Once upon a time, in the far away, wild land of Utah, there lived a REALLY geeky boy with REALLY unfortunate eye wear:
And a dorky, chubby girl with REALLY unfortunate hair:
(The boy and girl weren’t princes or princesses or anything glittery and high brow like that. No WAY would either of them qualify. I mean…LOOK AT THEM for Pete’s sake! They were probably more in the stall mucker and scullery maid category, but since this is a fairy tale, we’ll just skip the drudgery of THAT reality for now.)
Anyway…
They left their dorky chubbiness and geekiness behind got married:
Well… the scullery maid left her dorky chubbiness behind… (AND she still looks pretty damn awesome if she says so herself)…
…The stall mucker is still TOTALLY A GEEK. With a lot less hair. Which is fine as the scullery maid TOTALLY thinks geeks with receding hairlines are HAWT.
(The scullery maid TOTALLY wasn’t intimidated or threatened into making aforementioned declaration about geek hawtness. Or punished for the crack about receding hairlines or anything. For reals.)
The scullery maid and stall mucker were awarded the great honor of being stewards of some of the finest lads in all the land. Even though they can be total weirdos at times.
In addition to the two fine lads, the family became complete with the birth of a fine, red-headed little warrior.
They were a humble but happy little family in their snug little cottage.
All was well-ish.
(I mean, they WERE still scullery maids and stall muckers and well..scullerying and mucking is a dang hard life at times. Still, the little red-headed warrior made everything as happy as it could be.)
Until one very sad, tragic day when a great curse was put on the snug little cottage and the valiant red-head was taken from them.
They were smited and brought low by a great and terrible grief.
There was nary a joyful sculley nor a happy muck to be seen for a very, very long time.
All was dark in the land.
Still…they had the two fine lads that they loved fiercely and they managed to piece their lives back together, though none of them would ever be the same again.
After six long years passed, full of tears, tissues and way, WAY too many grief-consumed-chocolate-covered marshmallows, something happened.
Despite getting, um…up there in years, the scullery maid grew globe-like and the good fairy of the woods granted the little family in the cottage a miracle.
A wee babe.
Thanks to the fact that the stall mucker is the ONLY SINGLE CHROMOSOME STALL MUCKER IN EXISTENCE THAT IS INCAPABLE OF PRODUCING ANYTHING FEMALE LIKE, EVER, a sweet little baby boy was born to fanfare befitting royalty.
Little Prince Butterlump brought joy to all.
He made everything much brighter for the maid, the mucker, and their fine lads.
He filled their little cottage with love and laughter and more peace and happiness then any of them thought they would ever feel again.
Their hearts began to heal.
They were a family.
And at the end of our tale, the scullery maid and the geeky hawt stall mucker managed to stay married despite rabid dragons, tulgy woods, evil wizards, foul smelling monsters, hideous trolls, pits of despair, piles and piles of manure and all their mucking baggage and scullery-laden issues.
(Which is pretty damn awesome, frankly.)
The scullery maid and the stall mucker have been through many trials and tribulations. Wouldn’t it be lovely if their fairy godmother or Gandalf or someone decided they could just live in a land of gold sundrops and diamond ponies and live happily ever drowning in riches and eating bon-bons considering all the sludge-slaying, scullying and stall mucking they’ve done?
YOU’D THINK, HUH?!
The reality is that they will probably just have to keep on scullerying and mucking till the end of their days until they find out that Social Security has been depleted long ago and they will have to supplement their meager retirement by working at Wal-Mart as door greeters and selling wrapping paper door to door at the holidays.
Yay.
Stupid fairy tales.
The End.
(THAT was a freaking FAIRY TALE???? WHO WROTE THIS THING, ANYWAY?? They SUCK at it!!! Boo on them! BOO! Rubbish! Filth!! Slime!!! Muck!!! Boo! Boo!! BOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Although…that end part about Little Prince Butterlump was pretty damn awesome and all warm and fuzzy and happy n’ stuff, so…you’re forgiven.)
Seriously, though.
Happy Anniversary, Jonathan.
You’re my very favorite stall mucker.
I love you.
Love,
Your scullery maid.
P.S. Forgive me for posting your high school year book photo. I WILL agree that the glasses in your photo are nifty because they are made of Titanium, but I just can’t bring myself to qualify them as “Totally awesome”. Sorry. Eleven years doesn’t get you THAT much, babe.
P.P.S AND now I am having regret that I didn’t call myself a buxom serving wench instead of a scullery maid. If I went to the trouble and expense of surgically reclaiming my bosoms, I should pick an outfit that is flattering to them, right?
P.P.P.S. No, you can’t be the buxom serving wench, Jonathan no matter how much you beg! You still have to be the stall mucker. Watching you do manual labor is hawt. Also, hairy man cleavage is just WRONG. Like wrong, wrong, wrongity-wrong.
P.P.P.P.S. I know, I know. Throwing in hairy man cleaveage, tulgy woods and (falsely) implying that you have a desire to cross-dress into an anniversary post is not normal. But look at it this way…at least the last 11 years being married to me haven’t been boring. :)
Happy Anniversary! You dorks deserve each other.
Happy Anniversary to you! This entire post had me laughing and then crying and then laughing again. You make a gorgeous family.
omg, I love it!
Adorable! Happy anniversary!
Happy Anniversary Muckies! Love you! xoxo
Happy anniversary!
Happy Anniversary!! I love your fairy tale, hehe!
Happy Anniversary to you and the stall mucker. You deserve to live in a land of gold sundrops and diamond ponies and live happily ever drowning in riches and eating bon-bons.
So sweet. Happy anniversary, you two crazy kids.
Little Prince Butterlump is so squishy and yummy I just want to gobble him up! Sweetness!
I’m so glad I met you! Happy Anniversary!
What a great post! Happy Anniversary!
And they lived happily ever after…..
Happy anniversary, you crazy kids!
happy anniversary
Happy happy! I love the pictures, especially the HS ones. Tee hee. :)
Mawagge! Mawagge is what bwings us togeder today! Dat dweam wifin a dweam…
Love this post. Happy Anniversary.
Making it through the good and the bad is easier said than done.
May you continue to be blessed. (Sorry for the very bad times)
Happy Anniversary! Love the pics, especially the one of Little Prince. I enjoyed reading about your fairy tale. :)
Adorable. Happy Anniversary!
The best fairy tales aren’t the perfect ones, they’re the gritty, real ones. Congrats to you both!
Awww, such a sweet post! Happy anniversary! And yay for nerd love! :) Signed, a fellow nerd in love with another nerd
Geek Love is the BEST Love, I say.
Happy Anniversary!
Here’s to many, MANY more HAPPY years together! ^_^
I love it, I love it, I love it. I am sending it to my husband. xxoo -K PS – Happy Anni, you two.
Happy Anniversary! I hope for many wonderful years ahead for all of you!
Wow. What a dorky story. LOL ;)
I loved reading that and looking at all the adorable photos. You guys look like a fun family! Happy Holidays!
The picture in the santa hat just simply. oh my gosh.
Loralee, this was beyond adorable and sweet and awwwww.
I love it. Happy Anniversary and congratulations.
Isn’t it great when you realize that the fairytale DOESN’T actually end at I Do, that’s where it begins!!
Much love to you and your obviously wonderful partner in crime.. er.. life :-)
just found your blog, and this post, well it is awesome.
ahhhh ours too is the story of the geek and the…voluptuous one.
Happy Anniversary!
Happy Anniversary! Loved reading your story – very well written.
Oh beautiful. A REAL fairy story. xxx
awww! how romantical and dorkalicious.
p.s. could that child be any cuter? the sweetest little elf i’ve ever seen. wanna just smooch him on his little chubby cheeks!
Happy Anniversary!!!!!!!
Oh wait, I meant to write:
And they lived Happily Ever After.
Happy Happy Anniversary!
Happy Anniversary you two!
What an awesome picture of the butterlump. Perhaps he’s on the market for an equally adorable chubalump?
So what do you think of the beard? My hubs has one. He thinks it’s his goal in life to grow it as long as ZZ Top. Only, it’s about 2 inches long. But seriously, sometimes I hate it. But I tolerate it because I’m sure he could have a few choice words about my zillion stretch marks. But, anyway, Just wondering what your thoughts are about kissing a furry friend like I do?
Happy Anniversary, you two. xoxo
It’s the firing range earplugs which I find disturbing. The rest of it? BRAVO!!
Oh My goodness….I could eat that baby right up!! Love this fairy tale!
Heee, awesome. Happy Anniversary, you adorable geeks, and congrats on your 11 years and great sons! :P
I hope your Anniversary was wonderful! You’re quite the author m’lady! Sounds like you are both amazing people! Congrats to 11 years Scully & Muck!
Happy, happy anniversary!!
Ahhh, such a beautiful, dorky love story. Happy anniversary to you both!
Happy Anniversary!! That first picture of the fine young lads totally made me laugh out loud, and as for Little Prince Butterlump in the Santa hat. . . let’s just say if the decision to try for number three had not already been made, that photo would have sealed the deal. A-dor-able!!
Happy Anniversary, Aaron is just beautiful!
Just like Loralee, writing her life like it was part of The Princess Bride. Loved the story. Very entertaining. Happy Anniversary to you both!
well your fairy-tale made me cry!! I love you both!! Happy anniversary!
Wow, scullery maid or serving wench or whatever, still hawt.
Happy Anniversary!!! And for the record, I think your fairy tale is a beautiful one. Full of reality, love and overcoming hardships.
Hugs!
Summer
I apparently tripped into your forest and read your fun loving story! You sound like a very lucky family to have each other. It put a smile on my face reading about your fairy tale, awesome job!
Such a lovely story! I do love how you tell them….
AND Happy Anniversary!
I lost everything I was going to say when I saw that picture of Little Prince Butterlump. Hehehehe…love that name. Gah, I want to eat him up. And squish him and buy him a truck to play with.
Oh and happy anniversary. :)
Can I read this at your funeral. It’s just so damn awesome, that if there were to be one piece of writing read, it should be this! Miss you babe–and the girls!
Happy Anniversary, you two! Take care of each other :)
ciao,
Amy.
Awwwwwwwww, happy anniversary (albeit late) you crazy kids.
(wanna write a fairy tale for my anniversary next week? You would totally rock that shizzle)
Happy Anniversary, you gorgeous family. Good to see evidence of at least one of the Perfect Kisses!
Also, have a great Christmas.
I’m a new reader… love your blog… and that was the best fairy tale I’ve read in a while. Happy Anniversary and Happy Holidays! =)