Aaron is 4 months old.

I can hardly believe it. He is still alive at 4 months old. I am so grateful I could (and do) weep with thankfulness. Aaron has eyes on him almost every moment of the day and night. I stay up with him until around 3 to 6 in the morning (depending on the exhaustion level and schedules of us all) when my parents or Jon stay with him while I sleep until around 10am to noon-ish (again, depending on exhaustion and schedules). I know that it seems crazy. Unless you have had a baby die of SIDS. Then? It makes perfect sense.

These 4 months have been so joyous, but also so very stressful.

We all worry, worry, WORRY about and fuss over this wee bundle of sweetness.

Before he died, Matthew got sick. It started out with goopy eye discharge and grew into congestion that lasted the 1.5 weeks before he died. The medical examiner that did his autopsy (and no, I still cannot write that word without dread) said that his illness contributed to his death.

Last week, Aaron got the SAME symptoms at the exact SAME time as Matthew.

He got very sick.

I freaked out.

FREAKED OUT.

We are extra cautious and vigilant and I still have a constant knot of painful worry in my stomach, even though his symptoms are greatly improved.

Nothing can happen to this baby.

Please?

I know that everyone loves and adores their children but people, this little baby is WORSHIPED by everyone in our family. He has saved us all and makes us all so happy. I love, adore and cherish every single second I get with him. I could stare at him 24/7. I love his expressions.

He is seriously the sweetest, snuggliest, laid back, sweet tempered, awesome little love.

I love how round he is.

I would also like to point out to you a feature in this shot. See that thing next to the tooth he got in a week ago or so?

YUP. TOOTH NUMBER TWO! (Seriously, this growing has GOT to slow down a little before I start to cry. Again.)

The kid has THE hairiest eyebrows. I love them. It’s like someone went and stuck two fuzzy caterpillars on his face.

HIS EYEBROWS GET BEDHEAD, PEOPLE.

For reals.

SEE???????

Seriously, how cute can you get?

I am so thankful for him.

This month has been one of the hardest I have had since Matthew died. With Matthew’s anniversary on Wednesday, this month is always very hard. But SO many other hard things are happening and hitting me and my family. Yeah, I have a drama-filled life but honestly, this month blows my usual happenings all to hell. My husband knows the most of everything, certainly more than anyone else, and even he is not privy to everything.

I’m not in the best place.

Not at all.

But?

Aaron is my secret weapon. My big gun of defense. He is a like a shot of sunshine, joy and love, all in one.

He is just about the only thing keeping me together right now.

He is what makes being in this ugly hole so different.

He gives me the most important thing of all when you get in this kind of state: HOPE that things can and WILL get better.

I love him fiercely and forever.

I’m so grateful he’s still here.

Dear readers,

What do you think of the new digs?

I think it’s amazing and gorgeous and that would be because I have a team of the best designers around!

I’d like to thank Adam and Marshall and their team at ADVENT CREATIVE for the beautiful design for Loralee’s Looney Tunes, Preston and his team at MULTIMEDIAWISE , who took Advent’s theme and headed up a complemetary design for my product review blog and SETH JENKS for his revamp of my Twitter page and avatar.

I’d appreciate you giving them your feedback and applause because I could never, ever have afforded to do something this cool on my own.

SO, PLEASE LEAVE A COMMENT AND LET THESE HARD WORKING GUYS FEEL AS MUCH SUPER DOOPER TROOPER LORALEE’S LOONEY TUNES READER LOVE AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!!

(And yes, I am totally aware that I phrased this request like a combination of a re-run of The Mickey Mouse Club and a Mid-Level Marketing meeting all at the same time.)

Kisses n’ stuff,

Loralee

**UPDATE*** Back from getting my face ripped in half.  While grateful to have it over with, I pretty much want to die at this point. My case was worse than most because I have bad TMJ AND am allergic to Ibuprofen so in the words of my endodontist: “You are going to really hurt for a really long time. Don’t worry, we do pain refills”. Yay.

I’m finally getting a root canal this morning.  I never thought that dentist-phobic me would ever be doing the happy dance of joy in the wee small hours of the morning at the thought of having my face drilled off having tooth surgery, but there is something I was unaware of aside from the searing pain of walking around with an exposed tooth nerve.

Did you know that when you have a tooth that breaks in half due to an unknown cavity underneath your filling IT IS LIKE A ROTTING, DEAD ELK IS BEING HOUSED IN YOUR MOUTH?!*

Did you know that?

Well, now you do!

There just aren’t words for how grody that is, people. (Well, there ARE, but I think after the whole “penis debacle” of yesterday, I will spare you.)

And on a sadder, serious note?

I just realized that I also had an appointment for a root canal on the morning of Sept. 11, 2001.

That’s a little freaky people.

All joking and kidding aside…

It’s a very sad day in our country’s history.

My thoughts and compassion go out to the families and loved ones of the victims of 9/11. I hope it is some small comfort to them that the entire nation mourns along with them today. When you lose someone you love, the hurt can be so bad that it feels like the entire WORLD should be crying right along with you on these anniversaries. I am glad that they have millions who will remember them and their loved ones today, though I would give anything for them (and us) to not go through it at all.

I hope everyone takes time out of their busy Friday to hug their loved ones. Tell them how blessed you are to have them, not just today but EVERY day.

Because EVERYTHING can change in a heartbeat.

.

*Thanks to my friend, Chelle, for this terminology, which resulted from the smell that occurred when her 5-year-old daughter was in the ER for a perpetual, mysterious sinus infection and they extracted a wadded up piece paper that had been in there WAY too long FROM HER SINUS CAVITY. The best part of the tale? When everyone just sat there blinking in disbelief at what they were seeing, her 5-year-old exclaimed, “Well, how did THAT get in there?!”

Indeed.

:)