished photographing me by the pool, she showed blogger after blogger (many who I admire more than I can tell you) her favorite photo she took of me.
I felt something shift inside me.
I am not a young, obese teenager anymore.
I have many flaws. I make SO many big, huge, (and at times truly, truly horrible) mistakes. But really…I have GOT to stop seeing those things as the dominant feature in my makeup.
I am a damn accomplished woman. I have been through more in 35 years than many people would see in two life times and yet? I am still here.
Beautiful.
Strong.
Funny.
Talented.
Compassionate.
Flawed.
HUMAN.
It’s not that I didn’t know these things before, but somehow…it just meant so much more to me when I flew out of Texas than when I flew into it. Having a “Gargoyle nose” simply means that I have done an awful lot of smiling and laughing in my life.
And laughing is one of my favorite things on the planet.
Will I lose all my issues and self-doubt because of this?
NO.
But…
I feel stronger. Happier. Wiser.
Brave.
That I could tell a story I had never shared with anyone and realize how it simply isn’t and never was true is amazing to me.
Will I ever be a movie star?
No.
But I can be a pretty beautiful soul in whatever medium I’m captured.
I love her for the gift she gave me that day. That everyone in that room gave me.
A deeper appreciation for the character that formed the wrinkles, bumps, and beauty that is me.
Hi.
I am Far Away Face Girl.
And I am just a little bit proud of that.
Photos courtesy of Karen Walrond.
God you are gorgeous. No, stunning. And I understand this post so completely. I love reading your story Loralee. Because you are so very human xxxxx
This is beautiful, Loralee.
You are beautiful. Inside and out.
I think your face (and Heart and Mind) is absolutely gorgeous.
Wow, Loralee, wow. What a beautiful thing to read on a Monday morning when I’m sitting here worried about my own looks. I’m a big girl,and I struggle with that (you know how that goes) and I am learning to love myself. I’m learning even a bit more from your example. Thank you.
Yes, I do. It’s a tough road. And honestly…I didn’t think I was hideous big. It was tough to feel good about myself when I was morbidly obese. (It is a huge difference) but even 60 lbs overweight I still thought I was quite pretty and awesome.
My health took a dive and so did my self image. It’s hard to feel good about yourself when you feel physically awful.
Chin up, lovely.xo :)
People can be so mean to kids in high school. I think you have a gorgeous close-up face.
You are beautiful. Also? I have always wished I could sing. I love singing, but I sound HORRIBLE. I’m so jealous of your talent!
I confess I wish I had more of a voice that could kick ass singing Karaoke or with the radio but classical and musical theater are where it is at for me.
And I’m good with that. :)
And you have an eye for beauty and talent with a camera I can’t comprehend. Your post about the torturer and losing ground with your arm KILLED me for you.
I would die if I couldn’t sing.
xoxoxoxo
You are absolutely not a “far away face girl.” I made a resolution to “get to know myself” this year, and have discovered that many of the things people have said to me over the years have imprinted on my heart. Am in the processing of keeping the good and getting rid of the bad. You need to get rid of the idea that you are a “far away face girl” because you are not! You have a truly lovely face.
Loralee!
Isn’t it amazing how your mind continues to think of yourself in a certain way long after it isn’t true? I, too, am a singer, and dabbled in acting when I was younger. I did some screen tests and was told that, because I talk out of the corner of my mouth, I wasn’t a good candidate for film. I remember being really stressed about it at the time, and I watched myself on film, talking more with the left side of my mouth than the right, and it was so frustrating.
Then I turned on the news, and saw that several well-known newscasters did the SAME DARN THING! And yet, someone gave them the chance, or they didn’t get the feedback, or they did, and decided they didn’t care. It was so eye-opening. In the end, although it took me a long time to get there (and a lot of times where others put me down), I decided that I would do my own thing and not worry about what others thought.
Do I still hear their voices in my head? YES! Do I try to make my voice louder. HELL YES!
I didn’t know you when you were overweight or “far away face girl,” but the first time you posted a picture of yourself on your blog, I thought you were beautiful. And I still do – even on the fly and without makeup, as in these pictures above.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, and insecurities. Please tell us more about your singing talent! What voice part? What is your favorite piece (or pieces) to sing?
Let me put it to you this way:
I have done the Mezzo role in The Messiah more times than I can count and I will never, ever, EVER tire of performing it.
(Also? Singing in front of an orchestra is one of the best things in the world)
I think people who are in the entertainment industry get so accustomed to judging people based on appearanced that they forget people are more than faces and bodies, that they have feelings that can be hurt. It doesn’t excuse the thoughtless things those people (whom I bet were mostly men, right?) over the years, though. I think the agent who told you that you have a “far-away face” caused the world to miss out…but if I were you, I would be thanking my lucky stars that I didn’t get into an industry that is known for shredding the hearts and souls of many of its young workers. (Lindsey Lohan, anyone?)
And I’ll join the chorus here, and say that you ARE beautiful. I love laugh lines and strong faces like yours. And I bet when you’re singing, you GLOW. I’m so thankful you spoke up at that panel so Karen could take those makeup-free, costumeless, no-fancy-lighting, fabulous photos of you.
I LOVE laugh lines on other people so honestly, I don’t know why it bugged me so much.
Karen did a similar thing for me last summer at BlogHer. We had planned it ahead of time but the conversation took a similar path. In the process she really has helped me to change my outlook and my life. I think she might have a future in this sort of thing. ;) It is really amazing, the words of others that we carry with us – deprogramming the negative ones can be so hard but it’s never too late.
Beautiful picture. We are all SO much more than parts of our sum. :) xo.
Seriously…she could do whole workshops on showing people their true beauty. She just rules.
You? Are lovely. (Especially when you call out ass-hatty Nadines. Just saying.)
LOL!
OMG YOU READ THAT.
Dude. You are one of the few that have witnessed the gloves of “Loralee the Civil” coming off.
But hey, when it comes to defense of the marginalized I can be pretty fierce under all this fluffy pink puffy hearts veneer. :)
You know, one of the many things that I love about blogging is that there are SO many people who are now contributing in wonderful ways to my world (and to the world at large) who’ve been shifted to the side by gatekeepers like that agent. Having had a few friends who were high-powered models (make-more-in-a-weekend-than-I-had-all-year models), I saw how weird that world can be. Beauty, appeal, even talent are all secondary to how you fit as a cog into a giant machine that someone else creates. Those machines turn on a dime, so last week’s gorgeous is this week’s hideous, and it’s a harsh crucible for young egos.
The amazing thing about blogging and the internet is that we don’t need those giant machines. And that creates space for you to be FULLY yourself, and for your beauty to come through. Your scrunchy-nosed, not-always-the-right-cog beauty, not the precisely-lit, mainstream, fits into the machine beauty. I think it’s sometimes harder for folks like you who can fit into that classical mold – the possibility of getting that seal of approval is tantalizinly close, and feeling like you fall short is painful. But when you embrace who you are, like you do so often in your writing? That’s when you really allow your beauty to shine through, and when you cause others to feel more beautiful, too.
I think many of us have a similar story. Thanks for sharing yours.
For what it’s worth when I first met you at BH’08 on the steps of Macy’s I was in AWE of how beautiful you were, and how confident. Then, when I read more of your backstory I was shocked that you had weight issues in your past, because HELLO? You’re goregous, tall, you carry yourself so strong.
Karen’s pictures of you are stunning, but with a subject like you I would expect nothing less.
God, Loralee, I can’t imagine not wanting to be as close to your face as possible.
Love you.
That is because we are totally sucking face in New York at BlogHer!
Wow. What an amazing piece of writing. I’m so glad the scales have been lifted from you eyes, dearest. You are beautiful. Thank you for sharing this story.
Loralee,
Have you ever had folks recoil from your presence? I don’t think so! While that agent was an insensitive tool, who probably did that in order to see your reaction to it (which makes him a Total Tool and a real Show Business type) you are a Handsome woman! I bet hubs feels lucky (LUCKY!) to have married you! Ask him. Better yet, don’t. You already know the answer in your heart.
I look like Wilford Brimley. I’d Love to tell that That is a fetching face, but No, sadly, no it’s not. I’m not ugly, but most women look elsewhere. I spent a Lot of time alone. If I didn’t meet someone who liked me for who I was, I’d still be alone, I have no doubt. I can lose weight, but that’s not going to change my look to; at best a “skinny” Wilford Brimley.
No, but I did when I was younger. It sucked. But that was a looong time ago. It’s time to let it go and I’m working on it. :)
P.S. Wilford Brimley is one of my very favorite actors.
Is that their nice agently way of saying you have a butter face? Because DUDE. No. Just no. You are so not a far away face girl. You’ve got a good acting face. A pretty acting face.
I love you and think you are BEAUTIFUL!! and you made me cry because I HATE that you have ever felt anything but HUMAN! Thank you for being one of my TRUE TRUE friends!
You know that I totally am. xoxoxoxo
Yay for Chookooloonks! Because she is so right. You are not Far Away Face Girl.
You are lovely. Up close and lovely.
Man, I get that. Do you know why? Because I’m not funny or talented or pretty (or even cute…), I can’t write and I’m pretty far down on any of the positive attributes scale. Don’t believe me? Just ask. I’ll tell you…
Lovely photos, my friend.
SUCK IT WOMAN.
DUDE.
WE ARE GOING TO COFFEE/COCOA AND I AM GOING TO TELL YOU TO STOP IT.
You are lovely.
And I like your writing.
And you TOTALLY made me laugh today so, pffffth!
xo
Ok, I’ve heard you make references to the fact that you used to be overweight, but I had no idea you has gastric bypass. So did I! I had it in 2002, when I was 26. Rock on!
And those close-ups are fabulous. You are like, the OPPOSITE of a far away face.
Very cool. Mine was WAAAAAY back in 1995. I was 20 so luckily my skin sag is not as bad as it could have been, though I have a HUGE scar.
I found your blog through the r house, and I think you are beautiful and hilarious :D And I love nose-wrinkles–they shout happiness in a photo!
That was totally, truly, hauntingly AWESOME! Girl, you have grown SO much! I know some of the pain you have been through… the hurts… and in spite of that, you post things like this that show me you have learned, grown, matured, and are so, so AMAZING!
I don’t know about a ‘far away face’, I think you are beautiful!!!!!
I totally adore you, Sharon.
It’s amazing that you’ve been here since the days of Blogger Minima Black.
Very few can say that.
GO, BEMIDJI STATE!!! WOOT MINNESOTA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THis is in my top three posts from you EVER!
You are beautiful!
You’re right – you should recognize your strength and beauty and take pride in being the person you are.
And you should do that even if you weigh 300 pounds. The obese teenager should love herself as much as her thin counterpart. I wish that more people could say, “I love myself for who I am” without clarifying it with “now that I’m thin.”
I can absolutely see what you’re saying but well…I hated how I felt when I was obese.
I think I was just as pretty, but I felt awful. Moving was awkward, I felt awful all.the.time. I couldn’t walk up the stairs without puffing on my inhaler practically.
It’s hard to feel awesome when your health sucks and you can’t fit into the jeans in the men’s section, you know?
I was mainly referring to the fact that I wasn’t this young, scared thing that believed everything that came out of people’s mouths.
Sometimes I forget that I am all grown up now. :)
I’m trying to figure out how on earth you ever thought of yourself as unattractive or unphotogenic or a “far away face” girl. Seriously. I just don’t get it. ‘Cause you sure are purdy…
Sometimes you just don’t see what other people do, lovely.
I’m getting there.
I have a LOT of love in my life and as I’m showered with it, I believe it more and more. :)
This is, by far, my favorite post of yours I have ever read.
High praise from you, babe. xo
Eff that agent and photographer. I have seen you in real life, and you are a beautiful woman. One of the most beautiful things about you is that you are real. You don’t look like every magazine-cover blonde haired blue eyed never met a sandwich in her life girl. You look real, unique, and wonderful. Purge gargoyle nose photographer and far away face agent from your mind.
It gets a bit hard here in the land of blond eyed, tiny nosed Utah but THANK YOU sweetie.
I am dumbfounded.
I think, and walways have thgouht since I first encountered you online, that you are one of teh mist stunning and photogenic women I have ever encountered.
Another thing – when will people stop thinking that honesty and ‘tactful’ wording are just as hurtful and blunt and rude?
K
Thank you for sharing your story and your beauty- inside and out! I know that I carry a lot of self-esteem baggage and it is so hard to retrain the brain!! I fail so much more than I succeed.
There are not words to express how much this post means to me– again, I thank you deeply & dearly!
It’s not that I don’t feel bad for you as a teenager but move on already. There has to be an easier way for you to get people to tell you that you are pretty. This seems very self serving.
Well, ouch.
Sigh.
I realize I am “stuck”. I’m stuck in a lot of areas in my life. The point is that I am getting “unstuck” and moving on.
It has just taken me longer than others.
Getting people to say I am pretty is so far from the point of this post that it is ridiculous, but you are entitled to your opinion.
There has to be an easier way for you, “Whatever”, to get your jollies instead of anonymously being a fucking tool. Try punching babies or something. Or having the stones to put your name with your shit.
How the hell do you come away from this post thinking she’s fishing for compliments? The whole POINT of the post is that she’s finding a way to be okay with herself, which in itself means she no longer NEEDS that validation. Jesus. If you’re going to be a dick, at least understand what you’re being a dick about.
As I mentioned in my comment on your post from 2 yrs ago– I’m just finding your blog… but SO glad I did (Thanks to Scary Mommy! :) )
This was a great post. I didnt make Mom 2.0 but have heard great things about it and am making it a goal to be there next year.
“Far away face” is total bullshit! … Im sure the man making the comment was the picture of perfection ((got to love the’hollywood types’))
Great post– and I think you are beautiful! .. VLOG AWAY GIRL.. VLOG-A-WAY! :)
I love Jill. Her link tickled me pink. She is a true, TRUE gem.
Self-image is such a difficult thing, isn’t it? I mean really. My mother effed up my self-image and I didn’t realize it till I was well into adulthood. And her mother effed up hers. I’m glad I don’t have a daughter because I’m not sure I’d know how NOT to. There are moments and days I feel beautiful, and many many moments I feel hideously ugly. I am low maintenance, but deep down I do not feel pretty unless I have makeup on. But I don’t wear makeup often. So, yeah. As someone who has talked to you nose to nose (you like “close” conversations, don’t you?) I can say that you truly are an attractive chick. HAWT, even. As for the asshat above, I often see blog posts or self-depricating comments as fishing for the ego-boost. Clearly…this post was NOT that. This post resonated.
I am pretty scroungy a lot of the time. When I was obese grooming was my only line of defense. I spent HOURS getting ready before going somewhere.
When I dropped the weight I dropped the need to do that as well and it was just…freedom.
I may not feel as “pretty” without hair and makeup but honestly…I’d rather deal with that then being chained to the pressure of HAVING to have it.
I wonder if people realized how long the negative things they say stick with other people if they would hesitate to give voice to those things.
I remember my mother saying to me as a teenager “if you keep eating like that we’ll have to buy your clothes at the tent and awning company.” At those times in my life when I have been heavy, I hear my mother’s voice in my head and I feel such shame. I look at my face and I see the face of the birthmother I despise. Her hammer chin, her eyes, eyebrows, I even go gray in exactly the same places.
And yet, if I don’t see the beauty in myself, who else will? Until I accept my own uniqueness, nobody else will recognize it.
It is a difficult thing, I think, for someone who has been told their looks don’t measure up, to recognize, acknowledge and embrace their beauty. You are a beautiful woman, Loralee, not only on the surface, but inside, where it really counts. The inner woman matches the outer. It is wonderful that see you blossom.
*to* not *that*
*to see you blossom*
Argh. Hate typos.
Oh, this makes me so very sad. How horrible to try and reconcile what you see in the mirror with such negative images.
I wish I could give you a big, big hug. xo
Loralee: You are one of my most gorgeously stunning friends in so many ways–inside and out. (I don’t mean that in a “she has a sweet spirit, but she’s butt ugly” kind of way. I mean that you’re effing GORGEOUS! I’m blown away sometimes that we are actually friends.
And responding to Whatever’s comment: SUCK IT! Why do people think that they can possibly understand people enough to make such a prickish comment?
Thanks sweet pea. There should be no surprise that we’re friends. You write about peat bogs and make them sound appealing. :)
I cannot even tell you how much I relate to this. I was also a drama geek. The black, the crystals, the pocket Shakespeare . . . YES. I was accepted into a really good regional theatre’s conservatory. Over the course of the summer, we had some agents come and speak with us. One of the women had us perform for each other, and then rate each other anonymously. It was almost like a slam book. One of the factors we were rating was how marketable their look was. And as I got my feedback sheets back, overwhelmingly the results were:
acting: good
singing: good
looks: not so much
It affected me so much. I think it was probably the deciding factor for me choosing another profession. I’ve also been recently encouraged to start vlogging, and I’ve also had the same hesitations, pulling out those memories from so many years ago. Yes, at 35 years old.
I am so glad I read this today. I am feeling encouraged to move past those fears and judgments, and not settle for seconds as a “far away face”. Good words.
It is a BRUTAL industry.
My son is dying, dying, dying to be in theater and I am so hesitant. I have only let him do a very few things. It is much different for boys than girls but still…
I do not regret my experiences. I have gotten to do some amazing roles, sing in some fabulous halls, raise my voice with people so talented that you would swear that heaven sent angels down on loan to make music with a lowly human.
I would change nothing but my ability to let the criticism roll off somehow.
I want to kick the asses of the people that made you feel that way. I’ve known you for a couple years now and I think each time I see you and talk with you….you get more beautiful!
Love you!
Haven’t read through all the comments; hope they’re all as supportive and kind as the first few, because you totally deserve it!
And? if that really cute little crinkle at the top of your nose is the “gargoyle” thing?? SHAME ON THAT PHOTOGRAPHER!! Because that cute little crinkle tells me you were having a great time and sharing something really fun with the person taking the pic and/or the folks around you.
But, I totally get the feelings you’d built up around being photographed. I was a complete little ham as a kid, loved being in front of the camera, but thanks to a few incidents, a mean grandmother, and full drop-off of self-esteem as I grew up and then aged, I HATE having my pic taken. The only one I can stand to look at all the time is the one I use now as my Twitter avatar – a totally random snapshot taken by a waiter at a lunch with my daughter and her friend!
So. Go you!
I hate asshats who don’t realize what they are saying to young girls will stay with them for the rest of their lives. Someone said something to my older daughter once about her big legs the summer of 4th grade. She wore jeans (even swam in them) for 3 years because she thought she was fat. She is muscular and by no means fat, she has a very athletic build but it took years to get her to realize that she was and is beautiful and that you don’t have to be a twig to not be fat.
Thankfully this past year and a half she has really come around and realizes that she isn’t fat, altho if you ask her if she’s pretty……altho I am the same way, so I understand.
Love the photos of you-they are gorgeous!
I’m glad she a gave you that look. You are beautiful girl. Remember that.
(Please bear in mind that the person who says this is herself a really ugly one, who has issue upon issue upon another issue.)
From all the photos of you that I’ve seen, Loralee, I can say, you’re not clasically pretty, like some of the actresses are. But HELL you are SO DAMN BEAUTIFUL. I love people that are interesting and I can see it in your face, in your eyes, in your smile – I can see that you are an interesting person. It shows.
The thing about that? I prefer watching you on the photos ten times more than some of those “classicaly pretty” women. (I always preferred Julia Roberts to Angelina Jolie, if you know what I mean.)
All in all, I think you ARE a star. In you day-to-day life as well as in the great halls, singing. Loralee FTW :)
(Also, I think finding something we’re good at is the best panacea to all our issues. Don’t you feel – at least for a moment – absolutely happy when you start to sing in front of a great audience and everyone’s eyes are fixed on you? I can’t sing, I can’t play, I’m terrible in any kind of public performances, but I can write and when I read a good review of something I’ve written, I’m so light-headed and full of happiness and pride that I could actually fly away :D And for that moment everything goes away. I live for these moments… absolutely magical.)
ciao,
Amy :)
God bless Karen for being mad and for being insistent about capturing your beauty. This post made me cry for so many reasons. I am always stunned when I find out someone that I think is so intimidatingly gorgeous can’t see it for themselves! I would have never, never thought of you as anything less than beautiful. Your features are strong but they are interesting and they just fit you…oh man, I know I’m rambling but I can’t help it. I am just so amazed that YOU DIDN’T KNOW. And so happy for Karen for showing you.
I was in the room when you told this story. As the proud life-long owner of an exceptionally far away face, it gave me such an awesome feeling to hear you speak. Thank you buckets for sharing.
p.s. You have just about the most perfect teeth I have ever seen
This post made me warm, fuzzy, happy, melancholy, empathetic, and uplifted all at he same time.
That’s nice… I lke that.
In the same business, I have been told that my features are too “tiny and squinty”.
Your face and my face should get together and make a close up face…
Omgosh! I think you are beautiful! Have always thought so. My favorite picture is the one on the bottom. Thanks for sharing the dark stuff. I’ve the hardest time loving myself.
Okay, had to read this post twice, because I totally did not get what a “far away face” was. I kept thinking you meant he thought you had a “far away look on your face”. I was confused, as I cannot imagine someone saying such a thing, esp. to you, so I assumed maybe you were looking starry eyed or something and he didn’t want you to get your hopes up or something! I am a dork, you are lovely, have a great day!
I personally love the gargoyle nose.
XOXO
After reading this post, I am certain that we were destined to be best friends in junior high….we just lived in different places. I too was into all the choirs, ensembles, musicals, and I own 4 copies of the Complete Works of Shakespeare. Heck, I named my daughter Rosalind after As You Like It. And everyone not into my type of stuff made fun of my “International Lesbian Troupe” award I received in a school assembly. I, too, was turned away from audition after audition for my voluptuous body.
Where, oh where, were you in the mid-90s?
I’m a relative newcomer to your blog (which surprises me, since I’ve been following you on Twitter for AGES)but I want you to know that I think you are frickin’ awesome. And beautiful.
And I can’t wait to see you Vlog!
That guys clearly had no daughters. You are even more beautiful from up close than from far away.
You are totally hot!! As an overweight person I totally know how you feel. I’ve been heavy my entire life and hate the way I look in 99% of my photos. We always see things in ourselves more harshly than other people do.
Far away or close up – you are BEAUTIFUL!
The term “far away face” doesn’t bring up any negative connotations for me. My immediate instinct is to think “dreamy”. Like you have a dreamy expression, or dreamy features. You are dreaming of something far away. However, I do know what the guy was referring to…but maybe you can take it as a blessing now that you have obviously overcome that part of your life.
Long long ago in a land far far away…isn’t that how fairy tales begin?
Call yourself what you want, but I would call it pretty girl.
I look at pictures of you, and even the ones where you say you look like dog poop? You’re gorgeous. Beautiful from the inside. Especially that gargoyle nose, because it means you have a love of life.
This is beautifully written. (I’m very new to your blog, having gotten here from…someone’s tweet at you a few weeks back or something. No idea, really. But hello!)
I have to admit, I see myself as not just a far away face girl, but more a far away and maybe mostly hidden behind that building across the street girl. You will find few pictures of me online, despite my being present at picture-happy events like BlogHer. I am a MASTER at avoiding cameras. Things that are said, even in passing, can stick with people FOREVER. It isn’t just you. I can vividly recall the time my mom praised me for skipping dinner to play outside, because “that is how [she] got skinny”, or the time she told me that “all the relatives” were talking about how pudgy I had gotten at some family gathering or other. (I assure you my mom is not an asshole, she just has a lot of her own issues.) There are a million more examples, of course, but you get the idea. That stuff burns, and still makes me a bit sick to my stomach to think about, even twenty years after the fact.
Good on you for starting to realize your own beauty and starting to let go of the far away face girl title. You seem like a great person.
Why is it that we can do a million amazing, awesome things and one rat of a person can say something, and we carry it around like a giant wart in our psyche for years and years…sometimes even unaware of the power it has on us. Then one day the lightbulb goes off and we see it, knowing at that moment, it was soooo more about the unhappy, bitter person who said it, than it EVER was about us! You are beautiful, Loralee, inside and out…and I officially proclaim you to be the “Close-up Face Girl” from this day forward! Got that?! ;-)
Hugs!
Susan
P.S. I love Shakespeare…took as much of it as I could in college. Here in ATL, we have The Shakespeare Tavern…love it…and your post makes me want to go again soon.
I can completely relate to this. It is such a beautiful post, and you are a beautiful woman – inside and out!!
You know how I know you’re not Far Away Face Girl? Because I am. That truly is the BEST term I’ve ever heard. It’s how I’ve always thought of myself. Clearly I need to meet Karen.
you have anything BUT a far-away face, dearie.
as a former performer, i know all too well how subjective the business can be. it sucks, yes, but it isn’t unexpected.
and seriously on that beautiful punim!
When I was a teen, I wasn’t overweight, but I was the kid with the buck teeth, bad skin, frizzy hair (bad 80′s perm), thick glasses, and braces. I was always reading, got good grades and never, ever swore/did drugs/drank.
Kids thought I was weird. I wanted to be in theater, but I thought I was too ugly. (and I can’t sing) From grades 8-10, I was the butt of a lot of jokes and “the ugly girl”. I never, ever, felt good enough. For anything.
In grade 10 over the course of Spring Break, my braces came off, I got contacts, a new hair do, and suddenly everyone wanted to talk to me. My best friends dumped because I was no longer “the ugly girl”, but actual competition. Suddenly being considered pretty, people treated me totally different.
The thing is, inside I never changed. I still felt self conscious and never good enough, and to this day, just like you, I struggle with that. I never think that I actually CAN do stuff. I AM good enough.
As I read through your post I saw so much of myself, that I began to cry. I never thought other people went through the same thing. :)
Thanks.
(PS. The pictures? Omg GORGEOUS. Far away face phhht!)
Awww. So glad you got to have that experience with Karen.
I think girls with tiny noses [which you mentioned being common in Utah] are often ‘pretty’ or ‘cute’, but to be beautiful takes a slightly longer nose IMO. ;p
Totes adorable.
What a great post. You are beautiful!
Hey! No way we have the same name!!!!
I’ve never seen, or met someone else with my name in my 21 years
Its always “louralei, or Lour-lee” or 100 other ways that people spelt it that arnt right either.
Do a lot of people ask you where you got your name from too???
it was weird to see these posts for a Loralee that wasn’t me ;)