…green cough syrup TOTALLY has good points.
I should probably start off this post title with a warning telling you all that I have pretty much guzzled my weight in green cough syrup. Which, due to my non-drinking, Mormon upbringing and freakishly lightweight status means I am TOTALLY SLAMMED. So ya know…you have been warned n’ stuff. I loathe grody green cough syrup. Because I pretty much think this stuff tastes like ass. Or worse than ass. IS there anything worse than that? Wait…I don’t think I want to know that because really, tasting like ass is bad enough, thanks. MAN, does this stuff make you completely plowed. I think the Care Bears were here a minute ago. It also means that you don’t give a freaking frig about, uh…ANYTHING. Which totally comes in handy for me right now.Though I should probably have figured out that I shouldn’t go NEAR MY COMPUTER on any kind of mind altering substance. (I am quite enough sober, right?) but hey…it’s fun. And this is a nice stress reliever since I am working on like, 5 posts and 5 projects all at once. It’s nice to just throw something out there without being all anal and overthinking it all. Although I am probably going to have a killer case of posting regret in the morning. I hate computer regret. It sucks a duck. I need to learn to just just walk away from the computer. Or call a friend. Or eat an entire pie. I kinda think I vote for the pie because I have a fierce streak of phone anxiety. And the new phone I have has a touch pad keyboard and I suck at using it. I think that my extremities are too cold AND I have like, zero coordination and bad tech karma so I am pretty much screwed in this area. I mis-dial people ALL THE TIME ON IT.I swear I kept calling this Yak-tending Afghan dude one time when I was trying to order Chinese take out. Or maybe it was the right number and I just really suck at accents, who knows? Which reminds me, if I call my bank to get a new ATM card ONE MORE TIME and cannot understand what the HELL the person on the other line is saying I am going to go open up a firece can of “Utah Pioneer Stock WHOOPASS” on someone. For reals. I don’t care that companies outsource but for the love of all that is holy I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND 1 of 5 WORDS THAT COME OUT OF THEIR MOUTHS, OK? And I was just kidding about the whole “Utah Pioneer Stock” thing. I am freakishly weak. It’s a well known fact. Ask anyone. I also have a freakish hairline, which is only slightly less well known by people. And I am prone to cold sores when I am sick or under stress. Which is TOTALLY known by EVERYONE but people are polite and pretend to notice that I don’t have a growth the size of Mt.Rushmore on my face. Right now I have one on my lip. It’s awesome. And I am going to lunch in a few days with a total stranger. NOTHING says “GET TO KNOW ME!!!” like Herpes, right? Rad. Maybe I’ll insist that we go to that Chinese place that I tried to call earlier and see if there are any Yak-tending Afghans in the region. I hope not. I don’t have anything against Yaks, I just don’t think that they are very sanitary, you know? I’d also hate for a local business to be shut down just because someone bitched about a stray Yak hair ruining their Too Wong Foo entree party (or whatever). It would make me cry. And I have cried too much tonight. Which I totally blame on aforementioned green cough syrup of ass. It tends to make me just a tad emotional and a liiiitttlllee bit off kilter. Which explains why I am crying my eyes out over the soundtrack of “Goodbye Mr. Chips” and contemplating streaking down my snow laden street in the middle of the night. Nah. That just sounds like too much effort and I hate the cold. Dude just thinking about going outside nekkid right now is making my girly bits write letters of protest. Watch, so I will be getting a stern letter of censure from the UN. Not that the UN would take an expressed intrest in my girlie bits. It might cause outrage and lead to centure from…uh…wait….who centures the UN when they are in need of a sternly worded letter? I have no clue. I have no clue about a great MANY things. Like why THE HELL I still watch “Lost”. I swear that show exists PURELY TO MAKE MY HEAD EXPLODE WEEKLY. It’s like that bad boyfriend that you know makes you miserable but you just cannot walk away from. Just watch. The end is going to have Jack and Sawyer giving in to their pent up, frustrated man-love and getting married (Woot! Gay rights! Yay!) Kate will start making her own line of cuff jewelery with that ditzy,evitcted housewife from “Real Housewives: OC” and Sun will deliver her baby. Only it’s black and is the love child of that totally hot religous/drug-dealing guy that died in Season Two.The fact that she had a 4 year pregnancy is EASILY explained by that Jacob guy that is older than Jesus’s sandles only you have to go snorkle in a pond of Jello pudding and grab a purple lily pad on the bottom with the number 3 etched on it in ancient Arabic before he will tell you. Then the island explodes. The End. Now, I know that leaves I few loose ends. Like I know all of you want to know WTF Claire always looked fresh as a daisy but Kate looked like she wrestled daily with a pack of dirty bikers to get a buck for the payphone but too bad so sad…some mysteries on that island are just too much for the human mind to wrap itself around. Kind of like this post. Dude, I SHOULD have been a writer for Lost, right? Maybe I can submit this post as part of my portfolio of why they should accept me to prove that I can write things that MAKE NO FREAKING SENSE AT ALL! Will you all vote for me if I put a glittery badge on my site? Or ads? What if I took out an ad petitioning for a spot? No? You are already overexposed by that freaking mom and her freaking secrets about tooth whitening? Yeah. Me, too. In fact, if I see one more ad or Tweet about it I WILL hunt her down and throttle her for the eleventyhundred forks she has made me want to stick in my eye. Talk about over kill. Kind of like this entire post. Or post title. Whatever. Either way, I should wrap up. I’m tired and want to go to sleep for a eleventyhundred years. Which I think this stuff is totally capebable of making happen. Which means, in conclusion, that though it pretty much tastes like ass…
February 4, 2010 By 40 Comments
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[...] I lost my sense of humor. But then I TOTALLY FOUND IT AGAIN. [...]
I concur!
*takes a break in laughing long enough to give you a hug*
Not even on oxy after an appendectomy did I even glimpse being that interesting.
Feel better when the green fairy flies off XD
Oh my. It took to me so long to quit laughing that I almost bust a gut. I need to find me some green cough syrup!
We should definitely send the LOST writers some of this cough syrup. For sure.
WOW! That sounded like a good trip on the green cough syrup magic carpet ride. I hope it worked its magic on your body and not just your mind. Feel better!
Vote Lo!
This is why I love you! Even if there were no P.S.’s.
Holy cow, that’s a long title!
LOL I had a flash back to my highschool days…which were pretty much a haze of green cough syrup. :o)
I wonder what your Green Cough Syrup hangover is going to feel like.
I just laughed my ass off. What a nice way to start the morning. Definitely a good thing for my hutch butt.
Hey! Another thing we have in common. I don’t emotionally eat. I emotionally write and have writer’s regret OFTEN (*see yesterday’s post*).
Get better!
That was very interesting to see on my home page this morning. Feel better!
I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. Thank you!! :)
PS: I think you’ve gotta win an award or something for that post title. I think it’s the longest (and most hilarious) one I’ve ever seen. :)
I think that is the record for the world’s longest title. Please don’t delete this. The stream of consciousness posting style is the most laugh inducing I’ve seen. It is perfect to keep me awake on my 16 hour day on campus.
Feel better soon.
Oh babe, I’d vote for you for ANYTHING right now. Truly. Adore you.
I used to believe that they should have breathalyzers on cell phones and computers to stop “drunk” dialing/texting/posting until I read this. This is why Nyquil needs to be in every household. While I hate the stuff, the conversations people have on it are well worth the grossness.
Walt is the key to the island, or so the writers tell me.
Holy shit, I didn’t even know titles could be soooo long. Feel better babe!
I am so totally in love with you right now.
Enjoy the cough syrup! Oh, too late, you already are.
Just don’t drive, ok? Cuz that would be bad.
Holy long title, Batman! haha I love it!
I’m on Actifed, Robitussin, and Ricola cough drops.
The Olympic torch passed through town and I so TOTALLY missed it because I’m too high on cold drugs to go anywhere. *sigh*
:) Go to bed.
Wow, all that from cough syrup? I totally need to start drinking! (Cough syrup, that is :)
Feel better!
Damn I wish I had that stream of consciousness…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
You are freaking hysterical! Damn, I need some green stuff! My life needs a little more comedy!
Come over right now and bring your cough syrup. I have skittles.
This post (title) is yet another reason to love you, lady. You crack me up.
Wow. I love you.
I love this. You are so awesome. :)
Wow – I didn’t know WordPress let you have titles that long :) I wonder what the limit is.
And this, btw, is awesome on so many levels.
a schnockered loralee. how fun!
BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
I recently discovered your blog after seeing you on channel 2. I am so glad I tuned in that day! You’re fantastic. This post had me in tears!
Um, you don’t have to yell like that. But green cough syrup? I think there is something else that will soon be banned in Utah.
It’s a little warmer here, feel free to come down and streak in our neighborhood. (thoughts deleted by the author)
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I’m sorry, but that is how I sound on Ambien. And the best part of that whole thing, was that to make a comment, we had to go through that thing again. That was awesome. Thanks for the laugh out loud!!
Hey Loralee!
Love this! I am in the presentation at the Riverwoods Conference Room laughing my head off at this. Totally enjoyed your advice. ;)
this post just made my day. :L
the best teeth whitening agents are still based on peroxides.`:
I just pulled an all-nighter that ended with my OWNING some code. I picked ONE post to reward myself for the hard work. This one.
Imagine my delight.
Now I have to go find a towel for the tea I spewed while laughing…