I came this close to Jonathan catching me twirling and leaping around to cheesy Christian Jesus rock while cleaning my kitchen.
And really, the world is a MUCH better place with that sight never being witnessed.
It would have been horrifying for us both.
It would have been WAY worse than that time I got caught doing the “Thriller” dance in my underwear at 1 am.
For reals.
P.S. I suddenly get the feeling this post could lead me to a world of trouble with some. Especially with my mother. I’m not sure how she is going to take the term “Jesus rock”. I already stress her out too much with how often I use the word “vagina” on this blog.
P.P.S. So, to clarify for those who ardently love both Jesus and cheesy Christian Jesus rock…I’m not bashing either.
P.P.P.S. Most of my shame was about the cheesy music part. Don’t get me wrong, I was raised a Mormon and Mormons can do religious musical cheese with the BEST of them (trust me). But I was a music major. A classical vocalist. An opera singer. I’m supposed to be immune to cheese.
P.P.P.P.S. Which is kind of odd as I want to marry Air Supply and have little cheesy music babies with them. (And let’s face it, if you know anything about it opera can be freaking CHEESY. It’s like taking plot lines from Days of Our Lives and sticking some very talented vocalists with oft-over inflated egos in corsets and setting it to classical music.)
P.P.P.P.P.S. So, really…my shame is way more about my musical selection than anything religious.
P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I mean, I have my very well documented issues that you have read on here from time to time, but I am not an utter hater. AND there are a lot of things that I think the big guy has been quite kindly towards me about lately, so my rock out was sincere. You know…”Make a joyful noise all ye lands n’ stuff!” Only it was more like “Make a joyful, yet klutzy, twirly spaz-out in your pajamas while spraying Windex, all ye lands!” type of thing.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Dude, I love Windex. I also want to make out and have babies with it. Only I don’t love it as much as Air Supply, so I don’t want to marry it. So maybe I will just make out with the Windex. I would hate to be responsible for having little blue illegitimate Windex babies.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. I mean, the poor kids would already be blue and isn’t that enough of an obstacle for a kid without the whole “bastard” label following them around the school yard at recess? Life is hard enough, you know?
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And besides, I consider Windex one of those little miracles from heaven, so no hating on the Lord here.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Or Jesus.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Or opera.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Or vaginas, for that matter.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. And for the record, this entire post is probably a sufficient illustration of the very real possibility of my eternal peril.
P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.P.S. Oh, well. If I DO go to hell, I have the beginnings of a really great song repetoire to piss off Satan with through the eternities, right?
:)
No hating from me. I agree there is some really cheesy Christian songs out there, and I probably have most of them on CD, especially from the 80′s/early 90′s :]
To be fair, there is just really cheesy MUSIC out there, ya know? :)
So, so true. But not Air Supply ;)
I came here after reading Parents Magazine about your visit to The White House. I was sort of expecting a political blog or a mommy blog and instead I about fell off my chair laughing. The Windex? HARDY HARHARHAR!
If this is the way your magical beautiful brain works I am sure Our Savior is enchanted with you! I know I am and I love Jesus with all my might!
If I was this much fun in my own mind I would probably just stay home all day and think! You are soooo added to my reader!
Oh, dear.
I confess I forgot about the magazine feature when posting this. It’s not really, um…”Parents Magazine Material”, you know? :)
Still…I am relived and happy you get the oddity that is my humor. This is one of the kindest comments ever. xo
Considering your love of Windex have you seen “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? Windex plays an important role in that flick. LOL!!
TOTALLY.
And don’t think I didn’t consider adding it, but I had already surpassed the “maximum overload” line on my freak meter for the night.
:)
“Make a joyful, yet klutzy, twirly spaz-out in your pajamas while spraying Windex, all ye lands!”
*snirk*
You? Are just all kinds of crazy awesome. ^_^
I have 4 left feet. Seriously.
You’re gonna get some great search traffic because of this post.
P.S. I love Air Supply.
I know. It should be a real treat. (ME, TOO. I got a photo with the tall one. I about passed out)
Love Windex. Cheesy Jesus Opera not so much, unless it’s the Messiah, which is an Oratorio, right? Not opera. No actors, no sets, no corsets, no Viking helmets or powdered wigs, and no cheese in sight. Not even cheddar, which I love, or blue, which I so totally don’t. Where do you stand on the subject of the late Dan Fogelberg? He’s deep, rich, pure cheese, and one of my guilty pleasures.
I loved Dan with the power of a thousand burning suns.
EXCEPT, the time I saw him in concert (In high school. I know.) HE DID NOT SING “LONGER”.
I KNOW, RIGHT??
Bastard.
Where has this Loralee been? (I love you in all forms, but this? Made me spit coffee, pee my pants, and roflolomgxyz. Missed this!)
Oh, she’s still around. I’ve just had a lot going on but I’m edging back into the interweb world slowly. :)
YOU crack me up!!
AS DO YOU!
Love you, woman!
Occasionally, I’ll get out my old 1930′s hymnal and tickle the keys a little. My interpretations fall fairly close to the Jerry Lee Lewis school of ivory pounding. My Mom was always telling me to “slow down, play it like it’s written, quit pounding.” Your last 14X P.S. is why I play like I do. Because happy people piss Satan off. Sit and spin you little horned bastard. stephen
“Sit and spin you little horned bastard”
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Oh yes. You ARE going to be a surprise to some of those “Parent’s Magazine” readers. But a most pleasant one, I’m sure.
I know. I want to put my head under the covers a wee bit. :P
“piss off Satan”
I’ve missed YOU.
P.S. What would you have done if Jonathan had joined in instead of mercilessly mocking you or looking at you like you were (finally, conclusively) off your rocker? I’m waiting for the day he understands where he can really have an impact…
YOU, TOO.
I am so relieved. I worried I scared you off with my frantic “OMG HE ALMOST CAUGHT ME SPINNING AROUND TO CHEESY JESUS ROCK!” text message. :)
(And yup…you know me/us well. Sigh.)
i dont think you should even worry about it. i am a practicing mormon and i drive to& from church listening to a christian rock station. i know there are some nazi mormons(i did not coin that phrase, but i think its hilarious)that would be appalled that i dont listen to mo-tab for the entire sabbath, but I DONT CARE. sometimes the cheese is just what you need.
i love air supply! i saw them in vegas several years ago. it was a little sad to see middle aged women in old prom dresses throwing roses up on the stage and screaming now much they love them. i got the feeling they didnt know they were gay. not that theres anything wrong with that. :)
My sister listed to Janice Kapp Perry’s “I walk by faith” EVERY SINGLE NIGHT FOR 2 FREAKING YEARS UNTIL WE WERE 16.
I blame this for many things. ;P
“(And let’s face it, if you know anything about it opera can be freaking CHEESY. It’s like taking plot lines from Days of Our Lives and sticking some very talented vocalists with oft-over inflated egos in corsets and setting it to classical music.)”
This statement was so good that I just had to de-lurk and say so.
Why, thank you! I love it when people come out of hiding.
You are just too freakin’ awesome for words.
I love opera, I don’t give a flying f*ck what they’re singing about & can’t understand most of it, so thats probably OK too.
LOL!
I like listening to it but sometimes it can be a biiiitttt much. I prefer musical theater and while I have done a good deal of it my voice is more suited to the classical.
Da Debbil may hates you, but ah lurves you. Twirl baby, twirl!
Thanks for the reassurance. I believe I will. :)
Best post ever, considering that it came right on the heels of a post from Texts From Last Night which said, “(541): No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.”
Blog reader synchronicity, at its finest.
Probably the only thing better was if he caught you dancing around the kitchen in your apron (and nothing else). Oh – sorry to digress to man things here. Carry on, take no notice of that guy in the corner.
You’re the only person I know (well, know OF) that can use “Jesus” and “vagina” in the same sentence!