HAPPY HALOWEEN!

Love,

Billy Mayes, A bucket of OxiClean, “The Snuggie”, A Clone Trooper, And whatever leopard skirted freak thing James is supposed to be.

(The Choates)

Dear John GOP,

We’ve been together a really long time, haven’t we?

It was a beautiful relationship for sure.

Hey, remember the time that Clinton was running and I loathed him and couldn’t believe my fellow teenagers were falling for his saxaphone playing on late night television? How mad I was that I would be 18 on November 7th which was FOUR FLIPPING DAYS after the elections and I was so pissed off they wouldn’t let me vote for Bush that I practically picketed the registration office?

Man…those were the days, weren’t they?

I’ve been raised with you. I remember watching the Regan/Carter debates and I knew who my man was even though I was only, what…6?

My parents totally approved of you.

Well, except for that weird period where they cheated on the elephant and ran around with the donkey during part of the Clinton administration.

It was weird.

My mother’s insistence that ‘THAT WOMAN chased and stalked our President!” (when, hi…she was 21 and hello…due to that little thing called The Secret Service, nobody stalks the President of the United States unless HE WANTS TO BE STALKED) really, really confused me. Needless to say, I was highly relieved when they came to their senses and voted for Dubya in 2000.

Lately, you and I just haven’t been getting along. The fights, the bickering, the distance.

I really think we’ve grown into two different people.

And I have come to a decision:

I AM LEAVING YOU AND OFFICIALLY REGISTERING AS A DEMOCRAT.

I’ve been thinking really hard about us for a long time. I have gotten more and more vocal about ideas and thoughts and stands that I have stayed quiet about for a long time.

In the hundreds of times I have told my story about being invited to visit The White House (November 6th! WOOT!), I keep uttering the phrase “I’m a moderate Republican”. And I kept feeling more and more and more…wrong.

It used to be very true.

I just don’t think it is any longer.

Between the passing of Proposition 8 in California banning gay marriage (which I more strongly disagree with then I can find adequate words for) and health care, I have really had the foundations of my political ideals shaken and questioned.

In talking about my outrage with both of these issues (and others) I came to realize how important this is to me and how different my thinking is then many of the people around me. I am an extremely non-confrontational person but I have felt passionately enough about things lately to go to the mat with my nearest and dearest loved ones. I’ve gotten into heated, intense arguments with people I never seriously argue with.

I find myself shaking my head more at the right and nodding it more at the left.

It used to be the exact opposite.

During a conference call through BlogHer today with a Republican Congresswoman, though she was lovely, I found myself yelling at the phone in frustration. Hey, some people yell at their TV screens watching sports, I yell at my phone during health care reform conference calls.

(We won’t go into the rambling and confused question I asked her regarding high-risk insurance pools as the rambling and confused part came about because I WALKED INTO THE CORNER OF MY BEDROOM DOOR right before being called on and was seeing stars and worried that people heard me yelling curse words before my question. Go, me.)

When I hung up the phone it was like the last little piece of the puzzle was in place and I just absolutely, 100% KNEW.

I am worried, I will confess. I’m registering as a Democrat AND I’VE NEVER EVEN VOTED FOR ONE.

This is a HUGE change for me. It’s almost like leaving a religion where I’m from. But I know it’s the right choice for me right now. When I end something it’s usually pretty final…at least about the way I feel. I may be able to work it out but chances are high I will never feel the same about it again. There has been like, one exception to this in all my life, BUT…even that isn’t immune and it’s proving me to be pretty much the same lately. So, I don’t think my feelings about you will ever go back to what they once were.

Lots in my life is changing. I’ve outgrown things and I’ve seen others without the rose colored glasses I am prone to wearing. I owe it to myself to do this to see if I feel more comfortable. And frankly, I am doing your party NO favors by staying in it feeling the way that I do.

I don’t even know if the Democrats would even WANT someone like me. I am pro-life (though that is a gray area and much too long for this post), I am ADAMANT about military funding, and I am really not sure if I love the earth enough for the left side of the aisle.

(Though I really think there is a Facebook quiz to help me find out. Imagine how pleased I was to find out that I am the rock band “Journey”!!! I could totally pass off looking like Steve Perry!  WOOT!!!!)

This decision IS NOT ISSUE BASED. It’s because of the way I THINK.

After hundreds of hours of bickering, debating and arguing about the ins and outs of both parties I came to realize something: I have a completely, completely different ideology then the party I have been a part of since I was 18. And it’s too different to remain a Republican any longer.

So, I’m not.

I could be an independent but the Democratic party in Utah is so small I want them to have the numbers, frankly. And I kind of like being the rebel underdog. Beyond that, voting in the primaries is hugely important to me.

Before we say goodbye I want to assure you I don’t find either side “BAD”. I love WAY too many people to bits and pieces that I believe are true, humble, lovely, classy and good hearted to ever classify a whole party that way. You will find assholes on both sides, frankly.

So, thanks for all the memories, GOP.

It was fun while it lasted.

If you’re feeling all wounded and hurty over this, you can go cuddle with my husband.

He’s still there for you.

AND…he’s an excellent big spoon.

:)

Kisses n’ stuff,

Loralee

Today would have been my 14th wedding anniversary to my first husband, Gideon.

Many years I don’t even remember this day. Some of you probably didn’t even realize I was divorced, huh? That is because I rarely talk about it. It’s also a big part of the reason I am still married to Jonathan after going through so much.

I know how hard divorce can be and I have stayed and worked through many things that would break most couples because I really don’t want to go through it again.

Gideon was a good man. He was extremely good looking. People used to say that he looked like Brad Pitt in Legends of the Fall. Everyone of my college roommates had a crush on him.

I didn’t. I was already firmly in love with someone else and had been for years.

My first meeting with my soon-to-be husband was in my dorm room. Two of my roommates were throwing themselves at him in such a lame manner. One piped up, “Face it, Gideon…we ALL think you’re beautiful.”

Gag. I mean seriously…gag.

I looked at him, raised my eyebrow and said, “Um…you seem like a nice guy but I don’t think you’re ‘beautiful’. Sorry.”

I think he found my rebuff attractive.

After my heart was decimated by the man I loved, we dated.

4 months later we were married.

I’m still in a bit of shock about that.

He thought I was beautiful when weighed WELL into the high 200 lb region. He thought I was beautiful when I had a gastric bypass and lost 150 lbs, too. My family was thrilled because he wasn’t the man I had obsessively loved for years and years. He treated me much more lovingly, tenderly and well then that man ever thought of.

THIS WAS THE MAN ALL THE BOOKS SAID TO MARRY.

So, I did.

Oops.

I was hoping he would fix me and my life.

I was a month shy of 21.

I would be a mother before I was 22.

Our relationship isn’t for public consumption. I am very guarded about it. We were too young, too different. I was too spoiled and if I am frank…still not over the man who broke my heart.

I left him. He never would have left me. He agrees now it was the best thing. (Just so you know? Leaving a marriage takes nerve, guts and a lot more courage then I can believe I had. Especially when you are young with no money and a little baby. I don’t know how I survived)

Our marriage lasted 2.5 years from beginning to end and produced an amazing son.

Whom I will NEVER regret.

Gideon is a fabulous father to our son.

When Jonathan was crazy enough to want to marry me I made it clear that Gideon was welcome at our house whenever he could come over to spend time with our barely 2-year-old James. We separated when he was 18 months old and I was determined that he would know and spend as much time with his dad as he could. I wanted that bond to be STRONG.

If he wanted to come read him a story every.single.night at the home I shared with Jonathan?

THAT WAS HOW IT WOULD BE.

I would not marry him otherwise.

Period.

And Jonathan was good to his word.

He is an amazing stepfather to James. He feels the same way about him as he does his biological children, though that was NEVER an expectation from me. My only request is that he never, EVER treat them differently. I know feelings cannot be dictated.

Gideon came over to tuck James in most nights and we usually invited him to dinner. Christmas Eves he slept over in James’ room with him so that he could wake up with him Christmas Morning. When we had Christopher he would sometimes watch both boys while Jonathan and I went to the store and very occasionally, on a date.

This kept up for a long time until Gideon got into another relationship and didn’t need SO much time with his son to heal the heart I had stomped on.

I am a firm believer that kids should come first. Ugliness with the parents shouldn’t touch or affect the relationship of the kids (And do NOT think that I have not been tested in that area-even with a good man and good divorce. I have been hugely tested. AND I PASSED)

My son has had as much access to his father as his father wants. He still does. We are both flexible and willing to work out solutions together. We have both sacrificed to stay in the same area for James. I wouldn’t move James away from his dad and Gideon wouldn’t leave him. And we have both thought about it. If one of us had NO other option, I think that the other would most likely relocate if possible. If that wasn’t? I would do everything possible to have the contact as often as possible.

We’ve been doing this for 11 years and we’re nearing the beginning of the end of the experience as James is 13.

My sacrifice and struggle was worth it.

Gideon is James’ favorite parent. (Even though I am very glad of that, don’t think that doesn’t sting)

He is remarried and very happy as far as I can tell. She is a good stepmother and much better for Gideon then I was. She is a much more together and organized person for sure. They have no children and my heart hurts for that. He is meant to be a dad.

I am happy he has James.

We used to be better friends but I got the feeling his wife didn’t really dig that (her divorced parents hated each other). I would never ever want any of my behavior to damage or strain their happiness so now we rarely talk and it is only regarding our son.

He has him once a week, every other weekend and a big chunk of time in the summer. We alternate Thanksgivings and I have him every single Christmas Eve Night (he goes w/his dad in the day) and Christmas Day. They take him every New Year’s Eve and that is when they open their presents. He goes for Father’s Day and Gideon’s birthday. I get him on Mother’s Day. He chooses on Halloween and the 4th of July.

Divorce?

SUCKS.*

Tearing apart a life and rebuilding another, even though it is best, is overwhelming. It’s painful and the fallout lasts a life time. And I had THE BEST DIVORCE I HAVE EVER HEARD OF. I was absolutely SURE, I had no doubts, I knew I was doing the right thing and it still blew massively.

Even when it is very right to do it is very, very difficult.

I don’t know why I’m even writing this except that I remembered that 14 years ago on this day, I was dressed in a silk dress and veil.

Today is so very different.

*I am not talking about marriages with abuse, or horrible mistreatment. I am getting so much email that is breaking my heart and I do not want to make anyone feel like they are wrong for rejoicing at the end of something that is just inhumane treatment. I would never think that. I do not believe all marriages should be saved and I am not against divorce. I do not regret mine nor wish we were still together. Just clarifying.